Astro Speak

I got this in one of the forwards. Found it really funny. Check out what stars have to say about you ;)

Capricorn( dec 21st - jan 20th) - you are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. you are basically a chicken shit. there has never bee a capricorn of any importance. you should kill yourself.

Aquarius(jan 21st - feb 19th) - you have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. you lie a great deal. you make the same mistake repeatedly because you are stupid. everyone thinks you are a jerk. you enjoy getting screwed by large inanimate objects.

Pisces(feb 20th- march 19th) - you have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by FBI or aliens. you have ainor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you confuse for power. you lack confidence and you smell funny.

Aries( mar 20th - apr 18th) - you are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. you are quick to reprimand, imaptient and scornful of advice. you do nothing but piss off everyone you come across. basically you are a prick.

Taurus(apr 19th - may 19th) - you are practical and impatient. you have dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. you are nothing but an ass hole.

Gemini(May 20th - June 20th) - you are a quick and intelliget thinker.People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for hitting on their siblings.

Cancer(Jun 21st - Jul 21st) - you are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a nosey prick. you always keep putting things off. this is why you will always be on welfare, and won't be worth a turd. everybody in prison is a cancer.

Leo(jul 22nd - aug 22nd) - you consider yourself a born leader. everyonethnks you are an idiot. most leo's are bullies. you are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. your arrogance is disgusting. leo's are thieving dipshits and enjoy masturbating mor than sex.

Virgo(Aug 23rd - Sep 21st) - you are alogical type and hate disorder. you nit picking attitude is sickening to your coworkers. you are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during intercourse. virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra(sep 21st - oct 22nd) - you are the artistic type and you have a difficult time with reality. if you are a male, you are probably gay. chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. most libra women are stubs. all libra's have one form of a veneral disease.

Scorpio(oct 23rd - nov 21st) - the worst of the lot. you are shrewd n business and canot be trusted. you shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of ttal lack of ethics. you are a perfect sonnova bitch. most scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius(nov 22nd - dec 20th) - you are optimistic and enthusiastic. you have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you have no talent. the majority of sagittarius are drunkards. nixon was a saggitarius. you are indeed a worthless piece of crap.