Talking all Crap

Gandhi Ki Aandhi

2009-05-11T02:56:00.000-07:00

The Baton has passed

India has been independent for 62 years and the Gandhi-Nehru family has been in the PM's office for almost 37.5 years. Yet you are not supposed to call it dynastic. Much of the name that India has earned elsewhere has been post globalization in the 1990’s. Strangely, none of the Gandhi scions have been in power during these times. Oh, maybe it was their policies that made globalization a reality for India. You might find it funny to hear old people in rural India still going out to vote for Indira Gandhi but that is the power that the surname commands.

Sonia was offered Rajiv Gandhi’s vacant chair way back in 1991 that she declined. She was probably still reeling in the aftermath of the tragedy that had struck her family but things are different today. Rahul has more than one reason to feel worthy for the throne that’s waiting for him adn why shouldn't he.

Reason 1 - The pedigree

There is nothing wrong in harboring political ambitions. Just as a doctor’s son becomes a doctor, a politician’s son can very well become a politician. Count this as a slight aberration when a doctor’s wife becomes the hospital in-charge and his son becomes the chief surgeon citing pedigree. Rahul Gandhi comes from a family that has a history of throwing up young leaders. Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi both became prime ministers while they were still in their 40s. Rahul needs to live upto that expectation as well. After retuning to India in late 2002, he has in no time acquired supreme capabilities as a leader. What he did while he was away is debatable. However, since the verdict is not clearly out, we must give him the benefit of the doubt. [Read: For Rahul and Against Rahul]

Dynasty..what's that?

Reason 2 - Forthrightness:

If I admit to being bad, then I am good! Talk of idealism and the face of Rahul Gandhi crops up. With forthrightness, he had extolled his family’s feats back in 1971 that had the potency of jeopardizing Indo-Pak relations had Rahul been in some position of command. The same naivety or “forthrightness” was on display when he sang praises for his adversaries and derailing his party’s relations with his allies. Such was the impact that it cost people their positions and emissaries including the PM had to rush to explain the deep meaningful thoughts behind the praise. The silver lining is the refreshing feel that his forthrightness has given to politics. It really doesn’t matter if the timing was wrong. Rahul Gandhi can just not be wrong.

Reason 3 - Connection with the Youth:

I listened to Rahul Gandhi’s interaction with the youth in Ahmedabad. The intelligent man that he is, he declared that Gujarat was bigger than UK (the Google result on the comparison of size and population of these two suggests otherwise). There were claps all around. Sometimes, the charisma overshadows the effect of the words spoken. This was just one such case. He then went on to proclaim that India was BIGGER than US and Europe put together. (Link)

This time there were no claps. Maybe this time the power of words outweighed the charisma or maybe people were trying to figure where he got his stats from. Was he talking of the size of democracy and not the actual size? What would that comparison mean? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that no one questioned him and people listened with apt silence. That shows how well he connects with the youth. If there are no arguments, you can safely assume that things are under control. He also presented a unique solution to getting rid of terrorism in 15 minutes. I don’t consider myself qualified enough to dig deep into the radical method he would choose to adopt. Did someone say empowering the villages could be one way to do so? I am amused.

On a more serious note, there is no denying the fact that Rahul Gandhi has an identity of his own. The reticent Gandhi of 2004 has become a confident Gandhi of 2009. But is personal improvement a measure of knowing how well he will do as a leader of repute? What if he had been an Indian Prime Minister sitting across a table with his Sri Lankan counterpart and lauding the guts and courage of Prabhakaran, what if he met Obama and praised his nationalistic feelings for taking measures against offshoring and what if he had gone ahead an declared war on Pakistan thinking that it was probably as big as Bhutan?

No one knows what holds in future. With time he may learn and become worthy enough to lead. He does have age on his side and the intent to improve is there. But what makes me cringe is the way people go about lauding his credentials as a leader today when all that he has done has been to “understand” his constituency. The rational side of me finds it hard to accept a person with refreshing thoughts but no restraint as my leader. The opportunist in me says that I should probably side with him.

After all, the might is always right and whether you like it or not, the dynasty is here to rule!

Singh is Kinng - Review

2008-08-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Read at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com

Blog Updates

2008-07-16T22:44:00.001-07:00

Check out the review of Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com/. Sorry for the delay folks!

Also, read the 'Senseless Garbage - The Matrix of Life' at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com/ to sharpen your reading skills :-P

Cheers!

Anurag

Jaane Tu..Ya Jaane Na

2008-07-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Friends, I am really sorry for not putting up the review of Jaane Tu in time on the blog. The reason is that nobody is willing to go and watch it with me :( I will try to watch it over this week itself. So check out the update at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com in the next couple of days.

Cheers!

New Blog Up!

2008-06-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

Read the review on The 3 Mistakes of My Life at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com

Moving on..

2008-06-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

Check out the latest blog entry - Football'ed' at http://sensiblegarbage.blogspot.com

Sarkar Raj - The Review

2008-06-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

Sarkar Raj was an eagerly awaited film. It was deemed to be Ramu’s comeback, rather fightback, film. There were rumors abound about the film being a platform for the Bachchans to show their Maharashtra love. The film scores on both these counts. Ramu is in form or should I say in his comfort zone in the film and he delivers. The Bachchans use the 70MM canvas to seek a place in the hearts of the Marathis who are supposed to hate them following the political outbursts against the first family of Indian Filmdom.

Story:

Sarkar Raj takes off from where Sarkar had left. The slickness is maintained and the pace at which the story moves grips you from the very outset. A foreign power company headed by Anita (Aishwarya) wants to set up a power plant in Maharashtra and for that it seeks Sarkar’s help. Shankar (Abhishek) believes in the project and despite the initial hiccups is able to convince people to welcome the power plant project. In the process he makes new enemies as well who decide to decimate him.

The build up to the intermission is quite good and the interval point reminds you of Godfather, the film Sarkar's initial inspiration. Just as Michael Corleone’s wife was blown up in Godfather, here, Tanisha is blown up. Post interval it’s revenge time for the Nagres as Shankar goes for the kill to avenge his wife’s death. Tensions build up and a contract killer is hired to eliminate Shankar. Shankar meanwhile is oblivious to the lurking danger as he is not able to gauge the larger conspiracy at hand. The result – he is shot dead!

The semi-retired Sarkar comes back to the helm to find the people behind the killing and has them killed. He figures out that a political game was being played by his own mentor to get the reins of power back in his hands. Sarkar foils his bid and shows who the real boss is. The climax is open ended to allow Ramu enough room to cook up another story to complete the Sarkar trilogy in future.

Now coming to the details or as I say, the dissection:

Acting: Amitabh Bachchan is awesome! Only he could have been Sarkar and he plays the character with supreme finesse. Junior B too got into the skin of the character just as well as he did the last time around. His death scene immortalizes his character. Thankfully there is not much drama and that makes it look more real. This is a good thing about Ramu and his films, they don't make death look like a fanfare as in typical Bollywood films. Aishwarya Rai gets to play a strong girl but not that strong a character. She looks more of a 'spectator' than a 'player' in the script. Yes, the climax does augur well for her character in the third part, if it is made. Rest of the cast is ok. The touch that the actor playing an industrialist, Kantilal Vora, brings to his character looks obsolete and very filmy. Should a serious looking villain always have to indulge in some antiques like singing romantic hindi songs to bring out his wickedness to the fore?

Direction: Ramu is a master of underworld films. He delivers this time and that must have been a relief for him. He has his own trademark way of introducing characters and showing a vulture flying over the sky to denote the ‘lull before the storm’. The good thing about Ramu is his technical deftness, the bad thing – his repetitiveness!

Music: Amar Mohile is a veteran and has done a good work with the background score. The haunting tunes come back to you and the chants of ‘Govinda, Govinda!’ bring back the same aura that Sarkar-I had brought. Thumbs up for the score. The other songs are not good. They didn’t have to be, this film did not need any song. Ramu has intelligently played them in the background to break the monotony at times.

Dialogues: Intelligent but a bit too taxing at times. There were a few really good scenes with quality dialogues but at times they went overboard and gave the impression of being forced to give an overdose of intellect in the film.

As for the packaging, publicity and box office fate, they seem have been taken care of quite well. The film will be profitable and will go some way in resurrecting the declining power that Ramu once wielded through his ‘Factory’ that I have heard has shut down now. I hope better sense prevails on Ramu and he gives up his dream to rehash Sholay a second time.

Sarkar Raj is not an entertainer. You would appreciate it but not love it.

Banned - Why?

2008-06-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

I got this in a forwarded message recently. This MTV Ad, they say, was banned in the US after being aired once. Some sources also claim that it was not the Government but Viacom, the parent company of MTV that censored it as it offended viewers and corporate sponsors. The time of this Ad was post the 9/11 attacks. I cannot confirm the veracity of the forward but the picture ad is definitely thought provoking.

Even though I am convinced that there are far more serious issues that need to be addressed in the World than a war on Terrorism, but that doesn't make terrorism a less sinful act.

2,863 dead40 million infected worldwideThe world united against terrorism.It should do the same against AIDS

2,863 dead630 million homeless people in the worldThe world united against terrorism.It should do the same against poverty.

2,863 dead824 million undernourished people in the worldThe world united against terrorism.It should do the same against

Jab We Met - Review

2008-06-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

I had seen Jab We Met earlier but not at one go. So I never felt the urge to write something about it. This time I got hold of its DVD while on vacation and I loved it! I know that the review has lost its significance as it comes in a year late but I just wanted to talk about it.

Imtiaz Ali is one director who reminds you of directors like Hrishikesh Mukheji who made simple, light hearted but entertaining films. Jab We Met, like Socha Na Tha (Imtiaz’s debut film with Abhay Deol) has characters that are straight out of life. The dialogues are not filmy and story is the king.

Jab We Met has a lot of things working in its favor. A good story to start off with, an intelligent director and protagonists who share great onscreen chemistry. The film rode on the Shahid-Kareena break up story to become one of the top grossers of 2007.

Story: If you have seen both of Imtiaz Ali’s films, you would note that his stories have that element of ‘confusion’ playing a key role in the story. Socha Na Tha had Abhay Deol being confused about the girl he wanted to marry. Jab We Met has Shahid and Kareena helping each other overcome their respective confusions in different phases in their lives. You get engrossed in the story right at the beginning when Geet and Aditya are introduced. The lively pace at which the story moves keeps you interested. The only time I felt a slack was in the closing fifteen minutes of the film when Geet, Aditya and Anshuman return to Bhatinda and find themselves amidst the confusion where Geet’s family mistakenly takes Aditya to be Geet’s husband. I call that cinematic liberty but this is one point in this intelligently written film that irks you.

Direction: Imtiaz Ali is a director to watch out for. This reticent looking director explodes behind the camera and brings out the best from his lead actors. Kareena has been on the scene for almost a decade now and Shahid has been around for six years in the industry. But it is with this film that they have come of age. Kareena did have Omkara to boast about but the towering Saif Ali Khan as Langda Tyagi overshadowed everyone then. Imtiaz has raised the expectations manifold with this film. I just hope that he lives upto them.

Music: I hate to say this when it is Pritam at the helm but the fact is that the music rocks. I lost all respect for this guy when I got to know that most of his ‘original’ tracks were ‘inspired’. But that doesn’t take away the fact that he has good musical ears. This guy sure knows what the listeners would like. He keeps giving hits despite his trade secret having come out in the open. The tracks have distinct flavor. A couple of bhangda tracks and a few soft romantic numbers make this an extremely likable album. Pritam is from the same stable as our other popular inspired music directors Bappi Lahiri and Anu Malik. Hate him or loathe him but he is here to stay.

Acting: The film is about two people and the circumstances they are in. It was imperative that the actors involved showed that maturity in their portrayals. Shahid and Kareena do complete justice to their parts. You walk out of a theatre with strong macho characters in your mind. I am strictly speaking of the male audience for a reason here because it is Geet’s character that stays with you when the film ends. Kareena has deservingly won all Bollywood film awards this year. Shahid too has delivered a power packed performance. Something from Pankaj Kapur seems to have rubbed onto him.

Dialogues: Funny, powerful and original! The conversations between different characters in the first half generate mirth. The second half is not funny but the dialogues still make the whole affair very real and likable.

The negatives as I said are not too many and I don’t want to dig into those just to sound like a real critic. I feel that the film did lose pace in the second half and could have been trimmed a bit. But overall Jab We Met is an enjoyable experience. I am sure most of you would like it.

Smile is Just a Curve on the Face :)

2008-05-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

“Hi! How are you doing?”
“I am fine, thank you. You are looking as fit as ever.”
“Oh, thank you.”

The most difficult part of my existence has been my failure to come to terms with the basic requirements of acting civilized and desirable by following etiquettes. Again, I will put the blame on my Dad who at times quivers when someone reaches out to do something as insignificant as touching his feet. He doesn’t exactly bless them and that has got nothing to do with him not willing to. It's just that he doesn't feel comfortable doing such things at times. As with most of the traits that I have inherited from him, I have imbibed this ‘anti-social’ trait from him. The outcome is obvious, I am considered snobbish by many.

I understand that it is really not done to act as if you care a damn when a he/she greets you in the day but what if the act stems from a deep rooted disorder that refuses to get cured despite being diagnosed? As I read what I have written, I sense the monologue is turning into an apology of sorts. So, let me change the course and give you reasons why people like me behave the way they do!

1.) I see you everyday and I don’t think this morning is different either!

As logical as we are, the first thing that strikes my mind when I see a face that I see every morning is a realization that nothing much has changed since yesterday. I really don’t think my wishing people a good morning is really going to change things in their lives that day. So, why give them a false hope? If something good really happens, a handshake or a hug awaits them!

2.) What if?

Call it lack of strength in my smile, but I sometimes shy away from flashing the illusive smile with a “Hello! Is it me you are looking for” look because of the fear that it might get overlooked. It is self assessment that has taught me that I am no Brad Pitt who gets all the attention wherever he goes. There is every chance that the person I smile to doesn’t even notice that. It is the fear that the evil within me would chuckle out aloud that keeps me in check and I end up feeling that I have saved myself from inflicting an injury to my ego.

3.) Wooden face expressions

I have been told that I have a good smile. But the countable number of people who have said that don’t know that the efforts spent in creating that illusion is equivalent to a full day’s work out at the gym! The moment I hear a “Hi”, “Hello”, “Good morning”, I get jittery. The time span between someone saying a Hi and expecting a reply is so short that I end up managing at most a straight face with a faint hint of smile. The other person walks past me thinking that I tried giving him a cold shoulder. For God’s sake, turn around and check it out dude, the smile did come out even though it was 20 seconds late. It is plainly because of my wooden facial expressions that I have forever imagined myself as someone born with a passport to hell glued on his face.

4.) Words are priceless and smile doesn’t come cheap either

I find it hard to fathom how people who indulge in bitching about each other behind each other’s backs, share pleasantries when they come face-to-face. I also don’t understand why I should wish someone if I really don’t mean it at all. Before you jump the guns, I am not saying that this is the reason why I don’t generally wish people. But yes, there are people whom I am not too comfortable with and I don’t make an attempt to kiss and make up. It is another matter that I sometimes end up learning a lesson or two about “growing up” when some ‘supposed’ adversary comes up and clears the air.

5.) I am like this

There are times when people who know me well come to tell me that I act stupid at times and I hear them out with patient ears. But at the end of it all I feel that it really doesn’t matter if people I don’t know think that I ride on wheels of snobbishness that doesn’t tread the path of righteous conduct.

When you see someone not smiling back at you every time you see him, remember this post. It is genuineness afterall that stays with you when you meet or see a person. There are people who might not veil their genuineness in a perpetual smile to make it look endearing but 10 times out of 100 (I use 100 instead of 10 because 1 out of 10 made it sound exclusive!!), they just happen to belong to the ‘misfit’ class!

Race - The Roller Coaster Ride!

2008-04-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

I finally feel like coming out of a hibernation period. I did not attempt to write anything for the past two months primarily because I was not getting any good thing to write about. Not that I have it now but then I couldn't have waited forever for that to happen.

A few days back I saw Race directed by the whitewashed director duo of Abbas Mustan. The promos were interesting and I was compelled to watch it. After 3 failed attempts to get the tickets, I finally managed to sneak a peek. Boy! It was a film that will remind you of a giant roller coaster ride that doesn't seem to stop. Now that the film is already 3 weeks old, I can take the liberty of spilling the beans and letting you know of the story, rather my interpretation of the story assuming that those of you who have not watched it do not intend to.

The story begins with an accident and then shifts to a derby ground. The story goes to a flashback and we see a stud farm where Saif and Akshaye (Khanna and not Kumar) live together. If this reminds you of Brokeback mountain, hold on - the first twist is here! Both these guys are brothers and are very strange to say the least. Saif on his part overlooks all attention he gets from his oozing with sex appeal secretary played by Katrina and Akshaye Khanna wears an ensemble of blue jeans, orange shirt, brown jacket, red shoes (Who says Govinda days are long gone!) and a wig but still oozes the confidence of a casanova. Didn't someone say that it’s not the exterior that counts? Saif lays all gayish connotations to his character at rest by getting an arm candy called Bipasha who plays an upcoming Indian model in South Africa at the age of 30.

The brothers are rich, thanks to a big fortune left by their Dad. Saif takes care of the business while Akshay takes care of the city's Daaru ka thekaas. At a party thrown in to celebrate Saif's homecoming after a near fatal accident, Akshay meets Bipasha and then has a heart-to-heart talk with his brother:

Akshay: If only I get this girl, I will have no reason to drink anymore.
Saif (thinking): Ek romantic song to ho jaane diya hota uske saath uske baad kehta ye sab :(

Akshay: Bhaiyya, get me married to her and I will quit drinking and become a good boy
Saif: If that makes you happy, I will play the Rajinder Kumar from Sangam and have her marry you. I am anyways too much into my romance with Kareena and she might not like it if I dance around with Bipasha.

The deal is sealed and Akshay beguiles Bipasha and all seems to go smooth when the story writer wakes up from his slumber and dishes out a twist. Bipasha is actually a runaway girl who has had a criminal past. Akshay knows it all too well and then he tells her about his plans to get Saif knocked off to claim the insurance of $100 million. Katrina meanwhile is relegated to play a demure secretary who has a stock line to deliver:

"Sir ye hain wo papers jinpe aapko sign karne hain"

To break this monotony, the Burmawala brothers plot to take Saif and Katrina to a pub where Katrina sings to woo her love. The lyrics go something like this:

"Bin tere sanam, is jahaan mein, bekaraar hum
dum dadam dadam"

Any guy could have fallen for that 'dum dadam dadam' part but Saif doesn't melt! You begin to think - Is his character gay after all?

The gripping story moves on. Akshay plots to murder Saif by throwing him off a roof top. Another twist is thrown in - Bipasha is still Saif's lover! And I did not tell you guys about that romp Saif and Bipasha have in the stud farm one stormy night (damn the cliches in a hindi film!!) because I want this blog to be 'U' certified. The twists go out of control as Bipasha switches teams at the last moment and helps Akshay throw Saif from the roof top.

Enter a Karamchand-Kitty incarnation in Anil Kapoor-Sameera Reddy. At 48, Detective Anil Kapoor is at his wittiest best as he mouths one double meaning dialogue after another to generate mirth. The subject of all his 'friendly' banter is Sameera whose job as a secretary is to maintain a record of Anil's daily dose of fruits. The detective takes up the case that seems more tangled than Andrew Symond's crop of hair.

Enter Katrina at this stage who now claims to be Saif's wife. During interrogation, she recites the songs that the two of them sang on their business trip to Cape Town. Strangely enough, though she has a British accent, the words used in the lyrics of the song she sang had an earthy feeling (sample these - batiyaan, saiyaan, jiya, piya) and that irks the sharp detective. He follows her trails. The audience is left agape when they see Katrina on a beach with, hold your breath, her brother-in-law Akshay Khanna! Anil Kapoor catches them red handed. Knowing that corruption is not the proprietorship of Indian police only, Akshay offers money to Anil and he gladly accepts saying - "Pehle fruits khaata tha, ab dry fruits khaaunga"

After the money exchanges hands, Akshay decides to bump off Bipasha. As she stares at death from close quarters, Saifu - the super hero makes a comeback and saves her. The audience is sent into a tizzy. "What the hell is going to happen now?" is the question on every lips and no one seems to have an answer. I chew my nails and wonder if this is going to turn into a ghost story. The experience of the directors comes into play at this point. In order to counter the low IQ of the audience, they decide to recount a step by step break up of a series of events to show how Saif was saved with Anil's help.

Akshay Khanna and Katrina Kaif are left with no place to hide so they engage Saif in a motor race to claim the property. I wonder if a horce race was more befitting as the initial setting was a stud farm. Anyways, the two step brothers go all out to race for a $200 million prize money (and you thought that only IPL is highly paying). Villainous Akshay plots again as he gives Saif a car that does not have brakes. While driving, Maryada Purushottam Saif jokes to Akshay saying that he too had a bomb planted in the car Akshay was driving. Akshay takes it a bit too seriously and ends up paying with his and Katrina's life.

Saif is the victor and he goes back with all the money and Bipasha in his arms.

Mithya - Review

2008-02-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

When I watched Bheja Fry, I really felt that one actor who was not given his due was Ranvir Shorey. He has been a brilliant actor and he finally shows here how good he can be. Every scene in Mithya revolves around him and you do get your doses of laughter and fun moments. The sad thing was that the theatre had around 40 people in all despite it being a weekend and the second day of the film. I was surprised to see that lukewarm response despite people knowing the fact that the trio of Rajat Kapoor, Vinay Pathak and Ranvir Shorey were coming together again. Was it bad promotion? Shouldn't Arindam Chaudhari have spent more on promoting the film and cashing on the legacy of Bheja Fry? After all, this was a commercial effort and there was no harm in letting it be known. Another thing that can go against the film is that it will be compared to Bheja Fry and that doesn’t augur too well for this film commercially at least.

Rajat Kapoor is an able theatre director. His shows with Ranvir and Vinay have been huge hits and the intellect of this sensible director shows in the film. The comic scenes are really good but if you compare it with Bheja Fry (the comparisons!!), the dialogues lack the humor that Bheja Fry had.

The film is not offbeat. It very much treads the lines of a formula film and is supported by an efficient army of actors who carry the film forward. It builds quite well in a riveting manner. The scenes leading upto the intermission are gripping. Things begin to get complicated and stretched in the later part of the second half when the identity crisis of the Don/VK comes to the fore. Again, I am not saying that Rajat Kapoor could not handle it well. All I am saying is that the idea looks more theatrical than filmy. I am sure I would have liked it more if I had seen a theatre adaptation of this film because for a general film buff the end left a lot to be desired.

Ranvir Shorey is top class. I just hope that the industry rises to brace upto this fine actor and offer him roles of substance. He brings out the finer nuances of a struggler in the industry with panache. Vinay Pathak plays a goon and does not get any meaty scene. He plays the side-kick throughout the film. Naseeruddin Shah and Saurabh Shukla are the scheming Dons living under the shadow of Bhaisahab while Neha Dhupia plays Ranvir’s love interest. All in all no one really disappoints but neither do they look as if only they suited the part.

