Smile is Just a Curve on the Face :)

“Hi! How are you doing?”
“I am fine, thank you. You are looking as fit as ever.”
“Oh, thank you.”

The most difficult part of my existence has been my failure to come to terms with the basic requirements of acting civilized and desirable by following etiquettes. Again, I will put the blame on my Dad who at times quivers when someone reaches out to do something as insignificant as touching his feet. He doesn’t exactly bless them and that has got nothing to do with him not willing to. It's just that he doesn't feel comfortable doing such things at times. As with most of the traits that I have inherited from him, I have imbibed this ‘anti-social’ trait from him. The outcome is obvious, I am considered snobbish by many.

I understand that it is really not done to act as if you care a damn when a he/she greets you in the day but what if the act stems from a deep rooted disorder that refuses to get cured despite being diagnosed? As I read what I have written, I sense the monologue is turning into an apology of sorts. So, let me change the course and give you reasons why people like me behave the way they do!

1.) I see you everyday and I don’t think this morning is different either!

As logical as we are, the first thing that strikes my mind when I see a face that I see every morning is a realization that nothing much has changed since yesterday. I really don’t think my wishing people a good morning is really going to change things in their lives that day. So, why give them a false hope? If something good really happens, a handshake or a hug awaits them!

2.) What if?

Call it lack of strength in my smile, but I sometimes shy away from flashing the illusive smile with a “Hello! Is it me you are looking for” look because of the fear that it might get overlooked. It is self assessment that has taught me that I am no Brad Pitt who gets all the attention wherever he goes. There is every chance that the person I smile to doesn’t even notice that. It is the fear that the evil within me would chuckle out aloud that keeps me in check and I end up feeling that I have saved myself from inflicting an injury to my ego.

3.) Wooden face expressions

I have been told that I have a good smile. But the countable number of people who have said that don’t know that the efforts spent in creating that illusion is equivalent to a full day’s work out at the gym! The moment I hear a “Hi”, “Hello”, “Good morning”, I get jittery. The time span between someone saying a Hi and expecting a reply is so short that I end up managing at most a straight face with a faint hint of smile. The other person walks past me thinking that I tried giving him a cold shoulder. For God’s sake, turn around and check it out dude, the smile did come out even though it was 20 seconds late. It is plainly because of my wooden facial expressions that I have forever imagined myself as someone born with a passport to hell glued on his face.

4.) Words are priceless and smile doesn’t come cheap either

I find it hard to fathom how people who indulge in bitching about each other behind each other’s backs, share pleasantries when they come face-to-face. I also don’t understand why I should wish someone if I really don’t mean it at all. Before you jump the guns, I am not saying that this is the reason why I don’t generally wish people. But yes, there are people whom I am not too comfortable with and I don’t make an attempt to kiss and make up. It is another matter that I sometimes end up learning a lesson or two about “growing up” when some ‘supposed’ adversary comes up and clears the air.

5.) I am like this

There are times when people who know me well come to tell me that I act stupid at times and I hear them out with patient ears. But at the end of it all I feel that it really doesn’t matter if people I don’t know think that I ride on wheels of snobbishness that doesn’t tread the path of righteous conduct.

When you see someone not smiling back at you every time you see him, remember this post. It is genuineness afterall that stays with you when you meet or see a person. There are people who might not veil their genuineness in a perpetual smile to make it look endearing but 10 times out of 100 (I use 100 instead of 10 because 1 out of 10 made it sound exclusive!!), they just happen to belong to the ‘misfit’ class!

Race - The Roller Coaster Ride!

I finally feel like coming out of a hibernation period. I did not attempt to write anything for the past two months primarily because I was not getting any good thing to write about. Not that I have it now but then I couldn't have waited forever for that to happen.

A few days back I saw Race directed by the whitewashed director duo of Abbas Mustan. The promos were interesting and I was compelled to watch it. After 3 failed attempts to get the tickets, I finally managed to sneak a peek. Boy! It was a film that will remind you of a giant roller coaster ride that doesn't seem to stop. Now that the film is already 3 weeks old, I can take the liberty of spilling the beans and letting you know of the story, rather my interpretation of the story assuming that those of you who have not watched it do not intend to.

The story begins with an accident and then shifts to a derby ground. The story goes to a flashback and we see a stud farm where Saif and Akshaye (Khanna and not Kumar) live together. If this reminds you of Brokeback mountain, hold on - the first twist is here! Both these guys are brothers and are very strange to say the least. Saif on his part overlooks all attention he gets from his oozing with sex appeal secretary played by Katrina and Akshaye Khanna wears an ensemble of blue jeans, orange shirt, brown jacket, red shoes (Who says Govinda days are long gone!) and a wig but still oozes the confidence of a casanova. Didn't someone say that it’s not the exterior that counts? Saif lays all gayish connotations to his character at rest by getting an arm candy called Bipasha who plays an upcoming Indian model in South Africa at the age of 30.

The brothers are rich, thanks to a big fortune left by their Dad. Saif takes care of the business while Akshay takes care of the city's Daaru ka thekaas. At a party thrown in to celebrate Saif's homecoming after a near fatal accident, Akshay meets Bipasha and then has a heart-to-heart talk with his brother:

Akshay: If only I get this girl, I will have no reason to drink anymore.
Saif (thinking): Ek romantic song to ho jaane diya hota uske saath uske baad kehta ye sab :(

Akshay: Bhaiyya, get me married to her and I will quit drinking and become a good boy
Saif: If that makes you happy, I will play the Rajinder Kumar from Sangam and have her marry you. I am anyways too much into my romance with Kareena and she might not like it if I dance around with Bipasha.

The deal is sealed and Akshay beguiles Bipasha and all seems to go smooth when the story writer wakes up from his slumber and dishes out a twist. Bipasha is actually a runaway girl who has had a criminal past. Akshay knows it all too well and then he tells her about his plans to get Saif knocked off to claim the insurance of $100 million. Katrina meanwhile is relegated to play a demure secretary who has a stock line to deliver:

"Sir ye hain wo papers jinpe aapko sign karne hain"

To break this monotony, the Burmawala brothers plot to take Saif and Katrina to a pub where Katrina sings to woo her love. The lyrics go something like this:

"Bin tere sanam, is jahaan mein, bekaraar hum
dum dadam dadam"

Any guy could have fallen for that 'dum dadam dadam' part but Saif doesn't melt! You begin to think - Is his character gay after all?

The gripping story moves on. Akshay plots to murder Saif by throwing him off a roof top. Another twist is thrown in - Bipasha is still Saif's lover! And I did not tell you guys about that romp Saif and Bipasha have in the stud farm one stormy night (damn the cliches in a hindi film!!) because I want this blog to be 'U' certified. The twists go out of control as Bipasha switches teams at the last moment and helps Akshay throw Saif from the roof top.

Enter a Karamchand-Kitty incarnation in Anil Kapoor-Sameera Reddy. At 48, Detective Anil Kapoor is at his wittiest best as he mouths one double meaning dialogue after another to generate mirth. The subject of all his 'friendly' banter is Sameera whose job as a secretary is to maintain a record of Anil's daily dose of fruits. The detective takes up the case that seems more tangled than Andrew Symond's crop of hair.

Enter Katrina at this stage who now claims to be Saif's wife. During interrogation, she recites the songs that the two of them sang on their business trip to Cape Town. Strangely enough, though she has a British accent, the words used in the lyrics of the song she sang had an earthy feeling (sample these - batiyaan, saiyaan, jiya, piya) and that irks the sharp detective. He follows her trails. The audience is left agape when they see Katrina on a beach with, hold your breath, her brother-in-law Akshay Khanna! Anil Kapoor catches them red handed. Knowing that corruption is not the proprietorship of Indian police only, Akshay offers money to Anil and he gladly accepts saying - "Pehle fruits khaata tha, ab dry fruits khaaunga"

After the money exchanges hands, Akshay decides to bump off Bipasha. As she stares at death from close quarters, Saifu - the super hero makes a comeback and saves her. The audience is sent into a tizzy. "What the hell is going to happen now?" is the question on every lips and no one seems to have an answer. I chew my nails and wonder if this is going to turn into a ghost story. The experience of the directors comes into play at this point. In order to counter the low IQ of the audience, they decide to recount a step by step break up of a series of events to show how Saif was saved with Anil's help.

