Jansankhya Ek Abhishaap - For want of a better title!

If men had been able to conceive, the world would have been half as light. I don't see any man patiently going through all the pain and an extended paunch for a whole 9 months in return for an act in which he is just a 50% shareholder. In all probability, the number of miscarriages would have outnumbered births and we would have been saved from the crisis of population explosion that comes face to face with us in our everyday life, especially in a metro like Delhi and Mumbai. Of course it would sound demeaning when I admit to men being incapable of doing something but call it surrender of a man or an acceptance of one of the few things that we simply are incapable of , it is true nonetheless.

Coming back to the topic of population explosion. You will never be able to gauge the seriousness of what I am talking about until and unless you spend one day commuting between Delhi and Gurgaon and get a taste of the Great Indian Population Commotion. Buses, with a capacity of 60 seats overstuffed by people double that number, huffing and panting to run that extra mile, 1241 bikers per square meter sweating it out and giving a literally earthy (rather earthenware) feeling driving on those dust laden roads and impatient car drivers trying their best to inch ahead of each other in a remarkable battle of 'who drives smartest!'

Add to it the contribution of what you have, as the Delhi CM calls them, the gang of Biharis and the Bhaiyajis of UP and the setting is complete. Assumed to be mostly uncivilised, each traffic accident in Delhi is rumored to be statistically related and hence attributed to a Bihari alighting from the Sampoorn Kranti Express at Delhi Railway Station.

We faced the brunt in Mumbai sometime back where people with political affiliations had concluded that each breath taken by a non Mumbaikar actually reduced the air available for the native Mumbaikars and hence they were justified in asking for a Mumbai for Mumbaikars. So all this blame game is not something that's new to us and it hardly fazes us anymore.

Nevermind, each day when you take up the arduous task of wading through the swarm of heavy traffic the one thing that you dread is an accident on the road and when I say an accident, I mean a minor one where you just brush past the other person's side doors or touch the rear guard of his car. No one loves an altercation but they all do it. The heat, the traffic, a hard day at the office and then the skirmish - not even an atom bomb dropped on your head will be as agonizing! You have to go through the customary ritual of blaming each other and then settling the matter with the weaker party coughing up a few hundred to thousand rupees.

The best thing that has happened to Delhi in a long long time is E. Sridharan - the man behind Delhi Metro. The guy has a knack of wrapping up things well ahead of schedule and no doubt he is going to make travelling on Delhi roads a much better deal in the times to come but the poor guy does draw some flak as well from the people locked up in a traffic jam with the roads all dug up and 'Delhi Metro - Work under progress' boards neatly arranged to their left and right. While returning from a late night office party, I actually lost my way in the neverending Delhi Metro boards kept alongside the roads.

Population explosion is indeed a menace and perhaps this is the only crime in society that has legal approval and patronising support from the society in the form of marriages. There certainly is a scope for a long debate to discuss and decide on any change in the way society starts to think about it in the times to come but its high time the partners in this crime own up to it and exercise restraint. Going ahead at this rate, I very well see the possibility of people being sentenced to 5 year vows of celibacy on having a legitimate kid of their own.

Nurse: Aapko judwa bachche ho gaye..
Father: Nahii..main iska zimmedaar nahi hoon.
Mother: Sach ka saamna kijiye..ye dono aapke hi hain
Father: Ye kyun ho gaya Munna-Munni ki Maa. Ab mere jaane ke baad tumhe akele hi inka khayal rakhna hoga..sob sob sob!

Bheja Fry - Review

If today someone asked me what Rs 150 is worth for me, I'll be tempted to answer "Worth a Bheja Fry!" I did watch the film a good two weeks after lavish praises were made for the film that has stood its ground despite competition from big shot Ta Ra Rum Pum in multiplexes and I must say that I felt that the film is worthy of all that has been said about it.

Its probably not done if you try to point out the technical shortcomings of small films like these. You could definitiely say that the editing wasn't all that good or maybe some other technical aspects were not tuned to perfection but then the film never intended to be the best in those aspects anyways. A small multiplex film with a 3-4 crore budget should be rated based on its cast, its plot, direction and maybe the message it conveys. Bheja Fry has first two of these firmy in place, I cannot say anything about the third with conviction and the fourth one is irrelevant here.

An out and out timepass film that with witty dialogues and gripping plot holds your attention throughout the 2 hours. Now getting to the usual business of telling you why you should watch this film.

a.) Cast: Vinay Pathak all the way with able support from Rajat Kapoor and small appeareances from Ranvir Shorey, Milind Soman and Sarika. Yes, this is pretty much the entire cast for the film. Vinay Pathak has been doing bits and pieces roles for sometime now and with this film he shows that he is really good with his craft. A role like the one that he portrays in this film requires a lot of improvisations so that the humour is more lively and this man has perfected it. Even in the small gags that he performed on Star One's comedy show showed flashes of what this guy was capable of.

As a die hard Naushad fan and an aspiring Gaayak rather than a singer ('singer' made him feel like a sewing machine), he breathes life into the film and is easily the soul of Bheja Fry.

Rajat Kapoor is a good actor. He never fails you and here too he delivers. Playing a man who is mean to many, one who goes crazy if asked to miss his Friday Bakra night parties and someone who spends most of his time looking out for a 'talent', he portrays the character with ease. His jugalbandi with Vinay Pathak is worth watching.

Ranvir Shorey gets to play a cameo here. I expected him to get some more screen time but I am not complaining. The rest of the cast suited the parts they played.

b.) Plot: How many times have you come across a Bharat Bhushan in your life - a person self obsessed with himself, completely oblivious of what others think about him, emotional at heart, irritating but not evil and messing around with things unintentionally? You could say that Bheja Fry is a kind of hindi version of Mr. Beans with no overt display of trying to be funny. The comedy here is situational rather than created.

Its difficult to hold the attention of the viewer for two hours with just a house setting, two central characters and no specific story to tell. But the writers of Bheja Fry do it and do it with aplomb! Great work!

Bheja Fry is not inspired by any Hollywood film, it's hero is not a conventional Bollywood hero. In fact he will at best get a 5 min character role in a mainstream hindi film. Even with all these anamolies Bheja Fry is pure unadulterated fun - a laugh riot. It definitely will bring a smile on your face even if you are the real life incarnation of the brooding Gurudutt in Pyasa. And what's more you won't be carrying away any baggage from the film once you are out of the theatre. Doesn't that give you a reason enough to go ahead and watch it?

Paisa Vasool is my verdict for Bheja Fry!

The Namesake - Review

Around 7-8 months back, I saw a preview trailer of The Namesake in NY. From that day on I longed to see the complete feature film. Was that wait worth it? 'Yes' to a large extent. Its a film that you would appreciate if you tried unravelling what each scene tried to convey, if you did not mind being a part of the journey of the Ganguli(yes, its not Ganguly!) family and if you let your soul exposed to feel the awkwardness of a newly wed in a foreign land or a father telling his son why he named him the way he did.

There is a lot of subtleness in the presentation. In totality it is a film with a soul in place but you take time to gauge its form. There is nothing over the top about the film and that makes it all the more likeable. Before I get down to speaking better things about the film, let me state a few facts which are more of answers to the FAQs that people have in general about the film:

- It is not Monsoon Wedding - II with the Punjabi set-up replaced with a Bengali one.
- It is not a spicy masala flick!
- It isn't India centric or nationalistic. The characters could well have been from Timbactoo. The film focusses on the lives of a family that moved out of its homeland to eke out a living in a different land, their struggle, their triumph, their journey through life and the assimilation of cultures. No culture is shown in a lesser light.

The only thing that might go against it commercially in India is its subtleness. You need to be fully immersed into the film to understand what Ashok means when he takes his son Gogol on a beach and asks him to remember that day forever and remember that they walked to a place beyond which there was no where to go!

The ending however seems a bit weak overall. The interest wanes off towards the end and its just the individual scenes that hold it together. The fact that it wraps up in all of two hours saves the film here. Maybe Mira Nair needed to rein in the plot towards the end.

Now getting back to the usual business of giving you the reasons of going to watch it.

a.) Mira Nair - There are films and there is life and then you have The Namesake. Throughout the two hours, the only things that reminded me that I was watching a film and not sharing real life space with the Ganguli family were the Rs. 160 ticket in my pocket, the screeching mobile phones (people lack the etiquettes really!), the pop-corn eating couple beside me and the 5 minute interval. I bow to the finnesse of the supremely talented Mira Nair.

b.) Tabu, Irfan Khan, Kal Penn - Tabu shows wht she and not Aishwarya has it in her to become the face of Indian films abroad. Aishwarya Rai is beautiful, but she isn't half as good an actress as Tabu is. She excels in the character she portrays. The film would never have looked the way it does without her.