I did get bored in the closing 15-20 minutes of the film and my verdict for the film is – A courageous attempt that might not hit the bull’s eye, not even with the multiplex audience. Personally, I would any day spend my bucks to watch the team perform. You feel like an elitist just by watching them ;) I won’t call Mitthya classy or trendsetting but yes you can give it a shot.

Slap them..they're Bhaiyajis!

2008-02-04T00:11:00.000-08:00

The “Maharashtra Navnirman Sena Visa” proposal for the self proclaimed Independent Monarchy of Maharashtra is hogging the limelight for the past couple of days. The crusader behind the whole move is the legendary Raj Thakeray. Raj Thakeray who? – The Bal Thakeray wannabe who is suffering from mental imbalance post a political rout in the last Municipal elections. The folks under attack are North Indians, more specifically the UPites and the Biharis, and I squirm on my couch because I am not sure if my visa application would be entertained by His Highness and his council of sickle wielding ministers (yes he said that they would welcome us with sickles) when I land in Mumbai some day in future.

Mr. Thackeray promises a lot in the times to come. At 40, the opportunities seem endless and he sure is exploring them with vigor hitherto associated with the likes of Hitler whom he personally admires. I wonder if the incidents of his men vandalizing taxis and beating the north Indian drivers black and blue were conceptualized to relive the glory of the Holocaust. You will in all probability find the comparison with Holocaust as skewed but let’s give the poor soul his moments of fame before he gets the treatment due for him in the aftermath of the “I suffer from verbal diarrhoea” act of his.

Now that the whole world is chiding him, let me offer him some support and consolations at the cost of betraying my fellow Bhaiyajis of UP and Bihar. I am mean and I do this so that just in case Mr. Thackeray realizes his dream of setting up the Independent Monarchy of Maharashtra, my application to gain entry into Mumbai is viewed favorably. But I don't think that it is going to help. Once the monarchy is established, he might even debar us from even applying for a visit. Who knows, we might just settle there!

Raj Thackeray has been an anti-nationalist and pro-regionalism, a fact endorsed by him on more than one occasions, though not as violently as he is doing it now. The verdict in the last Municipal elections stated it loud and clear that his notions did not find popular support. Instead of realizing that, Raj Thackeray has gone on the offensive to preach his silly ramblings just to get a foot-hold in Maharashtra’s politics. I feel he has reasons to act that way. Quite contrary to the perception that Raj Thackeray is a mass appeal leader, he does not have a base in the heartland of Maharashtra. He has never represented any constituency and the only reason why he rose was because he was Bal Thackeray’s nephew. For such a leader getting carried away from core issues that concern people is quite easy. Sensationalizing a non-issue has given him some quality air-time on all news channels and he can pat himself for getting that space because at the end of it all, this is the most that he could have got out of it. I wonder why he is not being arrested for disrupting the harmony and denting the pride of such a vibrant city like Mumbai. Haven't the scenes of Taxi drivers being beaten and Bachchan's house being pelted with stones done enough to tarnish the image?

The mess that he has created also ignites another fire that needs to be doused soon enough before it assumes "massive out-break" proportions. Biharis have been under attack in Assam and then the Delhi Chief Minister viewed us suspiciously only to retract later. We can’t overlook these problems and sweep it under the carpet saying that these were one-off incidents. Unemployment and problem of space is not a state problem. It is a problem central to the whole country. It is not as if people from Bihar and UP own acres of land back home and then move out to eat up the shares of people elsewhere. There is no law in the constitution that restricts their movement in India under normal circumstances. If you pride yourself in calling yourself an Indian, then you also have to respect what it stands for.

Cities like Mumbai and Delhi are the economic hubs of India. They got the attention that they needed and please don’t give the shit by saying that it was just the Mumbaikars or the Delhiites who made it happen for them. Bihar and UP produces more administrators (IAS officers) than any other part of India. These two states represent a huge chunk of the law making body – The Parliament and contribute to about 25% of India’s population. If you start to rub them the wrong way, there would come a time when they too would react and maybe more vociferoausly. Thackeray and people with similar thought process should remember that 1 out of every 4 Indian is a Bhaiyaji and there is no escape from them. So run while you can because the chances are that sooner or later it will be one of them who would come and hump you big-time ;)

The Bad, The Ugly, The Villain!

2008-01-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

“Fata poster nikla Hero!”. I sometimes feel that heroes are unduly celebrated in Bollywood. If it was not for that tobacco chewing, spitfire and cruel Gabbar, what use would the dallards like Jai and Veeru have served? Hindi film villainy has changed faces over the years and has held its own despite the fact that villains always end up being on the losing side at the end of it all. If you look closely, the villains can be broadly classified into a few subcategories. Here’s a take on that. Take it as my tribute to the Bad Men you never aspire to be.

Dirty Gabbar clones: They never bathed and carried a disheveled look. As social outcasts, they found solace in the ravines of Chambal or in some deep forest. Such a choice of habitat was intelligent. Nobody cared if they didn’t take a bath. Their gang comprised of human manifestations of wild boars. I don’t know how Ramu thought of casting a Rajpal Yadav as a gang member in Jungle. But then he also cast Fardeen Khan as the lead hero. So the answer is quite obvious – he wanted to prove a point! The Gabbar clones had strange taste buds. Some of them had a weakness for cabaret dancers while some of them were repulsive even in their taste.

To quote one from China Gate - “Mere mann ko bhaya, main kutta kaat ke khaya”

Nevertheless, they epitomized all bad things that you were scolded for as a kid. They stole, stayed dirty, passed lewd remarks and stayed outdoors all day. They are the more macho villains who used terror as their weapon to rule. Largescale deforestation and desire to share a community life probably spelt the doom for this class of villains.

Gaaon ka lala clones: These were real b******s. They lent the money to our hero’s family and then asked them to settle for a compromise.

Lala Dharmprakash: “Tumhare paas aur bhi bahut kuch hai dene ko”

The poor hero had to toil hard. The fact that he had a young and generally plump sister at home added to his woes. More often than not, the poor hero was framed and sent to a jail. The Lala then made life miserable for his family back home. The hero returned later to find his personal life ruined. He just had the memories of a Rakhi song his sister used to sing to find a reason to live on. The Gaon ka lala was finally crushed and the hero once again surrendered to the law to start life afresh. These Lalas started disappearing into oblivion once nationalized banks opened centers in villages and money lending Lalas became a thing of the past.

Safedposh Chor clones: “Saara sheher mujhe LOIN ke naam se jaanta hai”.

They smuggled and killed people while managing to stay in the limelight for all the right reasons. No one dared to imagine them to indulge in any wrong doing at least for the first 14 of the 17 reel movie.

IG to DCP Prabhakar: “Kya bakte ho Parbhaakar, Deen Dayal sheher ka izzatdaar insaan hai”

These clones enjoyed all pleasures in life. They had a bevy of revealing personal secretaries, they smoked imported cigars and went about living a flashy lifestyle that could make you mull whether it was really worth it to be righteous in conduct. These clones lost out to the underground and gadget savvy villains who aided by their firangi partners wreaked havoc in the society at large and the hero in particular.

Underground baddy clones: These clones operated sub-surface. They had a whole security system in place to track down any infiltration. As soon as any outsider entered their premises, 100W bulbs flashed and an alarm bell set off. The gadgets varied from the simple switchboards to complex electric-shock giving set-ups. Their state-of-the-art operation center was well equipped with a prison that housed the hero’s mother, love interest, long lost father, sister and all other character artists under one roof during the climax. The technology savvy villain was far removed from the do-naali toting Gabbar clones who moved on horses and lived in open air. The secret door to their hidden world was either behind a huge painting in a bungalow or some such place that one could never find out. It was only when the last scene rolled that Police was able to reach the place and arrest them all.

Mogambo Clones: The upgraded version of the tech savvy villain were their foreign counterparts who spoke impeccable Hindi and had vested interests in India. They had strange names though – Dang, Dong, Mogambo and Shakal to name a few. These clones operated from some la la land or from privately owned islands. They had their own army, a set of scientists and customs and rituals.

“Hail Mogambo” – A soldier praising his leader as part of a customary ritual.

Not just the rituals, these international epitomes of treachery dressed exotically and had a handy one liner in their repertoire.

“Dong kabhi wrong nahi hota” – Dong, when asked if his decision to let the gang of hooligans from India come and torment them in their privately owned country was correct.

With globalization came an end to their life on screen. The world shrunk, the boundaries merged and the audience came to know that there was no la la land.

Political goons: They were relegated to the backseat for most part of Indian film history. They often appeared as sidekicks who couldn’t survive till the last scene. However, for a brief period of time, they held sway in the industry. They had very social names but indulged in all possible anti-social activities.

Most of the times they had a shady past that was brought to the limelight by the once oppressed hero who sought vengeance. Again, these political goons borrowed their traits from the gaon ka lala clones in terms of debauchery. They were again the pervert lot.

Funny Villains: This brand is synonymous with the rise of Jeetendra as the “Tohfa tohfa...laaya laaya” superstar. These villains came to life owing to the wild and largely whacky sense of humor possessed by the south Indian directors. They kept goofing up but never fell short of creating trouble for our hero. The set up was mostly in a south Indian village painted as a north Indian one. The funny villains operated in pairs Father-Son or Thakur-Munim. They mouthed double meaning dialogues in abundance which can partially be acclaimed to the lack of knowledge of Hindi by the creative team that wrote dialogues. Sample one such dialogue that a villain used whenever he saw the heroine:

“Aauu Lal.e.e.tha”

Their era was short lived too. They disappeared overnight when Jeetendra’s supply of 30+ tablets was curtailed and he decided to hang up his boots.

Suave Villains: SRK changed the complexion of hindi film villainy with his K..K..Kirrran avtar. True, Shatrughan Sinha and Vinod Khanna had started the trend quite early in their career and moved to play the protagonists, SRK was already a hero when he played the bad guy. These villains possessed tremendous IQ compared to the rest of the cast. They held the upper hand in almost the whole of the film until they were finally undone. Almost the entire breed of the current lot has played the suave bad guy once for a change. You name them, you have them – SRK (Darr, Anjaam, Baazigar), Akshay (Ajnabee), Suniel Shetty (Dhadkan), Amitabh Bachchan (Aankhein, Boom, RGV Ki Aag), Ajay Devgan (Khakee) and Hrithik and John (Dhoom series). The current trend is that if you haven’t played the bad guy once, you are not happening.

While at this I purposely left out the outright winners who appear in the B grade money churners made by Kanti Shah and Mithun Da. They deserve a special mention. Although times have changed in the hindi film industry, these guys were never affected by the mutations that hindi film villainy went through. Pick up any such film and they would be as interesting. The plots of these films has been Kubrickesque. You have to understand the undercurrent of the whole premise. Sadly, one life time is not enough for that! The story revolves around a village where these wicked souls rule the roost. The Pujari, The Thakur, The Politician and The Police Wala all meet at Thakur’s haveli every night plan out their next deadly move. By the twist of fate the hero also becomes involved. The goons either lay their hands on the heroine or the hero’s sister. Now starts the roller coaster ride. Either the victim or the hero (these are the two variations) turns into a bandit to avenge the wrong doing. One by one, the villains are trapped and then sent packing.

“Aye kafanchor neta, pujari ke baad ab tera number hai..fir mera..wo humein nahi chhodega”

BREAKING NEWS - The Saga Down Under!

2008-01-09T10:33:00.000-08:00

"I am no monkey. Please don't call me by fancy names either. That's not on" - Andrew Symonds on being asked if he was a homo sapien.

This picture did Harbhajan in. Hayden and Symonds used this picture to convince Mike Procter how Bhajji chewed his hat to taunt Symonds. Indian camp on the other hand said that the proof was inconclusive. They cited that Bhajji's hands were busy tucking his shirt and since he already had a turban on his head, wearing a cap over it would have incensed his community back home. "Sikhs don't even need to wear a helmet in India for that very reason" - remarked Sachin in the meeting. However, Procter was convinced beyond doubt that Bhajji should go.

"It's all upto the almighty - the ALL-Mighty Aussies, I mean. They propose (appeal), I dispose (uphold their appeals). It is one happy setting you see. If you could take Sachin's Helmet Before Wicket in the right spirit, why create such a furore now? Rahul was anyways boring everyone out, wasn't he? I am 61, show me some respect" - Bucknor seems to be telling the Indian team.

"Mission accomplished. We played quite well indeed even though Indians made it simpler in the end"

"Waahe guru ji da khalsa, waahe guru ji di fateh. Not me again by God. Assi te sirf 'Maa Ki' bolya si..te us khote de puttar ne usse 'Monkey' samajh litta. Mainu bacha le rabba..aur comeback nahi hote mere se ab. Almight Father, holy be your name..bacha le mainu, don't put me to shame"

"Aggression is not cultivated. It's in there..in your whole personality. I am not Yuvraj or Dhoni going around with actresses and trying to look presentable everywhere. I can express..and I don't care if I wear my trousers 6 inches above the waist and don't get to endorse any clothing line. I deliver when it is upto me. Umpiring and Gamemanship aside, there is only one player in the team playing to win and you know who."

"We won the bout maite..That's how we Austraaliens plaaiye - hard and fair. Oiee feel that Bhajji is racist. What's the bid deal maite? Lehmann and Deano too were. And what about grassing the catch? Pup (Clarke) needed encouragment. We plaaiye for each other in Austraalia. Oiee just raised my finger to help him. Did oiee or did oiee not? " - Rocky Ponting after demolishing India and Australia's reputation as a World Champion side.

Taare Zameen Par - Review

2008-01-03T00:55:00.000-08:00

As I sat through Taare Zameen Par, I struggled to come up with a befitting epithet for Aamir Khan. He might not be in the same league as the dazzling superstars of today who descend in dozens in the farcical award shows every year to get recognized for their crappy work. He creates cinema like no one does and keeps doing it time and again. He is an institution in himself. Aamir is legendary, he is Iconic!

If you thought that Lagaan was a once in a lifetime thing, he came up with Dil Chahta Hai and Rang De Basanti. Just when you thought that his ammunitions won’t last long, he came up with his mesmerizing directorial venture. Aamir lets the actor within him take a backseat to let the film be led by an eight year old kid. I don’t think even seasoned directors will have the guts to let go off an opportunity to cash in on Aamir’s presence on screen. But this guy does, his film is a gutsy effort that scores with the audience.

Now something about the plot. TZP has a message but it is not preachy. TZP has Aamir Khan but he is not the hero of the film. TZP is a film about kids but it is not a kids’ film. It talks about how we tend to overlook what we have to chase dreams in a result oriented world. A dyslexic child finds himself out of place in the real world. It is a story of his struggle, the world’s failure to understand his problem, his fight back and finally his triumph.

Getting into the individual strengths and weaknesses, let me start off with the positives first:

Darsheel Safary: The child can knock anyone out with his antics. He gives a seasoned performance. It is hard to believe that this kid who is all of eight years could display such a maturity in his performance. Everyone else looks like a support cast around him, Aamir included!

Direction: The best works of the year as far as my ratings go. Extracting such a poignant performance from a kid could be difficult but Aamir does it brilliantly. He deftly handles the subject which could easily have gone haywire to look like a documentary. The way he brings out some emotional moments look so special.

Story/Idea: Amol Gupte, as pointed in several promotional events has been the source behind the idea of TZP. The film does show his research on the subject. A very non filmy story that still holds its own and more importantly delivers in conveying the message in a pretty straightforward way.

Background Score: Very good background score that goes very well with the film.

Moments: Special mention of some very special moments from the film.

Scene 1: Ishaan begging his father not to leave home. The scene is not all that important but I still liked it. It captures the innocence of an eight year old kid who thinks that his father is all set to leave the house after he picks up a fight with a neighborhood kid. I found it straight from life and was reminded of one of my childhood experiences :)

Scene 2: Ishaan’s mother turning the pages of his drawing book in the song ‘Maa’. Touching! Watch it to feel it.

Scene 3: The one where Ishaan refuses to light crackers thinking that he will be saved from going to the boarding school.

Scene 4: Aamir Khan’s meeting with Ishaan’s father in the hostel where Aamir brings it to his notice that he too had a part to play in destroying his self confidence. I specially liked the way Aamir Khan made him realize his folly by describing how they felled trees in Solomon Islands.

Negatives:

Pace: Some people would find it moving at a slow pace in the first half. I personally feel that the build up was necessary at that pace but this won’t go down too well with everyone I am sure.

Loopholes in script: Some loopholes do exist. For instance, I couldn’t understand why Ishaan’s parents did not turn up to take their kid back when they got to know that he was in fact dyslexic.

Mother-Son bond: There is an entire song on that but the bond doesn’t come out all that well in the film. It would have served to have a couple of scenes to depict that.

When you watch this film, you will be reminded of faces from your school days - Good boys, bad boys and then of course yourself. The film is the boy’s journey from being an outcast to getting accepted. You’ll sure feel good.

Main Vyast Hoon

2007-12-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

Some work, yes work for a change is keeping me busy these days. In case I don;t turn up before the new year dawns, a Very Happy New Year to all you people who land up on this page and also Merry Christmas. I hate saying these things but I sense that I am dubbed as an obnoxious snob at times for not being the first one to chirp with pleasantaries when I bump into people. See I am changing :)

Have a blast!

The Cliched Love Isshhtory

2007-12-10T11:41:00.000-08:00

Dus Kahaniyaan inspired me. I have been planning a short film with a couple of my friends for the past one year but the plan just fizzled out after we finalised the story, etc because of our other pre-occupations. That short story would probably sleep a little more so I thought of cooking up something else tonight to release that build-up within me. I am trying to write a story for others to read after a good 10 years and it might sound school boyish. I can't help it. I am trying to pick up from where I left. Here we go:

"So you broke your leg playing football? I think you should have stuck to playing cricket", she said with a smile on her face. How ‘A’ wished he had told her then that he too felt the same until he saw her cheering for the guys playing football and left cricket to fight his way to land up an extra's place in the football team. He sure would have been better off without a fractured ankle. There was still some hope that she would understand it some day.

She was supposed to play the Princess in the school drama in the Annual festival and A too took to stage acting. Though he got to play a semi nude messenger (wearing just a dhoti and that too Bapu style) whose only job was to carry messages from one king to the other and never shared the stage space with her, the fact that she was going to be around him was more than enough. A gave it his best shot but was still booed off the stage.
"You sucked big-time. I think you were better off painting those colorful land scapes", she told him in good humor. How he wished he had told her then that, that was precisely what he was doing when he got to know that she was in the play and decided to give up his position as the respected art champion in the class to play that stupid blink and you miss part. He had stooped down to abysmal levels for her and she still wasn't able to understand it.

"Everyone wants security, I would definitely marry an Engineer or a doctor," A heard her saying to one of her friends. Though his inclination was more towards Arts subjects, he opted for Science. He thought everything was falling in its place when the inevitable happened. Her Dad was transferred to some other place and then he never heard of her. Left sulking with two demons to fight, the pain of not seeing her anymore and the lifeless mathematical formulas, A still managed to slug it out. Love and its strange ways teach you the impossible.

But a love story never ends with a final twist, the unexpected rendezvous. A knew that all love stories follow a similar script and how right he was. 6 years later, he met her again at a coffee shop. It never felt as if they were meeting after a long time.

She: Hey, so what are you upto these days?
A: Working for an IT company here.

She: Engineer? I thought you would be into painting or something.
A: Even I thought so. But I did it for someone.

She: Really! Do I know her?
A: I guess so.

She: You know what, it now sounds so stupid but back in school I had a crush on you. I thought that you were pretty much the way I wanted a boy to be. But then as it turned out to be, and thankfully it did, you were quite opposite to what I felt about you. I liked cricket and you played football, everyone including me just loved your paintings but you fancied the stage somehow. Remember the “Rajkumari ka sandesh hai" dialogue?

Aha! I told you, all love stories toe the same line. He mustered enough courage to finally tell her that he did it all for her when he saw the ring on her finger. Damn the clichés!

She(showing her engagement ring): No prizes for guessing it dude. That’s from my fiance. We met at an art exhibition. One of these days I'll show you his work. It's out of the world. By the way who was the girl that you were talking of?

‘A’ hadn't lost hope. This scene too was straight out of a romantic caper. He had read this script somewhere, he felt. The third angle to his love story; he had to go. Now he just had to play the hero and sweep her off her feet. Was it improper? To hell with it, she wasn’t even married yet.

A (taking his chance): It was you!

A assumed that being a girl, she must have been a romantic movie buff who would understand what weight his three words carried. He even prepared to shed a few tears. It was much easier than getting hurt on the football field or the facing the booing on the stage for his acting. However, that heartless, devoid-of-all-emotions and tormentor of his life looked at him and then laughed her heart out.

"The boring engineer still hasn't lost his humorous touch it seems. There comes my man..," she said picking up her bag and then walked away with a friendly tap on his shoulders.

Tragedy for one, joke for another. It is probably the humor of life that makes you look or sound funny to people perhaps. You just need to learn to take it with a pinch of salt and smile it off.

Dus Kahaniyaan - Review

2007-12-09T11:55:00.000-08:00

A brave, stylish and intelligent attempt at storytelling. Brave because attempts like these have failed earlier and bringing this style back with such a huge cast was definitely like playing a big gamble. It is stylish, just as every other Sanjay Gupta product is. Technicalities are deftly handled. It is intelligent because it picked its cue from films that were attempted in this genre but failed. Darna Mana Hai and Darna Zaroori Hai too had different stories but they all shared a common supernatural/horror theme. Therefore, by the end of it all the audience got fed up of watching similar looking ghost stories. This is where Dus Kahaniyan is different from them. Each story in the film is unrelated and has a different theme. With 6 different directors at the helm, each story comes out with a different flavor. The fact that each story has a twist only adds to the experience of watching this collection of short films.

Another good thing about the film is that the better-done stories outnumber the not so good ones so you don’t feel cheated by the end of it. An able ensemble cast ensures that you get what you invest in the film – your time and money!

Now since this is a collection of films, let me pick each one and write something about them.

'Matrimony'
Cast: Mandira Bedi, Arbaaz Khan and Sudhanshu Pandey
Director: Sanjay Gupta

A story well told with a sudden twist in the tale revealed in the closing minute of the film. Thumbs up for this one.

'High On The Highway'
Cast: Jimmy Sheirgill and Masumeh
Director: Hansal Mehta

It went over the top of my head. Hansal seemed to be paying a tribute to Quentin Tarantino by trying to weave incidents from one day with those of the present. But where was the story Mr. Mehta? I did not like it at all. A big thumbs down.

'Pooranmashi'
Cast: Amrita Singh, Minisha Lamba, Parmeet Sethi and Vishwajeet Pradhan.
Director: Meghna Gulzar

I carried this story out of the theatre too. Very well written and executed. It explores how messy things can become if you stray that one bit from your bounds. The best story according to me. Double thumbs up for this one.

