Uncle Sam I am Here

After months of speculation and answering the - "abe tu abhi tak gaya nahi" queries from a lot of my friends, I finally announce my arrival here in NY. Its actually a strange experience of looking outside your apartment's window to see America all around, if you get what I mean. There are a lot of Desis as well and who the hell said that every fourth person you see around is a Chinese, its India all the way. Just yesterday I went to the Indian Street and there I was amidst those Paan ki dukaans and the sabzi bazaar.

The flight experience to begin with was again as expected. A 14 hr direct flight brought me here and as luck would have it, I shared my space with a Bong who had been around in the US for the past 5 yrs and a retired Ahmedabad Electricity Board Officer who was visiting the US for the first time to be with his kids. There were no hot chicks in my vicinity and I did not really care. Its almost become a certainty in my life that girls never book a seat within 3 rows of where I sit.

The flight was not without its share of experiences though. I overheard the Bong being lambasted by his wife for not not calling her before leaving Delhi and for waking her up early in the morning just to inform her that his connecting flight would reach Albany by 12 in the afternoon. I helped the retired uncle in filling a couple of forms for immigration purposes. He had a strange habit of filling the 'Official use only' column in every form that he got and I went to the airport authorities claiming that one of my baggages was picked by someone else while my bag waited to be picked at a wrong conveyor belt.

Life in US also means that you get ample chances to show your culinary skills. I tried hard and with minor hiccups got the matar paneer bang on. It tasted okay and people seemed to relish it too. My friend's room-mate brought his girl friend to the house just to let her taste it..I think I'll make a good cook with some practise I guess :)

The first weekend of my 'business trip' to US is over and I still don't know which project I am going to work on. Though I must tell you that the Manhattan skyline looks simply out of this world. I don't think I am going to appreciate it as much from tomorrow I guess when I see it from my office's window. It was such a nice feeling to stand at the same location where SRK stood and sang Kal Ho na Ho and croak until the statue of liberty started to protest against my singing, calling it a scathing attack on the liberty of people who wanted to live in peace. I still felt like King Khan though, the only difference being that instead of Preity Zinta, I had Abhinav Sinha to sing to.

The jet lag is now going but I still feel a bit sleepy during the evenings and wide awake at 3 in the night. I'll be clicking a few pics and uploading them here next weekend. Before I sign off, this too needs a mention. Four of us had a pretty normal Indian Buffet today for lunch and it cost us $12.5 each. I have now decided to go without dinner for the next 2 days to make up for it and in the long term thinking on trying my entrepreneurial skills here by setting up a chat thela or something on those lines. Somebody willing to join me here?

The Chosen One!

I like to believe that I am one of God's chosen ones. He keeps coming up with strange ways to keep reminding me about it. So whenever I forgot to wear my school belt to school, there had to be a surprise uniform check and now just two days before I have to go on my maiden business trip, I am down with a badly bruised, swollen nose and fighting to be fit.

But this time its not going to be about me. I am getting bored of exposing my own follies and giving a chance to others to take a dig at me in their blogs. Lets talk about some general - "Why me?" instances that we keep facing sometime or the other.

Instance 1:

You book a railway ticket in the holiday season. You hope against hope that you would be getting a berth next to a very beautiful chick. You would impress her and then maybe..You might even consider wearing your favorite perfume that day and the first thing that you do on reaching the station is to grab the railway reservation chart. But as luck would have it, all your dreams come tumbling down like a pack of cards. You get to share the cabin with an elderly couple. They begin their conversation with you with something like - "Beta can you go to the top berth, as you can see, my wife has trouble climbing up?" You sure cannot say no and earn the wrath of other fellow passengers.

The misery doesn't end there. Just when you decide to take a look at the other occupants of the bogie on the pretext of going to the restroom, you are sure to find a group of girls just a few seats away from yours. You console yourself with - "Maybe luck has something better in store for me" and return back to your seat. The nightmare shows no sign of ending even then. When the lights go off, you have to deal with the incessant snoring. What to do, you twist and turn in your berth, curse youself..look upto the heaven and cannot help asking - "Why me?"

Instance 2:

You board a flight. Here there is more hope because girls feel safer traveling alone in a plane than they do while travelling in a train so the chances of finding them are more ripe here.