Irfan Khan was stuck in the Haasil mould in most of the mainstream bollywood movies that he did but the actor proves beyond doubt that he can perform any character with as much conviction as he portrayed Ranvijay Singh's. He brings Ashok Ganguli's character to life. Not just the body language, also watch out for his perfect bengali accent.

Kal Penn finally seems to have found his niche in Hollywood. Its a coming of age film for him. Despite the Harold and Kumar in White Castle success, he never really made it as a Hollywood actor but with Namesake he sure has made the world look with surprise at him. Acting is no joke and he has proved it big time.

c.) Story-Script-Screenplay: Frankly speaking I liked the individual scenes more than the story in its entirety. I got the film's message but not the story as a whole.

The scenes that I loved the most:

- Ashok bidding Ashima adieu one last time at the airport before going on his teaching assignment.
- Gogol coming to claim his father's body and then visiting his apartment
- Ashok telling Gogol the reason for naming him the way he did in the car
- The climax scene where Ashok asks Gogol to remember their standing at the beach forever in a falshback. Awesome!

On the whole I found the film interesting enough to hold my attention through the two hours. I would recommend it to people who love to appreciate the finer nuances of film making in their own small/smart way. For all those masala loving folks, watch out for the transformation that Moushmi's character makes in the film in the Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi style with the only difference being that this one looks a lot more sexier!

BTW, there is also a remix version of the yesteryear hit from Mukesh - "Ye mera deewanapan hai". All purists might cringe but I just loved it!

Munua Ko Mania Hui Gawa!

Never indulge in excesses - the 'good' value that we imbibe right from our childhood days comes to play spoilsport once again. India crash to an abysmal low against Bangladesh and have their world cup super campaign in the Hu Ha India, Aa ya India style in dire straits. It was more than expected with several back to back wins in the run up to the world cup which meant that it was about time we started losing some. Rahul Dravid seemed to be aware of this fear in his post warm match press conference against Holland.

Anyways, winning and losing is a part and parcel of the game but what shames me is the fact that in a cricket crazy nation of over a billion people - 'The Blue Billion!', we still have to manage with an ever failing Sehwag (Dravid's match winner who hasn't scored a 100 in almost 2 years now), an erratic Agarkar (the only consistency that he has maintained is in giving away runs at over 5 in 180 matches or so that he has played) and a spinning strike bowler in Bhajji who somehow can't get a breakthrough on a pitch where opposition spinners scalp 6 and the part timer Sehwag foxes 2 set batsmen.

So much for the loss. I know that the setback is temporary. India has always been a slow starter and they still haev a marginal chance of bouncing back if Bangladesh doesn't perform the way it did against India. Even if they return back empty handed, the disappointment will soon vaporize when they win a home series sometime later this year and then the happy days will return again. Cricketers will emerge from the shadow of their share of bad times, some will be out of the team and some will be all over the place once again - selling biscuits, insurance policies, ramp walking, signing endorsements and the junta adoring them.

The only thing that remains constant in all this roller coaster ride of the Indian cricket team and the hysteria that surrounds it is the soaring TRP rating that the news channels enjoy. They build up curiosity, grant these cricketers God status - "Sachin is God, he thinks like no other man can!", disucss the hairstyle of Dhoni in detail and follow the trails of Yuvraj Singh's love life and then with the first smell of blood (when India loses) come down hard at them, incense the public and make merry by seeing their TRPs soar. I don't say that they don't have a right to do so but boy, why don' they have the guts to accept that Indian media houses are no better than the paparazzis who make their living by producing rotten information and term it as the voice of India?

Just as the Indian team crashes to an embarassing defeat, a slew of programs aimed at providing a platform to the junta to vent its ire are aired on all leading news channels.

Reporter: To aap bataiye, aaj ka mujrim kaun? Sachin, Saurav ya Dravid?
Panelist1(a yesteryear, lost into oblivion cricketer under whose captaincy India couldn't defend 160 odd runs in the last 25 overs of a test match): Captaincy badi kamzor rahi. Itna score to aaram se defend kar lena chahiye tha.

Reporter: Ab hum junta se poochte hain, junta ki awaz kya kehti hai.
Trivediji: Ye jo Zimbombay sa aaj haare hain match isse behtar to hamare mohalle ke ladke khel lete hain

Reporter: To kya aap keh rahe hain ki Indian team ke saare khiladion ko nikal dena chahiye? Trivediji(thinking if he ever meant that, but gives in to the staring camera): Haan, sir!

Reporter: Kya in cricketers se saare endorsement chheenkar inki salary ke paise kaat lene chahiye Board ko?
Ram Charan (not understanding half of the question asked): Haan aisa hi kuch hona chahiye.

Reporter: Ab aap bataiye, kya Indian team ko wapas nahi bula lena chahiye?
Shuklaji(who couldn't think of any other line to blurt): Haan bula lena chahiye.

Reporter(summarizing): Yahan junta ka manNa hai ki Indian team ko wapas bulake, saare khiladion ki salary kaat ke inhe team se nikal dena chahiye. Aap apni rai humein SMS karein aur 3 lucky winners ko milega World cup final dekhne ka mauka.

In a country of over 1 billion people where Cricket is almost a religion, these pseudo news channels survive because they can't be arrested for flaring public sentiments in the veil of voicing public opinion (most of which is thrust onto the general public). Sure the team has lost and it’s not a new story. The best way to punish these cricketers is just to let them be. Let them lick their wounds and get back if they pride themselves on wearing the color blue. If they can't, then let them wither away into oblivion. The game is sure not about winning and losing, it’s about winning with pride and going down fighting in a losing cause. If the men in blue couldn’t do anything about the sentiments back home, let’s care less and take a break.

Enough of outpouring on the wasted Saturday night and setbacks to the plans of watching India put up a good show at the WC 2007. Its Maggi time now and I am about to try the - Munua ko Mania hui gawa flavor primarily because no cricketer endorses it ;)

Nishabd - Preview

Ramu's factory churns films aplenty and it really doesn't matter if the nuts and bolts get misplaced here and there or all films have a feeling of deja vu. Nishabd however holds a lot of promise. The title claims that it is about a love story that should at best remain untold. That would save the audience from torturing their gray cells and ending up getting confused. I know of people who are still confused whether Shiva was a remake of the earlier Shiva or was the new Shiva a remake of James and whether James ever released?

Nevermind the history, with Ramu at the helm and Amitabh Bachchan crooning a rock song wooing a 19 yr old definitely creates a lot of interest. Talking of the story, it all started when Abhishek Bachchan made his liking for a 3 year older Aishwarya public to his parents. Amitabh Bachchan in a bid to set an example for his son to follow, immediately dialled up Ramu asking him to make a film with him and some young hot chick in the lead role. He offered himself for Sarkar 2, 3, 4 and all subsequent sequels-prequels knowing that such innovative subjects can only be handled deftly by the mastaero in his own realm - Ram Gopal Verma.

Ramu approached several young girls to play Big B's love interest but romancing a wrinkled 65 year old was never going to be easy for a girl experiencing the 'just got my boobs' phase of her life. Therefore Ramu travelled abroad to look for a girl who didn't know anything about Bollywood. A videsh born desi Jiah Khan was then roped in and shown Ramu's Rangeela and Naach to get into the groove and the film rolled.

Jiah, Big B's daugther's friend, comes to spend her holidays in the Bachchan reel household. Romance in Big B's life is rekindled. He plunges headlong into a relationship that was scripted to go nowhere. The poor young kid was facsinated by charm and overt display of humbleness by the Big B.

"Arre main to ek adna sa insaan hoon. Meri kya haisiyat"

Romance ignites when Big B captures the young thing in his camera and then she goes about proclaiming her love for him while Big B is busy singing from the rooftop - "Rozana jaley yaadon mein teri.."

Finally Big B's neighbours complain about the loud singing and the affect that his behaviour is creating in the neighbourhood.

"Bhai hamari bhi bahu betian hain. Zara apni umar to dekhein. Ye to Michael Douglas ke bhi baap nikle"

Big B's reel wife puts her foot down after all the confusion. She buys Jiah the tickets back to Australia and tricks Big B into believing that she had sent her to Sudan where a honeymoon suite was already booked so that the couple did not find it awkward singing a Ram Gopal Verma special item song on the Juhu beach. Just as the audience starts to get grip of the adventure that lied ahead in Sudan, the film is brought to an abrupt end stating that some love stories are never meant to be told. That saved the scriptwriter a lot of ink and also gave Ramu the time and scope to plan a Nishabd II in due course.

It is rumored that Abhishek agreed to play the 50 year old Guru Bhai to do the balancing act for the family. News channels are devoting prime time slots to discuss reasons behind this role reversal in the family with reknowned psychologists and astrolgers in their discussion panel. The coverage of this episode in Bahchan family is expected to overshadow the 127 hours of cumulative time spent discussing the engagement of Ash and Abhishek a couple of months ago.