Akshay Khanna and Katrina Kaif are left with no place to hide so they engage Saif in a motor race to claim the property. I wonder if a horce race was more befitting as the initial setting was a stud farm. Anyways, the two step brothers go all out to race for a $200 million prize money (and you thought that only IPL is highly paying). Villainous Akshay plots again as he gives Saif a car that does not have brakes. While driving, Maryada Purushottam Saif jokes to Akshay saying that he too had a bomb planted in the car Akshay was driving. Akshay takes it a bit too seriously and ends up paying with his and Katrina's life.

Saif is the victor and he goes back with all the money and Bipasha in his arms.

Mithya - Review

When I watched Bheja Fry, I really felt that one actor who was not given his due was Ranvir Shorey. He has been a brilliant actor and he finally shows here how good he can be. Every scene in Mithya revolves around him and you do get your doses of laughter and fun moments. The sad thing was that the theatre had around 40 people in all despite it being a weekend and the second day of the film. I was surprised to see that lukewarm response despite people knowing the fact that the trio of Rajat Kapoor, Vinay Pathak and Ranvir Shorey were coming together again. Was it bad promotion? Shouldn't Arindam Chaudhari have spent more on promoting the film and cashing on the legacy of Bheja Fry? After all, this was a commercial effort and there was no harm in letting it be known. Another thing that can go against the film is that it will be compared to Bheja Fry and that doesn’t augur too well for this film commercially at least.

Rajat Kapoor is an able theatre director. His shows with Ranvir and Vinay have been huge hits and the intellect of this sensible director shows in the film. The comic scenes are really good but if you compare it with Bheja Fry (the comparisons!!), the dialogues lack the humor that Bheja Fry had.

The film is not offbeat. It very much treads the lines of a formula film and is supported by an efficient army of actors who carry the film forward. It builds quite well in a riveting manner. The scenes leading upto the intermission are gripping. Things begin to get complicated and stretched in the later part of the second half when the identity crisis of the Don/VK comes to the fore. Again, I am not saying that Rajat Kapoor could not handle it well. All I am saying is that the idea looks more theatrical than filmy. I am sure I would have liked it more if I had seen a theatre adaptation of this film because for a general film buff the end left a lot to be desired.

Ranvir Shorey is top class. I just hope that the industry rises to brace upto this fine actor and offer him roles of substance. He brings out the finer nuances of a struggler in the industry with panache. Vinay Pathak plays a goon and does not get any meaty scene. He plays the side-kick throughout the film. Naseeruddin Shah and Saurabh Shukla are the scheming Dons living under the shadow of Bhaisahab while Neha Dhupia plays Ranvir’s love interest. All in all no one really disappoints but neither do they look as if only they suited the part.

I did get bored in the closing 15-20 minutes of the film and my verdict for the film is – A courageous attempt that might not hit the bull’s eye, not even with the multiplex audience. Personally, I would any day spend my bucks to watch the team perform. You feel like an elitist just by watching them ;) I won’t call Mitthya classy or trendsetting but yes you can give it a shot.

Slap them..they're Bhaiyajis!

The “Maharashtra Navnirman Sena Visa” proposal for the self proclaimed Independent Monarchy of Maharashtra is hogging the limelight for the past couple of days. The crusader behind the whole move is the legendary Raj Thakeray. Raj Thakeray who? – The Bal Thakeray wannabe who is suffering from mental imbalance post a political rout in the last Municipal elections. The folks under attack are North Indians, more specifically the UPites and the Biharis, and I squirm on my couch because I am not sure if my visa application would be entertained by His Highness and his council of sickle wielding ministers (yes he said that they would welcome us with sickles) when I land in Mumbai some day in future.

Mr. Thackeray promises a lot in the times to come. At 40, the opportunities seem endless and he sure is exploring them with vigor hitherto associated with the likes of Hitler whom he personally admires. I wonder if the incidents of his men vandalizing taxis and beating the north Indian drivers black and blue were conceptualized to relive the glory of the Holocaust. You will in all probability find the comparison with Holocaust as skewed but let’s give the poor soul his moments of fame before he gets the treatment due for him in the aftermath of the “I suffer from verbal diarrhoea” act of his.

Now that the whole world is chiding him, let me offer him some support and consolations at the cost of betraying my fellow Bhaiyajis of UP and Bihar. I am mean and I do this so that just in case Mr. Thackeray realizes his dream of setting up the Independent Monarchy of Maharashtra, my application to gain entry into Mumbai is viewed favorably. But I don't think that it is going to help. Once the monarchy is established, he might even debar us from even applying for a visit. Who knows, we might just settle there!

Raj Thackeray has been an anti-nationalist and pro-regionalism, a fact endorsed by him on more than one occasions, though not as violently as he is doing it now. The verdict in the last Municipal elections stated it loud and clear that his notions did not find popular support. Instead of realizing that, Raj Thackeray has gone on the offensive to preach his silly ramblings just to get a foot-hold in Maharashtra’s politics. I feel he has reasons to act that way. Quite contrary to the perception that Raj Thackeray is a mass appeal leader, he does not have a base in the heartland of Maharashtra. He has never represented any constituency and the only reason why he rose was because he was Bal Thackeray’s nephew. For such a leader getting carried away from core issues that concern people is quite easy. Sensationalizing a non-issue has given him some quality air-time on all news channels and he can pat himself for getting that space because at the end of it all, this is the most that he could have got out of it. I wonder why he is not being arrested for disrupting the harmony and denting the pride of such a vibrant city like Mumbai. Haven't the scenes of Taxi drivers being beaten and Bachchan's house being pelted with stones done enough to tarnish the image?

The mess that he has created also ignites another fire that needs to be doused soon enough before it assumes "massive out-break" proportions. Biharis have been under attack in Assam and then the Delhi Chief Minister viewed us suspiciously only to retract later. We can’t overlook these problems and sweep it under the carpet saying that these were one-off incidents. Unemployment and problem of space is not a state problem. It is a problem central to the whole country. It is not as if people from Bihar and UP own acres of land back home and then move out to eat up the shares of people elsewhere. There is no law in the constitution that restricts their movement in India under normal circumstances. If you pride yourself in calling yourself an Indian, then you also have to respect what it stands for.

Cities like Mumbai and Delhi are the economic hubs of India. They got the attention that they needed and please don’t give the shit by saying that it was just the Mumbaikars or the Delhiites who made it happen for them. Bihar and UP produces more administrators (IAS officers) than any other part of India. These two states represent a huge chunk of the law making body – The Parliament and contribute to about 25% of India’s population. If you start to rub them the wrong way, there would come a time when they too would react and maybe more vociferoausly. Thackeray and people with similar thought process should remember that 1 out of every 4 Indian is a Bhaiyaji and there is no escape from them. So run while you can because the chances are that sooner or later it will be one of them who would come and hump you big-time ;)

The Bad, The Ugly, The Villain!

“Fata poster nikla Hero!”. I sometimes feel that heroes are unduly celebrated in Bollywood. If it was not for that tobacco chewing, spitfire and cruel Gabbar, what use would the dallards like Jai and Veeru have served? Hindi film villainy has changed faces over the years and has held its own despite the fact that villains always end up being on the losing side at the end of it all. If you look closely, the villains can be broadly classified into a few subcategories. Here’s a take on that. Take it as my tribute to the Bad Men you never aspire to be.

Dirty Gabbar clones: They never bathed and carried a disheveled look. As social outcasts, they found solace in the ravines of Chambal or in some deep forest. Such a choice of habitat was intelligent. Nobody cared if they didn’t take a bath. Their gang comprised of human manifestations of wild boars. I don’t know how Ramu thought of casting a Rajpal Yadav as a gang member in Jungle. But then he also cast Fardeen Khan as the lead hero. So the answer is quite obvious – he wanted to prove a point! The Gabbar clones had strange taste buds. Some of them had a weakness for cabaret dancers while some of them were repulsive even in their taste.

To quote one from China Gate - “Mere mann ko bhaya, main kutta kaat ke khaya”

Nevertheless, they epitomized all bad things that you were scolded for as a kid. They stole, stayed dirty, passed lewd remarks and stayed outdoors all day. They are the more macho villains who used terror as their weapon to rule. Largescale deforestation and desire to share a community life probably spelt the doom for this class of villains.

Gaaon ka lala clones: These were real b******s. They lent the money to our hero’s family and then asked them to settle for a compromise.

