Thursday, May 31, 2007

Jansankhya Ek Abhishaap - For want of a better title!

If men had been able to conceive, the world would have been half as light. I don't see any man patiently going through all the pain and an extended paunch for a whole 9 months in return for an act in which he is just a 50% shareholder. In all probability, the number of miscarriages would have outnumbered births and we would have been saved from the crisis of population explosion that comes face to face with us in our everyday life, especially in a metro like Delhi and Mumbai. Of course it would sound demeaning when I admit to men being incapable of doing something but call it surrender of a man or an acceptance of one of the few things that we simply are incapable of , it is true nonetheless.

Coming back to the topic of population explosion. You will never be able to gauge the seriousness of what I am talking about until and unless you spend one day commuting between Delhi and Gurgaon and get a taste of the Great Indian Population Commotion. Buses, with a capacity of 60 seats overstuffed by people double that number, huffing and panting to run that extra mile, 1241 bikers per square meter sweating it out and giving a literally earthy (rather earthenware) feeling driving on those dust laden roads and impatient car drivers trying their best to inch ahead of each other in a remarkable battle of 'who drives smartest!'

Add to it the contribution of what you have, as the Delhi CM calls them, the gang of Biharis and the Bhaiyajis of UP and the setting is complete. Assumed to be mostly uncivilised, each traffic accident in Delhi is rumored to be statistically related and hence attributed to a Bihari alighting from the Sampoorn Kranti Express at Delhi Railway Station.

We faced the brunt in Mumbai sometime back where people with political affiliations had concluded that each breath taken by a non Mumbaikar actually reduced the air available for the native Mumbaikars and hence they were justified in asking for a Mumbai for Mumbaikars. So all this blame game is not something that's new to us and it hardly fazes us anymore.

Nevermind, each day when you take up the arduous task of wading through the swarm of heavy traffic the one thing that you dread is an accident on the road and when I say an accident, I mean a minor one where you just brush past the other person's side doors or touch the rear guard of his car. No one loves an altercation but they all do it. The heat, the traffic, a hard day at the office and then the skirmish - not even an atom bomb dropped on your head will be as agonizing! You have to go through the customary ritual of blaming each other and then settling the matter with the weaker party coughing up a few hundred to thousand rupees.

The best thing that has happened to Delhi in a long long time is E. Sridharan - the man behind Delhi Metro. The guy has a knack of wrapping up things well ahead of schedule and no doubt he is going to make travelling on Delhi roads a much better deal in the times to come but the poor guy does draw some flak as well from the people locked up in a traffic jam with the roads all dug up and 'Delhi Metro - Work under progress' boards neatly arranged to their left and right. While returning from a late night office party, I actually lost my way in the neverending Delhi Metro boards kept alongside the roads.

Population explosion is indeed a menace and perhaps this is the only crime in society that has legal approval and patronising support from the society in the form of marriages. There certainly is a scope for a long debate to discuss and decide on any change in the way society starts to think about it in the times to come but its high time the partners in this crime own up to it and exercise restraint. Going ahead at this rate, I very well see the possibility of people being sentenced to 5 year vows of celibacy on having a legitimate kid of their own.

Nurse: Aapko judwa bachche ho gaye..
Father: Nahii..main iska zimmedaar nahi hoon.
Mother: Sach ka saamna kijiye..ye dono aapke hi hain
Father: Ye kyun ho gaya Munna-Munni ki Maa. Ab mere jaane ke baad tumhe akele hi inka khayal rakhna hoga..sob sob sob!

3 comments:

Marlee said...

Hahahaha...but yeah, the Metro is a GODSEND! :-)

Prakash Sikaria said...

well written!! dont u think that be it overloaded buses of delhi, or crowded local trains of delhi.. all that sweat served with Indian hospitality just adds a new dimension to generally boring and monotonously long journeys..

a_n_u_r_a_g said...

@marlee - Indeed it is!

@prakash - Only if you watch it from a distance and not when you are part of the 'sweat served with indian hospitality' recipe ;)

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