A Rose By Any Other Name..

What's in a name, a rose by any other name would sound as sweet - When Shakespeare muttered these lines, he probably hadn't imagined how he would have felt if someone referred to him as Adolf Hitler. Now don't you reason out that Adolf Hitler came a lot later so the chance of Shakespeare imagining it didn't arise.

A name gives you an identity. It creates your first impression in today's e-world where you don't necessarily need to present yourself in any physical form - A world where your i-dentity gives way to e-dentity.

Just the other day I had a chat with one of my friends who goes by the name of Amit Gautam, no its not the name of two separate people!

Me: Hey Gautam, I had to ask you something out of curiosity
Gautam: What? Go ahead.

Me: What does Gautam mean? Is it 'Gau + Uttam' meaning the superior cow, a cow that can gives a lot of milk? Milk that..
Gautam: Holy cow! Shut the f*** up. It doesn't mean anything. The name just caught the fancy of my parents while they were visiting Sarnath. Never mind the visiting Sarnath part of the story, but for God's sake I am not the cow that can be milked.

Me: Another quick question - The devil in me didn't want to give up so easily
Gautam: Now its also not 'Gaa + uttam', a superior singer! - He knew what was coming

Me: No, I wanted to ask another thing. What's your brother's name?
Gautam: It's Sumit Saurabh

Me: And you are two brothers, right?
Gautam: Yes, we are two.

Me: Amit, Gautam, Sumit and Saurabh are names of four different people. Let me make a guess. I think your parents had thought of four names and since they couldn't decide the two better ones among those, they used all four, right?
Gautam: Wrong. It was the fad during our era. And why the hell are you pretending to be an exception? -Gautam tried getting aggressive in his stance.

Me: Ahem..I was supposed to be christened this way but better sense prevailed on my parents and they settled with the largely acceptable 'one name-one surname' type
Gautam: What surname? Surname is the family name. Sinha gave way to Chandra. You ate up your surname.

As heat gathered in our conversation, we decided to wave the white flag of peace. I then wished them (the Amit and the Gautam) a good night.

Now there definitely was a fad in our childhood (and I am talking spcifically about Bihar) when all kids were named using the following naming convention signed by the then Chief Minister of the state and forcefully included in one of the several oaths taken by the bride and the bridegroom during every marriage of the time (I can't see any other reason why our parents did it!):

a.) Name him following the 'Amit Gautam' template
b.) Name him sans the family name, aka 'Anurag Chandra' template
c.) Name him follwing the 'Kumar Saurav', 'Kumar Gaurav' template
d.) Name him/her following the + Kumar/Kumari template
e.) Name him anything; it will sound as funny. I am not going to take names, not because that'll be indecent but because I can't actually spell them.

The template (a) died its death by the turn of 90s following a resolution in the Bihar Vidhan Sabha. It was reasoned that India's population had nearly reached a 100 crores and that these people with two names only added to the confusion as they were sometimes counted as two instead of one in many census related activities.

The template (b) is difficult to sight. They are actually called perpetrators. So they never die. You might have a Anurag Chandra whose family name is something different but there would also be another Anurag Chandra who would infact be proudly flaunting his family name. But at a distance you would never get to know who is who.

The template (c) came into being post the successful foray of Kumar Gaurav into hindi films. So all the first borns were called Kumar Gaurav. Crisis struck when his films started failing and when the families with first born Kumar Gauravs had to deal with another one of the uglier sex in their household. They had no choice but to name him Kumar Saurav, just to make the name rhyme with their earlier born.

The template (d) is used by people suffering from the 'whats the big deal' syndrome. The first name of the kids is chosen with extreme care but then the parents lose the enthusiasm by the time they finalise the first name. So they just add a Kumar or a Kumari and get over the fuss with naming a child with a shrug - "Hey, what's the big deal!"

The template (e) falls under the funny category. The people naming their kids by such names actually possess a terrific sense of humor and their kids bear the testimony to that fact throughout their lives. Chiraunji Lal Khosla is one such name that comes to my mind if you have seen the film Khosla Ka Ghosla. I too would love to see my kids carry forward a certificate of my self praised sense of humor. How about Patwari Lal and Champakali?

And then I will probably lie down on my death bed with a sense of fulfilment. "Mera naam karega roshan, jag mein mera raj dulara" (Raj Dulara is also quite a unique name)

My Valentine's Day Gift!

Its been two months since I last scribbled anything and letting it go just by saying that I was busy would be doing an injustice to the people who really are 'busy' and don't use this just as an excuse for being incommunicado. Being an inherently lazy dog who would even forego the ability to breathe in and out if given an alternative, I face a real harrowing time when I am asked to meet deadlines and when I am paid to do so, I have no other option but to adjust by doing away with the luxuries of life temporarily. So, sitting in a comfy chair on a bright and sunny day and imagining stuff goes out of the window, Orkutting takes a back seat and phone bills take a dip.

Talking of laziness, I am in for some severe losses owing to my failure to pay back my credit card bills for the last month on time. The ATM was just about 100m away from my home and I was supposed to just drop in the cheque after filling in the amount but since it came at the expense of subjecting my body to strenuous physical activity ona week end, I had to fight hard to convince my body to take up the challenge. The nitrous jolt was provided by the call from the bank when some Ms Srivastava reminded me of the lapse of my due date.

The word 'Srivastava' always gives me a sense of attachment to the person (Call me a pig for still sticking with the caste dogma!) and I decided to actually give her a patient hearing rather than hanging up with a discourteous - Mujhe koi loan nahi chahiye, mujhe koi investment nahi karna hai!

Ms. Srivastava: Hello Sir! Am I talking to Mr. Anurag Chandra?
Me: Yes, and just to mention that Chandra is not my family name and I am not a bengali. I too am Srivastava..ha ha ha - I know that even Siddhu wouldn't have laughed at this and expectedly, she was not amused either.

Ms. Srivastava: Sir, have you cleared your credit card dues yet?
Me: No, I was actually very busy - Busy? Sleeping or lazing around doing nothing??

Ms. Srivastava: Sir, I would like to remind you that the due date has already passed. Can you get the payment done today?
Me: Today? I am actually going to be out of town from today afternoon. Can I do it next weekend? - Out of station?? What a silly excuse to defer the work by a full 7 days?

The still very pateint Ms. Srivastava: Sir, you would be charged on any other payment made post your last due date in case we don't receive any payment within the next two days. Can you try making the payment for the minimum due amount?
Me: No, actually I am already on my way to the airport so I cannot do it. Anyways, what exacty will I be charged? - I sensed that she was thinking that my bank account read ZILCH and so she got down to asking me to pay the 'minimum' due amount. How disgusting, I immediately stressed on the word 'airport' to reaffirm my social status though I was sitting in my living room!

Withering patience of the very patient Ms. Srivastava: Sir, You would be charged X amount of money as late fees and interest will be charged on the payments made after the last date of the statement period.
Me: It hardly makes a difference, - face saving act
anyways, what exactly would that amount be? - ground realities
Say I have made a payment of 30K after the last statement period? - Simple Arithmetic

Impatient Ms. Srivastava: Sir, it would be a decent enough amount. But its totally your wish. You can pay it now or whenever you wish to. Have a good day!

A bolt from the blue literally! Not only had I failed to pay my dues, I had also failed miserably at convincing the girl that I was not all broke and its just a habit that fails to leave me. I was reminded of her when on the 14th of Feb, one of my friends' girl friend called to wish him a happy Valentine's day. She worked in a call center.

..And you know what I got on the 14th Feb? A new credit card bill with late fine/service tax/X,Y,Z charges to ruin the day some more.

Dhoom 2 - Review

Dhoom 2 boasts of a rich lineage. A predecessor in the form of Dhoom 1 which was very stylish and successful, a producer like Yashraj Films and Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai to boost its image at the box office. It sure has all the ingredients to be dished out as an out and out commercial potboiler. The biggest question that one would ask is - Does it live upto the expectations raised? The answer according to me is - Almost!

If you think that this Dhoom is all style and dare-devilry you are wrong. It has oodles of emotional quotient as well. The second half is not really a cop-thief chase saga but a love story.

As always let me list out the positives and the negatives of the film and then let you make the choice.

Positives:

Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai: Hrithik Roshan towers over everyone else in the film. For the first 40 minutes of the film, he doesn't even have a single dialogue to his credit but even then its him all the way.
Thankfully he doesn't over act and carries the film forward almost single handedly.

Aishwarya Rai looks sexy throughout. She undergoes a complete transformation for this role. Her pairing with Hrithik looks good on screen.

Picturisation: Stylishly shot globally. Yes, you have scenes shot in Nigeria, Rio, India and Fiji. The opening scene is deftly handled. All the songs are shot beautifully. You can expect that with so many glamorous faces and sun tanned babes frolicking around on Copacabana beach, or rather Cocabanana as Uday Chopra calls it!