Lala Dharmprakash: “Tumhare paas aur bhi bahut kuch hai dene ko”

The poor hero had to toil hard. The fact that he had a young and generally plump sister at home added to his woes. More often than not, the poor hero was framed and sent to a jail. The Lala then made life miserable for his family back home. The hero returned later to find his personal life ruined. He just had the memories of a Rakhi song his sister used to sing to find a reason to live on. The Gaon ka lala was finally crushed and the hero once again surrendered to the law to start life afresh. These Lalas started disappearing into oblivion once nationalized banks opened centers in villages and money lending Lalas became a thing of the past.


Safedposh Chor clones: “Saara sheher mujhe LOIN ke naam se jaanta hai”.

They smuggled and killed people while managing to stay in the limelight for all the right reasons. No one dared to imagine them to indulge in any wrong doing at least for the first 14 of the 17 reel movie.

IG to DCP Prabhakar: “Kya bakte ho Parbhaakar, Deen Dayal sheher ka izzatdaar insaan hai”

These clones enjoyed all pleasures in life. They had a bevy of revealing personal secretaries, they smoked imported cigars and went about living a flashy lifestyle that could make you mull whether it was really worth it to be righteous in conduct. These clones lost out to the underground and gadget savvy villains who aided by their firangi partners wreaked havoc in the society at large and the hero in particular.


Underground baddy clones: These clones operated sub-surface. They had a whole security system in place to track down any infiltration. As soon as any outsider entered their premises, 100W bulbs flashed and an alarm bell set off. The gadgets varied from the simple switchboards to complex electric-shock giving set-ups. Their state-of-the-art operation center was well equipped with a prison that housed the hero’s mother, love interest, long lost father, sister and all other character artists under one roof during the climax. The technology savvy villain was far removed from the do-naali toting Gabbar clones who moved on horses and lived in open air. The secret door to their hidden world was either behind a huge painting in a bungalow or some such place that one could never find out. It was only when the last scene rolled that Police was able to reach the place and arrest them all.


Mogambo Clones: The upgraded version of the tech savvy villain were their foreign counterparts who spoke impeccable Hindi and had vested interests in India. They had strange names though – Dang, Dong, Mogambo and Shakal to name a few. These clones operated from some la la land or from privately owned islands. They had their own army, a set of scientists and customs and rituals.

“Hail Mogambo” – A soldier praising his leader as part of a customary ritual.

Not just the rituals, these international epitomes of treachery dressed exotically and had a handy one liner in their repertoire.

“Dong kabhi wrong nahi hota” – Dong, when asked if his decision to let the gang of hooligans from India come and torment them in their privately owned country was correct.

With globalization came an end to their life on screen. The world shrunk, the boundaries merged and the audience came to know that there was no la la land.


Political goons: They were relegated to the backseat for most part of Indian film history. They often appeared as sidekicks who couldn’t survive till the last scene. However, for a brief period of time, they held sway in the industry. They had very social names but indulged in all possible anti-social activities.

Most of the times they had a shady past that was brought to the limelight by the once oppressed hero who sought vengeance. Again, these political goons borrowed their traits from the gaon ka lala clones in terms of debauchery. They were again the pervert lot.



Funny Villains: This brand is synonymous with the rise of Jeetendra as the “Tohfa tohfa...laaya laaya” superstar. These villains came to life owing to the wild and largely whacky sense of humor possessed by the south Indian directors. They kept goofing up but never fell short of creating trouble for our hero. The set up was mostly in a south Indian village painted as a north Indian one. The funny villains operated in pairs Father-Son or Thakur-Munim. They mouthed double meaning dialogues in abundance which can partially be acclaimed to the lack of knowledge of Hindi by the creative team that wrote dialogues. Sample one such dialogue that a villain used whenever he saw the heroine:

“Aauu Lal.e.e.tha”

Their era was short lived too. They disappeared overnight when Jeetendra’s supply of 30+ tablets was curtailed and he decided to hang up his boots.


Suave Villains: SRK changed the complexion of hindi film villainy with his K..K..Kirrran avtar. True, Shatrughan Sinha and Vinod Khanna had started the trend quite early in their career and moved to play the protagonists, SRK was already a hero when he played the bad guy. These villains possessed tremendous IQ compared to the rest of the cast. They held the upper hand in almost the whole of the film until they were finally undone. Almost the entire breed of the current lot has played the suave bad guy once for a change. You name them, you have them – SRK (Darr, Anjaam, Baazigar), Akshay (Ajnabee), Suniel Shetty (Dhadkan), Amitabh Bachchan (Aankhein, Boom, RGV Ki Aag), Ajay Devgan (Khakee) and Hrithik and John (Dhoom series). The current trend is that if you haven’t played the bad guy once, you are not happening.


While at this I purposely left out the outright winners who appear in the B grade money churners made by Kanti Shah and Mithun Da. They deserve a special mention. Although times have changed in the hindi film industry, these guys were never affected by the mutations that hindi film villainy went through. Pick up any such film and they would be as interesting. The plots of these films has been Kubrickesque. You have to understand the undercurrent of the whole premise. Sadly, one life time is not enough for that! The story revolves around a village where these wicked souls rule the roost. The Pujari, The Thakur, The Politician and The Police Wala all meet at Thakur’s haveli every night plan out their next deadly move. By the twist of fate the hero also becomes involved. The goons either lay their hands on the heroine or the hero’s sister. Now starts the roller coaster ride. Either the victim or the hero (these are the two variations) turns into a bandit to avenge the wrong doing. One by one, the villains are trapped and then sent packing.

“Aye kafanchor neta, pujari ke baad ab tera number hai..fir mera..wo humein nahi chhodega”

BREAKING NEWS - The Saga Down Under!

"I am no monkey. Please don't call me by fancy names either. That's not on" - Andrew Symonds on being asked if he was a homo sapien.

This picture did Harbhajan in. Hayden and Symonds used this picture to convince Mike Procter how Bhajji chewed his hat to taunt Symonds. Indian camp on the other hand said that the proof was inconclusive. They cited that Bhajji's hands were busy tucking his shirt and since he already had a turban on his head, wearing a cap over it would have incensed his community back home. "Sikhs don't even need to wear a helmet in India for that very reason" - remarked Sachin in the meeting. However, Procter was convinced beyond doubt that Bhajji should go.



"It's all upto the almighty - the ALL-Mighty Aussies, I mean. They propose (appeal), I dispose (uphold their appeals). It is one happy setting you see. If you could take Sachin's Helmet Before Wicket in the right spirit, why create such a furore now? Rahul was anyways boring everyone out, wasn't he? I am 61, show me some respect" - Bucknor seems to be telling the Indian team.


"Mission accomplished. We played quite well indeed even though Indians made it simpler in the end"


"Waahe guru ji da khalsa, waahe guru ji di fateh. Not me again by God. Assi te sirf 'Maa Ki' bolya si..te us khote de puttar ne usse 'Monkey' samajh litta. Mainu bacha le rabba..aur comeback nahi hote mere se ab. Almight Father, holy be your name..bacha le mainu, don't put me to shame"

"Aggression is not cultivated. It's in there..in your whole personality. I am not Yuvraj or Dhoni going around with actresses and trying to look presentable everywhere. I can express..and I don't care if I wear my trousers 6 inches above the waist and don't get to endorse any clothing line. I deliver when it is upto me. Umpiring and Gamemanship aside, there is only one player in the team playing to win and you know who."

"We won the bout maite..That's how we Austraaliens plaaiye - hard and fair. Oiee feel that Bhajji is racist. What's the bid deal maite? Lehmann and Deano too were. And what about grassing the catch? Pup (Clarke) needed encouragment. We plaaiye for each other in Austraalia. Oiee just raised my finger to help him. Did oiee or did oiee not? " - Rocky Ponting after demolishing India and Australia's reputation as a World Champion side.

Taare Zameen Par - Review

As I sat through Taare Zameen Par, I struggled to come up with a befitting epithet for Aamir Khan. He might not be in the same league as the dazzling superstars of today who descend in dozens in the farcical award shows every year to get recognized for their crappy work. He creates cinema like no one does and keeps doing it time and again. He is an institution in himself. Aamir is legendary, he is Iconic!

If you thought that Lagaan was a once in a lifetime thing, he came up with Dil Chahta Hai and Rang De Basanti. Just when you thought that his ammunitions won’t last long, he came up with his mesmerizing directorial venture. Aamir lets the actor within him take a backseat to let the film be led by an eight year old kid. I don’t think even seasoned directors will have the guts to let go off an opportunity to cash in on Aamir’s presence on screen. But this guy does, his film is a gutsy effort that scores with the audience.