'Strangers In The Night'
Cast: Neha Dhupia and Mahesh Manjrekar.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

The storyteller again recreates the magic here. Gives a new dimension to what was easily mistaken for lust when the story started to unfold. Extra ordinary circumstances but good nonetheless. Thumbs up!

'Zahir'
Cast: Manoj Bajpai and Dia Mirza.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

The twist looked a bit kiddish. It made me laugh even though that was not intended in the story. I did not like it all that much but my friends did. No thumbs for this one. I’ll leave it to your judgment.

'Gubbare'
Cast: Nana Patekar, Anita and Rohit Roy.
Director: Sanjay Gupta

A story whose twists and turns you can easily foretell but it does not bore you. That again reaffirms Sanjay Gupta’s finesse as a storyteller. Rohit Roy gets a special appearance in a 10 minute film. It is Nana Patekar all the way in this one. Thumbs up for the emotional quotient.

'Love Dale'
Cast: Anupam Kher, Anooradha Singh, Aftab Shivdasani and Neha Uberoi.
Director: Jasmeet Dhondi

Supernatural twist but watchable. Since I am so used to watching love stories taking shape in a good 3 hours after all that song and dance that this 10 minute love story looked incomplete to me ;). Okayish. No thumbs for this one.

'Sex On The Beach'
Cast: Dino Morea and Tareena Patel.
Director: Apoorva Lakhia

Ramsay or shall I say Ramu effect coming into play. This again has supernatural element in it. It shows you how your pleasant fantasies can sometimes go wrong if they come real. Nothing great about this one. Thumbs down!

'Rice Plate'
Cast: Shabana Azmi and Naseeruddin Shah.
Director: Rohit Roy

Debutante director Rohit Roy handles the theme deftly. Shabana Azmi is good. You don’t get much of Naseeruddin Shah in this one which made me feel a bit let down. A thematic story that scores. Thumbs up for this one.

'Rise & Fall'
Cast: Sanjay Dutt and Suniel Shetty.
Directors: Hansal Mehta and Sanjay Gupta

The last story should have been a stunner. The audience should have left the theatre thinking about it. But nothing of the sort happens. With Sanjay Dutt and Suniel Shetty at the helm, you sure expect some fire crackers but there were none. A thumbs down for this story.

Overall, not such a bad experience. You sure would like a couple of stories. I was wondering whether Anurag Kashyap should edit his No Smoking to fit in this 10 minute slot. His psycho shocker film would have been something to watch out for had it been a short one and what’s more no one would have panned him so severely for a 10 minute long act. Now, why did I get into pulling poor Anurag Kashyap down here.

Watch Dus Kahaniyan folks! It gets over in 2 hours flat.

Who Let The Dogs Out?

2007-12-04T22:23:00.000-08:00

Your destinies are written beforehand and I was destined not to exist in the same space as dogs. True, they are considered faithful and all that but I can’t stand these canines at all. Or, maybe it’s vice versa. I have had innumerable dog chases and each of the incidents actually reinforced my belief that there is something about me that dogs don’t like. The worst thing is that my brain stops functioning as soon as I catch the sight of a dog in my vicinity and then I am at their mercy.

This is probably one fear that I have not made much attempts to overcome and would probably never do it either. All efforts to have an Alsatian stand guard at home were rebuffed as I played the emotional card and took a stand – “Either the dog or me!” The biggest joke in my family to-date is – “It’s just some previous birth spill over. He must have been a petty thief who keeps getting chased even now.”

I, however, like to believe that my fear is not baseless. I am reasonable and appreciative of the “cuteness” and “faithfulness” factor associated with these creatures but how do I wipe out from my memories those chases where I was singled out and then subjected to ridicule in full public view by these wagging tailed villains of my life? Yes, I felt singled out and have more than one reason to feel so.

I remember playing cricket in the car parking as a kid when the batsman I was batting with called for a cheeky single. Bruno – the paumerian, did not like it perhaps and it ran down the pitch to catch hold of my ankle. Strangely, it did not care to bother the other runner who crossed its path. As I lunged forward to ground my bat into the crease, Bruno appealed aloud with a woof. I turned around and in a reflex action tried to scare him away with my bat. But lo! I was face-to-face with a Sree Santh incarnation. Instead of backing out, it jumped on me. I ran around and no one came to help.

The worst thing was that the beautiful girl next door saw it all. I had to fire a diwali cracker holding it in my hands to convince her later that the dog incident was just a one-off thing that didn’t turn out the way it should have. The Bruno encounter probably set the tone for my not-so-friendly relationship with dogs.

From then on, I have had quite a few other encounters like the one where a CRPF Doberman chased me around in an empty cricket ground when I sneaked into the ground through a gate left open to catch a glimpse of the stadium. It lasted a good 45-50 seconds until the godsend CRPF jawan called out to Sheru to back out. There was no physical harm done but it scarred me for life.

It is not that I have never ever attempted to get over this fear but the results have been bad. When I try to ignore them, they simply don’t like it. I once stepped on a sleeping dog’s tail unknowingly at a temple and then it threw a tantrum. The matter was resolved only after I made some – “eeeooooo…ayyyyeee” sounds and created a commotion to make a total fool of myself in the queue to express my apologies to the street mongrel. The victor walked away while the vanquished went inside the temple with his plea to God – “Khush to bahut hogey tum aaj mera mazak banake. Kya milta hai tumhe mere se ye sab karwa ke? Ek main hi mila tha us kutte ki dum pe pair rakhwane ke liye?”

Each time I bow down to a dog, my ego takes a big blow. Talking about it here too does the same. As for why I wrote about it then, some people wanted to check out if I could be self-deprecating. I hope I am not disappointing them.

Same Pinch!

2007-11-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

However hard I try to pretend that I am all-cool and give a damn about what people think but the fact is that I am not and I am very conscious of what goes in others’ minds. It is for this very reason that someone with very good sense of humor keeps putting me in situations where I am put to test. This weekend, I caught up with a few of my batchmates I was meeting after almost a year. Being the only punctual one amongst them, I reached the venue 10 minutes late. I bored myself watching the traffic across the road for a good 15 minutes, when finally Newton emerged. What followed was a very gentlemen like expression of male bonding and then it struck me. Newton and I were wearing the same sweatshirt!

I might lose out even in a lottery that has odds stacked heavily in favor of me but here I was, standing on the road with a person whose taste in clothes might have never matched mine but here we were - flaunting the same sweatshirt. I know that I am no cynosure of public eye whose actions will become a matter of public debate but I couldn't run away from my self that kept reminding me of the fact that Newton and I had chosen that day to commemorate our friendship by wearing the same sweatshirts. The next few agonizing hours were spent maneuvering around to avoid standing next to each other.

This was not the first time that something of this sort happened. A few months back, my brother and I had gone shopping to Noida. Mid-way through the journey, my brother pointed it out.

Me: Kya hua? Kuch gadbad?
Abhishek: Apne joote dekho

Me: Saaf to hain
Abhishek: Ab apni jeans, shirt aur chashma dekho

Me : Arre sab dekh liya ab inko gayab karoge kya? (chuckle)
Abhishek : Ab meri taraf dekho

There was silence and it spoke a thousand words. I was taken back in history and several events unfolded before my eyes.

Event 1: Buying specs at an optical store sometime in 2006

Me: Arre same frame hai to kya hua? Hum log ek jageh thode hi rehte hain. Le lo agar pasand hai to. Same hua to kaun sa pahad toot parega?
Abhishek: Tum doosra kyun nahi le lete?

Me: Chalo tum jab Delhi aaoge to nahi pehnunga. What’s the big deal if we both have the same pair of specs?

Event 2: On a phone call sometime in early 2007

Me: Yeah, I bought a new pair of shoes. It’s funky
Abhishek: I too bought one recently. Which brand?

Me: Ganuchi hai koi. Pata nahi kya brand par sahi lag raha hai
Abhishek : Arre wahi to maine bhi liya hai. Color?

Me: Mixture of white and maroon
Abhishek: Thank God green nahi hai. I bought white and green

Event 3: Buying shirts for gift a couple of days prior to the incident

Me: I liked these shirts so I got one for each of you guys
Brothers (in unison): Oh! we are cheap. We won’t thank you.

Me: They all fitted so well that I bought the same size and style for everyone
Brothers (in unison): It fits us well but you look odd in the shirt. But hey, we are not laughing at you.

Event 4: Searching for my pair of jeans a few hours prior to the incident

Me: Why the hell did you have to put all my jeans in the washing machine?
Maa: Because you have never cared to do so

Me: What do I wear now?
Maa: Borrow one from Abhishek

I never knew that a scheming plot was being written for all these months to make me face this day. My brother and I were wearing similar shoes, similar jeans, similar shirts and same specs and there we were, playing our parts at the Centrestage Mall in full public view. We looked almost the same in terms of nature of the clothing even though there was a difference in how we looked in them. We chartered out a quick contingency plan. We had to buy a pair of floaters and we rushed to the shoe shop. I finally slipped into the floaters and my brother kept away his pair of glasses so that we looked different. All this was done in a jiffy but not before the sales woman’s smile showed that she found it amusing and an aunty whispered something into uncle’s ears who then gave us a look that you would expect from a person watching a Charlie Chaplin movie.

Life indeed keeps teaching you something or the other each day. I have finally accepted it for a fact that life is difficult. You not only have to reconcile with the ‘differences’ that you have with others but also face the brunt of the ‘similarities’ sometimes.

A Rocking Start To The Week

2007-11-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

Delhi rocked – literally! I got my second mild earthquake experience. Thankfully, it was not damaging. I had one of my friends staying overnight at my place and he ensured that the adventure of the earthquake took a backseat as the unintentional humor generated by his divine utterances (when I tried waking him up to get running) took centerstage.

Me: Abe N bhukamp aaya hai, jaldi uth
N: Kahan se?

Me: Bed se..aur kahan se. Baat karne ka time nahi hai..jaldi idhar darwaze ke paas aa
N: Kya bol rahe ho? Abhi bhukamp kaise aayega?

Later he tried giving a call to star news to recount his harrowing earthquake experience and the mayhem in which he collided with the sofa trying to find his way out the hall in the darkness. He was thinking on the lines of blaming ISI for the ‘jolt’ from the blue. His call did not connect though. I remember the last time these tremors struck Delhi in 2005, I was having breakfast with Dad and was so excited to experience it that I kept staring at the glass of water that was shaking while Dad threatened to withdraw my name from his will if I didn’t get moving.

Monday morning was business as usual. I was surprised to find news of Pakistan’s political fiasco hog limelight while Delhi tremors found space in the scrollers at the bottom of the screen. It seems that nothing that I am associated with, even remotely, can become interesting enough for these newswallahs. Half of my friends didn’t even realize that it was an earthquake and half of them said that it was no big deal even though they were not from Japan.

I witnessed an after-effect of the tremors while returning from office today. A couple-in-love was driving in a Santro. Their expression of love every now and then in the non-romantic Delhi traffic jams was probably to make up for the quality time they might have lost out in the tremor confusion in the early hours of the day.

The Great Indian Wedding!

2007-11-21T00:47:00.000-08:00

Marriage season is here and my only problem with it is that it has screwed my holiday planner for the rest of the year. I am sure that by the end of it all, there would be a few disgruntled faces but let me make use of this opportunity to inform beforehand that my schedule is packed more than that of the Indian Cricket Team and I can’t do anything about it! The fact that it saves me the pain of running at the last moment to a gift store to buy something and then getting it gift wrapped is a huge plus that I cannot ignore.

Yesterday was the first of the weddings that I attended in the action packed season. It was the first marriage that I was attending in a long-long time and it was quite an eventful one at that. Now enough of self-indulgence. I actually wanted to recount the characters you would find at such weddings. I found some yesterday but I would talk generic to include some more. So here it goes:

The Bride and The Groom

Poor souls! This is one day they are supposed to be happy and all cheerful but faith and photographers have other things in store for them. After weeklong hectic rituals, they are made to sit on a majestic pair of chairs while photographers sit and run their puppet show with them.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aap sar upar kijiye, Bhabhi ji aap thoda sharmaate hue neeche dekhein, Thanks!

Photographer 2: Sir ji ke dost aap bewakoofon ki tareh na hansein aur peeche khade ho jayein. Picture kharab ho rahi hai

Friends and family come up on the dias with their kids, pose with the couple and then make a retreat while the two hapless people are left showing their pearly teeth incessantly.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aapko daant andar nahi karne..please smile kijiye, Thanks!

Chachajis

There are two categories of Chachajis – real ones and then the self proclaimed ones. The real ones look all serious. Surveying and scrutinizing every minute detail.

“Ye paani ka fawwara yahan kyun laga diya hai, bachche geeley ho jayenge”

The self proclaimed ones go around with a swagger, telling all and sundry how the groom actually peed in their laps when he was a kid. Their claim to fame is their neighborhood association with the groom’s family.

“Arre ye to paida hi mere saamne hue tha. Hum bahut close neighbours hain”

Chachaji ke Bachche

They are the next generation neighbors who have actually played gully Cricket with the groom. They might not know if the marriage they are attending is actually a love marriage dished out as an arranged one for society’s sake and the orthodox values held by the family but they claim to ‘know all’ about the boy.

“Arre ye to aadha time hamare ghar pe hi rehta tha. Asal mein mera chhota bhai iske saath padha tha aur ye mujhe bilkul apne bade chai jaisa manta hai”

Yeah, I got you mate!

Lost Souls

These people know no one except the bride or the groom. These include colleagues and college friends. They don’t know any one else in the family and the only one they know is held at ransom by the relentless photographers who show no mercy.

Photographer 1: Sir ji aapne fir se sar neeche kar liya. Aur ye pair thode aage kijiye, Thanks!

These lost souls look all lost until the groom sends someone from the family to take good care of them. As if 'good care' translates to making one comfortable at the bar, they are led to a secluded area which has arrangements for hookahs, cigarettes and all other things that you are asked to abstain from as a kid. There is a misconception that greater care means forcing people to gulp down more than they can handle. The already lost souls try hard to find other ways to divert the attention. They bore the other people with talks about their college or workplace stories and form their own group within the larger drunken group. I, for one, get on the offensive and attack one of my acquaintances in the group with soft verbal barrage. The hosts feel that I have been taken ‘care’ of and I am saved of the pestering.

DJ

Delhi DJs who perform specifically in weddings and can’t think beyond “Baari Barsi” songs are a treat to watch while they change tracks. Just when the people start swaying, they blurt out something as stupid as:

“Ye poora program organize kiya hai Raju Sharma ji ne”

The good thing about them is that they don’t act fussy and would repeat a song 10 times if you want to. You don’t need to haggle with them as they are no DJ Aqeels and have no reputation to protect. Play what you please but bear with the – “Saare relatives aa jaayein dance floor pe” act time and again.

Lat but not the least, the most difficult part is making a retreat later in the night. When you are almost out, one of the brothers of the groom, who happens to know you sees you escaping. You freeze as he comes along with a smile:

Bhai: Abhi kahan ja raha hai?

You: Bas bhaiya wo idhar hi thoda (Main aur kya karne rukun?)

Bhai: Abhi to ferey aur saari rasmein baaki hain

You: Haan haan bas aa gaya (Rasmein..meri shaadi ho rahi hai kya?)

Finally, you camouflage yourself in the bevy of other guests who are leaving and make an exit with pleasant memories of the beautiful girl in the blue dress and the navratan chutney that you savored while the girl in blue walked so close past you that you could tell the name of the fragrance she was wearing. Indian weddings are indeed great.

Om Shanti Om - The Review

2007-11-16T00:29:00.000-08:00

The King is back. After playing a subdued Kabir Khan in Chak De, SRK is back to playing what he is – a larger than life Bollywood superstar. OSO is a film that does not follow logic but it entertains to the core and that is the USP of the whole affair. Filmy is how I would describe OSO.

I know that the film is not going to appeal to all connoisseurs who look for substance but for someone like me who grew up on a staple diet of hindi potboilers, OSO is just what I would have asked for. In all fairness, let us give credit to SRK and Farah Khan for following their convictions and deliver what they set out to make OSO from the outset – a commercially viable product that scores with the audience. So the fairer sex got a new look six pack abs Khan to drool over and the rest of us got an exquisitely carved hot bod in the form of Deepika Padukone to dream of. Uncle SRK got lucky indeed!

Now getting back to some serious analysis. Let’s start with the positives.

1.) Scale: The film was about Bollywood and so had to be big. Did it live upto the expectations – it exceeded them actually. A plethora of stars descending for a 6 minute song, Abhishek Bachchan and Akshay Kumar chipping in with their small appearances. It was one big party and I was left overawed by the scale of the film.

2.) Humor: SRK’s brand of humor was evident throughout the film. The film was full of jibes mostly aimed at self and at times at others (Manoj Kumar getting beaten up by a security guard has left him fuming and calling up press people I hear!). Akshay Kumar and Abhishek Bachchan make a one-scene appearance to take pot-shots at themselves. Kiron Kher plays the overacting filmy mom. The most hilarious punch, however, is provided during the southie film shoot where SRK plays the big shot from south Indian film industry. If you have a liking for senseless humor, you would simply love it.

3.) Music and Visual Effects: Hit and ruling the charts. Dard-e-Disco was novel and so was the picturization of the Dhoom Tana song that had Deepika dancing with Sunil Dutt, Rajesh Khanna and Jeetendra. Note that the effects might look kiddish but they go quite well with the mood of the film.

Negatives:

1.) Hangover and clichés: True, the film was designed to be clichéd but it goes to such an extent that it seems that there was no attempt to do something new. The film is based on rebirth and to say that the film has a hangover of the Subhash Ghai blockbuster would be an understatement. Starting from the title of the film, to its opening credit song and finally the climax, everything has references of Karz. Our filmy hero actually plots to trap the villain by replaying the Karz scene with his side kick.

“Pappu, Mukesh Mehra ko hum Karz ka repeat performance karke hi pakad sakte hain”

The last scene came as a surprise because it deviated from the Karz track to tread the Ramsay track with a prettier face (If you get what I mean!).

2.) Loopholes in story: Huge ones at that. Even if you are making a film which isn’t supposed to be intellectually taxing, things need to be coherent. Deepika’s character is that of a superstar of the yore but 30 years hence no one even knows her name (not even the reigning superstar). Then you have the villain burn the entire studio and get away without anyone noticing it. What’s stranger is the fact that no one even bothers to come back to that place after the huge fire guts it. The end too was not thoughtful. Too amateurish in the story department. But Farah is a smart filmmaker. She gave the audience what it wanted in the form of this glossy affair even though she forgot to tighten the other screws. Or maybe she didn’t even have the time to focus on other aspects amidst the razzmatazz.

My over all rating would be a 3 on 5 for OSO. Take is as one point for each of its strengths or a minus one for each of its weaknesses. I would recommend it to all those who are either in a festive mood, indulge in senseless humor, belong to the Vidhu Vinod Chopra hate club or do not belong to the National or Oscar film selection jury.

Dil, Dosti, Etc - Review

2007-11-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

It’s been more than a month since this film released and the review comes in quite late in the day. But can’t help it, I have not been watching movies for a long, long time. Dil, Dosti, Etc might not go on to become a cult film but I would still call it a decent attempt. Coming from the stable of Prakash Jha (he has produced it), Dil, Dosti has a high reality quotient associated with the film. The scenes in the film are straight away pulled from life. The college environment depicted in the film is not the Lovedale College set up shown in candy floss movies and neither do the characters break into a jig every now and then to woo their lady love.

When you are young, you feel that the possibilities are endless – This film revolves around two people, their aspirations and how they go about achieving it with the backdrop of university politics at DU. As for how it fared, I felt that the movie gained pace from the very outset, reached a crescendo and then plummeted. I might be wrong in judging it this way but I feel that the script was flawed.

I went in to watch the film with a hangover of Haasil which marked the arrival of Irfan Khan and I couldn’t keep myself from comparing the two films. Both had the backdrop of University politics but Haasil was more filmi and commercial in its approach while Dil, Dosti has a more arthouse flavour. The film has its share of a few ‘bold’ scenes too.

High points:

Performances: Shreyas Talpade gives a clean performance, getting his Bihari accent correct and suiting the part he played. I felt that he was underplayed in the film and seemed more like the support hero. Imad Shah is a revelation. He does not have that chiseled look or anything that can be called heroic about him but the director has tried his best to give us a new Emraan Hashmi avatar. He gets to lip lock with all the girls who are given some screen space in the film – lucky b******!

Characterizations: Manish Tiwary, the director of the film hails from Bihar and it seems that he has also been a part of the DU milieu. Both these aspects were evident in way he has created the characters, not just the protagonists but also the supporting ones. The ragging scenes reminded me of the superman days some of us had to brave during our own ragging days at college. I almost felt a part of the whole set-up.

Dialogues: The film has good and measured dialogues. Nothing over the top. Smart lines and the point is put across.

Lows:

Script: Imad’s character lets go off an offer from Yale to live and experience life that thrives in the nooks and corners of India. He goes a step further to leave the cool, cosy comforts of a Mercedes Benz to drive around on a Yezdi (which people rode eons ago). I don’t know what prompted him to take on the bet of bedding three girls in eight days. Although the film started with him trying to search for love and Shreyas trying to find his bearing in the political arena, the one sided bet seemed to have become the whole premise of the story by the time it ended.

Having said that, I must also point out that you cannot keep yourself from praising the way the writer has actually brought out all that goes through the minds of a young college going kid. Imaad’s portrayal of a confused and searching young ‘pseudo-intellectual’ as he is referred to in the film as well as the depiction of the cosmopolitan and middle class values through different characters is praiseworthy.

Music: There was not much scope for music in the film. They still managed to have that item number forced into the plot. Some might say that the song actually took the story forward but I will never be convinced. To add to it, the song and its picturisation were awful.

Dil, Dosti is a film that DU people should not miss out on. As for others, I would call it a casual film. Casual because you don’t plan to go and watch such films, you watch it when you either have nothing to do or you have no better thing to do.

I am now looking forward to watching No Smoking, not because of the lineage it boasts of (directed by Anurag Kashyap of Black Friday fame) but because I have been challenged to weather this high voltage, abstract, infathomable..hmm..lemme rather reserve the epithets till I watch the film. Is its DVD out?

Some Spill Over and a Refreshing Attempt in Creating Music Albums

2007-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

I finally feel that my blog might finally arrive some day. A look at the comments to my last post gave me that glimmer of hope. True, only a couple of people contributed to it but what the heck! The comments did make the last post look very relevant even though it wasn't exactly meant to be so.

There can be no last word on whether PhD has 99% quacks and 1% genius or whether it is the other way round. I might not even qualify to judge them because I am not in their seat. PhD to me is a career choice – made with a lot of thoughts put in or maybe by just following the herd mentality with no idea of where one would end up being. Some research papers published might serve or support future research but there would still be a lot more that would languish as volumes of crap in a quiet corner of a library and would be reminiscent of wasted funds allocated to (re)search.

Getting into PhD does not necessarily guarantee intellect. So all you PhD’s out there, don’t expect reverence just because you are certified somewhere as a Doc. You burden this earth as much as anyone else does!