Good Production Value: The effort shows in every frame of the film. The producers have spent lavishly to package it as a complete entertainer and promoted it well too. Yashraj without doubt is India's best
production house.

Negatives:

Script: A feeling of rendezvous - There are more than a few occasions when you are reminded of Dhoom 1 which to an extent is okay but the scene where Abhishek and Hrithik sit and talk reminds of a similar scene from the earlier version where Abhishek and John talk. Also, its difficult to digest that the world's best thief falls for a stupid ploy by the Mumbai Police.

Music: Not as great as the first one. I don't know if I am biased but I have sort of begun to dislike Pritam's music now after getting to know that he copies almost all songs from somewhere or the other. Yes, I heard the original version of at least 15-20 of his most popular 'copied' songs.

Characterization and direction goof ups: I really couldn't find out what Bipasha was doing in the film. For the first 1 hour or so she is shown as the Indian Lara Croft and then for the rest of the film, her dumb twin sister from Brazil takes over. She is then given just one song and one bikini moment and then sidelined from the whole plot. Maybe it was done to allow Uday Chopra to get some screen space.

The way the diamond is robbed from the Museum looks too kiddish. How can one digest that a remote controlled robot comes and picks up the diamond and none of the security guards standing around see it.

Since this review comes quite late, all of you must already be aware of the box-office collections of this film. It has become a top grosser for 2006. So, as Aishwarya kisses Hrithik and Abhishek Bachchan and family simmer within(I think the whole story was just a publicity stunt!), Dhoom 2 sizzles!

Be What You Wanna Be!

Picture source: Picture

Have you ever heard this cry from your conscience? Has it ever occured to you that you were destined for something different from what you were presently doing? Well I can tell you for sure that its definitely not a sign of you suffering from the lymphosarcoma of the brain. So just relax!

I remember reading a poem once that said that when two roads diverged in the wood, I took the one less travelled by and that made all the difference. Everyone at some point or the other wants to make this choice. Discussing on whether he/she goes ahead and takes the next step on the untrodden path is something that would make this crap meaningful so let me rather recount a few of those rush-of-the-blood moments that most of you would relate to.

Moment 1: After having one pretty bad day at school, I decided on turning into a bus driver. I was always fascinated with the job and loved to see the way a driver handled the huge steering and sat on the majestic driver's seat towering over all others. I used to mock-drive all my way from the bus stand to my home. As I sat back reminiscing about all the bad memories of the day at school, the inner voice enlightened me - "Be what you wanna be!" I asked Mom if it could be befitting my family's social status. I could see the twinkle in her eyes, I felt that her eyes were actually living my dream and that she was happy that I had made a career choice at such an early age. She sounded inspirational too -

"Tujhe jo banNa hai ban, par itni badi bus chalne ke liye pehle thoda bada ho ja".

I never knew that it was her gameplan of making me postpone my decision. Sometime later while I was mock driving from the bus stand to home, I suddenly felt stupid about the whole thing. The idea of being a bus driver didn't seem all that fascinating and my first step towards that untrodden path was retracked.

Moment 2: India's semi final loss to SriLanka in the '96 world cup left me in rude shock. I seriously felt that the Indian cricket team needed my services. I could bowl off-spinners, keep wickets, bat at a strike rate greater than Sanjay Manjrekar's and my fitness was definitely better than Venkatpathy Raju's. The night was a really long one. My inner voice came calling again - "Be what you wanna be!" and the next day I was all ready to enrol myself in a cricket coaching institute not far from my place. Mom came back with the same old game plan. I was asked to wait until my final examinations got over and then I could go and do whatever I wanted to.

Just after the examinations, we packed off for a holiday in a hill station and by the time I came back, I was too exhausted to remain motivated for a silly game played through the day in the heat.

Moment 3: Bollywood has been a major influence in my life. But I was inspired by Manoj N Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense. After watching the film I wanted to turn into a writer and director. I read scores of english movie scripts to get a feel of how to go about the whole thing but never really got a 'different' story to tell. All this when I was in a make-or-break situation, staring at an F grade in one of the courses back at college. All my writing, acting and direction talents were put to severe test when I went to the Professor to ensure that I didn't end up spending a summer at the campus for a silly course. It was really a heart wrenching scene with tremendous emotional quotient and laced with typical dialogues. I was not all alone in that endeavour. Piyush held center stage then but I supported him well enough to escape with a surprising C in that course. To our surprise, the professor accepted our request to take another of his courses the very next semester! Anyways, the Be what you wanna be call died another meek death.

Moment 4: People generally don't attend morning classes because they are not able to wake up early in the morning (by morning I mean 9 AM!). I did not attend classes despite waking up as early as 8 daily. The reason - I still don't know. One of our professors expressed his concern over this habit of ours and warned us about all that was waiting for us in the outside world - the professional life basically.

After almost two years of working hard to keep working, my conscience again woke up from its slumber.

"Hey buddy! How come you wake up so early to go to the office and then spend the next 10 hours fixed to that chair in front of the computer day-in and day-out? Remember the free soul that you were at college? Break lose, be what you wanna be!"

I went to Dad straightaway, told him that I will not be able to continue working in a 9-6 job. But damn me! My parents have followed the same old game plan over the years and I still fall for it.

Me: Dad I want to quit working. I was thinking of actually..

Dad: Yes, everyone should think once in a while! If you want to quit working and do something on your own, then go ahead but don't you think a management degree or something can help you?

Me: I think so.

Management school? That would have required a re-assessment of everything. The whole procedure of applying and stuff took one year and my past records proved without doubt that I might later retract and go about the tried and tested ways of life by sticking around with the same routine job. I know that this is not just my story. While I continue to go through that phase, from what I perceive of several of my friends, they too are in the same mode.

I know that I must have wasted a few chances that I should have taken but despite all my failings in putting the next foot forward, I somehow still see hope. I feel that a lifetime is long enough for you to make mistakes and then correct them. As for anyone asking - What if you died early? Just shoot back with a I'll live long enough dude!

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Of Roller Coaster Rides and Braving the Tides

I am not one of the adventure sports kind. Though I have tried my hands at jet skiing, white water rafting and some thrilling roller coaster rides but all that was just because I did not want to be the odd one out in my group. I know that I speak not just for myself but a lot of others who too find themselves in this predicament where they are left with making the choice of going all topsy turvy in insane rides or falling prey to the barrage of embarassing censure from everyone around. 'Non-confrontational' as I am, I generally go for the first option.

Jet Ski ride at H2O - half throttle, not a big deal!

6 of us went for a speed boat ride but then saw this water scooter.

"It skims at 90 kmph, wanna give it a try boys?" asked the intelligent businessman who saw us as subjects who could help him make some quick money out of a 5 minute ride.
"We are actually looking for the speed boat ride as most of us don't know swimming" came our consensus reply.

"C'mon now! watch those chicks there, they would love to see you all take this ride" the businessman's pursuit continued.
"No, thanks!" we spoke in unison.
"I'll go for it",Nikhil - The traitor revolted.

This put the rest of us in a fix. The point was that if we allowed Nikhil to go back as the only one who dared, we would have been labeled the losers for life so we had to do it. 25 minutes and 1080 rupees later, we all walked with a swagger that could put Arnold to shame.

The Roller Coaster ride in Orlando- Turned upside down with your feet dangling in air cannot exactly be called scary, can it?

I had already refused going for one of the roller coaster rides the other day complaining of headache and stuff. The truth was untold but understood and therefore not discussed. I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking about it.

"Man, I feared a silly 3 minute roller coaster ride as if it was life threatening. Give me another chance and I will make up for it", I said to God.

Although I don't remember any other wish of mine coming true at such a short notice, God decided to make an exception this time around. A more convulated and soaring roller coaster ride greeted us. I had no excuses. I had too much in my mind when I went for it and when I realised that I had forgotten to keep my cell phone and cap away, it was too late. I was suspended at 45 degree angle at a height where cars looked like ants and I could literally see Angels peeping from the skies. I didn't know what to take care of - my cap, my phone or my fake smile! Yes, smile! They had installed cameras at points where the roller coaster took a plunge towards ground and they clicked pictures of people in at least 4-5 different poses. You had to give that fake smile even if you were half as happy with the roller coaster diving down and you trying to not let go of that cell phone. 3 minutes and at least 5 instances of fake smiles later, I was separated from my beloved cap but regained my pride!

A Walk in the Sea at Puri - Walk? A sea is for you to swim!