You look around at all the people who stand in queue to board the same flight as you do in anticipation. The beautiful air hostesses greet you but you want a better return on the money that you have spent. How about a beautiful girl occupying a seat next to you? At this moment destiny takes over. A 30 something woman with two small kids gets the seat next to you. The kids seem to have just one point on their agenda, outsmarting each other in a crying competition. They also develop a liking to your fancy watch and won't let up until you give it to them to earn some peace. This time you don't look upto the heaven, you just glance outside the window and want to cry aloud - "Why me?"

Instance 3:

You are watching a movie in a theatre and you get a seat next to a girl who looks beautiful in the darkness of the theatre. You mistakingly keep your Pepsi in her arm rest and she spills it on her dress. You get a chance to strike a conversation with a - I am really sorry refrain to which she simply replies in some mumbling sound. Not a very encouraging sign but a breaking the ice kinda conversation nonetheless.

During the intermssion, you keep your popcorn packet safely in your arm rest and go out. When you return, you find all you popcorn strewn on her seat. You really don't have the time to think. You go and throw the packet in the dustbin to erase any visible sign of your involvement in the crime which you never committed anyways. She comes back..she mumbles again cleaning her seat and you try to plead your innocence with silence and turning the other side.

But does this happen to everybody? - Not really! I guess I just can't help writing about myself even after promising not to do so. This, I guess is just for one upmanship. To tell all and sundry that I really am the chosen one - wot say you?

Rang Barse

Basanti: Veeru, Gabbar ji kuch pooch rahe hain.

Gabbar: Holi, Kab hai Holi?

Basanti: Director ne naachne kaha hai dolle-sholle dikhane ko nahi

Veeru: Main jat, yamla, pagla, deewana. Mujhse ye sab nahi hoga.

Mangal Pande: Mangal Mangal Mangal Mangal Ho..Mangal Mangal..

Rani: Umm ab bas bhi karo na Pande-G, kab se Mangal Mangal
laga rakha hai

Amit: Pappu paas ho gaya..Pappu paas ho gaya

Chandni: Ab bas bhi karo Pappu ke Papa. Ek hi film to hit hui hai uski.

Anu Malik: Do me a favor lets play Holi

Audience: Do us a favor, stop singing Anu Malik

Happy Holi Everyone!

Confessions of a Budget-illiterate mind

Every time during this time of the year a feeling of despondency creeps within me. I feel ashamed of myself, quite shallow to say the least. I curse myself, feel stifled, insignificant, a waste. Why? Because I don't understand the head or tail of the Annual Budget.

I am an engineering graduate and now a working professional and I also pay my taxes but I still fail to fathom how to categorise the budget as anti-'me' or pro-'me'. Budget analysis in ET/Business Line to me is just like my doodhwallah being asked to read and describe Mozart's symphony. Yes, i did take a couple of economics course electives during my B.Tech days but passing them never gave me the confidence to take the Budget Bull by the horn.

To pass those courses was anyway easy, you just had to know that your Prof was a socialist and had protested against fertile land being acquired by the Institute management to expand the campus which supposedly left a lot of farmers in the lurch.

Prof: How would you rate this year's budget?
Me: It's ANTI-POOR.
Verdict: Job well done!
Lesson: Play it safe. Always!

Prof: But do you think a co-operative society is feasible in Bihar?
Me: Sir, with due regards, a successful economist should never sound pessimistic.
Verdict: Watch out for your grades son!
Lesson: Never make fun of your teacher in front of the class.

Coming back to this budget thing, though most of the times we discuss girls, a few of my intellectual friends sometime rake up discussions on Economy and stuff like that. They talk all about the need to open up the retail sector, Disinvestment - its pros and cons and about the shares that are performing well in the market while I look around in an empty gaze and sometimes nod in between so that I am not left out of the intellectual discussion.

Friend: The GDP is 'X' % and the economy is booming.
Me: Cut the crap man! Can you tell how much raise will I get?

These days I have stopped surfing news channels because their Budget analysis keeps reminding me of my ineptness, my failure. As if that's not enough, I get these threatening calls from my office accountant and CA who threaten to deprive me of my salary amount if I don't furnish a thousand and one relevant proof and forms by the first day of the month.

Accnt: Agar apni poori salary salamat chahte ho to kal raat 12 baje Mandir ke peeche wali pahadi par Form 12(b), Rent receipt aur investment proof ke saath aa jaana.
Me: Itni jaldi main itne forms ka intezaam kahan se kar paaunga.
Accnt: To fir bheekh maangne ko taiyaar rehna. Ha ha ha ha..(disconnects the phone)

Till today after 20 months of being in service, the TDS(tax deducted at source) for me is like a 'guess the number' game. I still take the tax cuts on my salary as God's way of punishing me for all my sins in that month. With a few bucks missing, I still feel emancipated.

