Shaadi Ke Side Effects

Warning: Not meant for people under-21. It won't make sense to them.

The only problem with growing old is that you start running out of time and options. One of my early fantasies was to own a yacht and sail around with a Miss World. I was maybe 13 then but times have changed today. Even the fantasies are now grounded in realism. The enthusiasm to get a Miss World on board my yacht has given way to answering the more pertinent questions that life throws at me every single day – did I pay my credit card bills, when is that meeting with the client, why did they deduct so much of tax from my salary? I defer the question of marriage to a later date and avert the prospect of being burdened with another question – When are you getting back home?

I am at a stage when people begin getting married. The approaching marriage season would see me on an India tour to wrap up a round of marriage invites so as part of a home-work, I finally put on my thinking cap and gave marriage a deep thought. I managed to come up with certain observations on how life undergoes a metamorphosis post marriage. My case studies were essentially my friends who interact with me on a daily basis and are or about to face the inevitable – Marriage!

While we (read 'the useless lot') while away our time playing TT or pool at the office during office lunch breaks or after office hours, these guys have appointments with Insurance and Loan agents. Your request to join the vella group meets with a wry smile from them that sums it all – “It’s over dude..I am married!”

Getting home early, increase in the frequency of attending social functions at relatives’ places, routine calls to check if she is doing alright and morality questions coming to hound the conscience whenever a beautiful girl smiles back at you are part of the baggage that marriage brings along with itself. With Metros coming up with the idea of huge Shopping Malls, life becomes tougher for the poor soul. A shopping spree is inadvertent and sometimes justified. However, that strangely crafted piece of decorative furnishing with a price tag that makes your heart bleed forces you into realizing that life is not all about breathing in and out but also about watching that three pronged candle stand with fragrance candles hanging in air just above the corner of your dining area. Note that I might be incorrect in the positioning of the candle stand bit but it doesn’t matter, I am not married after all!

It's not that marriage only has down sides. There are some good things about marriage as well. It changes the way you are perceived by people. Recently I met with this guy who was “just married”. Standing in a queue to pick up some sandwiches for his wife at a shop, the “Help me! I am married” look on his face could be read from quite a distance. Now, I have this reputation of getting into the act of unleashing sarcastic verbal vollies that I brand as my sense of humor at people the moment I get a chance to. Moreover, this guy was a specimen of a few good people who unwittingly end up entertaining a group with their off the mark remarks and jokes that go awry due to their timing. The one special thing about them is that they don’t really know what they are upto – they are, in short, the Bharat Bhushans (Bheja Fry fame) of the real world!

With his wife at his side, he felt that it was an opportune moment for him to seize initiative and make an impression. After proclaiming that post marriage he was searching for the real meaning of life, he talked at length – disagreeing with us on topics as diverse as why HLL started calling itself Unilever and if a brand name really matters while going to a B-School. Had it been a different setting with Bhabhiji not around, we might not have submitted meekly to him with a – “Maybe you are right” reply to all his arguments. But we controlled, all because of respect – not for him but for the fact that he had braved to enter a different world that he had lived in for the past 25 years.

I could probably go on and on but people have complained to me saying that I write pretty lengthy stuff so let me just shut up. Discussion on marriage is a never ending topic and you will never find yourself short of examples that are pro or anti marriage. Although the transition is imminent, till we lose our freedom and space let’s just live as if there is no tomorrow - "Jaa jeeley apni zindagi"