Now something about the plot. TZP has a message but it is not preachy. TZP has Aamir Khan but he is not the hero of the film. TZP is a film about kids but it is not a kids’ film. It talks about how we tend to overlook what we have to chase dreams in a result oriented world. A dyslexic child finds himself out of place in the real world. It is a story of his struggle, the world’s failure to understand his problem, his fight back and finally his triumph.

Getting into the individual strengths and weaknesses, let me start off with the positives first:

Darsheel Safary: The child can knock anyone out with his antics. He gives a seasoned performance. It is hard to believe that this kid who is all of eight years could display such a maturity in his performance. Everyone else looks like a support cast around him, Aamir included!

Direction: The best works of the year as far as my ratings go. Extracting such a poignant performance from a kid could be difficult but Aamir does it brilliantly. He deftly handles the subject which could easily have gone haywire to look like a documentary. The way he brings out some emotional moments look so special.

Story/Idea: Amol Gupte, as pointed in several promotional events has been the source behind the idea of TZP. The film does show his research on the subject. A very non filmy story that still holds its own and more importantly delivers in conveying the message in a pretty straightforward way.

Background Score: Very good background score that goes very well with the film.

Moments: Special mention of some very special moments from the film.

Scene 1: Ishaan begging his father not to leave home. The scene is not all that important but I still liked it. It captures the innocence of an eight year old kid who thinks that his father is all set to leave the house after he picks up a fight with a neighborhood kid. I found it straight from life and was reminded of one of my childhood experiences :)

Scene 2: Ishaan’s mother turning the pages of his drawing book in the song ‘Maa’. Touching! Watch it to feel it.

Scene 3: The one where Ishaan refuses to light crackers thinking that he will be saved from going to the boarding school.

Scene 4: Aamir Khan’s meeting with Ishaan’s father in the hostel where Aamir brings it to his notice that he too had a part to play in destroying his self confidence. I specially liked the way Aamir Khan made him realize his folly by describing how they felled trees in Solomon Islands.

Negatives:

Pace: Some people would find it moving at a slow pace in the first half. I personally feel that the build up was necessary at that pace but this won’t go down too well with everyone I am sure.

Loopholes in script: Some loopholes do exist. For instance, I couldn’t understand why Ishaan’s parents did not turn up to take their kid back when they got to know that he was in fact dyslexic.

Mother-Son bond: There is an entire song on that but the bond doesn’t come out all that well in the film. It would have served to have a couple of scenes to depict that.

When you watch this film, you will be reminded of faces from your school days - Good boys, bad boys and then of course yourself. The film is the boy’s journey from being an outcast to getting accepted. You’ll sure feel good.

Main Vyast Hoon

Some work, yes work for a change is keeping me busy these days. In case I don;t turn up before the new year dawns, a Very Happy New Year to all you people who land up on this page and also Merry Christmas. I hate saying these things but I sense that I am dubbed as an obnoxious snob at times for not being the first one to chirp with pleasantaries when I bump into people. See I am changing :)

Have a blast!

The Cliched Love Isshhtory

Dus Kahaniyaan inspired me. I have been planning a short film with a couple of my friends for the past one year but the plan just fizzled out after we finalised the story, etc because of our other pre-occupations. That short story would probably sleep a little more so I thought of cooking up something else tonight to release that build-up within me. I am trying to write a story for others to read after a good 10 years and it might sound school boyish. I can't help it. I am trying to pick up from where I left. Here we go:


"So you broke your leg playing football? I think you should have stuck to playing cricket", she said with a smile on her face. How ‘A’ wished he had told her then that he too felt the same until he saw her cheering for the guys playing football and left cricket to fight his way to land up an extra's place in the football team. He sure would have been better off without a fractured ankle. There was still some hope that she would understand it some day.


She was supposed to play the Princess in the school drama in the Annual festival and A too took to stage acting. Though he got to play a semi nude messenger (wearing just a dhoti and that too Bapu style) whose only job was to carry messages from one king to the other and never shared the stage space with her, the fact that she was going to be around him was more than enough. A gave it his best shot but was still booed off the stage.
"You sucked big-time. I think you were better off painting those colorful land scapes", she told him in good humor. How he wished he had told her then that, that was precisely what he was doing when he got to know that she was in the play and decided to give up his position as the respected art champion in the class to play that stupid blink and you miss part. He had stooped down to abysmal levels for her and she still wasn't able to understand it.


"Everyone wants security, I would definitely marry an Engineer or a doctor," A heard her saying to one of her friends. Though his inclination was more towards Arts subjects, he opted for Science. He thought everything was falling in its place when the inevitable happened. Her Dad was transferred to some other place and then he never heard of her. Left sulking with two demons to fight, the pain of not seeing her anymore and the lifeless mathematical formulas, A still managed to slug it out. Love and its strange ways teach you the impossible.

But a love story never ends with a final twist, the unexpected rendezvous. A knew that all love stories follow a similar script and how right he was. 6 years later, he met her again at a coffee shop. It never felt as if they were meeting after a long time.

She: Hey, so what are you upto these days?
A: Working for an IT company here.

She: Engineer? I thought you would be into painting or something.
A: Even I thought so. But I did it for someone.

She: Really! Do I know her?
A: I guess so.

She: You know what, it now sounds so stupid but back in school I had a crush on you. I thought that you were pretty much the way I wanted a boy to be. But then as it turned out to be, and thankfully it did, you were quite opposite to what I felt about you. I liked cricket and you played football, everyone including me just loved your paintings but you fancied the stage somehow. Remember the “Rajkumari ka sandesh hai" dialogue?

Aha! I told you, all love stories toe the same line. He mustered enough courage to finally tell her that he did it all for her when he saw the ring on her finger. Damn the clichés!

She(showing her engagement ring): No prizes for guessing it dude. That’s from my fiance. We met at an art exhibition. One of these days I'll show you his work. It's out of the world. By the way who was the girl that you were talking of?

‘A’ hadn't lost hope. This scene too was straight out of a romantic caper. He had read this script somewhere, he felt. The third angle to his love story; he had to go. Now he just had to play the hero and sweep her off her feet. Was it improper? To hell with it, she wasn’t even married yet.

A (taking his chance): It was you!

A assumed that being a girl, she must have been a romantic movie buff who would understand what weight his three words carried. He even prepared to shed a few tears. It was much easier than getting hurt on the football field or the facing the booing on the stage for his acting. However, that heartless, devoid-of-all-emotions and tormentor of his life looked at him and then laughed her heart out.

"The boring engineer still hasn't lost his humorous touch it seems. There comes my man..," she said picking up her bag and then walked away with a friendly tap on his shoulders.

Tragedy for one, joke for another. It is probably the humor of life that makes you look or sound funny to people perhaps. You just need to learn to take it with a pinch of salt and smile it off.

Dus Kahaniyaan - Review

A brave, stylish and intelligent attempt at storytelling. Brave because attempts like these have failed earlier and bringing this style back with such a huge cast was definitely like playing a big gamble. It is stylish, just as every other Sanjay Gupta product is. Technicalities are deftly handled. It is intelligent because it picked its cue from films that were attempted in this genre but failed. Darna Mana Hai and Darna Zaroori Hai too had different stories but they all shared a common supernatural/horror theme. Therefore, by the end of it all the audience got fed up of watching similar looking ghost stories. This is where Dus Kahaniyan is different from them. Each story in the film is unrelated and has a different theme. With 6 different directors at the helm, each story comes out with a different flavor. The fact that each story has a twist only adds to the experience of watching this collection of short films.

Another good thing about the film is that the better-done stories outnumber the not so good ones so you don’t feel cheated by the end of it. An able ensemble cast ensures that you get what you invest in the film – your time and money!

Now since this is a collection of films, let me pick each one and write something about them.

'Matrimony'
Cast: Mandira Bedi, Arbaaz Khan and Sudhanshu Pandey
Director: Sanjay Gupta

A story well told with a sudden twist in the tale revealed in the closing minute of the film. Thumbs up for this one.

'High On The Highway'
Cast: Jimmy Sheirgill and Masumeh
Director: Hansal Mehta

It went over the top of my head. Hansal seemed to be paying a tribute to Quentin Tarantino by trying to weave incidents from one day with those of the present. But where was the story Mr. Mehta? I did not like it at all. A big thumbs down.