Its the third day of the month now and the media coverage has shifted focus from budget to Dubyaman's entourage and the sniffer dogs they have brought with them. Moreover, I think that I have confessed more than what Abu Salem would have confessed after the Third degree grilling by the Mumbai Police. So, till the demon in the form of the FM returns with a suitcase in his hand in the Parliament next year, let me just try and start life afresh.

"Chubhte kaante yaadon ke..daaman se chunta hoon..ye hai meri kahani"

Bollywood and Me

Its not for nothing that people rate me at least at par to the Google search result on Bollywood. I have grown up on a staple diet of Bollywood potboilers and have a habit of relating almost everything real to something that has been captured in reel life.

Starting from the day I was given a name till today, much of what I do has been inspired by Bollywood. I was named Kumar Gaurav when I was born, the reason - Love Story, a Kumar Gaurav blockbuster was rocking the nation then. My Mom thought that it would be really cool to have her first born named after a superstar in the making. Unfortunately, Kumar Gaurav failed and so did my name. My parents later settled for a more sober, non-filmy, Anurag. Though she never agrees to it, I think Mom had that Rajesh Khanna starrer film Anurag in her mind when she rechristened me.
"Jaley ko aag kehte hain bujhe ko raakh kehte hain..aur jo Vishwanath ki jageh apna naam lagake dialogue boley usse Anurag kehte hain"

While kids my age listened to lullabies to go to sleep, I was fond of an abscure film, Saawan Ko Aane Do's songs. The day my second brother was born, I felt that our trio was complete - Amar, Akbar, Anthony. The only problem I had was that I did not find Amar's character very fascinating. Although I don't remember it now but I am sure I must have had a fight with God over this, Deewar style - "Khush to bahut hoge tum aaj..mujhe Amar ka ghatiya character dekar"

I got myself a new cycle when Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikander released and bought a Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahi cap to go with it. I also had that cycle race with my brother, I think we collided mid way and never completed the race. I thought of staging a "Main kaun hoon..kahan hoon" act after the collision but I guess Mom could read my mind - "Teri yaadaasht nahi khoyi?" The cycle is no more with me now but that cap still is!

I thought that Bollywood and I would part ways once I grew up and became more rational in my thinking but that never happened. Bollywood fever still has me in its grips. Even today if a friend seeks help I agree only because I can't help thinking of the on screen friendship shared by Amjad Khan-Big B in Yarana. If that man could sell himself for the happiness of his friend can't I shell out a few bucks or something?
"Tere liye dil kya jaan bhi haazir hai" .. Oh! what a crap!

I also have a habit of blurting these very filmy dialogues to wriggle out of sticky situations and believe me or not, it works. Sample these tried and tested one liners:
- "Tum mere andar jhaank ke dekh lo ki kya main jhooth bol raha hoon" - and the rest assured, you will be the most truthful person in the eyes of the other person at least for the moment.
- "Tumhare baare mein to pata nahi par shayad main apna ek accha dost kho raha hoon" - and friendship would bloom again.
(My fault then was that I had read a few 'personal' e-mails of one of my acquaintainces and was propogating the mail collection in our common close circle..and then it got leaked :( )

Bollywood has been very much a part of me always. Yes, most of the times they make these sloppy, idiotic, song-n-dance flicks which look all the same but still at some sub-conscious levels, a lot of us do get influenced by films. Some just run away to Mumbai to chase their Bollywood dreams while a few like me try to incorporate their influence in our lives.

"Aaj mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, paisa hai..kya hai tumhare paas?"

"..Mere paas CineMA hai". Hail Bollywood!

Astro Speak

I got this in one of the forwards. Found it really funny. Check out what stars have to say about you ;)

Capricorn( dec 21st - jan 20th) - you are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. you are basically a chicken shit. there has never bee a capricorn of any importance. you should kill yourself.

Aquarius(jan 21st - feb 19th) - you have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. you lie a great deal. you make the same mistake repeatedly because you are stupid. everyone thinks you are a jerk. you enjoy getting screwed by large inanimate objects.