Today I got to hear 11 of Gulzar’s poems in Dus Kahaniyaan and I must say it was a novel experience in contrast to what we get to hear in the name of giving a ‘different’ touch to music. I couldn’t understand half of the words used (mamool, jumla-hukuk) but still it was a refreshing change amidst the hordes of remixed stuff that we are exposed to. Kudos to Sanjay Gupta for thinking of such a concept. I might not like his habit of picking stories ‘as-is’ from world cinema but this one scores an ace.

The poems are recited by different actors and from what I get; they give you a gist of each of the 10 stories in the film (10 stories in a film?? Didn't the director learn something from Ramu's Darna Mana Hai?). I wonder why they have the 11th extra poem. I specially liked the one recited by Naseeruddin Shah, titled Khuda. This is how it goes:

Poore ka poora aakash ghumakar baazi dekhi maine,
Kaale ghar mein suraj rakh ke tumne shayad socha tha mere saare mohre pit jayenge.
Maine ek chirag jalake apna raasta khol liya.

Tumne ek samandar haath mein lekar mujhpar dhel diya,
Maine Noah ki kashti uske upar rakh di.
Kaal chala tumne aur meri jaanib dekha,
Maine kaal ko tod ke lamha lamha jeena seekh liya

Meri khudi ko tumne chand chamatkaaron se maarna chaha,
Mere ek pyaade ne tera chaand ka mohra maar liya.
Maut ki sheh deke tumne samjha tha -- Ab to maat hui!
Maine jism ka khol utaar ke saaunp diya aur rooh bacha li.

Poore ka poora aakash ghumakar ab tum dekho baazi..

This one has that arrogant touch to it and it somehow reminded me of that Hero Honda ad shown a few years back. This is how it went:

I am not a star.
There is no halo over my head.
Fate doesn't like the colour of my eyes.
Struggle and strife are old friends of mine.
Who am I ?
I am survival. I am guts. I am pride.
I like odds.
Especially when they'restacked against me.
Because there will come a time when I will stare them in the eye.
And smile the smile of the one who's pulled it off.
I am the guy who will have deep lines on his face someday.
And it'll make me look good when I laugh.
Because that is the dayI will fear no fear.
And taste sweat that is sweet.
And look back for the very first time and say,I did it my way.
The long hard way.

Most of the other verses in the CD3 of the album released have an undercurrent of separation, longing and search. I would rate it as a mixed bag. Good rendition of the poetry by the actors that can be classified as typical Gulzar stuff. How about "4.6 billion saalon ki umar beet chuki hai, kitni der laga di tumne aane mein" ;)

As for all you Himesh and Pritam fans don’t lose heart. I hear that Himesh just went on a film signing spree which will see him back at the helm as actor-singer-music director and Pritam’s next set of inspired but “original” compositions might also be round the corner.

We Don't Need No Education

2007-10-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

D(o)r(k). - Is that you?

(gettyimages.com)

“I was born intelligent but education ruined me” – A slight look at my graduation grades and you too would approve of the second half of the statement being true in my case. As for being born intelligent, with a sigh I admit that I couldn’t inherit everything from Dad after all. I sneaked my way into probably one of India’s best engineering colleges only to realize later that those sharp deserving kids were more than a handful for me.

Come to think of it, I made friends with a whiz who could solve incomprehensible probability questions in the same time that I could multiply 23 with 0 and then there was this other guy who took a couple of analytical tests for a competitive examination and then got through India’s best management college only to refuse the offer because he didn’t feel like going for it!

While I spent most of my childhood scurrying away from the “You are Prof. Sinha’s son, you ought to do better boy!” compliments after school examinations, my entire ‘feeling young’ phase of life was robbed by these geeky fellows who wreaked havoc when the grades were let out. I studied in a place where relative grading was the norm and sometimes even a good score in absolute terms didn’t make much of a difference.

With time I learnt to master the art of faking intelligence. I have always been a keen observer and the fact that I was in the company of some of the brightest young minds during the formative phase of my life, it was obvious that I would get it right some day. But deep within, I look around perplexed at the geeks who never cease to churn out new ways to keep themselves immersed in building a knowledge skill set that would one day become insurmountable.

At least 5 out of the 20 wingies* that I had at college went for higher studies. 3 of them dropped out after Masters but 2 of them are still going strong – Bloody losers!! ;).

PhD is akin to a 3-5 year celibacy vow after getting married. You are at your young and energetic best to go out and make money but you restrain yourself and learn to manage life in the scholarship offered, helping out the 50 something guide of yours and sitting back reading research papers. What I find more amusing is that their zest of life doesn’t end and they get the biggest kick when one of their papers comes out in a publication not read by even 1% of the total populace of Vatican City.

I might sound like a total idiot speaking like this despite coming from a family where my Dad and uncles all hold PhD degrees and are professors but I somehow felt more at ease experiencing, inferring and then moving on rather than reading, inferring, proposing and then making others dwell on it to create a never ending chain of scholars. Someone questioned my thinking saying that it is the second process that actually takes life forward and makes you evolve. I too feel it does but I still prefer the rush that Archimedes had when he immersed himself in that bath tub and then ran naked in the town. I am sure he wasn't reading a research paper then.

I would really love to know if there is some research or a study on what forms the primary motive for people to get into research. Is it some inquisitive zeal to learn or is it the fame and money that comes in once your idea gets going or is it simply because some people just love romancing books in a library?

When I talk to such people today, my graduate degree seems like a matriculation certificate to me. I feel just about literate and painfully useless. After grappling with issues in life and tremendous soul searching, I find reason in taking up need based education to realize my future goals but self penance and single minded devotion to something that might not eventually come off is something worth bowing down to and the feeling comes from the bottom of my heart.

Here's a message from a lot of lives ruined by education to the lucky people belonging to the other realm – “Now that education has made you intelligent, be sure to thank your stars!”

*Wingies - Wingmates; Students living together in a hostel wing.

PS: A tiring day at office and losing your money due to your silliness is enough to get vitriolic. Now that I have spewed the venom, I feel purged. Thanks for bearing with me.

Hopelessly Romantic

2007-10-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

Experiencing love is not a Eureka! Eureka! moment of life. The feeling catches you unawares and by the time you realize it, you are already head long into it. So there is not one moment which you can pick as the moment you fell in love. The reason why I bring this up is to introduce you to the class of individuals who mistakenly search for that special moment and in the anxiousness to do so unwittingly end up playing an Archimedes in Love by proclaiming their love at every killing smile that they catch hold of.

I first fell in love quite early in life after learning about the virtues of seizing opportunity as an early mover. It remained my first love until I learnt an English word called 'infatuation'. From then on, I classify any feeling of attraction to the opposite sex under that category. One, because I want to avoid going through the motions that people go through while in love. Two, because I really don’t know how to go about it and most importantly because I sincerely value opinions that rate me as a disaster in everything besides coming up with awful practical jokes to trap unsuspecting victims. In that sense I have tremendous respect for these gutsy guys who at least listen to the call from their hearts and go out to pursue what it asks them to do.

I have known quiet a few of these hopelessly romantic folks from my school, college and now my professional days and I have often marveled at the commitment that these guys show to these sometimes non existent relation in the hope that it would some day materialize. I had once tried to play a love guru to a first timer (my college room-mate, read Parth!) and failed miserably, so I don’t resort to suggesting them ways to woo their love interest. However, I still love to give them a patient hearing and that forms the basis of this post.

In case you are wondering about what I did to fail miserably as a love guru, I made my roomie write a ‘supposed’ love letter that had references to a robot, remote sensors and some such silly engineering stuff with an aim to create a stud image for him. His 'She' replied back with a mail that had references to words that you won’t even find in Barron’s GRE word list and her impeccable sentence structuring and control over language could put GMAT’s verbal section to shame. Since we were not able to comprehend half of the mail, the love life of my shishya was ruined before it could take off the plane. I am sure he still carries that grudge against me. Parth, if you are reading this, lemme request you to give me another chance if it is in sight to redeem my pride and your glory and do something about this dil pe rakha hua bojh.

Coming back to what we began with, sighting these romantics at heart is not as difficult a proposition as sighting an alien in the holy land of Bihar. Here are a few cues to help you figure out this variety:

Polished look alternating with a disheveled look every now and then

They look polished when they try to catch the attention of the target. This continues for a few days during which this specie tries all possible things under control to win her over. The disheveled look takes over when they think they are already in love but the girl doesn’t give it a damn! The cycle repeats each time a new target comes within striking distance.

Starting to act secretive

The mobile phone is the biggest weapon that these guys possess. After a few public interactions (call it date for their sake) with a girl and post exchanging mobile numbers, they act swift in taking the relationship to the next level. SMSes are exchanged and love blossoms. Please note that this exchange could be two sided as well and that makes me think whether these girls are really so silly not to get the vibes - "Main to tumhe sirf ek dost samajhti thee". Anyways, once these exchanges start, all idle talk with friends about the girl are met with deadpan expressions or a wry smile at most. He doesn’t ever forget to leave his cell phone unattended. All goes well and looks under control. The relationship does start to take shape and long chats follow at nights until the girl drops a bomb one day saying that her family has chosen a boy and she can’t go against their wishes. The disheveled look returns and he doesn’t really care where his mobile is for a change.

Acting sensitive

You will not realize why your abuses and slandering jokes are no more taken in the right spirit. They either stop reacting to it or issue an ultimatum. “Don’t you dare do anything to tarnish my image in front of her.” Point taken!

However, this is a transitional phase. Since these guys switch allegiance every season, you will find them back on track soon after the courtship period is over and they are back to business looking ahead in life and in search of their next tryst with romance.

Everything I do, I do it for you

Don’t be surprised to see them trying out a radically different look or doing something weirdly unique to please her. I have seen a fairly dark acquaintaince of mine buying green contact lenses to look different. Some outspoken romantics at heart go that extra mile to make sure that the love of their life understands it. An approving nod makes them go ga ga and it’s understandable. But at this point the hesitancy of trying to be something out of your skin gives way to a swagger that bellows – “Don’t you know that I am happening?”

All stays rosy until someone up there decides to play games and by a quirk of fate, they get back to where it all started and the cycle is repeated. After all Saccha pyaar saal mein ek baar to zaroor hota hai.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
('If' - Rudyard Kipling)

I salute the infallible spirit of these people.

Angaarey

2007-10-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

With Sholay and Aag already used, I had to come up with a new title for my tribute to Ramu's Aag and what better than Angaarey. It goes well with the tone set by Sholay and carried forward by Aag. The characters might remind you of Sholay but all resemblances to characters from that film are purely coincidental. I have been solely inspired by RGV in coming up with this script.

My apologies for the formatting issues with this post, I tried hard to get the HTML work fine but failed :(

Act I - Prequel: How it all began?

Gabbar (front), Thakur (back), Helen (Right) in their childhood

Two kids - Gabbar and Thakur who came from diverse backgrounds were the best of friends at one point in time. Gabbar, coming from an uneducated background, was not well cultured. Profanities came out from his mouth as if it were poetry - "Suwar ke bachchon..dhikkar hai"

Thakur's family was against this budding friendship between Gabbar and Thakur as Thakur had begun showing signs of hooliganism at home. One day while Helen, the small little daughter of Thakur’s neighbours, was dancing at a b'day party in the village, Thakur exclaimed with joy – “Naach chhamiya naach”. This was enough for the well cultured Thakur family. They decided with a heavy heart to send Chhote Thakur to the city to complete his education while Daaku Hari Singh sent Gabbar to Chambal to learn the tricks of the trade.

Fifteen years on, Thakur and Gabbar both returned to the village on Holi. Happiness knew no bounds for Gabbar. He had been waiting for this day all his life and used to ask all and sundry the same question over and over again while in Chambal - "Holi kab hai, kab hai holi?"

As fate would have it, both Thakur and Gabbar were returning to the village oblivious of the fact that they were on the same train - Thakur as the police inspector and Gabbar as a bandit. Keeping up his tradition, Gabbar was travelling without ticket and when asked by the TC to furnish the tickets, he unleashed a barrage of curses - "Kutte kameene tu ticket lega Gabbar se..bahut naainsaafi hai ye"

Thakur heard these noises and was stunned to see his friend up against law. He was in a fix. He had to either stand by his childhood friend or respond to the call of duty. He chose the latter and arrested Gabbar. Gabbar could not take this lying down as his pride was hurt when he was made to kneel down holding his ears while others sang praises for Thakur Sahab. Gabbar's gang attacked the train mid-way to save Gabbar from the clutches of law and also took Thakur as captive.

Gabbar: Thakur tu dosti ke naam pe kalank hai. Tuney aaj mujhe kisi ko munh dikhane layak nahi chhoda. Ab jab gaon se 50-50 kos door bachcha royega to maa kahegi ki beta so ja warna tujhe bhi Gabbar ki tareh kneel down holding your ears kara dungi
Thakur: Well, it was all your mistake

Gabbar: Dhikkar Hai! Inhi haathon se tuney mujhe hathkadi pehnaayi thee na, ab ye haath humko de de Thakur
Thakur: Nahi..

Gabbar: Ye haath humko de Thakur
Thakur: Nahi....iii..(faints and wakes up without hands)

Act II: Jai and Veeru

Signing the contract - "Tum mujhe Gabbar do, main tumhe paise dunga"

Jai and Veeru were two fugitives who were on the run. 30 years back when they were born, Ramesh Sippy's Sholay was released and their parents named them on the two popular screen characters Jai and Veeru. They enjoyed all the respect and love from their near and dear ones when by the twist of fate Ramu decided to remake the film Sholay. These poor fellows were banished from their town and were on the run ever since Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag released. When they came to know about Thakur and Gabbar in a distant village, they decided to go and help him fight this Gabbar's menace to redeem their pride.

Thakur needed the help of these two dullards to do his household chores. He hired them on the pretext of fighting Gabbar and used to make them feed his cattle and bring water from the well in the name of physical training. Jai fell in love with Thakur's widowed daughter-in-law Radha while Veeru found solace in the incessant blabbering of the Tanga wielding Basanti.

Act III - Bhaag Dhanno Bhaag
Gabbar eve-teasing: "Basanti aaj to main naha ke bhi aaya hoon. Please chalo na"

One afternoon Basanti and Dhanno were at the lake side on the outskirts of the village drinking water when Gabbar appeared with his men. Basanti, sensing that Gabbar was after her, pleaded with Dhanno to save her.

Basanti: Chal Dhanno..aaj fir se teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawaal hai
Dhanno: Aaj to faisla ho hi jaane de..tu roz roz gaon se itni door paani peene aati hi kyun hai? Acche ghar ki bahu betiaan aisa nahi karti. Ab to jo karega Gabbar karega

Gabbar: Utha lo chhamiya ko..Jalal Aaga aur Helen ki jageh isse aur Veeru se item number karwayenge
Kaalia: Sarkaar bahut bhaari hai..humne aapke yahan sirf namak khaya hai...thoda khaana khila dete to utha bhi leta.

Gabbar: Tum teen aur ladki ek..fir bhi nahi utha sakey? Dhikkar hai.

Act IV - Jai and Veeru at Gabbar's den

Jai and Veeru at the battleground

When the news of Basanti's kidnapping reached Veeru he was aghast. Hearing Gabbar’s invitation for a dance performance in the beehad, Veeru developed cold feet. Although Basanti was trained in classical dance, Veeru had two left feet. Performing in front of a demanding audience was going to be a daunting task. Jai came forward with a plan to wipe out Gabbar and his gang to soothe Veeru’s nerves. He asked him to take this performance as one of those Nach Baliye couple dance performances.

Veeru finally relented and trusting Jai’s promise accepted Gabbar's invitation. As the entire ravine reverberated with the nasal twang of RDB (I hope Asha Bhonsle's not reading!), Jai managed to steal a whole lot of ammunition from Gabbar's armoury. Meanwhile Thakur Sahab went shopping for a fresh pair of spiky shoes.

Act V - The Fight The last laugh!

A tussle ensued at the break of dawn when all the dacoits were busy attending their respective calls from the nature. Sambha was the first one to die as he was the easiest to spot sitting at the top of the hill.

Jai: Veeru tu basanti ko leke ja..bak bak karke bahut paka rahi hai
Veeru: Nahi Jai main Basanti ko chhod dunga par tujhe nahi

Jai: What the f*** man, this is not 'Brokeback mountain'. Take her away and let me get some quality screen space alone!
Veeru: Jai..jab tu angrezi bolta hai na..meri kuch samajh mein nahi aata. Mujhe darr hai ki kahin Gabbar Basanti ko pata na le is liye main usse leke yahan se chala jaata hoon.

Jai fights hard but is eventually killed by the ruthless Gabbar. Veeru comes back to find his friend lying in a pool of blood.

Veeru: Imli ka boota beri ka ped..
Jai (dying): Ye wrong song hai

Veeru: Chaahunga main tujhe..
Jai: Mere paas waqt bahut kam hai..antakshari khelna band kar aur ye dosti gaa (dies)

Veeru: Nahi Jai…Gabbar main tera khoon pi jaaunga..main aa raha hoon Gabbar

Thakur: Ruk jao Veeru
Veeru: Nahi Thakur Sahab, usne mere dost ko maara hai

Thakur: Can't you understand simple logic? It was I who killed Gabbar in the original. We have to repeat the formula dickhead.
Veeru: Angrezi..fir wahi angrezi. Ye cross-over hinglish filmon ne mera market down kar diya hai?

Act VI - The Climax

Hoardings on display in Ramgarh. Thakur had launched an extensive campaign to catch Gabbar

Literally dressed to kill (with his spiky footwear), Thakur Sahab left for Gabbar's den after pacifying Veeru. Gabbar was busy packing his bags to run away but the super acrobatic Thakur Sahab displayed some unbelievable stunts straight from those Chinese Martial Art Films and beat the hell out of Gabbar. Ramgarh heaved a sigh of relief and Gabbar lost it again!

Shaadi Ke Side Effects

2007-10-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

Warning: Not meant for people under-21. It won't make sense to them.

The only problem with growing old is that you start running out of time and options. One of my early fantasies was to own a yacht and sail around with a Miss World. I was maybe 13 then but times have changed today. Even the fantasies are now grounded in realism. The enthusiasm to get a Miss World on board my yacht has given way to answering the more pertinent questions that life throws at me every single day – did I pay my credit card bills, when is that meeting with the client, why did they deduct so much of tax from my salary? I defer the question of marriage to a later date and avert the prospect of being burdened with another question – When are you getting back home?

I am at a stage when people begin getting married. The approaching marriage season would see me on an India tour to wrap up a round of marriage invites so as part of a home-work, I finally put on my thinking cap and gave marriage a deep thought. I managed to come up with certain observations on how life undergoes a metamorphosis post marriage. My case studies were essentially my friends who interact with me on a daily basis and are or about to face the inevitable – Marriage!

While we (read 'the useless lot') while away our time playing TT or pool at the office during office lunch breaks or after office hours, these guys have appointments with Insurance and Loan agents. Your request to join the vella group meets with a wry smile from them that sums it all – “It’s over dude..I am married!”

Getting home early, increase in the frequency of attending social functions at relatives’ places, routine calls to check if she is doing alright and morality questions coming to hound the conscience whenever a beautiful girl smiles back at you are part of the baggage that marriage brings along with itself. With Metros coming up with the idea of huge Shopping Malls, life becomes tougher for the poor soul. A shopping spree is inadvertent and sometimes justified. However, that strangely crafted piece of decorative furnishing with a price tag that makes your heart bleed forces you into realizing that life is not all about breathing in and out but also about watching that three pronged candle stand with fragrance candles hanging in air just above the corner of your dining area. Note that I might be incorrect in the positioning of the candle stand bit but it doesn’t matter, I am not married after all!

It's not that marriage only has down sides. There are some good things about marriage as well. It changes the way you are perceived by people. Recently I met with this guy who was “just married”. Standing in a queue to pick up some sandwiches for his wife at a shop, the “Help me! I am married” look on his face could be read from quite a distance. Now, I have this reputation of getting into the act of unleashing sarcastic verbal vollies that I brand as my sense of humor at people the moment I get a chance to. Moreover, this guy was a specimen of a few good people who unwittingly end up entertaining a group with their off the mark remarks and jokes that go awry due to their timing. The one special thing about them is that they don’t really know what they are upto – they are, in short, the Bharat Bhushans (Bheja Fry fame) of the real world!

With his wife at his side, he felt that it was an opportune moment for him to seize initiative and make an impression. After proclaiming that post marriage he was searching for the real meaning of life, he talked at length – disagreeing with us on topics as diverse as why HLL started calling itself Unilever and if a brand name really matters while going to a B-School. Had it been a different setting with Bhabhiji not around, we might not have submitted meekly to him with a – “Maybe you are right” reply to all his arguments. But we controlled, all because of respect – not for him but for the fact that he had braved to enter a different world that he had lived in for the past 25 years.

I could probably go on and on but people have complained to me saying that I write pretty lengthy stuff so let me just shut up. Discussion on marriage is a never ending topic and you will never find yourself short of examples that are pro or anti marriage. Although the transition is imminent, till we lose our freedom and space let’s just live as if there is no tomorrow - "Jaa jeeley apni zindagi"

Taaron Bhari Wo Raat - My Sufi Conquest!

2007-10-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I love to do a Ramu. No, I don’t make a load of shit and package it an as inspiration and tribute to Sholay or remake a disaster like James to end up creating another one in Shiva. I try to explore the other world, a world of “intellectuals” who essentially are apostles of the elitist society. Last year I tried to rub shoulders with them at the MoMA, NYC and returned vanquished and acerbic. I really couldn’t find sense in a crude depiction of a pregnant woman or a giant olive green canvas and I was convinced that I really didn’t belong to the exclusive variety. Maybe that’s a reason why I love watching the “Sannate ko cheerti hui Sansani” brand of news channels rather than the news channels on a mission to unearth and dissect information to its deepest levels (Although I must admit that my preference for these pesudo news channels is just to get my daily doses of laughter!)

Time is a good healer and I mustered enough courage to try out something different yet again. On Sunday, I attended the Qutub Fest at Qutub Minar and waited with bated breaths to be mesmerized with the voice of Sufi singer Shafqat Ali Khan. Being from the lesser world, I generally find it difficult to get someone tug along with me to such places and I had to go all out to ensure that Nishant didn’t change his mind to go to the belle dance performance that someone else was taking him to.

As we neared the parking lot at the fest and were about to park the car next to a beautiful damsel’s straight from the page 3 of Delhi Times, we got our first taste of “You don’t belong here!” looks. The parking was at a secluded place and she preferred to take another round of the parking lot to find a slot far removed from ours. Prevention is better than cure but we didn’t look like rapists for sure!

Anyways, the greeting at the main entrance wasn’t all that good either. We first tried to get into the Qutub Minar with that pass and were politely shown the door that took us to the concert. At the other gate, a 50 something man was quite shocked to see two 20 somethings walking in amidst a swarm of educated and formally dressed lot. The divide between the two worlds was quite evident here in the tone of this 50 something gentleman who literally shoved off a family who had by mistake tried gaining entry to the concert with a ticket bought to visit the Qutub Minar.