'Pooranmashi'
Cast: Amrita Singh, Minisha Lamba, Parmeet Sethi and Vishwajeet Pradhan.
Director: Meghna Gulzar

I carried this story out of the theatre too. Very well written and executed. It explores how messy things can become if you stray that one bit from your bounds. The best story according to me. Double thumbs up for this one.

'Strangers In The Night'
Cast: Neha Dhupia and Mahesh Manjrekar.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

The storyteller again recreates the magic here. Gives a new dimension to what was easily mistaken for lust when the story started to unfold. Extra ordinary circumstances but good nonetheless. Thumbs up!

'Zahir'
Cast: Manoj Bajpai and Dia Mirza.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

The twist looked a bit kiddish. It made me laugh even though that was not intended in the story. I did not like it all that much but my friends did. No thumbs for this one. I’ll leave it to your judgment.

'Gubbare'
Cast: Nana Patekar, Anita and Rohit Roy.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

A story whose twists and turns you can easily foretell but it does not bore you. That again reaffirms Sanjay Gupta’s finesse as a storyteller. Rohit Roy gets a special appearance in a 10 minute film. It is Nana Patekar all the way in this one. Thumbs up for the emotional quotient.

'Love Dale'
Cast: Anupam Kher, Anooradha Singh, Aftab Shivdasani and Neha Uberoi.
Director: Jasmeet Dhondi

Supernatural twist but watchable. Since I am so used to watching love stories taking shape in a good 3 hours after all that song and dance that this 10 minute love story looked incomplete to me ;). Okayish. No thumbs for this one.

'Sex On The Beach'
Cast: Dino Morea and Tareena Patel.
Director: Apoorva Lakhia

Ramsay or shall I say Ramu effect coming into play. This again has supernatural element in it. It shows you how your pleasant fantasies can sometimes go wrong if they come real. Nothing great about this one. Thumbs down!

'Rice Plate'
Cast: Shabana Azmi and Naseeruddin Shah.
Director: Rohit Roy

Debutante director Rohit Roy handles the theme deftly. Shabana Azmi is good. You don’t get much of Naseeruddin Shah in this one which made me feel a bit let down. A thematic story that scores. Thumbs up for this one.

'Rise & Fall'
Cast: Sanjay Dutt and Suniel Shetty.
Directors: Hansal Mehta and Sanjay Gupta

The last story should have been a stunner. The audience should have left the theatre thinking about it. But nothing of the sort happens. With Sanjay Dutt and Suniel Shetty at the helm, you sure expect some fire crackers but there were none. A thumbs down for this story.

Overall, not such a bad experience. You sure would like a couple of stories. I was wondering whether Anurag Kashyap should edit his No Smoking to fit in this 10 minute slot. His psycho shocker film would have been something to watch out for had it been a short one and what’s more no one would have panned him so severely for a 10 minute long act. Now, why did I get into pulling poor Anurag Kashyap down here.

Watch Dus Kahaniyan folks! It gets over in 2 hours flat.

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Your destinies are written beforehand and I was destined not to exist in the same space as dogs. True, they are considered faithful and all that but I can’t stand these canines at all. Or, maybe it’s vice versa. I have had innumerable dog chases and each of the incidents actually reinforced my belief that there is something about me that dogs don’t like. The worst thing is that my brain stops functioning as soon as I catch the sight of a dog in my vicinity and then I am at their mercy.

This is probably one fear that I have not made much attempts to overcome and would probably never do it either. All efforts to have an Alsatian stand guard at home were rebuffed as I played the emotional card and took a stand – “Either the dog or me!” The biggest joke in my family to-date is – “It’s just some previous birth spill over. He must have been a petty thief who keeps getting chased even now.”

I, however, like to believe that my fear is not baseless. I am reasonable and appreciative of the “cuteness” and “faithfulness” factor associated with these creatures but how do I wipe out from my memories those chases where I was singled out and then subjected to ridicule in full public view by these wagging tailed villains of my life? Yes, I felt singled out and have more than one reason to feel so.

I remember playing cricket in the car parking as a kid when the batsman I was batting with called for a cheeky single. Bruno – the paumerian, did not like it perhaps and it ran down the pitch to catch hold of my ankle. Strangely, it did not care to bother the other runner who crossed its path. As I lunged forward to ground my bat into the crease, Bruno appealed aloud with a woof. I turned around and in a reflex action tried to scare him away with my bat. But lo! I was face-to-face with a Sree Santh incarnation. Instead of backing out, it jumped on me. I ran around and no one came to help.

The worst thing was that the beautiful girl next door saw it all. I had to fire a diwali cracker holding it in my hands to convince her later that the dog incident was just a one-off thing that didn’t turn out the way it should have. The Bruno encounter probably set the tone for my not-so-friendly relationship with dogs.

From then on, I have had quite a few other encounters like the one where a CRPF Doberman chased me around in an empty cricket ground when I sneaked into the ground through a gate left open to catch a glimpse of the stadium. It lasted a good 45-50 seconds until the godsend CRPF jawan called out to Sheru to back out. There was no physical harm done but it scarred me for life.

It is not that I have never ever attempted to get over this fear but the results have been bad. When I try to ignore them, they simply don’t like it. I once stepped on a sleeping dog’s tail unknowingly at a temple and then it threw a tantrum. The matter was resolved only after I made some – “eeeooooo…ayyyyeee” sounds and created a commotion to make a total fool of myself in the queue to express my apologies to the street mongrel. The victor walked away while the vanquished went inside the temple with his plea to God – “Khush to bahut hogey tum aaj mera mazak banake. Kya milta hai tumhe mere se ye sab karwa ke? Ek main hi mila tha us kutte ki dum pe pair rakhwane ke liye?”

Each time I bow down to a dog, my ego takes a big blow. Talking about it here too does the same. As for why I wrote about it then, some people wanted to check out if I could be self-deprecating. I hope I am not disappointing them.

Same Pinch!

However hard I try to pretend that I am all-cool and give a damn about what people think but the fact is that I am not and I am very conscious of what goes in others’ minds. It is for this very reason that someone with very good sense of humor keeps putting me in situations where I am put to test. This weekend, I caught up with a few of my batchmates I was meeting after almost a year. Being the only punctual one amongst them, I reached the venue 10 minutes late. I bored myself watching the traffic across the road for a good 15 minutes, when finally Newton emerged. What followed was a very gentlemen like expression of male bonding and then it struck me. Newton and I were wearing the same sweatshirt!

I might lose out even in a lottery that has odds stacked heavily in favor of me but here I was, standing on the road with a person whose taste in clothes might have never matched mine but here we were - flaunting the same sweatshirt. I know that I am no cynosure of public eye whose actions will become a matter of public debate but I couldn't run away from my self that kept reminding me of the fact that Newton and I had chosen that day to commemorate our friendship by wearing the same sweatshirts. The next few agonizing hours were spent maneuvering around to avoid standing next to each other.

This was not the first time that something of this sort happened. A few months back, my brother and I had gone shopping to Noida. Mid-way through the journey, my brother pointed it out.

Me: Kya hua? Kuch gadbad?
Abhishek: Apne joote dekho

Me: Saaf to hain
Abhishek: Ab apni jeans, shirt aur chashma dekho

Me : Arre sab dekh liya ab inko gayab karoge kya? (chuckle)
Abhishek : Ab meri taraf dekho

There was silence and it spoke a thousand words. I was taken back in history and several events unfolded before my eyes.

Event 1: Buying specs at an optical store sometime in 2006

Me: Arre same frame hai to kya hua? Hum log ek jageh thode hi rehte hain. Le lo agar pasand hai to. Same hua to kaun sa pahad toot parega?
Abhishek: Tum doosra kyun nahi le lete?

Me: Chalo tum jab Delhi aaoge to nahi pehnunga. What’s the big deal if we both have the same pair of specs?

Event 2: On a phone call sometime in early 2007

Me: Yeah, I bought a new pair of shoes. It’s funky
Abhishek: I too bought one recently. Which brand?

Me: Ganuchi hai koi. Pata nahi kya brand par sahi lag raha hai
Abhishek : Arre wahi to maine bhi liya hai. Color?

Me: Mixture of white and maroon
Abhishek: Thank God green nahi hai. I bought white and green

Event 3: Buying shirts for gift a couple of days prior to the incident

Me: I liked these shirts so I got one for each of you guys
Brothers (in unison): Oh! we are cheap. We won’t thank you.

Me: They all fitted so well that I bought the same size and style for everyone
Brothers (in unison): It fits us well but you look odd in the shirt. But hey, we are not laughing at you.