Pisces(feb 20th- march 19th) - you have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by FBI or aliens. you have ainor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you confuse for power. you lack confidence and you smell funny.

Aries( mar 20th - apr 18th) - you are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. you are quick to reprimand, imaptient and scornful of advice. you do nothing but piss off everyone you come across. basically you are a prick.

Taurus(apr 19th - may 19th) - you are practical and impatient. you have dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. you are nothing but an ass hole.

Gemini(May 20th - June 20th) - you are a quick and intelliget thinker.People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for hitting on their siblings.

Cancer(Jun 21st - Jul 21st) - you are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a nosey prick. you always keep putting things off. this is why you will always be on welfare, and won't be worth a turd. everybody in prison is a cancer.

Leo(jul 22nd - aug 22nd) - you consider yourself a born leader. everyonethnks you are an idiot. most leo's are bullies. you are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. your arrogance is disgusting. leo's are thieving dipshits and enjoy masturbating mor than sex.

Virgo(Aug 23rd - Sep 21st) - you are alogical type and hate disorder. you nit picking attitude is sickening to your coworkers. you are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during intercourse. virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra(sep 21st - oct 22nd) - you are the artistic type and you have a difficult time with reality. if you are a male, you are probably gay. chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. most libra women are stubs. all libra's have one form of a veneral disease.

Scorpio(oct 23rd - nov 21st) - the worst of the lot. you are shrewd n business and canot be trusted. you shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of ttal lack of ethics. you are a perfect sonnova bitch. most scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius(nov 22nd - dec 20th) - you are optimistic and enthusiastic. you have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you have no talent. the majority of sagittarius are drunkards. nixon was a saggitarius. you are indeed a worthless piece of crap.

Adam, Eve and the Apple!

God created Adam, Eve and the forbidden fruit. Adam was lucky because he faced no competition in fetching the apple from the tree and impressed Eve. Though he incurred the heaven's wrath, his job was done. Eve was his!

Cut to the present times. Though the number of Adam and Eves remains almost the same, the number of fruits that the forbidden tree has borne has not grown in proportion and that has left a lot of Adams in the lurch. Who's to blame? Poor Adam, the ever demanding Eve or the tree? Well how about a guy named Sir Issac Newton! If it was not for him, no one would have known that the apple from the tree can fall by itself onto our laps owing to gravity. His discovery of gravity was a turning point in the history of mankind as it led to the creation of a class of Adams who sit under the tree waiting for the apple to drop. This class of Adams is widely found amongst Engineers. Having closely followed the trails of many such Adams, I found a number of reasons behind their tendency to wait for the apple to fall rather than dare to pluck it:

a.) His(The nerdy Adam's) formattive teen years are generally spent behind a pile of books of all sorts. Maths, Physics, Chemistry, x, y and z. Following the path of perseverence and self afflicted penance to reach out to the elixir of life which he mistakingly searches in the books, the budding engineer sees reason in the logic offered that the thrills and frills of life can wait.

b.) The day he qualifies for a top notch engineering institute, he starts to believe that he is of a superior race. He considers himself a gift to humanity and laughs off at the idea of chasing a girl.

c.) When he enters an engineering school, he is surrounded by people belonging to his school of thought. What loads the dice against this poor guy is the fact that in an engineering college, you have a very skewed girl-boy ratio.

d.) All his fantasies bite the dust as his qualifications stand guard to protect his celibacy. Any attempts to venture into the outside world of non-engineers fail as he finds it difficult to converse in an alien world. He talks in terms of 'probablities' instead of 'luck/chance' and cracks jokes which are pathetic(because his sense of humor is generally the non-veg kinda!)

e.) He is not classy. He clings on to the 100 rupee t-shirt of his first college fest for four years. Goes to the City Malls and other hep areas with chappals on and unkempt hair( tends to use comb only if it comes from his neighbour's cupboard).

It is at this time that he realises that he has walked many a miles and is at a point of no return. He makes some desperate attempts, if at all, and predictably fails. Why? Because he never learnt the art of fetching the apple from the tree. He heeded to the warnings of the Gods and never ventured out to pluck them and then that damn Issac Newton came and professed that crap about the apple falling by itself - That sealed his fate.

And the poor Adam kept waiting under the tree..