I did not know swimming and without my specs I feel lost. I can't even make out whether the person standing 10 feet away from me is a boy or a girl without my glasses! But again when I saw the rest of the guys taking to water and having all the fun, I too had to. Stripping to the socially prescribed minimum clothing norm acceptable to the moral police, I made the plunge. Since I did not know swimming, I kept walking..and walking and walking until I reached a point where just my head was popping out of water. The water appeared calm and I began to enjoy quite oblivious to the fact that the Moon up there had decided to play little games with me. I simply forgot that this damn moon keeps pulling the water from the sea towards itself every now and then which we commonly term as 'tides'. I suddenly felt a gush of water over my head and then my feet being swept off the ground.

I didn't even try to give myself another chance to survive and when fate saw how big a loser I was who didn't even put up any fight to survive, it dumped me back to the ground. I again felt the sand at my feet. The mission was accomplished. I too had braved the tides, though not deliberately. With an excess of 500g/l concentration of salt solution inside my body and 15 seconds of uncertainty about my survival later, I was one amongst those making fun of one of the guys who never dared to get close to a sea beach!

Next on the list - someone pointing a gun at me and pushing me from a clifftop for a bungee jump which I would later claim to be done at will and sky diving when someone fools me into believing that the plane engine has developed some snag and the only option is to jump. I would later call that dive a childhood dream that finally came true and would go about proclaiming that I was born to live dangerously and that adventure brought out the best in me!

Domestic Violence Redefined

If you were wary of marriage, there is more reason to be. The very pro-women Government of India which doesn't even rake up the issues like Women's reservation bill to empower women by blaming it on lack of consensus amongst political parties is now ready to dish out the domestic violence bill. If you are a Raj Kapoor type man with an Anari bent of mind who is about to be married, has been divorced or has been in any sort of relation even a decade back with a ruthless woman, you are in for tough times ahead bro!

The new law has come into force from the 26th of October. Last night I saw this interview in which a very wary Karan Thapar, playing an advocate, pleaded the case of men (or the Devils in the eyes of our Minister Mrs Renuka Chaudhary). Read the whole transcript at:
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/act-wont-hit-good-hubbies-renuka/26051-3-0.html

Here are a few excerpts from the whole interview:

Karan Thapar:But what your Act has done is to take trivial issues - that could happen quite innocently, inadvertently and turn them into offences and crimes.

Renuka Chowdhury: I don’t agree with you. We are saying, we are facilitating and setting up a legal framework where by we expect to…

Karan Thapar:A very bad legal framework, insufficient legal framework and an imprecise one.
Renuka Chowdhury: Please listen to me. Can I be allowed to talk or otherwise this is deemed as domestic violence, this is professional violence.

Karan Thapar: That’s the danger; you are proving my point.

Renuka Chowdhury:Absolutely.

Karan Thapar:A mere interruption becomes domestic violence.

It doesn't end there..

Karan Thapar: The Centre for Social Research with regard to the anti-dowry law did a study after the Supreme Court judgment came out in August of 2005 and it concluded that of every 100 cases brought under the anti-dowry law, 98 per cent were false. Only two were correct. It’s not a minute percentage; the level of abuse that this could incur is phenomenally high.

Renuka Chowdhury:It’s okay.

Karan Thapar: It’s okay? It’s acceptable?

..and won't you like to hear what the Minister opines about 50% of surviving population in India?

Renuka Chowdhury: There is always need for corrections and amendments in any law as we progress as a society develops and the needs arise. But for one hypothetically - before I reach the bridge and cross it - if you want me to make amendments, I won’t.

Karan Thapar: In other words, let men suffer first, then I will correct the wrong I have done.

Renuka Chowdhury: It is not such a bad idea, except that I have such pity for men.

All said and done, the point is how this bill is going to empower women when most of the clauses stated in the law obviously seem redundant and already taken care of in the constitution. Till sanctity prevails upon these 'hungry for attention' politicians, try not to upset your girl friends and wives by speaking anything silly.

Dhoom 2: Preview

The losers are back. They lost to the suave robber John Abraham last time and now they would be losing to Hrithik who by strange coincidence is another loser averaging 5 flops per hit film. But then this is not real life so it really doesn't matter.

After John jumps to death in Dhoom 1 and Esha Deol once again has weight problems, producer Aditya Chopra decides to replace these two with Hrithik and Bipasha. The business acumen of Adi Chopra came to the fore while making this decision. All the training that Hrithik underwent for the supposed sci-fi Krrish (if you didn't know, the film was earlier titled Krishi Darshan but Doordarshan did not part with this name) came to good use in Dhoom 2 and that too at the cost of Hrithik's dad. Bipasha it is rumored gets to play the unborn child of John Abraham from Dhoom 1 who grows up to become a sizzling bombshell in just two years following some biological tests conducted on her by some scientists. Based on this angle in the film, Bipasha, in her pre-release interviews claims to have worked in the second authentic sci-fi in hindi film Industry after Krrish.

The story is set in Mumbai. Jai(Abhishek Bachchan) and Ali(I forget that guy's name..some Kapoor, wait or was it Sharma?) have spent all the loot money that they could manage to stash in their bags after John died in the first part. They are on the look out for more money but being a police constable and a motor mechanic doesn't help. Yes, Abhishek plays a police constable but since he never wears the uniform in the first part, you tend to overlook this fact. He feels that palying a constable would put Big B to shame. Having played an inspector all his life, he would not accept his son go any lower in the wrung. It is here that Hrithik makes an entry carrying a mandolin in his hand and singing in the Swiss Alps. Mind you, this is a Yash Chopra production so this has to be expected. By the time the song ends, you get to know the real intentions of this villain. As all the police force of Switzerland is busy taking care of the people who come in to watch Hrithik shake his legs, his accomplice in crime Aishwarya goes about robbing people on the highway. Who wouldn't fall for those green eyes?

They decide to shift to India after getting to know that Kabir(John Abraham) has passed away to fill in his shoes. Jai readies himself for yet another hot number with Rimi Sen but Aishwarya plays a spoilsport. She allows him to show screen chemistry with his on screen wife only if he allows her to shake her booty with Hrithik in another hot number that goes something like this - "Don't touch me, don't touch me". Abhishek decides against the song but Aishwarya secretly goes shooting for her song with Hrithik in Brazil. Meanwhile Ali(I think he was Uday Bhanu) cries for attention. Bipasha had no scenes uptil now so she is paired with him. Bipasha realises that she obviously has to go out of her way to stand out. So she gets into a bikini and runs around carrying a surfing plank. Ali(Prem Chopra...) too gets his moment to fame as he is asked to lip sync a number - "Itsy bitsy tiny winy..yellow polka dotted bikini" which doesn't suit his beefy build.

With interval fast approaching, the director decides on doing some chase scenes. Since Dhoom 1 had already shown the bike chases, here they chase in all other remaining modes of transport available on planet Earth. So you have Jai and Ali(Udit Narayan?) chase Hrithik in a plane, a train, a car and an auto but to no avail. He somehow manages to escape just at the nick of time. The superman powers of Krrish help him in his escapes. Aishwarya meanwhile giggles and remains busy applying anti wrinkle creams to do justice to her first scant-clothed babe kinda look.

As the end approaches, Jai and Ali(Usmaan..Khan..) again find themselves at the same place where it all began. They are on their Suzuki Hayabusa bikes and Hrithik stands at the edge of a cliff with a sleek looking Aishwarya in his arms.

Jai(Junior B): Chhod de usse, wo teri bhabhi hai.
Hrithik: Ye sahi hai, poori film mein ghumaaun main aur climax mein baazi tu maar le jaaye?

Jai: Usse wapas kar de aur khud ko kanoon ke hawale kar de. Kya pata tujhe Dhoom 3 mein fir se mauka mil jaaye.
Hrithik: Dhoom 3 mein SRK ko le liya hai. Ab main Aish ko nahi chhodunga.

Jai: Aish tum bhi to kuch bolo
Aish: Kya bolun? Dhoom 3 mein mujhe chance mila bhi to tab tak meri umar badi behen ya bhabhi ke role karne ki ho jayegi. Mera mar jaana hi accha hai.

Ali(He was the brother of Aditya Chopra..Uday Chopra!!): Bhaiya, apni film mein saare dialogues ye log bolenge to main kya karunga?
Aditya Chopra(thinking): I will have to make him dumb in the next part.
Bipasha: Hey, you cheats. I had heard that in a Yash Chopra production , you get to wear Chiffon sarees and get a paid Swiss trip. You all got me sun tanned on Rio beaches and then gave me bikinis instead of the sarees.

Amidst all this confusion, Hrithik whispers in Aishwarya's ears - "The game's not over yet!" And then they jump from the cliff in a dancing pose picked straight from some Shiamak Davar performance.

The last shot of the film is a masterstroke. After these guys return back on confirmation that Hrithik and Aishwarya's game was indeed over in Dhoom 2, the camera zooms to some distant planet where SRK sits on a throne that reads - "Call me King!" He looks into the eyes of the camera and beams - "The chase begins now".