The show had already begun and we managed some standing space just behind the seated rows. It was a bollywood night to start with and two successful participants from a popular singing talent show held last year were trying to woo the audience. Call me a born cynic but their performance was enough to convince me why these singers coming in dozens don’t make it big after the initial hype and hoopla.

They egged Delhi to sway to the rhythm but our feet were just not moving. That gave us a reason to loiter around and we ended up meeting one of our batchmates who was standing in the queue to get something for his wife. What followed with him gave me ample masala to cook up another blog entry so I would leave him aside for the time being and focus on the ‘Sufi’ trail of mine.

We finally settled on the green lawns of Qutub while Shafqat Sahab cleared his throats by singing the alaap. Some raagas followed and I tried sounding a music connoisseur by talking about what a Jhala is in a raag. The fact that I ended up being a laughing stock for having been fooled into learning a Hawaiian Guitar (Mohan Veena) instead of a Spanish one during my childhood was a different matter altogether. You sometimes walk on a razor sharp edge if you are in a gathering with a school friend you have known for the past 18 years. They know it all and have potential weapons to embarrass you anytime with a small anecdote dating back to the days when you first blushed when a girl said a happy b’day to you and smiled.

We finally managed to seat ourselves later besides Uncle White Kurta. Uncle was all alone and a true romantic at heart. All sufi verses met with appreaciation in the form of “Waah Waah!” and “Uff..ahaa”. We too got into the same mould. But I must admit that the appreciation was not fake. “Taaron bhari hai raat” was a soulful rendition. We finally made a retreat and ended our Sufi conquest by celebrating at Yo! China in Priya.

Talking of China, Red FM faces a ban for uttering something against the Darjeeling lad who won the Indian Idol recently. Oops! Did I say something more than required? I wonder why we Biharis and UP wallahs too don't take up cudgels against being called the Bhaiyaji's?

Bengali Poetry

2007-10-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

Poetry is something that I could never ever attempt. Here's a piece that I got in some forwarded mail. Don't know the original source. With all due respects to the community, here's presenting - "Jongole Ka Sher":

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent
Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life

Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches
Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from damn fool's heart

Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight
Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town

Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - "Bannerjee be brave"
I am now proceeding with too much care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair

My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day
Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting Bengalee

He bounding from cave like footballer Pele
I run shouting "Kali Ma tumi kothay gele"
Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer looming

Golden Jubilee!

2007-09-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

50 blog entries finally and I already feel like a Sachin Tendulkar talking about his long and illustrious career ;) If you really knew me, you would understand that commiting to a blog for over a year and a half is really some sort of an achievement for me.

Before I start sounding philosophical, lemme list some of my personal favorite entries that I wrote in this VERY LONG journey!

One of the better film reviews - Rang De Basanti

Learning an Art - Aao Sikhayein Tumhe Cheat-Plead Ka Funda

Thought Provoking - 'S' For Sex

EmotionFULL - Things That Remain Unsaid

Excuses Galore - Adam, Eve and the Apple!

Films that drew me closer to Bollywood

2007-09-09T00:03:00.000-07:00

Disco Dancer - Indian Elvis is Here

Mithunda rocked the nation with this rags to riches story of a street singer. He also popularised the 'scooter kick start' and 'pulling an imaginary rope' dance steps that earned fame in India as Disco Dance. Mithunda became the poor man's Amitabh Bachchan after featuring in this literally electrifying film (an electric guitar held a central role in the script)

"He's got guitar phobia. A guitar killed his mother." - P.N. Oberoi (Courtesy: Wikipedia)

The novel thing about the film's story was that it was not about making music or dance but using music as a source to seek revenge from the oppresive world - original! To quote Jimmy, the protagonist in the film:

"Mother, I have my music. I will sharpen this music like a sword and stab the city's heart with it." (Courtesy: Wikipedia)

Aye saala..kasam paida karne wale ki, aisa jhakaas jacket

Tarzan - Oooo..ooo..eee…eeeeee

Not many of you might be knowing who Hemant Birje is but you must be knowing about his hit film Tarzan. Such was the impact of the film that it led to a flurry of rehashes like Jungle Love, among others. As a kid I was not allowed to watch this film which to me seemed like a children's film with all those wild animals having fun, the singing and dancing. What was worse that I was not even given a reason. That made me all the more inquisitive to watch this film. My first memories of the film are that of a skimpily clad Tarzan carrying the sultry Kimi Katkar in his arms. It was done so aesthetically that it left an indelible mark on me.

A very emotional story about a boy who has been losing on the better things in life due to his upbringing in the Jungles. It is left to Kimi Katkar, the Rakhi Sawant of the yore, to come and teach him how to appreciate things in the correct light. To quote her in the film - “I shall teach him love and the meaning of it”

I heard that NatGeo has taken this film to be a part of its archive as it gives a good understanding of Indian Wild Life.

“The guy who played Tarzan was good but the elephants were more facially expressive” – A Fan

Awwal Number - First Superhero

Cricket is a religion in India and Dev Anand played the God in this film. As an actor/writer/producer/director he delivered a knock out punch that left the audience awe struck.

Dev Anand plays Vicky - the Police chief, cricket control board president, selector and the former Indian cricket team captain who scouts a new talent Sunny (Aamir Khan) who is all set to replace Vicky's younger brother Ronny (Aditya Pancholi). Ronny cannot take this lying down and plots to bomb the stadium just as the prolific Sunny goes on a rampage in the cricket field, hitting sixers at will and on special requests from his beloved sitting in the crowd.

While the action takes place in the ground, the superhero Vicky aka Dev Anand surfaces and makes a poignant request to his errant brother:

"Ronny, every one has his day (meaning to say that Ronny's role in the film was over). Tum ye mat karo mere bhai"

Ronny does not relent and DIG Vicky has to kill his dear brother in this breathtaking tale of devotion to a game, a nation and the call of duty.

“Awwal number hum hain..baaki sab paani kam hain” – Dev Anand when asked who the hero was.

Gunda – Transcending norms, a classic!

The hysteria surrounding Kanti Shah’s magnum opus Gunda remains unparalleled. You visit the interiors in Bihar, UP and MP and you will get to understand what I mean. The high points of the film are its dialogues. They stay with you long after you leave the theatre.

A fast paced film that can truly be called an entertainer. Another specialty of the film was the way sub texts were interwoven into the plot. There are several film connoisseurs and intellectuals who discuss each dialogue and scene of the film to understand the mind behind the film – Kanti Shah, the Stanley Kubrick of Bollywood.

The story doesn’t matter as the film transcends all general norms that define a film. It is an experience of a life time and I am grateful to the deadly duo of Kanti Shah and Mithun for providing us with a classic.

Some crispy and poetic dialogues:

“Ae kafanchor neta, mere naam ki qawali gaana chhod ,kaam ki baat bata, jis kaam ke liye tu billi ka dudh peeke dilli se aaya!”

“Bheegi hui cigaret kabhi jalegi nahi aur yeh tay hain ke teri maut ki tareekh kabhi talegi nahi”

“Bulla toone khullam khulla lambu aata ko maut ke tave par senk diya, Uski laash ko worli ke gutter mein phenk diya!”

“Baap pe Poot, Pita pey Ghoda, kuch nahi toh,THODA THODA” (let me know if anyone understood this)

“Do, char, chhe, aath, dus.. bus..”

Darna Mana Hai/Darna Zaroori Hai

If Fountainhead had its Howard Roark, Bollywood has its Ram Gopal Verma. At times he acts human and makes films that ‘humans’ understand and at times he takes us into a world totally unexplored which makes us feel so shallow and apologetic about our IQ levels for not being able to comprehend his sensibilities that we end up calling him names to hide our inadequacies.

Darna Mana Hai and Darna Zaroori Hai leave you awestruck. An ensemble star cast and pool of directors exercise their creative freedom to the hilt and unleash one story after another to ensure that you sweat like a pig in an air conditioned theatre by the end of it all and there lies Ramu’s victory. While the ghosts in Ramsay’s films were typecast as ugly looking, trapped in a coffin and predictable, Ramu changed the face of the ghosts by bringing them in a more congenial environment in the cities where they chose to live inside the bodies of sexy sultry sirens like Urmila Matondkar and Mallika Sherawat rather than those nailed coffins.

Mummy: So ja beta warna Darna Mana Hai ki chudaail aa jayegi
Beta: Accha, fir tum kamre se baahar jao. Mujhe usse akele mein milna hai

Ghosts in earlier films – The ugh! factor

Walking Down the Memory Lane, Sometime in Future

2007-09-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

I just happened to find this piece that I wrote a couple of years back. I had mailed it on my wing's yahoogroup ID. It had that nostalgia element associated with it, something that the odd 20 of us who shared it all would cherish. But it does make good reading I feel. Here's my attempt to capture where I saw my wing mates in the year 2029

On April 03, 2005 Anurag Wrote:

Was going thru the yrbook entries today..and couldn’t help imagining wht I wud write abt the others if again given a chance 25 years down the line during the reunion.

Abhijeet: I wonder how this guy has so much of hair on his head still..maybe God compensated for its scarcity on his face. He looks smarter..I remember there were many people(read sushil kumar) who felt he had a beautiful body..wonder wht that meant. This guy loves playing phatta with his kids and he still wears those red shirts and white pants... 'Khusboo' bhabhi cudn’t change everything abt him after all!

Birla: Finally he has decided to call it quits as far as eating chicken is concerned. Thanks to his better half who is a PETA activist. We tried finding our way to anaichas for having reshmi kabab one last time tonight but cudn’t locate the restaurant..its no more there..well some things do change! I remember writing something abt his hair in the yrbook back in 2004..i can’t now becoz there’s no visible sign of it left. he likes to watch the XXX dvd’s tht his kids hide in their closets. Wouldn’t it make good reading that the head of Morgan Stanley likes watching porn secretly?

Toshka(I forget his real name):Blame it on memory but I vaguely remember calling him by some other name when we studied at IITK. He tried to do a SRK aka Mohan Bhargav’s Swades type of comeback to India..he bought a trailer van ..moved around villages near patna and sang ye taara wo taara…but then his van got stolen and after he received extortion calls from a local musallahpur goon, he decided to return. So until Ashutosh Gowariker makes another poignant nationalistic call like “ye jo desh hai tera..” its au revoir for Sabya..aha! that was his name..

Parth:Still gives an impression tht he is on cocaine or some such drug. Everyone had a hard time explaining their better halves that he did not take drugs. We had thought of GPLising him today but then dropped the idea..its such a happy occasion and we won’t like to be booked for murdering a foreign national(chinese). His chinki looking son came running and asked us why we called his dad Choduram…it means The loved one in hindi we explained.

Jaish-e:He has lied to his family that he was the best batsman for the wing’s team in his IIT days. And is making us sing false praises in his name. Jaish-e fell in love several times before finally deciding to marry. He is also not bald..thats because of the ‘cool-it’ attitude that he has I guess. We played 29 last night and lost. Jaishe, partnering me set the trump in the deciding game..needless to say he didn’t have any!

Guptaji:Shakespeare said once while describing the various stages of life..that a round belly symbolizes maturity and wisdom. Going by that guptaji is the wisest of us all. Though he has lived most of his life abroad..he still behaves like the purab aur paschim ka manoj kumar. He was searching for abida parween’s CDs in the shopping mall yesterday and was bragging that he still has the greatest music collection on the planet.

Dhibree:U won’t believe this..this guy has toured around in the world more than anyone else. He still likes to be called dhibree rather than champu as guptaji loves to call him. During the whole trip here at kanpur this time, dhibree never parted with his digi cam wherever he went..shooting whatever he could..in fact he shot meena peeing in the urinal as well. We hope that he wud upload the pics soon at imagestation.com.

Suman:The first one from the wing to get married..he’s going to celebrate its silver jubilee next year. Marriage changes you..and so it has as the customary moustache that he sported has given way and I saw him wearing a jeans!His kids complain that he makes them go to school everyday..No bunking classes..poor they!

Anila:While we were having dinner yesterday.. “anila ne apni biwi se kaha ki neebu chaat lo”. Anila wanted parth and my friendship to be like keke and kallu’s..(i wonder why)..we hope we haven’t disappointed him. Anila also read a few of his couplets for all of us. He doesn’t seem to lose his touch.

Sam Baba:I never knew that he still ‘toongs’. He says he toonged outside the house of his sweetheart for several hours before she finally relented and agreed to his proposal. They now toong together.

Omji Baba:Frail then..Frail now..Frail forever! Omji was offered a job somewhere in US. Baba refused to join the job..the reason being, the place frequently had winds blowing at high speeds. He didn’t want to leave home for office and end up in another city by the time the wind stopped blowing.

Mondal:He had named his kid ‘Shishn upasak’ because he did not know hindi well and when someone suggested this name..he thought it was hep. After we convinced him abt wht it really meant he has decided to change it with a trendier and mondal-like ‘Oane’ . He was happy “ki hum sab reunion par AAYI aur khoob masti KIYA.

Meena:Life comes a full cirle..as u sow..so u reap..all these apply to him. He had worked on some signature recognizing stuff in his BTP which was later used by banks to fight forgeries and then one fine day he himself was caught while trying to dupe a bank. He was let-off after he came out proving that there was something wrong with his software and all that… “Oont buddhi” they say.

Myself:

They kept asking me what happened to my sense of humor..after three divorces and two lawsuits to brag about do they really expect me to be humorous? We all went to the Campus restaurant for dinner and I paid the bill once again. I have noted each one’s name and the money he owes me after the lunch in my personal notebook. I will make sure that they shell it out this time around for sure.

Things That Keep Me Busy

2007-09-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

LAZINESS!!

I have been busy all this while editing stuff for people and writing a whole load of crap myself that cannot be put for general exhibit. I know the world has changed quite a bit during all this while and I need to get back before this blog becomes extinct and a once upon a time affair to the few people who actually read it!

Watch Chak De if you haven't. I was moved by it. The fact that I was under the influence of spirits when I watched it is a totally different matter altogether.

So till I get back, here's the update from me - I am alive and kicking!

Shootout at Lokhandwala - Review

2007-06-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

Films with underworld as a subject fall exclusively within the domain of Ram Gopal Verma School of film-making. Starting from Shiva all the way to Satya, Ab Tak Chhappan, Company and the the latest 'D', Ramu and his proteges have held sway in this genre. Shootout At Lokhandwala is an exception and that was a reason enough for me to go ahead and watch it.

The film was under the spotlight because it was based on rumors surrounding a real life incident. With Sanjay Gupta and Ekta Kapoor being at the helm as producers, the publicity of the film was good enough to generate curiosity amongst the cinegoers.

When I did enter the theatre I had a lot of questions in my mind:

- Does Shootout live upto the promise it generates?
- Does this starry effort light up the screen?
- Is it any different from the regular Underworld films that Ramu's factory churns out?

I got my answers by the end of this two hour pacy enterprise which followed the trails of the dare-devil Maya Dolas and his accomplices and a cat and mouse chase between police and the underworld.

Cast:

Sanjay Dutt's cinematic portrayal of the man behind ATS towers over the rest of the cast. Whenever he came around on the screen there was always a sense of assurance. He carries off the part with elan.

Vivek Oberoi is good too and that again was a refreshing thing to watch. I won't say that it is like a come back for him. You give him the role of a mean and fiery gangster anyday and he will do justice to it but dude, he just can't get his romantic hero act right. After watching him in Company and now in Shootout, my suggestion to him would be to go ahead and give roles with shades of grey a try..he might just get a second lease of life in the industry.

Tusshar Kapoor in the role of a dreaded gangster is a dud. Suniel Shetty and Arbaz Khan are strictly okay.
If you thought that I never mentioned anything about the first family's of Bollywood's contribution in the film it is because they were in guest appearances.

Behind the scene work/Direction:

Apoorva Lakhia has been associated with some Hollywood films as an assistant and despite delivering flops like Mumbai se aaya mera dost and Ek Ajnabee, his understanding of the medium was not in dout. With Shootout, he tries to change his style and delivers in pieces. He chooses a diffrent style of narration but loses hold in some places trying to give appropriate screen space to all stars and accomodating songs.

The whole episode of Abhishek Mhatre's encounter with terrorists and climax are not convincing. Also, the songs that he chooses to add in between could have easily been done away with as they just retard the whole pace of the film rather than adding any value to it. A man of Apoorva's sensibility should know that better.

Music:

Music of the film is catchy. Anand Raj Anand does a good job and so do the Pakistani band Strings but this film did not require any of these songs.

Let downs:

- Songs weaved into the film - Good songs but not required
- Climax court scene - It begged to have more punch

Things that work in favour:

- The pace and length of the film
- Good performance by the cast
- No strong competitors at the Box Office which gave it a relatively smoother run
- Banner

Is it any better than a product from Ramu's stable - only BO results can reveal that! Direction wise there is not much to choose between the two but it surely is narrated differently.

My verdict: Not a film that you would mind missing out on. Time pass none-the-less if you can bear with some profanities and brutal tooth breaking scenes...par film mein ye Ganpat kaun tha? ;)

Taker Times is Back

2007-06-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

This is a personal blog entry that might not interest people who were not my college mates. It's a part of a monthly newsletter that I used to bring out called 'Taker Times' and comprises of gossip news circulating around.

The reason for putting it here - To force them to visit my blog!

Maulana Chacha in Sholay: "Bhai itna sannata kyun hai bhai?"

To the Dead Peoples' Society,

Lo Jhelo!!

Thankless and Without regards,
Anurag

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Baaj-Hasan!

For all those who have heard of tales of immortal friendship, shed tears when Rajender Kumar let go off Vaijyanti Mala for the sake of a pervert Raj Kapoor in Sangam, Sang Imli ka boota beri ka ped when Dilip kumar aka Dada Bir and Raj Kumar aka Rajeshwar Singh got together to kill the villainous Chuniya mama in Saudagar, you will love this piece.

We carried out a survey recently and asked people to judge the ideal couple who share a unique bond of friendship. The results were overwhelmingly in favor of the friendship of our very own Saurabh Bajpai (Baaj) and Saidul paaji(Hasan from Saidul Hasan Siddiqui).

Thier bond goes back several years. They came from the same city - Kanpur, were admitted to the same college - IIT Kanpur, in the same branch - MME, they joined the same company after graduation - INFY, they both left it at around the same time to again be together ina nother company - GSSL. Subsequently, baaj joined TECHSPAN and needless to say, Saidul followed suit and joined TECHSPAN at the same location within a month's time. Bajpai then got an offer from a company based in Singapore and lo!! Saidul too got an offer from Singapore within a month of Bajpai getting an offer. Some call it coincidence but I call it destiny. Friendship does find a way. I was so inspired by their bond that I decided to morph them as Jai and Veeru of Sholay fame as a tribute and mark of respect for this special relationship that they share. Please view the attached image to understand how deeply I am moved by this.

I have also written a parody to celebrate their freindship which also symbolises communal harmony:

"Mere do anmol ratan
Ek padhe namaaz aur doosra gaaye bhajan
Baaj- Hasan..Baaj-Hasan"
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Nangu granted special US VISA

Nangu is a happy man these days. Not only has he been spared from any major bout of illness for the past 12 months, news coming to us also suggest that he has been granted special US VISA to be with his family in the west coast in US.

When contacted, Nangu did not verify the news and tried to deviate from the topic by saying that his role in anti reservation stir forced Arjun Singh to plead the US Government to take him away from India. As a result of which TT was forced to carry out a sting operation on Nangu. It was revealed in the operation that Nangu misses his extended family in US. Some portion of the recording contained censored comments sow e are releasing the edited version of it:

Reporter: Haanji aap is saal India mein hi ho?
Nangu: Ha ha ha ha..haan mera mulk mera desh mera ye watan

Reporter: Humne to kuch aur suna hai.
Nangu:Hum to badnaam hain..kuch sun liya hoga

Reporter: Nahi suna hai aap Amreeka jaa rahe hain..ghar pariwaar ke logon ke beech
Nangu: Haan wo jayenge kuch din ke liye..fir wahan ki hawa acchi lagi to reh lenge..hum global citizen banNe mein vishwaas rakhte hain.

Reporter: To kya wo Arjun Singh wali baat
Nangu: He he ho ho..tum bhi kya c**** wali baat karte ho yaar..Arjun Singh ki kaun sunta hai. Chalo ab bottle kholo..tumne waada kiya tha ki mujhe pilaoge tabhi main aaya.

Reporter: Haanji sir lijiye..aapke liye khaas subeh subeh ped se utarwaayi hai. Pijiye.
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Gupta ji is the next Iron Man

Hon' His Highness Holy Spirit Guptaji joined US Steel and started to change the destiny of USA. Within two months of his joining the company, all neighbouring wooden houses have been replaced with Steel houses. People's perception has changed in the region. While they used to earlier refer to him as that 'Brown guy from Srilanka', now they have started calling him the 'Iron Man with a heart of Gold'. Guptaji also has a number of female admirers and the latest fad in town is to engrave the words 'Ghopta Badhiya Hai' or emboss a tattoo showing 32 human teeth on arms and other preferred places.

Gupta is fast on track to become the new age Laxmi Mittal with the charisma of..what's that guy's name..richard branson!
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Badhai sandesh:

Shashank Teotia on getting married!
Sunny Paaji on getting engaged
Anubhav Srivastava on finally deciding to go back to working 9-6

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Jansankhya Ek Abhishaap - For want of a better title!

2007-05-31T01:25:00.000-07:00

If men had been able to conceive, the world would have been half as light. I don't see any man patiently going through all the pain and an extended paunch for a whole 9 months in return for an act in which he is just a 50% shareholder. In all probability, the number of miscarriages would have outnumbered births and we would have been saved from the crisis of population explosion that comes face to face with us in our everyday life, especially in a metro like Delhi and Mumbai. Of course it would sound demeaning when I admit to men being incapable of doing something but call it surrender of a man or an acceptance of one of the few things that we simply are incapable of , it is true nonetheless.

Coming back to the topic of population explosion. You will never be able to gauge the seriousness of what I am talking about until and unless you spend one day commuting between Delhi and Gurgaon and get a taste of the Great Indian Population Commotion. Buses, with a capacity of 60 seats overstuffed by people double that number, huffing and panting to run that extra mile, 1241 bikers per square meter sweating it out and giving a literally earthy (rather earthenware) feeling driving on those dust laden roads and impatient car drivers trying their best to inch ahead of each other in a remarkable battle of 'who drives smartest!'

Add to it the contribution of what you have, as the Delhi CM calls them, the gang of Biharis and the Bhaiyajis of UP and the setting is complete. Assumed to be mostly uncivilised, each traffic accident in Delhi is rumored to be statistically related and hence attributed to a Bihari alighting from the Sampoorn Kranti Express at Delhi Railway Station.

We faced the brunt in Mumbai sometime back where people with political affiliations had concluded that each breath taken by a non Mumbaikar actually reduced the air available for the native Mumbaikars and hence they were justified in asking for a Mumbai for Mumbaikars. So all this blame game is not something that's new to us and it hardly fazes us anymore.