Rang De Basanti - Review

There are two kinds of movies, some make you feel good, some don't register anything once you get out of the theatre. And then you come across the third kind, the ones which leave you numb. RDB is a movie that will make you think and the thought would linger long after you have come out of the theatres. A highly experimental film which despite its shortcomings succeeds in conveying a message is how I would describe it. Is it all about Patriotism? - Not really. Its more of an interpretation of freedom by the youth of today and as the title suggests - the awakening.

The hero in the film is not only Aamir Khan, its the vision of Rakyesh Mehra - the director who has finally arrived. Its an original work. Though many believe that even Aks was unusual and ahead of its times, I still feel otherwise. For all the Aamir Khan fans, if you feel that it is an out and out Aamir Khan flick, you are in for big surprises. Siddhartha(the new face) has a role of equal standing.

The director weaves two plots into one and what you get is an experimental but seamlessly joined story that sees the present day situation in the context of the Indian struggle for freedom. So you have these bunch of college pass-outs leading a somewhat confused, carefree and flippant lives suddenly discovering Chandrashekhar Azads, Bhagat Singhs and Ashfaqs within them.

The basic difference between RDB and other films of this genre is that unlike other movies, in RDB, the protagonists do not plead with the people to stand up against corruption, nor do they rant about patriotism and preach. This is where Swades, another brilliant film failed. This works for the film as it does not end up being another film with an overdose of nationalism/patriotism. The director seems to have picked up the cue from Ashutosh Gowariker's Swades where SRK says - "Hamara desh sirf hamare kehne se mahaan nahi hoga." The protagonists are unapologetic of what they do and they stand up for it.

The story is for you all to go and see but let me give you 5 reasons for watching this film:

• The screenplay and the crisp editing - Rakyesh Mehra has brought out his imagiation brilliantly on celluloid. Tout screenplay by him and Renzil D'Silva. The script did have loopholes( you can’t just go and shoot a Home Minister at his home and get away without harm, comparing the lathicharge incident with Jallianwala Bagh tragedy and finally handling the climax) but then lets give him the allowance of cinematic liberty to give an entertaining/inspiring climax to his film within the 2.5 hours that he had. If he had gone all by logic then the message that the film conveys couldn't have come across. Though there are actually two plots running together, the transtition from colourful palletes to sepia tone does not look disjointed.
• Peformances - First rate! So you have Aamir Khan in yet another stellar act enthralling you with his antiques. He is hysterical, sensitive, headstrong, insecure and even breaks down after gulping down a few bottles of beer. A welcome respite after Mangal Pandey - the dud. Soha Ali Khan is a revelation. She surprises you with her acting for sure. The rest of the cast is equally good and you also have veterans like Anupam and Kirron Kher, Om Puri and Waheeda Rehman besides the head-line makers of the movie.
• Music - Its like a comeback for Rehman as well after Mangal Pandey. The way these songs are interwoven into the narrative adds to their quality. While the title track gives you that earthy feeling, the song Ru-ba-roo takes you into a trans. The background score is also great. To get the best music for his film, the director and his music director have to know exactly what they expect of each other and hats off to Mehra and Rehman for getting their efforts bang on target.
• Dialogues and cinematography - Prasoon Joshi's dialogues exude a youthful exuberence and Binod Pradhan's camerawork is top class.

The Moments:

- The scenes where these guys whizz past Kiron Kher taking her dupatta away in a boyish naughtiness, and where Aamir speaks his heart out to Sue.

- The improvisation on 'Choo kar mere mann ko' when the band of boys gets to meet Sue for the first time.

- Aamir Khan mugging up his dialogue lines - "Bismil ka sandesh hai.." and the one where he gets embarassed when he comes to know that Sue understood Hindi.

- The camaraderie that all of them share in general. The 'Pathshala' song needs a special mention here.

Rang De Basanti paints you in its colors. It surely does..

..and here I go

So here I am, finally into blogging. Its not that I was too lazy to actually blog but I was awaiting something magnificient to strike me but since I don't foresee that happening in the near future as well, let me just begin. Read a piece by Chetan Bhagat a couple of days back about suicides. Not a soul strring one but it gave me something I could actually write about.

Its true that each one of us has a life different from one another but in an average life of 70 yrs, there are many similar emotions/feelings that humans do experience. Contemplating suicide is one of them. If you do not agree with me just strain your memory a bit, didn't you ever feel like taking that one step ever? Whether you actually gave a serious thought to it or not is a different aspect altogether but didn't it ever occur to you even as a passing thought?

