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Have you ever heard this cry from your conscience? Has it ever occured to you that you were destined for something different from what you were presently doing? Well I can tell you for sure that its definitely not a sign of you suffering from the lymphosarcoma of the brain. So just relax!
I remember reading a poem once that said that when two roads diverged in the wood, I took the one less travelled by and that made all the difference. Everyone at some point or the other wants to make this choice. Discussing on whether he/she goes ahead and takes the next step on the untrodden path is something that would make this crap meaningful so let me rather recount a few of those rush-of-the-blood moments that most of you would relate to.
Moment 1: After having one pretty bad day at school, I decided on turning into a bus driver. I was always fascinated with the job and loved to see the way a driver handled the huge steering and sat on the majestic driver's seat towering over all others. I used to mock-drive all my way from the bus stand to my home. As I sat back reminiscing about all the bad memories of the day at school, the inner voice enlightened me - "Be what you wanna be!" I asked Mom if it could be befitting my family's social status. I could see the twinkle in her eyes, I felt that her eyes were actually living my dream and that she was happy that I had made a career choice at such an early age. She sounded inspirational too -
"Tujhe jo banNa hai ban, par itni badi bus chalne ke liye pehle thoda bada ho ja".
I never knew that it was her gameplan of making me postpone my decision. Sometime later while I was mock driving from the bus stand to home, I suddenly felt stupid about the whole thing. The idea of being a bus driver didn't seem all that fascinating and my first step towards that untrodden path was retracked.
Moment 2: India's semi final loss to SriLanka in the '96 world cup left me in rude shock. I seriously felt that the Indian cricket team needed my services. I could bowl off-spinners, keep wickets, bat at a strike rate greater than Sanjay Manjrekar's and my fitness was definitely better than Venkatpathy Raju's. The night was a really long one. My inner voice came calling again - "Be what you wanna be!" and the next day I was all ready to enrol myself in a cricket coaching institute not far from my place. Mom came back with the same old game plan. I was asked to wait until my final examinations got over and then I could go and do whatever I wanted to.
Just after the examinations, we packed off for a holiday in a hill station and by the time I came back, I was too exhausted to remain motivated for a silly game played through the day in the heat.
Moment 3: Bollywood has been a major influence in my life. But I was inspired by Manoj N Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense. After watching the film I wanted to turn into a writer and director. I read scores of english movie scripts to get a feel of how to go about the whole thing but never really got a 'different' story to tell. All this when I was in a make-or-break situation, staring at an F grade in one of the courses back at college. All my writing, acting and direction talents were put to severe test when I went to the Professor to ensure that I didn't end up spending a summer at the campus for a silly course. It was really a heart wrenching scene with tremendous emotional quotient and laced with typical dialogues. I was not all alone in that endeavour. Piyush held center stage then but I supported him well enough to escape with a surprising C in that course. To our surprise, the professor accepted our request to take another of his courses the very next semester! Anyways, the Be what you wanna be call died another meek death.
Moment 4: People generally don't attend morning classes because they are not able to wake up early in the morning (by morning I mean 9 AM!). I did not attend classes despite waking up as early as 8 daily. The reason - I still don't know. One of our professors expressed his concern over this habit of ours and warned us about all that was waiting for us in the outside world - the professional life basically.
After almost two years of working hard to keep working, my conscience again woke up from its slumber.
"Hey buddy! How come you wake up so early to go to the office and then spend the next 10 hours fixed to that chair in front of the computer day-in and day-out? Remember the free soul that you were at college? Break lose, be what you wanna be!"
I went to Dad straightaway, told him that I will not be able to continue working in a 9-6 job. But damn me! My parents have followed the same old game plan over the years and I still fall for it.
Me: Dad I want to quit working. I was thinking of actually..
Dad: Yes, everyone should think once in a while! If you want to quit working and do something on your own, then go ahead but don't you think a management degree or something can help you?
Me: I think so.
Management school? That would have required a re-assessment of everything. The whole procedure of applying and stuff took one year and my past records proved without doubt that I might later retract and go about the tried and tested ways of life by sticking around with the same routine job. I know that this is not just my story. While I continue to go through that phase, from what I perceive of several of my friends, they too are in the same mode.
I know that I must have wasted a few chances that I should have taken but despite all my failings in putting the next foot forward, I somehow still see hope. I feel that a lifetime is long enough for you to make mistakes and then correct them. As for anyone asking - What if you died early? Just shoot back with a I'll live long enough dude!