Speculations will be made on whether the third part of Dhoom will involve chase in space ships once people get to see this cliamx scene in Dhoom 2 . Aditya Chopra, it is heard has approached George Lucas of the Star Wars fame to direct the third part. Let's keep hoping till then.

The Jaan-e-mann Tragedy

All the world's a stage and most of my acts are poor imitations of the comical antics of Govinda in his hey days(read Rajaji, Wah Tera Kya Kehna days) given the most strange situations I keep falling into.

I remember an episode from the TV series friends where Chandler tells Ross that he saw the face of his mother while he made love to his girl friend and then it ruined the fun for Ross. So whenever he was all set for the act, Chandler's words came to disturb him and then he couldn't help seeing his mother's face in the girl he was about to get naughty with. Well I am not referring to any symptom of Oedipus complex but something of the 'ruining of the fun' did happen with me last Saturday.

After all these years of remaining single, I never mind watching movies with college friends. But things have changed now. With a few setting their marriage dates, some getting committed for fun and some on a more serious note, the breed of singles like me has neared extinction. Articles discussing the pros and cons of being single and supposedly friendless (by friend the article essentially meant someone of the opposite sex with whom you won't mind cosying up on the couch) folks appearing in the newspaper started making me feel more insecure.

I decided to go out and watch a movie to escape the tension. I generally prefer hanging out with a gang, having a good lunch and then watching a movie but with just Ankush around in Delhi, I asked him to book the tickets. We decided to go for 'Don' despite it having got a total 'no-no' from most of my amateur film critic friends because two guys can only watch a thriller or an action film together, they don't have a choice. But we couldn't manage to get the tickets. The next best option was another new release - Jaan-e-mann. Little did we realise that the movie was going to be a self inflicted embarassment for both of us. The fun was first killed by the Chandler like act by an old aquaintaince who sprang up from no where only to speak the golden words and then disappear - "You going to watch a romantic film with another guy? What's wrong with you?"

All my enthusiasm of watching a hindi film in a theatre after almost 4 months vanished and I started looking for excuses for not going. Earlier watching a film with another guy never made me conscious, but the Chandler of my life started bugging me every moment now - "You going to watch a romantic film with another guy? What's wrong with you?"

The fifteen minute wait at the theatre lounge was one of the longest. The canoodling couple in the corner made me more aware of the wrong choice of film. There was a gang of 4 college going boys as well that made us feel relaxed as we were not the only two heterosexual guys who had erred in making a correct choice of film that day. But embarassment still awaited us. When the gates opened for entry, we were asked to make entry through another door as we had bought the tickets to the Premier lounge and not the general class.

Just as we entered the premier class, all heads turned as if in disgust. There were around 30 seats and 14 couples seated. All eyes seemed to ask the same question - "Hello! what are both of guys doing here in the unofficial love-lounge?"

Ankush put his arm around my shoulders to whisper - "Ye to love-bird park aa gaye, ab kya karein?"

"Pehle to haath hata kandhe se" - I told him as I shirked away but the damage was already done.

We made our way to the seats and stayed glued for the next 3 hours. Chandler appeared again wearing a halo over his head and this time he was not alone. I could see everyone seated around me accompanying him and pointing fingers at me while crying out aloud - "You watched a romantic film with another guy. There sure is something wrong with you."

Male bonding seems to have got another meaning these days. What do the singles do now?

"Go and watch Don, its just the people like YOU who have kept it running despite it being totally non-sense!" - a frustrated film critic reviewing box office collections bellows on a TV program.

Do we really have a choice, I wanted to ask.

Hu Ha India..Aaya India!

The un-official song of the Indian cricket team is out and I must admit that it is a very catchy number. There was a time when I really wanted to take up cricket as a career after seeing India lose to Srilanka in the World Cup 96 semi final but better sense prevailed upon me when I failed miserably in our gully cricket competition soon after.

Cricket is a religion in India and every one has an opinion about how we play it. It is the passion for the game that makes our mood swing from being ecstatic when our team wins to being sarcastic when they bring all hopes come crashing down. The general public loves to treat them as Gods and then make them fall from grace in the most unceremonious manner when they fail. This is the biggest pressure that these guys have to cope with outside the playing field.

Just as the team prepares for the Champions' trophy, here's my opinion on these mortals whom we sometimes over-idolize. No prizes for guessing, I'll spew venom as their progress reports for the last couple of seasons show that Team India has hit a trough!

Sachin Tendulkar: By far the most prolific player in the history of Indian cricket and lucky too. Always gets injured just when his place in the team is in jeopardy. A leading model on the Indian ad-scene. Gets motivated and scores heavily when the bowler bowling to him is a non-entity. This way the unknown bowler comes into the limelight for getting the 'Tendulkar battering'. Once a God but now a human, Sachin must be eyeing Bangladesh, Kenya, Canada and Holland to complete his 50 one day centuries by 2007 World Cup.

Virendra Sehwag: A fact finding commission set up by the BCCI to study Sehwag's scoring patterns found that he scores on the day following every third full moon night. Indian think tank should now contemplate playing either on those days or just drop him so that he gets the free time to get hair weaving done. His modelling prospects would suffer if he goes completely bald. He follows the simple principle of 'Sar kata sakte hain lekin sar jhuka sakte nahi'. He either butchers the ball from the word go or simply gets out rather than let situations dictate terms to him.

Rahul Dravid: The official spokesperson of Greg Chappell. He either gets to speak whatever Chapell forgets to or simply repeats the same things sans the silly ramblings of Chappell(when he sometimes suffers from verbal diarrhoea). A calm and composed customer who is already an all time great as far as his batting goes. Loves to take his own sweet time to score runs and wants to handle captaincy the same way. Sometimes stuns the opposition and own team alike with his unpredictability, like, declaring the innings when a teammate is on 194 and all set to score the double hundred.

Yuvraj Singh: He seems satisfied being the prince and not the king! Hits long spells of purple patch and longer spells of lean ones. Loves a racy lifestyle, no doubt slow spinners spell the doom for him. Like every other young man in his early twenties when the rush of blood is tough to handle, he loves to score when he has got a point to prove, otherwise doesn't give it a damn.

Mohd Kaif: It is common knowledge that Kaif has requested formally to the ICC to revise scoring laws for him. He wants the scorecard to include the number of runs saved by him to his batting score so that his cricketing career is prolonged and his batting average stays over 25 runs per match. He has been one of the few unlucky ones in the team who don't have a stable modelling career owing to his average middle class looks.

Suresh Raina: He reached the pinnacle of success when Chappell applauded his zeal to learn, commitment to perform and his young age. Performances don't matter now. If the coach is happy, the captain has to be and that guarantees his place in the team for sometime to come. He now hopes for a couple of flash in the pan knocks to get some lucrative modelling assignments. But I wonder he will. There seems to be some regional bias at play to keep the U.P. lads at bay!

M.S.Dhoni: The butcher from Jharkhand doesn't need an introduction. He is everywhere - on TV, on hoardings, the dressing room and on the cricket field sometimes for a change. In 2005, he seemed like a man possessed. This year he seems to be busy reaping the harvests. Why bother about scoring runs, they'll come once he is done with getting the perfect hair style to suit his personality!

Irfan Pathan: Touted to be the next Kapil Dev of India. The Indian think tank likes to believe that he gives them an option of plenty. Sure he does, giving away plenty of runs and clocking a little over Anil Kumble on the speedometer. Venkatesh Prasad must be feeling relieved at not being just one of the kind. He enjoys the comforts of playing on the home soil and usually flourishes with the bat but when on tour he loves the tranquility of the dressing room instead. As a kind gesture, he doesn't even trouble the scorers there.

Ajit Agarkar: They called him an allrounder..now they like to keep mum. He accomplished his life's ambition of getting 2 world records in his name. One, for taking the fastest 50 wickets in one day cricket and two, for scoring the maximum consecutive ducks in tests. Now he rests in peace. Shows abnormal signs of resurgence by picking up a few wickets in between but returns to normalcy soon enough to keep his RPO(runs per over) over 5.

Zaheer Khan: Could have made it big in the modelling arena if he had been able to maintain his place in the team by remaining in Chappell's good books. He has performed quite well in county and other first class matches in India but still finds himself out of favor. He must understand that on field feats are not going to help as much as sucking up to the big boss. Hit the gym, sweat in front of his eyes and the master might grant you a chance.

Harbhajan Singh: "Chuk de phatte"! He has been through a lot. In fact most of the times he is seen fighting it out with situations rather than dominating the opposition. His best was when he made the Australians dance to his tunes by taking 32 wicktes in 3 tests. Ever since then his fans have to remain content watching the same old video of Bhajji Bhangra pao-ing after skittling out the Australians. He got the stick in the back when he tried letting his hair down for a liqor ad. A new controversy should keep him in the news if not his bowling for sure!