Nevermind, each day when you take up the arduous task of wading through the swarm of heavy traffic the one thing that you dread is an accident on the road and when I say an accident, I mean a minor one where you just brush past the other person's side doors or touch the rear guard of his car. No one loves an altercation but they all do it. The heat, the traffic, a hard day at the office and then the skirmish - not even an atom bomb dropped on your head will be as agonizing! You have to go through the customary ritual of blaming each other and then settling the matter with the weaker party coughing up a few hundred to thousand rupees.

The best thing that has happened to Delhi in a long long time is E. Sridharan - the man behind Delhi Metro. The guy has a knack of wrapping up things well ahead of schedule and no doubt he is going to make travelling on Delhi roads a much better deal in the times to come but the poor guy does draw some flak as well from the people locked up in a traffic jam with the roads all dug up and 'Delhi Metro - Work under progress' boards neatly arranged to their left and right. While returning from a late night office party, I actually lost my way in the neverending Delhi Metro boards kept alongside the roads.

Population explosion is indeed a menace and perhaps this is the only crime in society that has legal approval and patronising support from the society in the form of marriages. There certainly is a scope for a long debate to discuss and decide on any change in the way society starts to think about it in the times to come but its high time the partners in this crime own up to it and exercise restraint. Going ahead at this rate, I very well see the possibility of people being sentenced to 5 year vows of celibacy on having a legitimate kid of their own.

Nurse: Aapko judwa bachche ho gaye..
Father: Nahii..main iska zimmedaar nahi hoon.
Mother: Sach ka saamna kijiye..ye dono aapke hi hain
Father: Ye kyun ho gaya Munna-Munni ki Maa. Ab mere jaane ke baad tumhe akele hi inka khayal rakhna hoga..sob sob sob!

Bheja Fry - Review

2007-05-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

If today someone asked me what Rs 150 is worth for me, I'll be tempted to answer "Worth a Bheja Fry!" I did watch the film a good two weeks after lavish praises were made for the film that has stood its ground despite competition from big shot Ta Ra Rum Pum in multiplexes and I must say that I felt that the film is worthy of all that has been said about it.

Its probably not done if you try to point out the technical shortcomings of small films like these. You could definitiely say that the editing wasn't all that good or maybe some other technical aspects were not tuned to perfection but then the film never intended to be the best in those aspects anyways. A small multiplex film with a 3-4 crore budget should be rated based on its cast, its plot, direction and maybe the message it conveys. Bheja Fry has first two of these firmy in place, I cannot say anything about the third with conviction and the fourth one is irrelevant here.

An out and out timepass film that with witty dialogues and gripping plot holds your attention throughout the 2 hours. Now getting to the usual business of telling you why you should watch this film.

a.) Cast: Vinay Pathak all the way with able support from Rajat Kapoor and small appeareances from Ranvir Shorey, Milind Soman and Sarika. Yes, this is pretty much the entire cast for the film. Vinay Pathak has been doing bits and pieces roles for sometime now and with this film he shows that he is really good with his craft. A role like the one that he portrays in this film requires a lot of improvisations so that the humour is more lively and this man has perfected it. Even in the small gags that he performed on Star One's comedy show showed flashes of what this guy was capable of.

As a die hard Naushad fan and an aspiring Gaayak rather than a singer ('singer' made him feel like a sewing machine), he breathes life into the film and is easily the soul of Bheja Fry.

Rajat Kapoor is a good actor. He never fails you and here too he delivers. Playing a man who is mean to many, one who goes crazy if asked to miss his Friday Bakra night parties and someone who spends most of his time looking out for a 'talent', he portrays the character with ease. His jugalbandi with Vinay Pathak is worth watching.

Ranvir Shorey gets to play a cameo here. I expected him to get some more screen time but I am not complaining. The rest of the cast suited the parts they played.

b.) Plot: How many times have you come across a Bharat Bhushan in your life - a person self obsessed with himself, completely oblivious of what others think about him, emotional at heart, irritating but not evil and messing around with things unintentionally? You could say that Bheja Fry is a kind of hindi version of Mr. Beans with no overt display of trying to be funny. The comedy here is situational rather than created.

Its difficult to hold the attention of the viewer for two hours with just a house setting, two central characters and no specific story to tell. But the writers of Bheja Fry do it and do it with aplomb! Great work!

Bheja Fry is not inspired by any Hollywood film, it's hero is not a conventional Bollywood hero. In fact he will at best get a 5 min character role in a mainstream hindi film. Even with all these anamolies Bheja Fry is pure unadulterated fun - a laugh riot. It definitely will bring a smile on your face even if you are the real life incarnation of the brooding Gurudutt in Pyasa. And what's more you won't be carrying away any baggage from the film once you are out of the theatre. Doesn't that give you a reason enough to go ahead and watch it?

Paisa Vasool is my verdict for Bheja Fry!

The Namesake - Review

2007-04-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

Around 7-8 months back, I saw a preview trailer of The Namesake in NY. From that day on I longed to see the complete feature film. Was that wait worth it? 'Yes' to a large extent. Its a film that you would appreciate if you tried unravelling what each scene tried to convey, if you did not mind being a part of the journey of the Ganguli(yes, its not Ganguly!) family and if you let your soul exposed to feel the awkwardness of a newly wed in a foreign land or a father telling his son why he named him the way he did.

There is a lot of subtleness in the presentation. In totality it is a film with a soul in place but you take time to gauge its form. There is nothing over the top about the film and that makes it all the more likeable. Before I get down to speaking better things about the film, let me state a few facts which are more of answers to the FAQs that people have in general about the film:

- It is not Monsoon Wedding - II with the Punjabi set-up replaced with a Bengali one.
- It is not a spicy masala flick!
- It isn't India centric or nationalistic. The characters could well have been from Timbactoo. The film focusses on the lives of a family that moved out of its homeland to eke out a living in a different land, their struggle, their triumph, their journey through life and the assimilation of cultures. No culture is shown in a lesser light.

The only thing that might go against it commercially in India is its subtleness. You need to be fully immersed into the film to understand what Ashok means when he takes his son Gogol on a beach and asks him to remember that day forever and remember that they walked to a place beyond which there was no where to go!

The ending however seems a bit weak overall. The interest wanes off towards the end and its just the individual scenes that hold it together. The fact that it wraps up in all of two hours saves the film here. Maybe Mira Nair needed to rein in the plot towards the end.

Now getting back to the usual business of giving you the reasons of going to watch it.

a.) Mira Nair - There are films and there is life and then you have The Namesake. Throughout the two hours, the only things that reminded me that I was watching a film and not sharing real life space with the Ganguli family were the Rs. 160 ticket in my pocket, the screeching mobile phones (people lack the etiquettes really!), the pop-corn eating couple beside me and the 5 minute interval. I bow to the finnesse of the supremely talented Mira Nair.

b.) Tabu, Irfan Khan, Kal Penn - Tabu shows wht she and not Aishwarya has it in her to become the face of Indian films abroad. Aishwarya Rai is beautiful, but she isn't half as good an actress as Tabu is. She excels in the character she portrays. The film would never have looked the way it does without her.

Irfan Khan was stuck in the Haasil mould in most of the mainstream bollywood movies that he did but the actor proves beyond doubt that he can perform any character with as much conviction as he portrayed Ranvijay Singh's. He brings Ashok Ganguli's character to life. Not just the body language, also watch out for his perfect bengali accent.

Kal Penn finally seems to have found his niche in Hollywood. Its a coming of age film for him. Despite the Harold and Kumar in White Castle success, he never really made it as a Hollywood actor but with Namesake he sure has made the world look with surprise at him. Acting is no joke and he has proved it big time.

c.) Story-Script-Screenplay: Frankly speaking I liked the individual scenes more than the story in its entirety. I got the film's message but not the story as a whole.

The scenes that I loved the most:

- Ashok bidding Ashima adieu one last time at the airport before going on his teaching assignment.
- Gogol coming to claim his father's body and then visiting his apartment
- Ashok telling Gogol the reason for naming him the way he did in the car
- The climax scene where Ashok asks Gogol to remember their standing at the beach forever in a falshback. Awesome!

On the whole I found the film interesting enough to hold my attention through the two hours. I would recommend it to people who love to appreciate the finer nuances of film making in their own small/smart way. For all those masala loving folks, watch out for the transformation that Moushmi's character makes in the film in the Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi style with the only difference being that this one looks a lot more sexier!

BTW, there is also a remix version of the yesteryear hit from Mukesh - "Ye mera deewanapan hai". All purists might cringe but I just loved it!

Munua Ko Mania Hui Gawa!

2007-03-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Never indulge in excesses - the 'good' value that we imbibe right from our childhood days comes to play spoilsport once again. India crash to an abysmal low against Bangladesh and have their world cup super campaign in the Hu Ha India, Aa ya India style in dire straits. It was more than expected with several back to back wins in the run up to the world cup which meant that it was about time we started losing some. Rahul Dravid seemed to be aware of this fear in his post warm match press conference against Holland.

Anyways, winning and losing is a part and parcel of the game but what shames me is the fact that in a cricket crazy nation of over a billion people - 'The Blue Billion!', we still have to manage with an ever failing Sehwag (Dravid's match winner who hasn't scored a 100 in almost 2 years now), an erratic Agarkar (the only consistency that he has maintained is in giving away runs at over 5 in 180 matches or so that he has played) and a spinning strike bowler in Bhajji who somehow can't get a breakthrough on a pitch where opposition spinners scalp 6 and the part timer Sehwag foxes 2 set batsmen.

So much for the loss. I know that the setback is temporary. India has always been a slow starter and they still haev a marginal chance of bouncing back if Bangladesh doesn't perform the way it did against India. Even if they return back empty handed, the disappointment will soon vaporize when they win a home series sometime later this year and then the happy days will return again. Cricketers will emerge from the shadow of their share of bad times, some will be out of the team and some will be all over the place once again - selling biscuits, insurance policies, ramp walking, signing endorsements and the junta adoring them.

The only thing that remains constant in all this roller coaster ride of the Indian cricket team and the hysteria that surrounds it is the soaring TRP rating that the news channels enjoy. They build up curiosity, grant these cricketers God status - "Sachin is God, he thinks like no other man can!", disucss the hairstyle of Dhoni in detail and follow the trails of Yuvraj Singh's love life and then with the first smell of blood (when India loses) come down hard at them, incense the public and make merry by seeing their TRPs soar. I don't say that they don't have a right to do so but boy, why don' they have the guts to accept that Indian media houses are no better than the paparazzis who make their living by producing rotten information and term it as the voice of India?

Just as the Indian team crashes to an embarassing defeat, a slew of programs aimed at providing a platform to the junta to vent its ire are aired on all leading news channels.

Reporter: To aap bataiye, aaj ka mujrim kaun? Sachin, Saurav ya Dravid?
Panelist1(a yesteryear, lost into oblivion cricketer under whose captaincy India couldn't defend 160 odd runs in the last 25 overs of a test match): Captaincy badi kamzor rahi. Itna score to aaram se defend kar lena chahiye tha.

Reporter: Ab hum junta se poochte hain, junta ki awaz kya kehti hai.
Trivediji: Ye jo Zimbombay sa aaj haare hain match isse behtar to hamare mohalle ke ladke khel lete hain

Reporter: To kya aap keh rahe hain ki Indian team ke saare khiladion ko nikal dena chahiye? Trivediji(thinking if he ever meant that, but gives in to the staring camera): Haan, sir!

Reporter: Kya in cricketers se saare endorsement chheenkar inki salary ke paise kaat lene chahiye Board ko?
Ram Charan (not understanding half of the question asked): Haan aisa hi kuch hona chahiye.

Reporter: Ab aap bataiye, kya Indian team ko wapas nahi bula lena chahiye?
Shuklaji(who couldn't think of any other line to blurt): Haan bula lena chahiye.

Reporter(summarizing): Yahan junta ka manNa hai ki Indian team ko wapas bulake, saare khiladion ki salary kaat ke inhe team se nikal dena chahiye. Aap apni rai humein SMS karein aur 3 lucky winners ko milega World cup final dekhne ka mauka.

In a country of over 1 billion people where Cricket is almost a religion, these pseudo news channels survive because they can't be arrested for flaring public sentiments in the veil of voicing public opinion (most of which is thrust onto the general public). Sure the team has lost and it’s not a new story. The best way to punish these cricketers is just to let them be. Let them lick their wounds and get back if they pride themselves on wearing the color blue. If they can't, then let them wither away into oblivion. The game is sure not about winning and losing, it’s about winning with pride and going down fighting in a losing cause. If the men in blue couldn’t do anything about the sentiments back home, let’s care less and take a break.

Enough of outpouring on the wasted Saturday night and setbacks to the plans of watching India put up a good show at the WC 2007. Its Maggi time now and I am about to try the - Munua ko Mania hui gawa flavor primarily because no cricketer endorses it ;)

Nishabd - Preview

2007-03-08T10:34:00.000-08:00

Ramu's factory churns films aplenty and it really doesn't matter if the nuts and bolts get misplaced here and there or all films have a feeling of deja vu. Nishabd however holds a lot of promise. The title claims that it is about a love story that should at best remain untold. That would save the audience from torturing their gray cells and ending up getting confused. I know of people who are still confused whether Shiva was a remake of the earlier Shiva or was the new Shiva a remake of James and whether James ever released?

Nevermind the history, with Ramu at the helm and Amitabh Bachchan crooning a rock song wooing a 19 yr old definitely creates a lot of interest. Talking of the story, it all started when Abhishek Bachchan made his liking for a 3 year older Aishwarya public to his parents. Amitabh Bachchan in a bid to set an example for his son to follow, immediately dialled up Ramu asking him to make a film with him and some young hot chick in the lead role. He offered himself for Sarkar 2, 3, 4 and all subsequent sequels-prequels knowing that such innovative subjects can only be handled deftly by the mastaero in his own realm - Ram Gopal Verma.

Ramu approached several young girls to play Big B's love interest but romancing a wrinkled 65 year old was never going to be easy for a girl experiencing the 'just got my boobs' phase of her life. Therefore Ramu travelled abroad to look for a girl who didn't know anything about Bollywood. A videsh born desi Jiah Khan was then roped in and shown Ramu's Rangeela and Naach to get into the groove and the film rolled.

Jiah, Big B's daugther's friend, comes to spend her holidays in the Bachchan reel household. Romance in Big B's life is rekindled. He plunges headlong into a relationship that was scripted to go nowhere. The poor young kid was facsinated by charm and overt display of humbleness by the Big B.

"Arre main to ek adna sa insaan hoon. Meri kya haisiyat"

Romance ignites when Big B captures the young thing in his camera and then she goes about proclaiming her love for him while Big B is busy singing from the rooftop - "Rozana jaley yaadon mein teri.."

Finally Big B's neighbours complain about the loud singing and the affect that his behaviour is creating in the neighbourhood.

"Bhai hamari bhi bahu betian hain. Zara apni umar to dekhein. Ye to Michael Douglas ke bhi baap nikle"

Big B's reel wife puts her foot down after all the confusion. She buys Jiah the tickets back to Australia and tricks Big B into believing that she had sent her to Sudan where a honeymoon suite was already booked so that the couple did not find it awkward singing a Ram Gopal Verma special item song on the Juhu beach. Just as the audience starts to get grip of the adventure that lied ahead in Sudan, the film is brought to an abrupt end stating that some love stories are never meant to be told. That saved the scriptwriter a lot of ink and also gave Ramu the time and scope to plan a Nishabd II in due course.

It is rumored that Abhishek agreed to play the 50 year old Guru Bhai to do the balancing act for the family. News channels are devoting prime time slots to discuss reasons behind this role reversal in the family with reknowned psychologists and astrolgers in their discussion panel. The coverage of this episode in Bahchan family is expected to overshadow the 127 hours of cumulative time spent discussing the engagement of Ash and Abhishek a couple of months ago.

A Rose By Any Other Name..

2007-02-20T11:04:00.000-08:00

What's in a name, a rose by any other name would sound as sweet - When Shakespeare muttered these lines, he probably hadn't imagined how he would have felt if someone referred to him as Adolf Hitler. Now don't you reason out that Adolf Hitler came a lot later so the chance of Shakespeare imagining it didn't arise.

A name gives you an identity. It creates your first impression in today's e-world where you don't necessarily need to present yourself in any physical form - A world where your i-dentity gives way to e-dentity.

Just the other day I had a chat with one of my friends who goes by the name of Amit Gautam, no its not the name of two separate people!

Me: Hey Gautam, I had to ask you something out of curiosity
Gautam: What? Go ahead.

Me: What does Gautam mean? Is it 'Gau + Uttam' meaning the superior cow, a cow that can gives a lot of milk? Milk that..
Gautam: Holy cow! Shut the f*** up. It doesn't mean anything. The name just caught the fancy of my parents while they were visiting Sarnath. Never mind the visiting Sarnath part of the story, but for God's sake I am not the cow that can be milked.

Me: Another quick question - The devil in me didn't want to give up so easily
Gautam: Now its also not 'Gaa + uttam', a superior singer! - He knew what was coming

Me: No, I wanted to ask another thing. What's your brother's name?
Gautam: It's Sumit Saurabh

Me: And you are two brothers, right?
Gautam: Yes, we are two.

Me: Amit, Gautam, Sumit and Saurabh are names of four different people. Let me make a guess. I think your parents had thought of four names and since they couldn't decide the two better ones among those, they used all four, right?
Gautam: Wrong. It was the fad during our era. And why the hell are you pretending to be an exception? -Gautam tried getting aggressive in his stance.

Me: Ahem..I was supposed to be christened this way but better sense prevailed on my parents and they settled with the largely acceptable 'one name-one surname' type
Gautam: What surname? Surname is the family name. Sinha gave way to Chandra. You ate up your surname.

As heat gathered in our conversation, we decided to wave the white flag of peace. I then wished them (the Amit and the Gautam) a good night.

Now there definitely was a fad in our childhood (and I am talking spcifically about Bihar) when all kids were named using the following naming convention signed by the then Chief Minister of the state and forcefully included in one of the several oaths taken by the bride and the bridegroom during every marriage of the time (I can't see any other reason why our parents did it!):

a.) Name him following the 'Amit Gautam' template
b.) Name him sans the family name, aka 'Anurag Chandra' template
c.) Name him follwing the 'Kumar Saurav', 'Kumar Gaurav' template
d.) Name him/her following the + Kumar/Kumari template
e.) Name him anything; it will sound as funny. I am not going to take names, not because that'll be indecent but because I can't actually spell them.

The template (a) died its death by the turn of 90s following a resolution in the Bihar Vidhan Sabha. It was reasoned that India's population had nearly reached a 100 crores and that these people with two names only added to the confusion as they were sometimes counted as two instead of one in many census related activities.

The template (b) is difficult to sight. They are actually called perpetrators. So they never die. You might have a Anurag Chandra whose family name is something different but there would also be another Anurag Chandra who would infact be proudly flaunting his family name. But at a distance you would never get to know who is who.

The template (c) came into being post the successful foray of Kumar Gaurav into hindi films. So all the first borns were called Kumar Gaurav. Crisis struck when his films started failing and when the families with first born Kumar Gauravs had to deal with another one of the uglier sex in their household. They had no choice but to name him Kumar Saurav, just to make the name rhyme with their earlier born.

The template (d) is used by people suffering from the 'whats the big deal' syndrome. The first name of the kids is chosen with extreme care but then the parents lose the enthusiasm by the time they finalise the first name. So they just add a Kumar or a Kumari and get over the fuss with naming a child with a shrug - "Hey, what's the big deal!"

The template (e) falls under the funny category. The people naming their kids by such names actually possess a terrific sense of humor and their kids bear the testimony to that fact throughout their lives. Chiraunji Lal Khosla is one such name that comes to my mind if you have seen the film Khosla Ka Ghosla. I too would love to see my kids carry forward a certificate of my self praised sense of humor. How about Patwari Lal and Champakali?

And then I will probably lie down on my death bed with a sense of fulfilment. "Mera naam karega roshan, jag mein mera raj dulara" (Raj Dulara is also quite a unique name)

My Valentine's Day Gift!

2007-02-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

Its been two months since I last scribbled anything and letting it go just by saying that I was busy would be doing an injustice to the people who really are 'busy' and don't use this just as an excuse for being incommunicado. Being an inherently lazy dog who would even forego the ability to breathe in and out if given an alternative, I face a real harrowing time when I am asked to meet deadlines and when I am paid to do so, I have no other option but to adjust by doing away with the luxuries of life temporarily. So, sitting in a comfy chair on a bright and sunny day and imagining stuff goes out of the window, Orkutting takes a back seat and phone bills take a dip.

Talking of laziness, I am in for some severe losses owing to my failure to pay back my credit card bills for the last month on time. The ATM was just about 100m away from my home and I was supposed to just drop in the cheque after filling in the amount but since it came at the expense of subjecting my body to strenuous physical activity ona week end, I had to fight hard to convince my body to take up the challenge. The nitrous jolt was provided by the call from the bank when some Ms Srivastava reminded me of the lapse of my due date.

The word 'Srivastava' always gives me a sense of attachment to the person (Call me a pig for still sticking with the caste dogma!) and I decided to actually give her a patient hearing rather than hanging up with a discourteous - Mujhe koi loan nahi chahiye, mujhe koi investment nahi karna hai!

Ms. Srivastava: Hello Sir! Am I talking to Mr. Anurag Chandra?
Me: Yes, and just to mention that Chandra is not my family name and I am not a bengali. I too am Srivastava..ha ha ha - I know that even Siddhu wouldn't have laughed at this and expectedly, she was not amused either.

Ms. Srivastava: Sir, have you cleared your credit card dues yet?
Me: No, I was actually very busy - Busy? Sleeping or lazing around doing nothing??

Ms. Srivastava: Sir, I would like to remind you that the due date has already passed. Can you get the payment done today?
Me: Today? I am actually going to be out of town from today afternoon. Can I do it next weekend? - Out of station?? What a silly excuse to defer the work by a full 7 days?

The still very pateint Ms. Srivastava: Sir, you would be charged on any other payment made post your last due date in case we don't receive any payment within the next two days. Can you try making the payment for the minimum due amount?
Me: No, actually I am already on my way to the airport so I cannot do it. Anyways, what exacty will I be charged? - I sensed that she was thinking that my bank account read ZILCH and so she got down to asking me to pay the 'minimum' due amount. How disgusting, I immediately stressed on the word 'airport' to reaffirm my social status though I was sitting in my living room!

Withering patience of the very patient Ms. Srivastava: Sir, You would be charged X amount of money as late fees and interest will be charged on the payments made after the last date of the statement period.
Me: It hardly makes a difference, - face saving act
anyways, what exactly would that amount be? - ground realities
Say I have made a payment of 30K after the last statement period? - Simple Arithmetic

Impatient Ms. Srivastava: Sir, it would be a decent enough amount. But its totally your wish. You can pay it now or whenever you wish to. Have a good day!

A bolt from the blue literally! Not only had I failed to pay my dues, I had also failed miserably at convincing the girl that I was not all broke and its just a habit that fails to leave me. I was reminded of her when on the 14th of Feb, one of my friends' girl friend called to wish him a happy Valentine's day. She worked in a call center.