Event 4: Searching for my pair of jeans a few hours prior to the incident

Me: Why the hell did you have to put all my jeans in the washing machine?
Maa: Because you have never cared to do so

Me: What do I wear now?
Maa: Borrow one from Abhishek

I never knew that a scheming plot was being written for all these months to make me face this day. My brother and I were wearing similar shoes, similar jeans, similar shirts and same specs and there we were, playing our parts at the Centrestage Mall in full public view. We looked almost the same in terms of nature of the clothing even though there was a difference in how we looked in them. We chartered out a quick contingency plan. We had to buy a pair of floaters and we rushed to the shoe shop. I finally slipped into the floaters and my brother kept away his pair of glasses so that we looked different. All this was done in a jiffy but not before the sales woman’s smile showed that she found it amusing and an aunty whispered something into uncle’s ears who then gave us a look that you would expect from a person watching a Charlie Chaplin movie.

Life indeed keeps teaching you something or the other each day. I have finally accepted it for a fact that life is difficult. You not only have to reconcile with the ‘differences’ that you have with others but also face the brunt of the ‘similarities’ sometimes.

A Rocking Start To The Week

Delhi rocked – literally! I got my second mild earthquake experience. Thankfully, it was not damaging. I had one of my friends staying overnight at my place and he ensured that the adventure of the earthquake took a backseat as the unintentional humor generated by his divine utterances (when I tried waking him up to get running) took centerstage.

Me: Abe N bhukamp aaya hai, jaldi uth
N: Kahan se?

Me: Bed se..aur kahan se. Baat karne ka time nahi hai..jaldi idhar darwaze ke paas aa
N: Kya bol rahe ho? Abhi bhukamp kaise aayega?

Later he tried giving a call to star news to recount his harrowing earthquake experience and the mayhem in which he collided with the sofa trying to find his way out the hall in the darkness. He was thinking on the lines of blaming ISI for the ‘jolt’ from the blue. His call did not connect though. I remember the last time these tremors struck Delhi in 2005, I was having breakfast with Dad and was so excited to experience it that I kept staring at the glass of water that was shaking while Dad threatened to withdraw my name from his will if I didn’t get moving.

Monday morning was business as usual. I was surprised to find news of Pakistan’s political fiasco hog limelight while Delhi tremors found space in the scrollers at the bottom of the screen. It seems that nothing that I am associated with, even remotely, can become interesting enough for these newswallahs. Half of my friends didn’t even realize that it was an earthquake and half of them said that it was no big deal even though they were not from Japan.

I witnessed an after-effect of the tremors while returning from office today. A couple-in-love was driving in a Santro. Their expression of love every now and then in the non-romantic Delhi traffic jams was probably to make up for the quality time they might have lost out in the tremor confusion in the early hours of the day.

The Great Indian Wedding!

Marriage season is here and my only problem with it is that it has screwed my holiday planner for the rest of the year. I am sure that by the end of it all, there would be a few disgruntled faces but let me make use of this opportunity to inform beforehand that my schedule is packed more than that of the Indian Cricket Team and I can’t do anything about it! The fact that it saves me the pain of running at the last moment to a gift store to buy something and then getting it gift wrapped is a huge plus that I cannot ignore.

Yesterday was the first of the weddings that I attended in the action packed season. It was the first marriage that I was attending in a long-long time and it was quite an eventful one at that. Now enough of self-indulgence. I actually wanted to recount the characters you would find at such weddings. I found some yesterday but I would talk generic to include some more. So here it goes:

The Bride and The Groom

Poor souls! This is one day they are supposed to be happy and all cheerful but faith and photographers have other things in store for them. After weeklong hectic rituals, they are made to sit on a majestic pair of chairs while photographers sit and run their puppet show with them.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aap sar upar kijiye, Bhabhi ji aap thoda sharmaate hue neeche dekhein, Thanks!

Photographer 2: Sir ji ke dost aap bewakoofon ki tareh na hansein aur peeche khade ho jayein. Picture kharab ho rahi hai

Friends and family come up on the dias with their kids, pose with the couple and then make a retreat while the two hapless people are left showing their pearly teeth incessantly.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aapko daant andar nahi karne..please smile kijiye, Thanks!

Chachajis

There are two categories of Chachajis – real ones and then the self proclaimed ones. The real ones look all serious. Surveying and scrutinizing every minute detail.

“Ye paani ka fawwara yahan kyun laga diya hai, bachche geeley ho jayenge”

The self proclaimed ones go around with a swagger, telling all and sundry how the groom actually peed in their laps when he was a kid. Their claim to fame is their neighborhood association with the groom’s family.

“Arre ye to paida hi mere saamne hue tha. Hum bahut close neighbours hain”

Chachaji ke Bachche

They are the next generation neighbors who have actually played gully Cricket with the groom. They might not know if the marriage they are attending is actually a love marriage dished out as an arranged one for society’s sake and the orthodox values held by the family but they claim to ‘know all’ about the boy.

“Arre ye to aadha time hamare ghar pe hi rehta tha. Asal mein mera chhota bhai iske saath padha tha aur ye mujhe bilkul apne bade chai jaisa manta hai”

Yeah, I got you mate!

Lost Souls

These people know no one except the bride or the groom. These include colleagues and college friends. They don’t know any one else in the family and the only one they know is held at ransom by the relentless photographers who show no mercy.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aapne fir se sar neeche kar liya. Aur ye pair thode aage kijiye, Thanks!

These lost souls look all lost until the groom sends someone from the family to take good care of them. As if 'good care' translates to making one comfortable at the bar, they are led to a secluded area which has arrangements for hookahs, cigarettes and all other things that you are asked to abstain from as a kid. There is a misconception that greater care means forcing people to gulp down more than they can handle. The already lost souls try hard to find other ways to divert the attention. They bore the other people with talks about their college or workplace stories and form their own group within the larger drunken group. I, for one, get on the offensive and attack one of my acquaintances in the group with soft verbal barrage. The hosts feel that I have been taken ‘care’ of and I am saved of the pestering.

DJ

Delhi DJs who perform specifically in weddings and can’t think beyond “Baari Barsi” songs are a treat to watch while they change tracks. Just when the people start swaying, they blurt out something as stupid as:

“Ye poora program organize kiya hai Raju Sharma ji ne”

The good thing about them is that they don’t act fussy and would repeat a song 10 times if you want to. You don’t need to haggle with them as they are no DJ Aqeels and have no reputation to protect. Play what you please but bear with the – “Saare relatives aa jaayein dance floor pe” act time and again.

Lat but not the least, the most difficult part is making a retreat later in the night. When you are almost out, one of the brothers of the groom, who happens to know you sees you escaping. You freeze as he comes along with a smile:

Bhai: Abhi kahan ja raha hai?

You: Bas bhaiya wo idhar hi thoda (Main aur kya karne rukun?)

Bhai: Abhi to ferey aur saari rasmein baaki hain

You: Haan haan bas aa gaya (Rasmein..meri shaadi ho rahi hai kya?)

Finally, you camouflage yourself in the bevy of other guests who are leaving and make an exit with pleasant memories of the beautiful girl in the blue dress and the navratan chutney that you savored while the girl in blue walked so close past you that you could tell the name of the fragrance she was wearing. Indian weddings are indeed great.

Om Shanti Om - The Review

The King is back. After playing a subdued Kabir Khan in Chak De, SRK is back to playing what he is – a larger than life Bollywood superstar. OSO is a film that does not follow logic but it entertains to the core and that is the USP of the whole affair. Filmy is how I would describe OSO.

I know that the film is not going to appeal to all connoisseurs who look for substance but for someone like me who grew up on a staple diet of hindi potboilers, OSO is just what I would have asked for. In all fairness, let us give credit to SRK and Farah Khan for following their convictions and deliver what they set out to make OSO from the outset – a commercially viable product that scores with the audience. So the fairer sex got a new look six pack abs Khan to drool over and the rest of us got an exquisitely carved hot bod in the form of Deepika Padukone to dream of. Uncle SRK got lucky indeed!

Now getting back to some serious analysis. Let’s start with the positives.

1.) Scale: The film was about Bollywood and so had to be big. Did it live upto the expectations – it exceeded them actually. A plethora of stars descending for a 6 minute song, Abhishek Bachchan and Akshay Kumar chipping in with their small appearances. It was one big party and I was left overawed by the scale of the film.