The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
Have you ever heard this cry from your conscience? Has it ever occured to you that you were destined for something different from what you were presently doing? Well I can tell you for sure that its definitely not a sign of you suffering from the lymphosarcoma of the brain. So just relax!
I remember reading a poem once that said that when two roads diverged in the wood, I took the one less travelled by and that made all the difference. Everyone at some point or the other wants to make this choice. Discussing on whether he/she goes ahead and takes the next step on the untrodden path is something that would make this crap meaningful so let me rather recount a few of those rush-of-the-blood moments that most of you would relate to.
Moment 1: After having one pretty bad day at school, I decided on turning into a bus driver. I was always fascinated with the job and loved to see the way a driver handled the huge steering and sat on the majestic driver's seat towering over all others. I used to mock-drive all my way from the bus stand to my home. As I sat back reminiscing about all the bad memories of the day at school, the inner voice enlightened me - "Be what you wanna be!" I asked Mom if it could be befitting my family's social status. I could see the twinkle in her eyes, I felt that her eyes were actually living my dream and that she was happy that I had made a career choice at such an early age. She sounded inspirational too -
"Tujhe jo banNa hai ban, par itni badi bus chalne ke liye pehle thoda bada ho ja".
I never knew that it was her gameplan of making me postpone my decision. Sometime later while I was mock driving from the bus stand to home, I suddenly felt stupid about the whole thing. The idea of being a bus driver didn't seem all that fascinating and my first step towards that untrodden path was retracked.
Moment 2: India's semi final loss to SriLanka in the '96 world cup left me in rude shock. I seriously felt that the Indian cricket team needed my services. I could bowl off-spinners, keep wickets, bat at a strike rate greater than Sanjay Manjrekar's and my fitness was definitely better than Venkatpathy Raju's. The night was a really long one. My inner voice came calling again - "Be what you wanna be!" and the next day I was all ready to enrol myself in a cricket coaching institute not far from my place. Mom came back with the same old game plan. I was asked to wait until my final examinations got over and then I could go and do whatever I wanted to.
Just after the examinations, we packed off for a holiday in a hill station and by the time I came back, I was too exhausted to remain motivated for a silly game played through the day in the heat.
Moment 3: Bollywood has been a major influence in my life. But I was inspired by Manoj N Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense. After watching the film I wanted to turn into a writer and director. I read scores of english movie scripts to get a feel of how to go about the whole thing but never really got a 'different' story to tell. All this when I was in a make-or-break situation, staring at an F grade in one of the courses back at college. All my writing, acting and direction talents were put to severe test when I went to the Professor to ensure that I didn't end up spending a summer at the campus for a silly course. It was really a heart wrenching scene with tremendous emotional quotient and laced with typical dialogues. I was not all alone in that endeavour. Piyush held center stage then but I supported him well enough to escape with a surprising C in that course. To our surprise, the professor accepted our request to take another of his courses the very next semester! Anyways, the Be what you wanna be call died another meek death.
Moment 4: People generally don't attend morning classes because they are not able to wake up early in the morning (by morning I mean 9 AM!). I did not attend classes despite waking up as early as 8 daily. The reason - I still don't know. One of our professors expressed his concern over this habit of ours and warned us about all that was waiting for us in the outside world - the professional life basically.
After almost two years of working hard to keep working, my conscience again woke up from its slumber.
"Hey buddy! How come you wake up so early to go to the office and then spend the next 10 hours fixed to that chair in front of the computer day-in and day-out? Remember the free soul that you were at college? Break lose, be what you wanna be!"
I went to Dad straightaway, told him that I will not be able to continue working in a 9-6 job. But damn me! My parents have followed the same old game plan over the years and I still fall for it.
Me: Dad I want to quit working. I was thinking of actually..
Dad: Yes, everyone should think once in a while! If you want to quit working and do something on your own, then go ahead but don't you think a management degree or something can help you?
Me: I think so.
Management school? That would have required a re-assessment of everything. The whole procedure of applying and stuff took one year and my past records proved without doubt that I might later retract and go about the tried and tested ways of life by sticking around with the same routine job. I know that this is not just my story. While I continue to go through that phase, from what I perceive of several of my friends, they too are in the same mode.
I know that I must have wasted a few chances that I should have taken but despite all my failings in putting the next foot forward, I somehow still see hope. I feel that a lifetime is long enough for you to make mistakes and then correct them. As for anyone asking - What if you died early? Just shoot back with a I'll live long enough dude!
The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
1 comment:
nice thought well written. we all will live long enough to make our mistakes and come back again.
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