..And you know what I got on the 14th Feb? A new credit card bill with late fine/service tax/X,Y,Z charges to ruin the day some more.

Dhoom 2 - Review

2006-12-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

Dhoom 2 boasts of a rich lineage. A predecessor in the form of Dhoom 1 which was very stylish and successful, a producer like Yashraj Films and Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai to boost its image at the box office. It sure has all the ingredients to be dished out as an out and out commercial potboiler. The biggest question that one would ask is - Does it live upto the expectations raised? The answer according to me is - Almost!

If you think that this Dhoom is all style and dare-devilry you are wrong. It has oodles of emotional quotient as well. The second half is not really a cop-thief chase saga but a love story.

As always let me list out the positives and the negatives of the film and then let you make the choice.

Positives:

Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai: Hrithik Roshan towers over everyone else in the film. For the first 40 minutes of the film, he doesn't even have a single dialogue to his credit but even then its him all the way.
Thankfully he doesn't over act and carries the film forward almost single handedly.

Aishwarya Rai looks sexy throughout. She undergoes a complete transformation for this role. Her pairing with Hrithik looks good on screen.

Picturisation: Stylishly shot globally. Yes, you have scenes shot in Nigeria, Rio, India and Fiji. The opening scene is deftly handled. All the songs are shot beautifully. You can expect that with so many glamorous faces and sun tanned babes frolicking around on Copacabana beach, or rather Cocabanana as Uday Chopra calls it!

Good Production Value: The effort shows in every frame of the film. The producers have spent lavishly to package it as a complete entertainer and promoted it well too. Yashraj without doubt is India's best
production house.

Negatives:

Script: A feeling of rendezvous - There are more than a few occasions when you are reminded of Dhoom 1 which to an extent is okay but the scene where Abhishek and Hrithik sit and talk reminds of a similar scene from the earlier version where Abhishek and John talk. Also, its difficult to digest that the world's best thief falls for a stupid ploy by the Mumbai Police.

Music: Not as great as the first one. I don't know if I am biased but I have sort of begun to dislike Pritam's music now after getting to know that he copies almost all songs from somewhere or the other. Yes, I heard the original version of at least 15-20 of his most popular 'copied' songs.

Characterization and direction goof ups: I really couldn't find out what Bipasha was doing in the film. For the first 1 hour or so she is shown as the Indian Lara Croft and then for the rest of the film, her dumb twin sister from Brazil takes over. She is then given just one song and one bikini moment and then sidelined from the whole plot. Maybe it was done to allow Uday Chopra to get some screen space.

The way the diamond is robbed from the Museum looks too kiddish. How can one digest that a remote controlled robot comes and picks up the diamond and none of the security guards standing around see it.

Since this review comes quite late, all of you must already be aware of the box-office collections of this film. It has become a top grosser for 2006. So, as Aishwarya kisses Hrithik and Abhishek Bachchan and family simmer within(I think the whole story was just a publicity stunt!), Dhoom 2 sizzles!

Be What You Wanna Be!

2006-12-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

Picture source: Picture

Have you ever heard this cry from your conscience? Has it ever occured to you that you were destined for something different from what you were presently doing? Well I can tell you for sure that its definitely not a sign of you suffering from the lymphosarcoma of the brain. So just relax!

I remember reading a poem once that said that when two roads diverged in the wood, I took the one less travelled by and that made all the difference. Everyone at some point or the other wants to make this choice. Discussing on whether he/she goes ahead and takes the next step on the untrodden path is something that would make this crap meaningful so let me rather recount a few of those rush-of-the-blood moments that most of you would relate to.

Moment 1: After having one pretty bad day at school, I decided on turning into a bus driver. I was always fascinated with the job and loved to see the way a driver handled the huge steering and sat on the majestic driver's seat towering over all others. I used to mock-drive all my way from the bus stand to my home. As I sat back reminiscing about all the bad memories of the day at school, the inner voice enlightened me - "Be what you wanna be!" I asked Mom if it could be befitting my family's social status. I could see the twinkle in her eyes, I felt that her eyes were actually living my dream and that she was happy that I had made a career choice at such an early age. She sounded inspirational too -

"Tujhe jo banNa hai ban, par itni badi bus chalne ke liye pehle thoda bada ho ja".

I never knew that it was her gameplan of making me postpone my decision. Sometime later while I was mock driving from the bus stand to home, I suddenly felt stupid about the whole thing. The idea of being a bus driver didn't seem all that fascinating and my first step towards that untrodden path was retracked.

Moment 2: India's semi final loss to SriLanka in the '96 world cup left me in rude shock. I seriously felt that the Indian cricket team needed my services. I could bowl off-spinners, keep wickets, bat at a strike rate greater than Sanjay Manjrekar's and my fitness was definitely better than Venkatpathy Raju's. The night was a really long one. My inner voice came calling again - "Be what you wanna be!" and the next day I was all ready to enrol myself in a cricket coaching institute not far from my place. Mom came back with the same old game plan. I was asked to wait until my final examinations got over and then I could go and do whatever I wanted to.

Just after the examinations, we packed off for a holiday in a hill station and by the time I came back, I was too exhausted to remain motivated for a silly game played through the day in the heat.

Moment 3: Bollywood has been a major influence in my life. But I was inspired by Manoj N Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense. After watching the film I wanted to turn into a writer and director. I read scores of english movie scripts to get a feel of how to go about the whole thing but never really got a 'different' story to tell. All this when I was in a make-or-break situation, staring at an F grade in one of the courses back at college. All my writing, acting and direction talents were put to severe test when I went to the Professor to ensure that I didn't end up spending a summer at the campus for a silly course. It was really a heart wrenching scene with tremendous emotional quotient and laced with typical dialogues. I was not all alone in that endeavour. Piyush held center stage then but I supported him well enough to escape with a surprising C in that course. To our surprise, the professor accepted our request to take another of his courses the very next semester! Anyways, the Be what you wanna be call died another meek death.

Moment 4: People generally don't attend morning classes because they are not able to wake up early in the morning (by morning I mean 9 AM!). I did not attend classes despite waking up as early as 8 daily. The reason - I still don't know. One of our professors expressed his concern over this habit of ours and warned us about all that was waiting for us in the outside world - the professional life basically.

After almost two years of working hard to keep working, my conscience again woke up from its slumber.

"Hey buddy! How come you wake up so early to go to the office and then spend the next 10 hours fixed to that chair in front of the computer day-in and day-out? Remember the free soul that you were at college? Break lose, be what you wanna be!"

I went to Dad straightaway, told him that I will not be able to continue working in a 9-6 job. But damn me! My parents have followed the same old game plan over the years and I still fall for it.

Me: Dad I want to quit working. I was thinking of actually..

Dad: Yes, everyone should think once in a while! If you want to quit working and do something on your own, then go ahead but don't you think a management degree or something can help you?

Me: I think so.

Management school? That would have required a re-assessment of everything. The whole procedure of applying and stuff took one year and my past records proved without doubt that I might later retract and go about the tried and tested ways of life by sticking around with the same routine job. I know that this is not just my story. While I continue to go through that phase, from what I perceive of several of my friends, they too are in the same mode.

I know that I must have wasted a few chances that I should have taken but despite all my failings in putting the next foot forward, I somehow still see hope. I feel that a lifetime is long enough for you to make mistakes and then correct them. As for anyone asking - What if you died early? Just shoot back with a I'll live long enough dude!

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Of Roller Coaster Rides and Braving the Tides

2006-12-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am not one of the adventure sports kind. Though I have tried my hands at jet skiing, white water rafting and some thrilling roller coaster rides but all that was just because I did not want to be the odd one out in my group. I know that I speak not just for myself but a lot of others who too find themselves in this predicament where they are left with making the choice of going all topsy turvy in insane rides or falling prey to the barrage of embarassing censure from everyone around. 'Non-confrontational' as I am, I generally go for the first option.

Jet Ski ride at H2O - half throttle, not a big deal!

6 of us went for a speed boat ride but then saw this water scooter.

"It skims at 90 kmph, wanna give it a try boys?" asked the intelligent businessman who saw us as subjects who could help him make some quick money out of a 5 minute ride.
"We are actually looking for the speed boat ride as most of us don't know swimming" came our consensus reply.

"C'mon now! watch those chicks there, they would love to see you all take this ride" the businessman's pursuit continued.
"No, thanks!" we spoke in unison.
"I'll go for it",Nikhil - The traitor revolted.

This put the rest of us in a fix. The point was that if we allowed Nikhil to go back as the only one who dared, we would have been labeled the losers for life so we had to do it. 25 minutes and 1080 rupees later, we all walked with a swagger that could put Arnold to shame.

The Roller Coaster ride in Orlando- Turned upside down with your feet dangling in air cannot exactly be called scary, can it?

I had already refused going for one of the roller coaster rides the other day complaining of headache and stuff. The truth was untold but understood and therefore not discussed. I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking about it.

"Man, I feared a silly 3 minute roller coaster ride as if it was life threatening. Give me another chance and I will make up for it", I said to God.

Although I don't remember any other wish of mine coming true at such a short notice, God decided to make an exception this time around. A more convulated and soaring roller coaster ride greeted us. I had no excuses. I had too much in my mind when I went for it and when I realised that I had forgotten to keep my cell phone and cap away, it was too late. I was suspended at 45 degree angle at a height where cars looked like ants and I could literally see Angels peeping from the skies. I didn't know what to take care of - my cap, my phone or my fake smile! Yes, smile! They had installed cameras at points where the roller coaster took a plunge towards ground and they clicked pictures of people in at least 4-5 different poses. You had to give that fake smile even if you were half as happy with the roller coaster diving down and you trying to not let go of that cell phone. 3 minutes and at least 5 instances of fake smiles later, I was separated from my beloved cap but regained my pride!

A Walk in the Sea at Puri - Walk? A sea is for you to swim!

I did not know swimming and without my specs I feel lost. I can't even make out whether the person standing 10 feet away from me is a boy or a girl without my glasses! But again when I saw the rest of the guys taking to water and having all the fun, I too had to. Stripping to the socially prescribed minimum clothing norm acceptable to the moral police, I made the plunge. Since I did not know swimming, I kept walking..and walking and walking until I reached a point where just my head was popping out of water. The water appeared calm and I began to enjoy quite oblivious to the fact that the Moon up there had decided to play little games with me. I simply forgot that this damn moon keeps pulling the water from the sea towards itself every now and then which we commonly term as 'tides'. I suddenly felt a gush of water over my head and then my feet being swept off the ground.

I didn't even try to give myself another chance to survive and when fate saw how big a loser I was who didn't even put up any fight to survive, it dumped me back to the ground. I again felt the sand at my feet. The mission was accomplished. I too had braved the tides, though not deliberately. With an excess of 500g/l concentration of salt solution inside my body and 15 seconds of uncertainty about my survival later, I was one amongst those making fun of one of the guys who never dared to get close to a sea beach!

Next on the list - someone pointing a gun at me and pushing me from a clifftop for a bungee jump which I would later claim to be done at will and sky diving when someone fools me into believing that the plane engine has developed some snag and the only option is to jump. I would later call that dive a childhood dream that finally came true and would go about proclaiming that I was born to live dangerously and that adventure brought out the best in me!

Domestic Violence Redefined

2006-11-14T06:42:00.000-08:00

If you were wary of marriage, there is more reason to be. The very pro-women Government of India which doesn't even rake up the issues like Women's reservation bill to empower women by blaming it on lack of consensus amongst political parties is now ready to dish out the domestic violence bill. If you are a Raj Kapoor type man with an Anari bent of mind who is about to be married, has been divorced or has been in any sort of relation even a decade back with a ruthless woman, you are in for tough times ahead bro!

The new law has come into force from the 26th of October. Last night I saw this interview in which a very wary Karan Thapar, playing an advocate, pleaded the case of men (or the Devils in the eyes of our Minister Mrs Renuka Chaudhary). Read the whole transcript at:
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/act-wont-hit-good-hubbies-renuka/26051-3-0.html

Here are a few excerpts from the whole interview:

Karan Thapar:But what your Act has done is to take trivial issues - that could happen quite innocently, inadvertently and turn them into offences and crimes.

Renuka Chowdhury: I don’t agree with you. We are saying, we are facilitating and setting up a legal framework where by we expect to…

Karan Thapar:A very bad legal framework, insufficient legal framework and an imprecise one.
Renuka Chowdhury: Please listen to me. Can I be allowed to talk or otherwise this is deemed as domestic violence, this is professional violence.

Karan Thapar: That’s the danger; you are proving my point.

Renuka Chowdhury:Absolutely.

Karan Thapar:A mere interruption becomes domestic violence.

It doesn't end there..

Karan Thapar: The Centre for Social Research with regard to the anti-dowry law did a study after the Supreme Court judgment came out in August of 2005 and it concluded that of every 100 cases brought under the anti-dowry law, 98 per cent were false. Only two were correct. It’s not a minute percentage; the level of abuse that this could incur is phenomenally high.

Renuka Chowdhury:It’s okay.

Karan Thapar: It’s okay? It’s acceptable?

..and won't you like to hear what the Minister opines about 50% of surviving population in India?

Renuka Chowdhury: There is always need for corrections and amendments in any law as we progress as a society develops and the needs arise. But for one hypothetically - before I reach the bridge and cross it - if you want me to make amendments, I won’t.

Karan Thapar: In other words, let men suffer first, then I will correct the wrong I have done.

Renuka Chowdhury: It is not such a bad idea, except that I have such pity for men.

All said and done, the point is how this bill is going to empower women when most of the clauses stated in the law obviously seem redundant and already taken care of in the constitution. Till sanctity prevails upon these 'hungry for attention' politicians, try not to upset your girl friends and wives by speaking anything silly.

Dhoom 2: Preview

2006-11-01T05:06:00.000-08:00

The losers are back. They lost to the suave robber John Abraham last time and now they would be losing to Hrithik who by strange coincidence is another loser averaging 5 flops per hit film. But then this is not real life so it really doesn't matter.

After John jumps to death in Dhoom 1 and Esha Deol once again has weight problems, producer Aditya Chopra decides to replace these two with Hrithik and Bipasha. The business acumen of Adi Chopra came to the fore while making this decision. All the training that Hrithik underwent for the supposed sci-fi Krrish (if you didn't know, the film was earlier titled Krishi Darshan but Doordarshan did not part with this name) came to good use in Dhoom 2 and that too at the cost of Hrithik's dad. Bipasha it is rumored gets to play the unborn child of John Abraham from Dhoom 1 who grows up to become a sizzling bombshell in just two years following some biological tests conducted on her by some scientists. Based on this angle in the film, Bipasha, in her pre-release interviews claims to have worked in the second authentic sci-fi in hindi film Industry after Krrish.

The story is set in Mumbai. Jai(Abhishek Bachchan) and Ali(I forget that guy's name..some Kapoor, wait or was it Sharma?) have spent all the loot money that they could manage to stash in their bags after John died in the first part. They are on the look out for more money but being a police constable and a motor mechanic doesn't help. Yes, Abhishek plays a police constable but since he never wears the uniform in the first part, you tend to overlook this fact. He feels that palying a constable would put Big B to shame. Having played an inspector all his life, he would not accept his son go any lower in the wrung. It is here that Hrithik makes an entry carrying a mandolin in his hand and singing in the Swiss Alps. Mind you, this is a Yash Chopra production so this has to be expected. By the time the song ends, you get to know the real intentions of this villain. As all the police force of Switzerland is busy taking care of the people who come in to watch Hrithik shake his legs, his accomplice in crime Aishwarya goes about robbing people on the highway. Who wouldn't fall for those green eyes?

They decide to shift to India after getting to know that Kabir(John Abraham) has passed away to fill in his shoes. Jai readies himself for yet another hot number with Rimi Sen but Aishwarya plays a spoilsport. She allows him to show screen chemistry with his on screen wife only if he allows her to shake her booty with Hrithik in another hot number that goes something like this - "Don't touch me, don't touch me". Abhishek decides against the song but Aishwarya secretly goes shooting for her song with Hrithik in Brazil. Meanwhile Ali(I think he was Uday Bhanu) cries for attention. Bipasha had no scenes uptil now so she is paired with him. Bipasha realises that she obviously has to go out of her way to stand out. So she gets into a bikini and runs around carrying a surfing plank. Ali(Prem Chopra...) too gets his moment to fame as he is asked to lip sync a number - "Itsy bitsy tiny winy..yellow polka dotted bikini" which doesn't suit his beefy build.

With interval fast approaching, the director decides on doing some chase scenes. Since Dhoom 1 had already shown the bike chases, here they chase in all other remaining modes of transport available on planet Earth. So you have Jai and Ali(Udit Narayan?) chase Hrithik in a plane, a train, a car and an auto but to no avail. He somehow manages to escape just at the nick of time. The superman powers of Krrish help him in his escapes. Aishwarya meanwhile giggles and remains busy applying anti wrinkle creams to do justice to her first scant-clothed babe kinda look.

As the end approaches, Jai and Ali(Usmaan..Khan..) again find themselves at the same place where it all began. They are on their Suzuki Hayabusa bikes and Hrithik stands at the edge of a cliff with a sleek looking Aishwarya in his arms.

Jai(Junior B): Chhod de usse, wo teri bhabhi hai.
Hrithik: Ye sahi hai, poori film mein ghumaaun main aur climax mein baazi tu maar le jaaye?

Jai: Usse wapas kar de aur khud ko kanoon ke hawale kar de. Kya pata tujhe Dhoom 3 mein fir se mauka mil jaaye.
Hrithik: Dhoom 3 mein SRK ko le liya hai. Ab main Aish ko nahi chhodunga.

Jai: Aish tum bhi to kuch bolo
Aish: Kya bolun? Dhoom 3 mein mujhe chance mila bhi to tab tak meri umar badi behen ya bhabhi ke role karne ki ho jayegi. Mera mar jaana hi accha hai.

Ali(He was the brother of Aditya Chopra..Uday Chopra!!): Bhaiya, apni film mein saare dialogues ye log bolenge to main kya karunga?
Aditya Chopra(thinking): I will have to make him dumb in the next part.
Bipasha: Hey, you cheats. I had heard that in a Yash Chopra production , you get to wear Chiffon sarees and get a paid Swiss trip. You all got me sun tanned on Rio beaches and then gave me bikinis instead of the sarees.

Amidst all this confusion, Hrithik whispers in Aishwarya's ears - "The game's not over yet!" And then they jump from the cliff in a dancing pose picked straight from some Shiamak Davar performance.

The last shot of the film is a masterstroke. After these guys return back on confirmation that Hrithik and Aishwarya's game was indeed over in Dhoom 2, the camera zooms to some distant planet where SRK sits on a throne that reads - "Call me King!" He looks into the eyes of the camera and beams - "The chase begins now".

Speculations will be made on whether the third part of Dhoom will involve chase in space ships once people get to see this cliamx scene in Dhoom 2 . Aditya Chopra, it is heard has approached George Lucas of the Star Wars fame to direct the third part. Let's keep hoping till then.

The Jaan-e-mann Tragedy

2006-10-31T04:23:00.000-08:00

All the world's a stage and most of my acts are poor imitations of the comical antics of Govinda in his hey days(read Rajaji, Wah Tera Kya Kehna days) given the most strange situations I keep falling into.

I remember an episode from the TV series friends where Chandler tells Ross that he saw the face of his mother while he made love to his girl friend and then it ruined the fun for Ross. So whenever he was all set for the act, Chandler's words came to disturb him and then he couldn't help seeing his mother's face in the girl he was about to get naughty with. Well I am not referring to any symptom of Oedipus complex but something of the 'ruining of the fun' did happen with me last Saturday.

After all these years of remaining single, I never mind watching movies with college friends. But things have changed now. With a few setting their marriage dates, some getting committed for fun and some on a more serious note, the breed of singles like me has neared extinction. Articles discussing the pros and cons of being single and supposedly friendless (by friend the article essentially meant someone of the opposite sex with whom you won't mind cosying up on the couch) folks appearing in the newspaper started making me feel more insecure.

I decided to go out and watch a movie to escape the tension. I generally prefer hanging out with a gang, having a good lunch and then watching a movie but with just Ankush around in Delhi, I asked him to book the tickets. We decided to go for 'Don' despite it having got a total 'no-no' from most of my amateur film critic friends because two guys can only watch a thriller or an action film together, they don't have a choice. But we couldn't manage to get the tickets. The next best option was another new release - Jaan-e-mann. Little did we realise that the movie was going to be a self inflicted embarassment for both of us. The fun was first killed by the Chandler like act by an old aquaintaince who sprang up from no where only to speak the golden words and then disappear - "You going to watch a romantic film with another guy? What's wrong with you?"

All my enthusiasm of watching a hindi film in a theatre after almost 4 months vanished and I started looking for excuses for not going. Earlier watching a film with another guy never made me conscious, but the Chandler of my life started bugging me every moment now - "You going to watch a romantic film with another guy? What's wrong with you?"

The fifteen minute wait at the theatre lounge was one of the longest. The canoodling couple in the corner made me more aware of the wrong choice of film. There was a gang of 4 college going boys as well that made us feel relaxed as we were not the only two heterosexual guys who had erred in making a correct choice of film that day. But embarassment still awaited us. When the gates opened for entry, we were asked to make entry through another door as we had bought the tickets to the Premier lounge and not the general class.

Just as we entered the premier class, all heads turned as if in disgust. There were around 30 seats and 14 couples seated. All eyes seemed to ask the same question - "Hello! what are both of guys doing here in the unofficial love-lounge?"

Ankush put his arm around my shoulders to whisper - "Ye to love-bird park aa gaye, ab kya karein?"

"Pehle to haath hata kandhe se" - I told him as I shirked away but the damage was already done.

We made our way to the seats and stayed glued for the next 3 hours. Chandler appeared again wearing a halo over his head and this time he was not alone. I could see everyone seated around me accompanying him and pointing fingers at me while crying out aloud - "You watched a romantic film with another guy. There sure is something wrong with you."

Male bonding seems to have got another meaning these days. What do the singles do now?

"Go and watch Don, its just the people like YOU who have kept it running despite it being totally non-sense!" - a frustrated film critic reviewing box office collections bellows on a TV program.

Do we really have a choice, I wanted to ask.

Hu Ha India..Aaya India!

2006-10-10T03:06:00.000-07:00

The un-official song of the Indian cricket team is out and I must admit that it is a very catchy number. There was a time when I really wanted to take up cricket as a career after seeing India lose to Srilanka in the World Cup 96 semi final but better sense prevailed upon me when I failed miserably in our gully cricket competition soon after.

Cricket is a religion in India and every one has an opinion about how we play it. It is the passion for the game that makes our mood swing from being ecstatic when our team wins to being sarcastic when they bring all hopes come crashing down. The general public loves to treat them as Gods and then make them fall from grace in the most unceremonious manner when they fail. This is the biggest pressure that these guys have to cope with outside the playing field.

Just as the team prepares for the Champions' trophy, here's my opinion on these mortals whom we sometimes over-idolize. No prizes for guessing, I'll spew venom as their progress reports for the last couple of seasons show that Team India has hit a trough!