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part III

Kraken and all done, we decided to try out some water rides and for that we needed to be in something other than jeans for sure. But the chances of getting things going the right way were almost equal to chances of survival in deep space(~0.0017% to be more precise! that's a figure I picked up watching a conspiracy theory on Landing on the Moon yesterday).

So this is what followed - we booked two lockers, locked our jeans in and put on the shorts. The lazy boys soon realised that the shorts were smelling awfully bad since they were not allowed to dry after our Miami beach trip. Abhishek and Mohit were the worst sufferers. So it was decided that the rest of us were going to shield them from twiching noses around. Abhinav, Ratul and I took to shielding Mohit and Faruk and Sushant took up the task of shielding Abhishek.

The ploy didn't work much. We could shield them but not the stench. Mohit looked for secluded places to avoid coming in contact with people who were in any case avoiding him while Abhishek did something more innovative.

Scene: A young kid standing next to Abhishek and desparately trying to survive the stench.
Abhishek(to the kid): Do you know where this stench is coming from?
Kid: No, but its awful

Abhishek: Yeah, its killing me. Is that your Dad?
Kid: No way!

Abhishek: Then it must be the whale in the park. You know whales smell real bad.
Kid(thinking): Buddy is that whale in your pocket?? Because I sense it coming from there.

Thank God! the kid was not from India or else he sure must have thought that. This poor kid took to believing that whales do smell real bad!

It was now that things started getting worse. The 24' 10'' tall Sushant with his giant strides leapt across places while we struggled to keep pace. Then Faruk was lost clicking nude pictures of the Seals and Walruses, and Abhishek followed suit. The rest of us came back to the locker room and decided to take the Islands of Atlantis ride. Little did Mohit know that his sexy tricolored swimming trunks will look totally out of place there. He got into those and then we waited for Abhishek to join. But the next 5 minutes were hysterical. People started staring at the 'underpant' guy. It was almost as if he was a superman! Some felt that he was streaking while others thought that it was some theme park entertainment item. They cheered and Mohit got a bit conscious. He wanted to get into his jeans but lo..the keys were with Faruk and he was lost!

The underpant guy braved the public and went for the ride. Thankfully his trauma ended as soon as we got back from the ride and we managed the keys to the locker. But this was one part of the trip that I just can't forget(more so because I was not at the receiving end!)

Just sample these reactions when people saw him:
Old woman: Oooowaaaa....ooooo
Fat man: Ha ha ha ha..look at him
Small kid:Look mama, the man in the underpants!
A Namibian national: Man, he is wearing our national flag.

Just like every Manmohan Desai story, our film also had a happy ending. All of us found each other in Shamu's stadium for the last spectacle, Shamu - the Killer Whale Show. It was grand, as grand as the whale itself. Shamu made its entry amidst loud cheers from the crowd. It was awesome!

The last day was a total anticlimax. We were to spend an entire day again at Miami and the heavy rains just killed the fun. We stayed locked inside the hotel room throughout the day. Lets just keep it at that..but not before I mention the chicks walking to our hotel room at 3 in the night and greeting the sleepy Kallu with a 'Hello sweetheart'?

Par afsos us din hum sabka somwaar ka vrat tha :(

Let me just sign off with the last tiff between Abhishek and Sushant:

Sushant: Abe kallu kaun thee?
Abhishek: Pata nahi kisi aur ko khoj rahi thee

Sushant: Bata na please
Abhishek: Bataya to

Sushant: Nahi, kya keh rahi thee?
Abhishek: Kuch nahi, ab so ja

Sushant: Bata na yaar kya keh rahi thee?
Me: Pooch rahi thee ki hotel ke ek kamre mein 3 ladke kya kar rahe hain? Khud jaake pooch kyun nahi leta kya keh rahi thee?

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part II

Orlando greeted us with blue skies, green grass and no hotel reservation. Official tour managers Faruk and Sushant took over with able support from our PR manager, Mohit 'Can we get a room over here' Juneja and we finally managed a fairly decent priced hotel.

The day was set for some exciting adventures and Universal didn't disappoint. You have to be there to feel it all. The rides were exhilarating - Hulk and Duelling dragons(roller coaster), Dr. Doom's Fearfall(free fall from 150 ft) and the others rocked. I didn't take the duelling dragon ride though because,

a.) I started feeling bored
b.) I already had one roller coaster ride and they felt all the same
c.) We had to cover the Universal studios as well,

I could go on with those excuses. The truth is that I simply felt uneasy taking that ride with my feet dangling in the air. Turned upside down with no base to keep your feet onto gave me jitters.

The best in the 'Islands of Adventure' theme park was undoubtedly the 'Adventures of Spiderman' ride. Believe me, you'll never feel as close to the virtual world as this ride makes you feel. Since we had bought the express passes for these rides, we didn't have to negotiate the long queues and almost all the rides were done in 6 hours flat!

The other theme park of Universal - 'The Universal Studios' was again a treat. Shrek, Back to the Future, 'The Mummy' ride and Terminator were all too good. We were all tired to the extreme by the end of it all and then that hot chick from Nascar restaurant robbed us of $150 for some silly nachos, fried chicken and diluted margaritas. I was totally against the extra $15 that everyone else wanted to give her(besides the 15% gratuity already included in the bills!) but had to bow down to the shit they call - 'Voting!' I lost 5-1-(Ratul Da kept thinking which way he would go).

The next morning was again the same old story.

Sushant: Abe kallu uth
Abhishek: Nahi tu uth..

..and the battle continued.

Now came the most controversial part of our trip. Though we decided in favor of Keneddy Space Center, it seemed that the 'Let's vote for it' ploy was not used in deciding. I was game for visiting NASA but the more adventurous of the lot were not. They however played the perfect gentlemen by not creating a 'Tu apne raaste ja main apne raaste' scene and we finally went there. IMAX movies(it was really good!), touching the surface of moon, almost experiencing the last 3 minutes of Apollo mission to Moon and having a look at the Atlantis space shuttle to be launched was good but not worth the fortune and the time that we spent going there. We were on the lookout for some simulated space walks and stuff but we returned disappointed.

The next on the list was 'Seaworld'. As we sat for lunch, the Kennedy Space Center wounds started to show up again. But again the gentlemen that we are, we set aside the minor tiffs and the plan to give Sushant the 'bumps' of his life and decided to have fun together, Hum Saath Saath Hain style!

The first show was the Dolphin show. Amazing would be the apt world to describe it. Loitering around here and there, we finally decided for th eonly roller coaster ride there. Kraken was a cracker. A high speed, real high, 'no-base' roller coaster ride and this time I decided not to play a spoilsport. I lost my Nike cap somewhere during the ride though!

The best part was yet to come though. Abhishek aka Kallu and Mohit were about to take centrestage and what followed was non-stop commotion and fun not just for us but also for the other people to see and feel. That's coming up this weekend though as I have some work to catch up with. Will get back soon!

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part I

I went, I spent and I returned bankrupt! The only solace I derive is from Lord Krishna's golden words - "Tum lekar hi kya aaye thhey jo uske chale jaane ka dukh tumhe ho raha hai".

Well if you could not get what I am talking about, it is about my vacation to Florida last long weekend.

I know it'll be hard to sympathesize with me after knowing that out of the 7 guys who went there, no one had a valid driving license to drive in USA and we paid heavily for this by falling prey to the scourge of cab-wallahs who made it sure that our four days in Florida go down as probably the most 'silly-spending holiday' in our lives. Enough of this cribbing for now, Miami and Orlando sure were worth the fortune that we spent!

Our trip started on a very shaky note when Ratul Da came to realise to his horror that Abhishek wasn't carrying his flight tickets along with others'. There was a bit of blame game at the ticket counter and since the executive assiting us had to go and pee, she granted a seat in the flight to the harmless Ratul Da without any thorough checking.

Ernesto stepped back to give us some bright sunshine in Miami and we made a rush to the lifeguards' station on the beach expecting some baywatch babes there only to find a 60 something old man sipping lemonade and tanning his wrinkled skin. We made the next best possible use of being on a beach, played volleyball!

Night clubs by the beach side have quite cheap entries and two of us managed to dupe them of even that. That wasn't deliberate though. As the whole club swayed to the salsa beats, we kept to making swaying movements on our stool chairs engaging a waitress to get us Maragaritas, nachos and mozarella sticks.

Born and brought up in the Govinda land, salsa is essentially not our cup of tea unless we are professionally trained for it and back in India they teach you only if you come along with a partner! Also, from what I figure in the discs in India, even the usual Bhangra stuff that we all do when sadde Daler paaji croons a peppy number is basically a randon motion of hands and legs and from a distance resembles closely to the unruly and uncoordinated Bangalore Hosur Road traffic. Basically what I want to convey here is that most of us are just the jumping jacks who find themselves out of place when a club's DJ's music collection is devoid of any Daler paaji stuff.