I had a couple of suicidal thoughts when I was in my teens. They've stopped occuring now because of several reasons I feel:
a) My personal experience with suicides says that it might not always be a success at one go.
b) I now fear death more than I hate life during the times of any crisis.
c) Its after all not a very glorified or heroic act. Now how many suiciders get a posthumus certificate of bravery after all?

But let me recount to you my daring attempt at taking my life. It was sometime in March, 1996. A bright day, the sun shone brightly, there was a spring in every step and I was having loose motions. It was not a very healthy sign. My exam results were going to be out. My Dad accompanied me to school and thankfully I had scored quite okay. A highest in History and English could easily make you satsfied and content and thats how it was all going when the Yamadoot of my life surfaced in the form of my Dad's colleague. He scrutinised my progress report carefully and then maybe because it was not to his liking, grimaced his face before passing on his judgement - "Only 70 in Mathematics? You are not doing your father proud my son!" I immediately turned towards my Dad expecting a dissproval on his part but he just smiled. What did it mean? Was I really an unworthy son? My whole worlkd came falling down. Why didn't Dad say that I was just doing fine?

Everything changed. I felt like a complete failure and the circumstances around me contrived towards convincing me about it I felt. My younger brother scored a magnificient 100 in Maths and I didn't get my usual result day gift. The verdict seemed clear - I was no more wanted. That night was a really long one.I got up early next morning..possibly my last morning. The decision was made. I sat down with my diary to plan it all out. "What all comprises a suicide? A suicide letter and the basic tools for committing suicide, depending on the strategy adopted", I thought.

I regularly read newspapers and was kind of up-to-date with the ways of carrying it out. I sat down to pen my last few words addressing my parents. I talked about how unworthy I was and that the best way to bring an end to my plight was to end my life. Just as I was writing the customary thank you note to all those who supported a total waste like me through the thick and thins of my short and failed life, my Mom started screaming at me to go and take a bath. "I'll never trouble you again" - I thought.

The next step involved finalising the way. I had several options and it took me an hour or so of scanning through the regional news section of the newspapers to get down to a final list of methods. For the record they were:
a) consuming poison
b) lying on a railway track in front of a speeding train
c) jumping from the building terrace - heavily inspired by the film 'Baazigar'
d) self immolation
e) hanging myself from the ceiling fanDon't know if life gives you options but death surely does ;-)

(b) and (d) were immediately ruled out because of the pain involved. (c) was a 'not-so-common' way and seemed okay but what if I only ended up breaking my legs or a few bones? I ruled that out too. (a) is a very popular method but then I had heard that though death is guaranteed, the build up to death is very painful. People vomit when they consume poison and I didn't like vommitting. So (e) it was. Plain and simple just a momentary realisation of the fact that you are dying and then you are gone.

The execution step is the one thats most difficult to plan out. I had to arrange for a long rope and more importantly do it without my parents knowing it. Thankfully Sharma Uncle came to my rescue. Our family was invited for a dinner at his house and I excused myself citing my personal ideological differences with his elder son. My family respected my decision and they did not push for a reconciliation that night.

The stage was all set. I gave some final emotional touches to the suicide letter and kept it on my study table. But how could I do everything right. Though I had a good quality rope to hang myself with, I did not know how to reach the ceiling fan to tie its one end. Our ceiling was quite high by all standards and I could barely reach it standing on the table. "Should I get back to a (c) or a (d)?" - I couldn't come to a conclusion. And then suddenly as if from nowhere that damn Yamadoot, my Dad's colleague, came looking for my Dad at home. I had to abandon all plans for that day and decided to make a more seal proof startegy the next morning. I somehow managed a peaceful sleep.

The next morning was gloomy, dark clouds around, no sunshine and my loose motions had stopped. I felt the change. I immediately opened my diary and read the suicide note. Was I in a daze when I wrote all that crap? The first thing I did after that was to burn the note. All that happened during the past 48 hours flashed in front of my eyes. Life had come a full cirle in a span of just two days. The very reason of my contemplating suicide(Dad's colleague) was the reason why I actually didn't.I realised how precious life was.

I might have been too young to actually philosophise on looking at the whole episode as some divine power's way of teaching me a lesson or two about life but old enough to feel grateful for the fact that I was living. Just as these thoughts overwhelmed me, my Mom screamed yet again shouting at me for not taking a bath. "I'll keep troubling you like this forever" - I screamed back.

- Anurag O' Henry.