Monday, March 19, 2007

Munua Ko Mania Hui Gawa!

Never indulge in excesses - the 'good' value that we imbibe right from our childhood days comes to play spoilsport once again. India crash to an abysmal low against Bangladesh and have their world cup super campaign in the Hu Ha India, Aa ya India style in dire straits. It was more than expected with several back to back wins in the run up to the world cup which meant that it was about time we started losing some. Rahul Dravid seemed to be aware of this fear in his post warm match press conference against Holland.

Anyways, winning and losing is a part and parcel of the game but what shames me is the fact that in a cricket crazy nation of over a billion people - 'The Blue Billion!', we still have to manage with an ever failing Sehwag (Dravid's match winner who hasn't scored a 100 in almost 2 years now), an erratic Agarkar (the only consistency that he has maintained is in giving away runs at over 5 in 180 matches or so that he has played) and a spinning strike bowler in Bhajji who somehow can't get a breakthrough on a pitch where opposition spinners scalp 6 and the part timer Sehwag foxes 2 set batsmen.

So much for the loss. I know that the setback is temporary. India has always been a slow starter and they still haev a marginal chance of bouncing back if Bangladesh doesn't perform the way it did against India. Even if they return back empty handed, the disappointment will soon vaporize when they win a home series sometime later this year and then the happy days will return again. Cricketers will emerge from the shadow of their share of bad times, some will be out of the team and some will be all over the place once again - selling biscuits, insurance policies, ramp walking, signing endorsements and the junta adoring them.

The only thing that remains constant in all this roller coaster ride of the Indian cricket team and the hysteria that surrounds it is the soaring TRP rating that the news channels enjoy. They build up curiosity, grant these cricketers God status - "Sachin is God, he thinks like no other man can!", disucss the hairstyle of Dhoni in detail and follow the trails of Yuvraj Singh's love life and then with the first smell of blood (when India loses) come down hard at them, incense the public and make merry by seeing their TRPs soar. I don't say that they don't have a right to do so but boy, why don' they have the guts to accept that Indian media houses are no better than the paparazzis who make their living by producing rotten information and term it as the voice of India?

Just as the Indian team crashes to an embarassing defeat, a slew of programs aimed at providing a platform to the junta to vent its ire are aired on all leading news channels.

Reporter: To aap bataiye, aaj ka mujrim kaun? Sachin, Saurav ya Dravid?
Panelist1(a yesteryear, lost into oblivion cricketer under whose captaincy India couldn't defend 160 odd runs in the last 25 overs of a test match): Captaincy badi kamzor rahi. Itna score to aaram se defend kar lena chahiye tha.

Reporter: Ab hum junta se poochte hain, junta ki awaz kya kehti hai.
Trivediji: Ye jo Zimbombay sa aaj haare hain match isse behtar to hamare mohalle ke ladke khel lete hain

Reporter: To kya aap keh rahe hain ki Indian team ke saare khiladion ko nikal dena chahiye? Trivediji(thinking if he ever meant that, but gives in to the staring camera): Haan, sir!

Reporter: Kya in cricketers se saare endorsement chheenkar inki salary ke paise kaat lene chahiye Board ko?
Ram Charan (not understanding half of the question asked): Haan aisa hi kuch hona chahiye.

Reporter: Ab aap bataiye, kya Indian team ko wapas nahi bula lena chahiye?
Shuklaji(who couldn't think of any other line to blurt): Haan bula lena chahiye.

Reporter(summarizing): Yahan junta ka manNa hai ki Indian team ko wapas bulake, saare khiladion ki salary kaat ke inhe team se nikal dena chahiye. Aap apni rai humein SMS karein aur 3 lucky winners ko milega World cup final dekhne ka mauka.

In a country of over 1 billion people where Cricket is almost a religion, these pseudo news channels survive because they can't be arrested for flaring public sentiments in the veil of voicing public opinion (most of which is thrust onto the general public). Sure the team has lost and it’s not a new story. The best way to punish these cricketers is just to let them be. Let them lick their wounds and get back if they pride themselves on wearing the color blue. If they can't, then let them wither away into oblivion. The game is sure not about winning and losing, it’s about winning with pride and going down fighting in a losing cause. If the men in blue couldn’t do anything about the sentiments back home, let’s care less and take a break.

Enough of outpouring on the wasted Saturday night and setbacks to the plans of watching India put up a good show at the WC 2007. Its Maggi time now and I am about to try the - Munua ko Mania hui gawa flavor primarily because no cricketer endorses it ;)

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Nishabd - Preview

Ramu's factory churns films aplenty and it really doesn't matter if the nuts and bolts get misplaced here and there or all films have a feeling of deja vu. Nishabd however holds a lot of promise. The title claims that it is about a love story that should at best remain untold. That would save the audience from torturing their gray cells and ending up getting confused. I know of people who are still confused whether Shiva was a remake of the earlier Shiva or was the new Shiva a remake of James and whether James ever released?

Nevermind the history, with Ramu at the helm and Amitabh Bachchan crooning a rock song wooing a 19 yr old definitely creates a lot of interest. Talking of the story, it all started when Abhishek Bachchan made his liking for a 3 year older Aishwarya public to his parents. Amitabh Bachchan in a bid to set an example for his son to follow, immediately dialled up Ramu asking him to make a film with him and some young hot chick in the lead role. He offered himself for Sarkar 2, 3, 4 and all subsequent sequels-prequels knowing that such innovative subjects can only be handled deftly by the mastaero in his own realm - Ram Gopal Verma.

Ramu approached several young girls to play Big B's love interest but romancing a wrinkled 65 year old was never going to be easy for a girl experiencing the 'just got my boobs' phase of her life. Therefore Ramu travelled abroad to look for a girl who didn't know anything about Bollywood. A videsh born desi Jiah Khan was then roped in and shown Ramu's Rangeela and Naach to get into the groove and the film rolled.

Jiah, Big B's daugther's friend, comes to spend her holidays in the Bachchan reel household. Romance in Big B's life is rekindled. He plunges headlong into a relationship that was scripted to go nowhere. The poor young kid was facsinated by charm and overt display of humbleness by the Big B.

"Arre main to ek adna sa insaan hoon. Meri kya haisiyat"

Romance ignites when Big B captures the young thing in his camera and then she goes about proclaiming her love for him while Big B is busy singing from the rooftop - "Rozana jaley yaadon mein teri.."

Finally Big B's neighbours complain about the loud singing and the affect that his behaviour is creating in the neighbourhood.

"Bhai hamari bhi bahu betian hain. Zara apni umar to dekhein. Ye to Michael Douglas ke bhi baap nikle"

Big B's reel wife puts her foot down after all the confusion. She buys Jiah the tickets back to Australia and tricks Big B into believing that she had sent her to Sudan where a honeymoon suite was already booked so that the couple did not find it awkward singing a Ram Gopal Verma special item song on the Juhu beach. Just as the audience starts to get grip of the adventure that lied ahead in Sudan, the film is brought to an abrupt end stating that some love stories are never meant to be told. That saved the scriptwriter a lot of ink and also gave Ramu the time and scope to plan a Nishabd II in due course.

It is rumored that Abhishek agreed to play the 50 year old Guru Bhai to do the balancing act for the family. News channels are devoting prime time slots to discuss reasons behind this role reversal in the family with reknowned psychologists and astrolgers in their discussion panel. The coverage of this episode in Bahchan family is expected to overshadow the 127 hours of cumulative time spent discussing the engagement of Ash and Abhishek a couple of months ago.

AddThis Social Bookmarking Button

--- ---