2.) Humor: SRK’s brand of humor was evident throughout the film. The film was full of jibes mostly aimed at self and at times at others (Manoj Kumar getting beaten up by a security guard has left him fuming and calling up press people I hear!). Akshay Kumar and Abhishek Bachchan make a one-scene appearance to take pot-shots at themselves. Kiron Kher plays the overacting filmy mom. The most hilarious punch, however, is provided during the southie film shoot where SRK plays the big shot from south Indian film industry. If you have a liking for senseless humor, you would simply love it.

3.) Music and Visual Effects: Hit and ruling the charts. Dard-e-Disco was novel and so was the picturization of the Dhoom Tana song that had Deepika dancing with Sunil Dutt, Rajesh Khanna and Jeetendra. Note that the effects might look kiddish but they go quite well with the mood of the film.

Negatives:

1.) Hangover and clichés: True, the film was designed to be clichéd but it goes to such an extent that it seems that there was no attempt to do something new. The film is based on rebirth and to say that the film has a hangover of the Subhash Ghai blockbuster would be an understatement. Starting from the title of the film, to its opening credit song and finally the climax, everything has references of Karz. Our filmy hero actually plots to trap the villain by replaying the Karz scene with his side kick.

“Pappu, Mukesh Mehra ko hum Karz ka repeat performance karke hi pakad sakte hain”

The last scene came as a surprise because it deviated from the Karz track to tread the Ramsay track with a prettier face (If you get what I mean!).

2.) Loopholes in story: Huge ones at that. Even if you are making a film which isn’t supposed to be intellectually taxing, things need to be coherent. Deepika’s character is that of a superstar of the yore but 30 years hence no one even knows her name (not even the reigning superstar). Then you have the villain burn the entire studio and get away without anyone noticing it. What’s stranger is the fact that no one even bothers to come back to that place after the huge fire guts it. The end too was not thoughtful. Too amateurish in the story department. But Farah is a smart filmmaker. She gave the audience what it wanted in the form of this glossy affair even though she forgot to tighten the other screws. Or maybe she didn’t even have the time to focus on other aspects amidst the razzmatazz.

My over all rating would be a 3 on 5 for OSO. Take is as one point for each of its strengths or a minus one for each of its weaknesses. I would recommend it to all those who are either in a festive mood, indulge in senseless humor, belong to the Vidhu Vinod Chopra hate club or do not belong to the National or Oscar film selection jury.

Dil, Dosti, Etc - Review

It’s been more than a month since this film released and the review comes in quite late in the day. But can’t help it, I have not been watching movies for a long, long time. Dil, Dosti, Etc might not go on to become a cult film but I would still call it a decent attempt. Coming from the stable of Prakash Jha (he has produced it), Dil, Dosti has a high reality quotient associated with the film. The scenes in the film are straight away pulled from life. The college environment depicted in the film is not the Lovedale College set up shown in candy floss movies and neither do the characters break into a jig every now and then to woo their lady love.

When you are young, you feel that the possibilities are endless – This film revolves around two people, their aspirations and how they go about achieving it with the backdrop of university politics at DU. As for how it fared, I felt that the movie gained pace from the very outset, reached a crescendo and then plummeted. I might be wrong in judging it this way but I feel that the script was flawed.

I went in to watch the film with a hangover of Haasil which marked the arrival of Irfan Khan and I couldn’t keep myself from comparing the two films. Both had the backdrop of University politics but Haasil was more filmi and commercial in its approach while Dil, Dosti has a more arthouse flavour. The film has its share of a few ‘bold’ scenes too.

High points:

Performances: Shreyas Talpade gives a clean performance, getting his Bihari accent correct and suiting the part he played. I felt that he was underplayed in the film and seemed more like the support hero. Imad Shah is a revelation. He does not have that chiseled look or anything that can be called heroic about him but the director has tried his best to give us a new Emraan Hashmi avatar. He gets to lip lock with all the girls who are given some screen space in the film – lucky b******!

Characterizations: Manish Tiwary, the director of the film hails from Bihar and it seems that he has also been a part of the DU milieu. Both these aspects were evident in way he has created the characters, not just the protagonists but also the supporting ones. The ragging scenes reminded me of the superman days some of us had to brave during our own ragging days at college. I almost felt a part of the whole set-up.

Dialogues: The film has good and measured dialogues. Nothing over the top. Smart lines and the point is put across.

Lows:

Script: Imad’s character lets go off an offer from Yale to live and experience life that thrives in the nooks and corners of India. He goes a step further to leave the cool, cosy comforts of a Mercedes Benz to drive around on a Yezdi (which people rode eons ago). I don’t know what prompted him to take on the bet of bedding three girls in eight days. Although the film started with him trying to search for love and Shreyas trying to find his bearing in the political arena, the one sided bet seemed to have become the whole premise of the story by the time it ended.

Having said that, I must also point out that you cannot keep yourself from praising the way the writer has actually brought out all that goes through the minds of a young college going kid. Imaad’s portrayal of a confused and searching young ‘pseudo-intellectual’ as he is referred to in the film as well as the depiction of the cosmopolitan and middle class values through different characters is praiseworthy.

Music: There was not much scope for music in the film. They still managed to have that item number forced into the plot. Some might say that the song actually took the story forward but I will never be convinced. To add to it, the song and its picturisation were awful.

Dil, Dosti is a film that DU people should not miss out on. As for others, I would call it a casual film. Casual because you don’t plan to go and watch such films, you watch it when you either have nothing to do or you have no better thing to do.

I am now looking forward to watching No Smoking, not because of the lineage it boasts of (directed by Anurag Kashyap of Black Friday fame) but because I have been challenged to weather this high voltage, abstract, infathomable..hmm..lemme rather reserve the epithets till I watch the film. Is its DVD out?

Some Spill Over and a Refreshing Attempt in Creating Music Albums

I finally feel that my blog might finally arrive some day. A look at the comments to my last post gave me that glimmer of hope. True, only a couple of people contributed to it but what the heck! The comments did make the last post look very relevant even though it wasn't exactly meant to be so.

There can be no last word on whether PhD has 99% quacks and 1% genius or whether it is the other way round. I might not even qualify to judge them because I am not in their seat. PhD to me is a career choice – made with a lot of thoughts put in or maybe by just following the herd mentality with no idea of where one would end up being. Some research papers published might serve or support future research but there would still be a lot more that would languish as volumes of crap in a quiet corner of a library and would be reminiscent of wasted funds allocated to (re)search.

Getting into PhD does not necessarily guarantee intellect. So all you PhD’s out there, don’t expect reverence just because you are certified somewhere as a Doc. You burden this earth as much as anyone else does!

Today I got to hear 11 of Gulzar’s poems in Dus Kahaniyaan and I must say it was a novel experience in contrast to what we get to hear in the name of giving a ‘different’ touch to music. I couldn’t understand half of the words used (mamool, jumla-hukuk) but still it was a refreshing change amidst the hordes of remixed stuff that we are exposed to. Kudos to Sanjay Gupta for thinking of such a concept. I might not like his habit of picking stories ‘as-is’ from world cinema but this one scores an ace.

The poems are recited by different actors and from what I get; they give you a gist of each of the 10 stories in the film (10 stories in a film?? Didn't the director learn something from Ramu's Darna Mana Hai?). I wonder why they have the 11th extra poem. I specially liked the one recited by Naseeruddin Shah, titled Khuda. This is how it goes:

Poore ka poora aakash ghumakar baazi dekhi maine,
Kaale ghar mein suraj rakh ke tumne shayad socha tha mere saare mohre pit jayenge.
Maine ek chirag jalake apna raasta khol liya.

Tumne ek samandar haath mein lekar mujhpar dhel diya,
Maine Noah ki kashti uske upar rakh di.
Kaal chala tumne aur meri jaanib dekha,
Maine kaal ko tod ke lamha lamha jeena seekh liya

Meri khudi ko tumne chand chamatkaaron se maarna chaha,
Mere ek pyaade ne tera chaand ka mohra maar liya.
Maut ki sheh deke tumne samjha tha -- Ab to maat hui!
Maine jism ka khol utaar ke saaunp diya aur rooh bacha li.

Poore ka poora aakash ghumakar ab tum dekho baazi..