Miami is also a place where you can really experiment and Sushant even tried doing that. But his half and hour efforts were annuled by his 'bed-partner' for the trip - Abhishek aka Kallu. The prospects of Sushant flourishing when given an opportunity were discussed at length and the jury unanimously decided that he stood no chance!

The next day we flew to Orlando. It is here that the daily early morning tiffs between Sushant and Abhishek need a special mention:

Time: 5:30 AM
Situation: I was back after getting fresh and these two were still sleeping. Our cab was to leave in another 30 min.

Me: Kaun jaayega ab bathroom? Make it fast now.
Sushant: Abe Kallu tu uth.
Abhishek: Nahi main nahi uthunga, tu uth

Sushant: Main roz apne ghar mein sabse pehle uthta hoon.
Abhishek: To yahan bhi uth ja

Sushant: Abe tu ja na
Abhishek: Tu ja. Main kal bhi tere se pehle utha tha

Sushant: Main agle do din uth jaaunga
Abhishek(giving up, rubbing his eyes): Utha diya saale. Mera shraap hai ki teri agli saat pushtein Kumbhkaran jaisi paida hongi.

For the next flight to Orlando in the morning, Ratul Da ensured that his tickets were in place. Orlando was much better weather wise and the trip turned out to be better and more (mis)adventurous. Let's keep it for the Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Dwitiya!

Lage Raho Munna Bhai - Review

There are not many sequels that turn out to be better than their predecessors. James Cameroon worked wonders with Terminator's sequel in Hollywood and Raj Kumar Hirani does the same in Bollywood with Lage Raho. Its hard to decide the best part of this enterprise - direction, script or performances and that says a lot about the efforts of the entire unit of LRMB. Raj Kumar Hirani proved his worth with Munna Bhai and this film reiterates the fact that his success was not just a fluke.

Lage Raho won half the battle with its unusual storyline. If Munna Bhai gave us the 'jaadu ki jhappi', Lage Raho gives us 'Mahatma Gandhi'. Today the Mahatma's ideologies are a thing of the past - dead and buried with the generation of people who followed them and the Gandhi Topi today is synonymous with corruption. Lage Raho is an effort to remind us of all that Gandhi stood for and more. You can call it Raj Kumar Hirani's "Experiment With Truth!"

Sanjay Dutt delivers a top notch performance. As the lovable goon Munna, he wins hearts and this is one character that he is going to be proud of when he reflects back on his entire career. Ditto for Arshad Warsi as Circuit. He is to Munna what Hanuman was to Ram. And boy you got to watch out for the way he carries out an abduction in the first scene of the film!

Without taking the credit away from Sanjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi, the script/screenplay are the real heroes of this film. One of my friends quite rightly remarked after watching the film that if the film cast you and me as the leading protagonists, even then the film could have pulled it off.

Vidhu Vinod Chopra's films have always had very powerful scripts - Parinda, 1942:A Love Story, Parineeta, Munna Bhai MBBS or LRMB, all winners in the story department! Vidhu Chopra also deserves a pat on the back for promoting talented directors. Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Pradeep Sarkar and Raj Kumar Hirani have all proved him right.

The film has its share of shortcomings. There are a few glitches here and there in the film. At some places the film does go overboard but that is what I call the 'cinematic liberty' . The end portions get a bit boring. Munna Bhai MBBS was better in the climax if you compare. But the film makes up for it overall.

The songs are definitely worth a hear. Shantanu Moitra's music has a touch of the 70's and that makes him different from the current lot.

Its a film that I would recommend to all. Go watch it and yes, look around to see if Mahatma Gandhi is sitting besides you. Hope to see the Munna Bhai team coming up with another sequel - Lagey Raho MunnaBhai!

Confusions of an Over-analysing Mind

Generally a sane man's thinking process lies somewhere between two extremes - being too hasty while making decisions or being too cautious and analytical with every decision in life, be it about planning a career path or deciding on what to eat for dinner that night. I would count myself as being closer to the first extreme and maybe that's how Maa feels too. So she got me to wear a ring which supposedly keeps me cool and relaxed. That is expected to imply that I will no more make hasty decisions. Anyways, this is not about whether it really works or not.

This is about my meeting with someone 'anti-me' in terms of the thinking process. Someone who would study all the pros and cons of choosing between cabbaage and capsicums while doing grocery before making up his mind about buying both.

My friend Deendayal Upadhyay(name changed to keep identity secret) and I went grocery shopping and this is what followed at the store.

Event A
Time: 4:15 PM
Case scenario: Decision on whether to buy butter

Deendayal(DD): Should I buy unsalted butter or salted one?
Me: Better that you don't buy it. Its not even in a carton or something

DD: If I buy unsalted one then I'll have to add salt so there's no use. But do I buy this salted one or some better brand?
Me: They don't sell the Amul brand here. Better try out a US brand that's available at Stop & Shop.

Clock ticking..4:18 PM

DD: I think I will buy one.
Me: Thank God! Let's move on

Event B
Time: 4:20 PM
Case Scenario: Decision to buy cabbage or capsicum

DD: What should I buy, cabbage or capsicum?
Me: Take your time..think

DD: Cabbage is good and so is capsicum. I would have taken even brocholli but its way to costly for such small quantity.
Me: So you have narrowed down your sample space to two items, cabbage and capsicum..right?

Clock ticking..4:22 PM

DD: I think I will go ahead with buying capsicum
Me: That's the way to go about it man, go ahead and get it.

Clock still ticking..4:24 PM

DD: I have got the capsicum but I was thinking that buying cabbage will also do me no harm.
Me(thinking): Only if you ignore the fact that this cabbage potentially has the ability to jump out of your refrigerator in the night, go to your bedroom and strangulate you to death for choosing capsicum over it at the store.

Event C
Time: 4:28 PM

Me: Hey DD! Saleem Langda, Babu Chhapri and Babban Thakela(names changed again to hide identities) are waiting for us to go to the downtown. Rush, rush!
DD: Don't rush, I'll forget things that I need to buy.

Me: No problem when you are with me. I can help you with remembering the things that you might want to buy. Bread? Milk? Spices? Ghee?
DD: Yes, ghee!

Me: Dekha..main hoon na. Let's do it fast now. Take this 1 kg pack
DD: But which one do I take? There are two brands. I don't know which one is better. I also think that if I buy ghee then I won't need butter.

Me: Does that mean that I go and keep the butter again in the rack? Fast..fast..think, think
DD: Haste makes waste..but yes, you can keep it back.
(I go and keep the butter pack from where we picked it up and rush back to prod DD to move to the paying counter)

Clock ticking 4:31 PM

DD: I think I will not buy ghee now
Me: Why???

DD: Because it has higher level of cholesterol
Me: So, what would be the next action item? We go to the counter, pay for the rest of the stuff or something else?

DD: I think I will take the butter and leave ghee for the time being. You stand in the queue and I will get the butter.
Me: Oh sure!

Event D
Time: 4:33 PM

DD: I need to buy some biscuits
Me: Buy Parle-G. I remember buying a dog's biscuit pack one day in hurry only to realise it after opening the pack at home. Isn't that funny?

DD: That is why I tell you to be patient
Me: You go and get your biscuits mate..we are almost there in the billing counter queue.

DD: Now, these are a hell lot of types of biscuits. Which one do I choose?
Me: They are all same brand. Pick any.

DD: The question here is not 'what type'. The question here is 'how many'. There are at least 50 packs here. Now how many do I pick?
Me: DD, If you count your would be wife whom you are still to meet and your cute little imaginary Chunnu-Munnu type kids at home, you must buy 10 packs. If you think that you will have lot more chances of visiting a grocery store before your wife and kids come into your life then you can manage with maybe a couple of packs.

DD: I'll pick 2 packs of Pista badam flavor and another coconut cookie packet that I missed in some other shelf. I'll get those
Me: Run, run..we are next in turn at the billing counter.

Time: 4:45 PM

Me: Finally we are done with the shopping. Lets rush back home, tuck in our shirts, put some body spray and rush for the Path station
DD: You made such a rush that I forgot one item completely.

Me: What did you forget now?
DD: Yoghurt!

Me: But you stood at the milk, butter, curd shelf for almost 5 minutes. Didn't it occur to you then?
DD: That time I was thinking about buying milk and butter. Selecting a yoghurt pack needed a different analysis approach.

.. ..

Time: 5:20 PM

Me(thinking sitting alone in a bus, going over to the Path station): What if I get down on the road close to the path station rather than first going to the bus stand? Which one would be the shorter path? What use would reaching earlier be if the other three idiots don't reach there in time? So should I call them and ask if they have left or should I go by the time we set for meeting at the station? What if my watch is not showing the same time as theirs?

..Damn me! I am so very impressionable.