This one has that arrogant touch to it and it somehow reminded me of that Hero Honda ad shown a few years back. This is how it went:

I am not a star.
There is no halo over my head.
Fate doesn't like the colour of my eyes.
Struggle and strife are old friends of mine.
Who am I ?
I am survival. I am guts. I am pride.
I like odds.
Especially when they'restacked against me.
Because there will come a time when I will stare them in the eye.
And smile the smile of the one who's pulled it off.
I am the guy who will have deep lines on his face someday.
And it'll make me look good when I laugh.
Because that is the dayI will fear no fear.
And taste sweat that is sweet.
And look back for the very first time and say,I did it my way.
The long hard way.

Most of the other verses in the CD3 of the album released have an undercurrent of separation, longing and search. I would rate it as a mixed bag. Good rendition of the poetry by the actors that can be classified as typical Gulzar stuff. How about "4.6 billion saalon ki umar beet chuki hai, kitni der laga di tumne aane mein" ;)

As for all you Himesh and Pritam fans don’t lose heart. I hear that Himesh just went on a film signing spree which will see him back at the helm as actor-singer-music director and Pritam’s next set of inspired but “original” compositions might also be round the corner.

We Don't Need No Education

D(o)r(k). - Is that you?

(gettyimages.com)

“I was born intelligent but education ruined me” – A slight look at my graduation grades and you too would approve of the second half of the statement being true in my case. As for being born intelligent, with a sigh I admit that I couldn’t inherit everything from Dad after all. I sneaked my way into probably one of India’s best engineering colleges only to realize later that those sharp deserving kids were more than a handful for me.

Come to think of it, I made friends with a whiz who could solve incomprehensible probability questions in the same time that I could multiply 23 with 0 and then there was this other guy who took a couple of analytical tests for a competitive examination and then got through India’s best management college only to refuse the offer because he didn’t feel like going for it!

While I spent most of my childhood scurrying away from the “You are Prof. Sinha’s son, you ought to do better boy!” compliments after school examinations, my entire ‘feeling young’ phase of life was robbed by these geeky fellows who wreaked havoc when the grades were let out. I studied in a place where relative grading was the norm and sometimes even a good score in absolute terms didn’t make much of a difference.

With time I learnt to master the art of faking intelligence. I have always been a keen observer and the fact that I was in the company of some of the brightest young minds during the formative phase of my life, it was obvious that I would get it right some day. But deep within, I look around perplexed at the geeks who never cease to churn out new ways to keep themselves immersed in building a knowledge skill set that would one day become insurmountable.

At least 5 out of the 20 wingies* that I had at college went for higher studies. 3 of them dropped out after Masters but 2 of them are still going strong – Bloody losers!! ;).

PhD is akin to a 3-5 year celibacy vow after getting married. You are at your young and energetic best to go out and make money but you restrain yourself and learn to manage life in the scholarship offered, helping out the 50 something guide of yours and sitting back reading research papers. What I find more amusing is that their zest of life doesn’t end and they get the biggest kick when one of their papers comes out in a publication not read by even 1% of the total populace of Vatican City.

I might sound like a total idiot speaking like this despite coming from a family where my Dad and uncles all hold PhD degrees and are professors but I somehow felt more at ease experiencing, inferring and then moving on rather than reading, inferring, proposing and then making others dwell on it to create a never ending chain of scholars. Someone questioned my thinking saying that it is the second process that actually takes life forward and makes you evolve. I too feel it does but I still prefer the rush that Archimedes had when he immersed himself in that bath tub and then ran naked in the town. I am sure he wasn't reading a research paper then.

I would really love to know if there is some research or a study on what forms the primary motive for people to get into research. Is it some inquisitive zeal to learn or is it the fame and money that comes in once your idea gets going or is it simply because some people just love romancing books in a library?

When I talk to such people today, my graduate degree seems like a matriculation certificate to me. I feel just about literate and painfully useless. After grappling with issues in life and tremendous soul searching, I find reason in taking up need based education to realize my future goals but self penance and single minded devotion to something that might not eventually come off is something worth bowing down to and the feeling comes from the bottom of my heart.

Here's a message from a lot of lives ruined by education to the lucky people belonging to the other realm – “Now that education has made you intelligent, be sure to thank your stars!”

*Wingies - Wingmates; Students living together in a hostel wing.

PS: A tiring day at office and losing your money due to your silliness is enough to get vitriolic. Now that I have spewed the venom, I feel purged. Thanks for bearing with me.

Hopelessly Romantic

Experiencing love is not a Eureka! Eureka! moment of life. The feeling catches you unawares and by the time you realize it, you are already head long into it. So there is not one moment which you can pick as the moment you fell in love. The reason why I bring this up is to introduce you to the class of individuals who mistakenly search for that special moment and in the anxiousness to do so unwittingly end up playing an Archimedes in Love by proclaiming their love at every killing smile that they catch hold of.

I first fell in love quite early in life after learning about the virtues of seizing opportunity as an early mover. It remained my first love until I learnt an English word called 'infatuation'. From then on, I classify any feeling of attraction to the opposite sex under that category. One, because I want to avoid going through the motions that people go through while in love. Two, because I really don’t know how to go about it and most importantly because I sincerely value opinions that rate me as a disaster in everything besides coming up with awful practical jokes to trap unsuspecting victims. In that sense I have tremendous respect for these gutsy guys who at least listen to the call from their hearts and go out to pursue what it asks them to do.

I have known quiet a few of these hopelessly romantic folks from my school, college and now my professional days and I have often marveled at the commitment that these guys show to these sometimes non existent relation in the hope that it would some day materialize. I had once tried to play a love guru to a first timer (my college room-mate, read Parth!) and failed miserably, so I don’t resort to suggesting them ways to woo their love interest. However, I still love to give them a patient hearing and that forms the basis of this post.

In case you are wondering about what I did to fail miserably as a love guru, I made my roomie write a ‘supposed’ love letter that had references to a robot, remote sensors and some such silly engineering stuff with an aim to create a stud image for him. His 'She' replied back with a mail that had references to words that you won’t even find in Barron’s GRE word list and her impeccable sentence structuring and control over language could put GMAT’s verbal section to shame. Since we were not able to comprehend half of the mail, the love life of my shishya was ruined before it could take off the plane. I am sure he still carries that grudge against me. Parth, if you are reading this, lemme request you to give me another chance if it is in sight to redeem my pride and your glory and do something about this dil pe rakha hua bojh.

Coming back to what we began with, sighting these romantics at heart is not as difficult a proposition as sighting an alien in the holy land of Bihar. Here are a few cues to help you figure out this variety:

Polished look alternating with a disheveled look every now and then

They look polished when they try to catch the attention of the target. This continues for a few days during which this specie tries all possible things under control to win her over. The disheveled look takes over when they think they are already in love but the girl doesn’t give it a damn! The cycle repeats each time a new target comes within striking distance.

Starting to act secretive

The mobile phone is the biggest weapon that these guys possess. After a few public interactions (call it date for their sake) with a girl and post exchanging mobile numbers, they act swift in taking the relationship to the next level. SMSes are exchanged and love blossoms. Please note that this exchange could be two sided as well and that makes me think whether these girls are really so silly not to get the vibes - "Main to tumhe sirf ek dost samajhti thee". Anyways, once these exchanges start, all idle talk with friends about the girl are met with deadpan expressions or a wry smile at most. He doesn’t ever forget to leave his cell phone unattended. All goes well and looks under control. The relationship does start to take shape and long chats follow at nights until the girl drops a bomb one day saying that her family has chosen a boy and she can’t go against their wishes. The disheveled look returns and he doesn’t really care where his mobile is for a change.

Acting sensitive

You will not realize why your abuses and slandering jokes are no more taken in the right spirit. They either stop reacting to it or issue an ultimatum. “Don’t you dare do anything to tarnish my image in front of her.” Point taken!

However, this is a transitional phase. Since these guys switch allegiance every season, you will find them back on track soon after the courtship period is over and they are back to business looking ahead in life and in search of their next tryst with romance.

Everything I do, I do it for you

Don’t be surprised to see them trying out a radically different look or doing something weirdly unique to please her. I have seen a fairly dark acquaintaince of mine buying green contact lenses to look different. Some outspoken romantics at heart go that extra mile to make sure that the love of their life understands it. An approving nod makes them go ga ga and it’s understandable. But at this point the hesitancy of trying to be something out of your skin gives way to a swagger that bellows – “Don’t you know that I am happening?”

All stays rosy until someone up there decides to play games and by a quirk of fate, they get back to where it all started and the cycle is repeated. After all Saccha pyaar saal mein ek baar to zaroor hota hai.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
('If' - Rudyard Kipling)

I salute the infallible spirit of these people.