Sachin Tendulkar: By far the most prolific player in the history of Indian cricket and lucky too. Always gets injured just when his place in the team is in jeopardy. A leading model on the Indian ad-scene. Gets motivated and scores heavily when the bowler bowling to him is a non-entity. This way the unknown bowler comes into the limelight for getting the 'Tendulkar battering'. Once a God but now a human, Sachin must be eyeing Bangladesh, Kenya, Canada and Holland to complete his 50 one day centuries by 2007 World Cup.

Virendra Sehwag: A fact finding commission set up by the BCCI to study Sehwag's scoring patterns found that he scores on the day following every third full moon night. Indian think tank should now contemplate playing either on those days or just drop him so that he gets the free time to get hair weaving done. His modelling prospects would suffer if he goes completely bald. He follows the simple principle of 'Sar kata sakte hain lekin sar jhuka sakte nahi'. He either butchers the ball from the word go or simply gets out rather than let situations dictate terms to him.

Rahul Dravid: The official spokesperson of Greg Chappell. He either gets to speak whatever Chapell forgets to or simply repeats the same things sans the silly ramblings of Chappell(when he sometimes suffers from verbal diarrhoea). A calm and composed customer who is already an all time great as far as his batting goes. Loves to take his own sweet time to score runs and wants to handle captaincy the same way. Sometimes stuns the opposition and own team alike with his unpredictability, like, declaring the innings when a teammate is on 194 and all set to score the double hundred.

Yuvraj Singh: He seems satisfied being the prince and not the king! Hits long spells of purple patch and longer spells of lean ones. Loves a racy lifestyle, no doubt slow spinners spell the doom for him. Like every other young man in his early twenties when the rush of blood is tough to handle, he loves to score when he has got a point to prove, otherwise doesn't give it a damn.

Mohd Kaif: It is common knowledge that Kaif has requested formally to the ICC to revise scoring laws for him. He wants the scorecard to include the number of runs saved by him to his batting score so that his cricketing career is prolonged and his batting average stays over 25 runs per match. He has been one of the few unlucky ones in the team who don't have a stable modelling career owing to his average middle class looks.

Suresh Raina: He reached the pinnacle of success when Chappell applauded his zeal to learn, commitment to perform and his young age. Performances don't matter now. If the coach is happy, the captain has to be and that guarantees his place in the team for sometime to come. He now hopes for a couple of flash in the pan knocks to get some lucrative modelling assignments. But I wonder he will. There seems to be some regional bias at play to keep the U.P. lads at bay!

M.S.Dhoni: The butcher from Jharkhand doesn't need an introduction. He is everywhere - on TV, on hoardings, the dressing room and on the cricket field sometimes for a change. In 2005, he seemed like a man possessed. This year he seems to be busy reaping the harvests. Why bother about scoring runs, they'll come once he is done with getting the perfect hair style to suit his personality!

Irfan Pathan: Touted to be the next Kapil Dev of India. The Indian think tank likes to believe that he gives them an option of plenty. Sure he does, giving away plenty of runs and clocking a little over Anil Kumble on the speedometer. Venkatesh Prasad must be feeling relieved at not being just one of the kind. He enjoys the comforts of playing on the home soil and usually flourishes with the bat but when on tour he loves the tranquility of the dressing room instead. As a kind gesture, he doesn't even trouble the scorers there.

Ajit Agarkar: They called him an allrounder..now they like to keep mum. He accomplished his life's ambition of getting 2 world records in his name. One, for taking the fastest 50 wickets in one day cricket and two, for scoring the maximum consecutive ducks in tests. Now he rests in peace. Shows abnormal signs of resurgence by picking up a few wickets in between but returns to normalcy soon enough to keep his RPO(runs per over) over 5.

Zaheer Khan: Could have made it big in the modelling arena if he had been able to maintain his place in the team by remaining in Chappell's good books. He has performed quite well in county and other first class matches in India but still finds himself out of favor. He must understand that on field feats are not going to help as much as sucking up to the big boss. Hit the gym, sweat in front of his eyes and the master might grant you a chance.

Harbhajan Singh: "Chuk de phatte"! He has been through a lot. In fact most of the times he is seen fighting it out with situations rather than dominating the opposition. His best was when he made the Australians dance to his tunes by taking 32 wicktes in 3 tests. Ever since then his fans have to remain content watching the same old video of Bhajji Bhangra pao-ing after skittling out the Australians. He got the stick in the back when he tried letting his hair down for a liqor ad. A new controversy should keep him in the news if not his bowling for sure!

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part III

2006-09-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Kraken and all done, we decided to try out some water rides and for that we needed to be in something other than jeans for sure. But the chances of getting things going the right way were almost equal to chances of survival in deep space(~0.0017% to be more precise! that's a figure I picked up watching a conspiracy theory on Landing on the Moon yesterday).

So this is what followed - we booked two lockers, locked our jeans in and put on the shorts. The lazy boys soon realised that the shorts were smelling awfully bad since they were not allowed to dry after our Miami beach trip. Abhishek and Mohit were the worst sufferers. So it was decided that the rest of us were going to shield them from twiching noses around. Abhinav, Ratul and I took to shielding Mohit and Faruk and Sushant took up the task of shielding Abhishek.

The ploy didn't work much. We could shield them but not the stench. Mohit looked for secluded places to avoid coming in contact with people who were in any case avoiding him while Abhishek did something more innovative.

Scene: A young kid standing next to Abhishek and desparately trying to survive the stench.
Abhishek(to the kid): Do you know where this stench is coming from?
Kid: No, but its awful

Abhishek: Yeah, its killing me. Is that your Dad?
Kid: No way!

Abhishek: Then it must be the whale in the park. You know whales smell real bad.
Kid(thinking): Buddy is that whale in your pocket?? Because I sense it coming from there.

Thank God! the kid was not from India or else he sure must have thought that. This poor kid took to believing that whales do smell real bad!

It was now that things started getting worse. The 24' 10'' tall Sushant with his giant strides leapt across places while we struggled to keep pace. Then Faruk was lost clicking nude pictures of the Seals and Walruses, and Abhishek followed suit. The rest of us came back to the locker room and decided to take the Islands of Atlantis ride. Little did Mohit know that his sexy tricolored swimming trunks will look totally out of place there. He got into those and then we waited for Abhishek to join. But the next 5 minutes were hysterical. People started staring at the 'underpant' guy. It was almost as if he was a superman! Some felt that he was streaking while others thought that it was some theme park entertainment item. They cheered and Mohit got a bit conscious. He wanted to get into his jeans but lo..the keys were with Faruk and he was lost!

The underpant guy braved the public and went for the ride. Thankfully his trauma ended as soon as we got back from the ride and we managed the keys to the locker. But this was one part of the trip that I just can't forget(more so because I was not at the receiving end!)

Just sample these reactions when people saw him:
Old woman: Oooowaaaa....ooooo
Fat man: Ha ha ha ha..look at him
Small kid:Look mama, the man in the underpants!
A Namibian national: Man, he is wearing our national flag.

Just like every Manmohan Desai story, our film also had a happy ending. All of us found each other in Shamu's stadium for the last spectacle, Shamu - the Killer Whale Show. It was grand, as grand as the whale itself. Shamu made its entry amidst loud cheers from the crowd. It was awesome!

The last day was a total anticlimax. We were to spend an entire day again at Miami and the heavy rains just killed the fun. We stayed locked inside the hotel room throughout the day. Lets just keep it at that..but not before I mention the chicks walking to our hotel room at 3 in the night and greeting the sleepy Kallu with a 'Hello sweetheart'?

Par afsos us din hum sabka somwaar ka vrat tha :(

Let me just sign off with the last tiff between Abhishek and Sushant:

Sushant: Abe kallu kaun thee?
Abhishek: Pata nahi kisi aur ko khoj rahi thee

Sushant: Bata na please
Abhishek: Bataya to

Sushant: Nahi, kya keh rahi thee?
Abhishek: Kuch nahi, ab so ja

Sushant: Bata na yaar kya keh rahi thee?
Me: Pooch rahi thee ki hotel ke ek kamre mein 3 ladke kya kar rahe hain? Khud jaake pooch kyun nahi leta kya keh rahi thee?

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part II

2006-09-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Orlando greeted us with blue skies, green grass and no hotel reservation. Official tour managers Faruk and Sushant took over with able support from our PR manager, Mohit 'Can we get a room over here' Juneja and we finally managed a fairly decent priced hotel.

The day was set for some exciting adventures and Universal didn't disappoint. You have to be there to feel it all. The rides were exhilarating - Hulk and Duelling dragons(roller coaster), Dr. Doom's Fearfall(free fall from 150 ft) and the others rocked. I didn't take the duelling dragon ride though because,

a.) I started feeling bored
b.) I already had one roller coaster ride and they felt all the same
c.) We had to cover the Universal studios as well,

I could go on with those excuses. The truth is that I simply felt uneasy taking that ride with my feet dangling in the air. Turned upside down with no base to keep your feet onto gave me jitters.

The best in the 'Islands of Adventure' theme park was undoubtedly the 'Adventures of Spiderman' ride. Believe me, you'll never feel as close to the virtual world as this ride makes you feel. Since we had bought the express passes for these rides, we didn't have to negotiate the long queues and almost all the rides were done in 6 hours flat!

The other theme park of Universal - 'The Universal Studios' was again a treat. Shrek, Back to the Future, 'The Mummy' ride and Terminator were all too good. We were all tired to the extreme by the end of it all and then that hot chick from Nascar restaurant robbed us of $150 for some silly nachos, fried chicken and diluted margaritas. I was totally against the extra $15 that everyone else wanted to give her(besides the 15% gratuity already included in the bills!) but had to bow down to the shit they call - 'Voting!' I lost 5-1-(Ratul Da kept thinking which way he would go).

The next morning was again the same old story.

Sushant: Abe kallu uth
Abhishek: Nahi tu uth..

..and the battle continued.

Now came the most controversial part of our trip. Though we decided in favor of Keneddy Space Center, it seemed that the 'Let's vote for it' ploy was not used in deciding. I was game for visiting NASA but the more adventurous of the lot were not. They however played the perfect gentlemen by not creating a 'Tu apne raaste ja main apne raaste' scene and we finally went there. IMAX movies(it was really good!), touching the surface of moon, almost experiencing the last 3 minutes of Apollo mission to Moon and having a look at the Atlantis space shuttle to be launched was good but not worth the fortune and the time that we spent going there. We were on the lookout for some simulated space walks and stuff but we returned disappointed.

The next on the list was 'Seaworld'. As we sat for lunch, the Kennedy Space Center wounds started to show up again. But again the gentlemen that we are, we set aside the minor tiffs and the plan to give Sushant the 'bumps' of his life and decided to have fun together, Hum Saath Saath Hain style!

The first show was the Dolphin show. Amazing would be the apt world to describe it. Loitering around here and there, we finally decided for th eonly roller coaster ride there. Kraken was a cracker. A high speed, real high, 'no-base' roller coaster ride and this time I decided not to play a spoilsport. I lost my Nike cap somewhere during the ride though!

The best part was yet to come though. Abhishek aka Kallu and Mohit were about to take centrestage and what followed was non-stop commotion and fun not just for us but also for the other people to see and feel. That's coming up this weekend though as I have some work to catch up with. Will get back soon!

Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Part I

2006-09-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

I went, I spent and I returned bankrupt! The only solace I derive is from Lord Krishna's golden words - "Tum lekar hi kya aaye thhey jo uske chale jaane ka dukh tumhe ho raha hai".

Well if you could not get what I am talking about, it is about my vacation to Florida last long weekend.

I know it'll be hard to sympathesize with me after knowing that out of the 7 guys who went there, no one had a valid driving license to drive in USA and we paid heavily for this by falling prey to the scourge of cab-wallahs who made it sure that our four days in Florida go down as probably the most 'silly-spending holiday' in our lives. Enough of this cribbing for now, Miami and Orlando sure were worth the fortune that we spent!

Our trip started on a very shaky note when Ratul Da came to realise to his horror that Abhishek wasn't carrying his flight tickets along with others'. There was a bit of blame game at the ticket counter and since the executive assiting us had to go and pee, she granted a seat in the flight to the harmless Ratul Da without any thorough checking.

Ernesto stepped back to give us some bright sunshine in Miami and we made a rush to the lifeguards' station on the beach expecting some baywatch babes there only to find a 60 something old man sipping lemonade and tanning his wrinkled skin. We made the next best possible use of being on a beach, played volleyball!

Night clubs by the beach side have quite cheap entries and two of us managed to dupe them of even that. That wasn't deliberate though. As the whole club swayed to the salsa beats, we kept to making swaying movements on our stool chairs engaging a waitress to get us Maragaritas, nachos and mozarella sticks.

Born and brought up in the Govinda land, salsa is essentially not our cup of tea unless we are professionally trained for it and back in India they teach you only if you come along with a partner! Also, from what I figure in the discs in India, even the usual Bhangra stuff that we all do when sadde Daler paaji croons a peppy number is basically a randon motion of hands and legs and from a distance resembles closely to the unruly and uncoordinated Bangalore Hosur Road traffic. Basically what I want to convey here is that most of us are just the jumping jacks who find themselves out of place when a club's DJ's music collection is devoid of any Daler paaji stuff.

Miami is also a place where you can really experiment and Sushant even tried doing that. But his half and hour efforts were annuled by his 'bed-partner' for the trip - Abhishek aka Kallu. The prospects of Sushant flourishing when given an opportunity were discussed at length and the jury unanimously decided that he stood no chance!

The next day we flew to Orlando. It is here that the daily early morning tiffs between Sushant and Abhishek need a special mention:

Time: 5:30 AM
Situation: I was back after getting fresh and these two were still sleeping. Our cab was to leave in another 30 min.

Me: Kaun jaayega ab bathroom? Make it fast now.
Sushant: Abe Kallu tu uth.
Abhishek: Nahi main nahi uthunga, tu uth

Sushant: Main roz apne ghar mein sabse pehle uthta hoon.
Abhishek: To yahan bhi uth ja

Sushant: Abe tu ja na
Abhishek: Tu ja. Main kal bhi tere se pehle utha tha

Sushant: Main agle do din uth jaaunga
Abhishek(giving up, rubbing his eyes): Utha diya saale. Mera shraap hai ki teri agli saat pushtein Kumbhkaran jaisi paida hongi.

For the next flight to Orlando in the morning, Ratul Da ensured that his tickets were in place. Orlando was much better weather wise and the trip turned out to be better and more (mis)adventurous. Let's keep it for the Around Florida in 1000 Dollars - Dwitiya!

Lage Raho Munna Bhai - Review

2006-09-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

There are not many sequels that turn out to be better than their predecessors. James Cameroon worked wonders with Terminator's sequel in Hollywood and Raj Kumar Hirani does the same in Bollywood with Lage Raho. Its hard to decide the best part of this enterprise - direction, script or performances and that says a lot about the efforts of the entire unit of LRMB. Raj Kumar Hirani proved his worth with Munna Bhai and this film reiterates the fact that his success was not just a fluke.

Lage Raho won half the battle with its unusual storyline. If Munna Bhai gave us the 'jaadu ki jhappi', Lage Raho gives us 'Mahatma Gandhi'. Today the Mahatma's ideologies are a thing of the past - dead and buried with the generation of people who followed them and the Gandhi Topi today is synonymous with corruption. Lage Raho is an effort to remind us of all that Gandhi stood for and more. You can call it Raj Kumar Hirani's "Experiment With Truth!"

Sanjay Dutt delivers a top notch performance. As the lovable goon Munna, he wins hearts and this is one character that he is going to be proud of when he reflects back on his entire career. Ditto for Arshad Warsi as Circuit. He is to Munna what Hanuman was to Ram. And boy you got to watch out for the way he carries out an abduction in the first scene of the film!

Without taking the credit away from Sanjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi, the script/screenplay are the real heroes of this film. One of my friends quite rightly remarked after watching the film that if the film cast you and me as the leading protagonists, even then the film could have pulled it off.

Vidhu Vinod Chopra's films have always had very powerful scripts - Parinda, 1942:A Love Story, Parineeta, Munna Bhai MBBS or LRMB, all winners in the story department! Vidhu Chopra also deserves a pat on the back for promoting talented directors. Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Pradeep Sarkar and Raj Kumar Hirani have all proved him right.

The film has its share of shortcomings. There are a few glitches here and there in the film. At some places the film does go overboard but that is what I call the 'cinematic liberty' . The end portions get a bit boring. Munna Bhai MBBS was better in the climax if you compare. But the film makes up for it overall.

The songs are definitely worth a hear. Shantanu Moitra's music has a touch of the 70's and that makes him different from the current lot.

Its a film that I would recommend to all. Go watch it and yes, look around to see if Mahatma Gandhi is sitting besides you. Hope to see the Munna Bhai team coming up with another sequel - Lagey Raho MunnaBhai!

Confusions of an Over-analysing Mind

2006-08-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

Generally a sane man's thinking process lies somewhere between two extremes - being too hasty while making decisions or being too cautious and analytical with every decision in life, be it about planning a career path or deciding on what to eat for dinner that night. I would count myself as being closer to the first extreme and maybe that's how Maa feels too. So she got me to wear a ring which supposedly keeps me cool and relaxed. That is expected to imply that I will no more make hasty decisions. Anyways, this is not about whether it really works or not.

This is about my meeting with someone 'anti-me' in terms of the thinking process. Someone who would study all the pros and cons of choosing between cabbaage and capsicums while doing grocery before making up his mind about buying both.

My friend Deendayal Upadhyay(name changed to keep identity secret) and I went grocery shopping and this is what followed at the store.

Event A
Time: 4:15 PM
Case scenario: Decision on whether to buy butter

Deendayal(DD): Should I buy unsalted butter or salted one?
Me: Better that you don't buy it. Its not even in a carton or something

DD: If I buy unsalted one then I'll have to add salt so there's no use. But do I buy this salted one or some better brand?
Me: They don't sell the Amul brand here. Better try out a US brand that's available at Stop & Shop.

Clock ticking..4:18 PM

DD: I think I will buy one.
Me: Thank God! Let's move on

Event B
Time: 4:20 PM
Case Scenario: Decision to buy cabbage or capsicum

DD: What should I buy, cabbage or capsicum?
Me: Take your time..think

DD: Cabbage is good and so is capsicum. I would have taken even brocholli but its way to costly for such small quantity.
Me: So you have narrowed down your sample space to two items, cabbage and capsicum..right?

Clock ticking..4:22 PM

DD: I think I will go ahead with buying capsicum
Me: That's the way to go about it man, go ahead and get it.

Clock still ticking..4:24 PM

DD: I have got the capsicum but I was thinking that buying cabbage will also do me no harm.
Me(thinking): Only if you ignore the fact that this cabbage potentially has the ability to jump out of your refrigerator in the night, go to your bedroom and strangulate you to death for choosing capsicum over it at the store.

Event C
Time: 4:28 PM

Me: Hey DD! Saleem Langda, Babu Chhapri and Babban Thakela(names changed again to hide identities) are waiting for us to go to the downtown. Rush, rush!
DD: Don't rush, I'll forget things that I need to buy.

Me: No problem when you are with me. I can help you with remembering the things that you might want to buy. Bread? Milk? Spices? Ghee?
DD: Yes, ghee!

Me: Dekha..main hoon na. Let's do it fast now. Take this 1 kg pack
DD: But which one do I take? There are two brands. I don't know which one is better. I also think that if I buy ghee then I won't need butter.

Me: Does that mean that I go and keep the butter again in the rack? Fast..fast..think, think
DD: Haste makes waste..but yes, you can keep it back.
(I go and keep the butter pack from where we picked it up and rush back to prod DD to move to the paying counter)

Clock ticking 4:31 PM

DD: I think I will not buy ghee now
Me: Why???

DD: Because it has higher level of cholesterol
Me: So, what would be the next action item? We go to the counter, pay for the rest of the stuff or something else?

DD: I think I will take the butter and leave ghee for the time being. You stand in the queue and I will get the butter.
Me: Oh sure!

Event D
Time: 4:33 PM

DD: I need to buy some biscuits
Me: Buy Parle-G. I remember buying a dog's biscuit pack one day in hurry only to realise it after opening the pack at home. Isn't that funny?

DD: That is why I tell you to be patient
Me: You go and get your biscuits mate..we are almost there in the billing counter queue.

DD: Now, these are a hell lot of types of biscuits. Which one do I choose?
Me: They are all same brand. Pick any.

DD: The question here is not 'what type'. The question here is 'how many'. There are at least 50 packs here. Now how many do I pick?
Me: DD, If you count your would be wife whom you are still to meet and your cute little imaginary Chunnu-Munnu type kids at home, you must buy 10 packs. If you think that you will have lot more chances of visiting a grocery store before your wife and kids come into your life then you can manage with maybe a couple of packs.

DD: I'll pick 2 packs of Pista badam flavor and another coconut cookie packet that I missed in some other shelf. I'll get those
Me: Run, run..we are next in turn at the billing counter.

Time: 4:45 PM

Me: Finally we are done with the shopping. Lets rush back home, tuck in our shirts, put some body spray and rush for the Path station
DD: You made such a rush that I forgot one item completely.

Me: What did you forget now?
DD: Yoghurt!

Me: But you stood at the milk, butter, curd shelf for almost 5 minutes. Didn't it occur to you then?
DD: That time I was thinking about buying milk and butter. Selecting a yoghurt pack needed a different analysis approach.

.. ..

Time: 5:20 PM

Me(thinking sitting alone in a bus, going over to the Path station): What if I get down on the road close to the path station rather than first going to the bus stand? Which one would be the shorter path? What use would reaching earlier be if the other three idiots don't reach there in time? So should I call them and ask if they have left or should I go by the time we set for meeting at the station? What if my watch is not showing the same time as theirs?

..Damn me! I am so very impressionable.

Abstract and Unfathomable - Modern Art Be Thy Name!

2006-08-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

(Pollock's art work..about commotion, anger, upheavals or something more profound?)

I have never understood art even remotely. Back in school when I got a poor 50 out of 100 in pencil sketching examination, I sulked and took my drawing to my Mom expecting some consolation and appreciative words from her. It turned out exactly the opposite.

Me: Mujhe is sketch ke sirf 50 miley 100 mein
Mom: 50 de diye??

Me: Kyun? Kam hain ya zyada?
Mom: Kam to hain..(pause)..par is sketch ke liye..

I was shattered.

It was then that I left expressing my creativity through drawings and paintings. I took to writing sarcastic pieces and ridiculing art which was my way of expressing my anguish over the world's incapability to understand my colorful interpretations with a paintbrush. The wound seemed to have healed and the 'I hate it' feeling against art had given way to a more mellowed 'Why should I care?' feeling. But Friday brought back the memories again. I had a lunch with one of my school friends Saurav and then he decided to take a revenge on me for what I can possibly make out must have been some school time tiff which I don't even remember now.

Saurav: Hey I was planning to go to the Museum of Modern Art(MoMA) on the 53rd and 6th Avenue, coming along?
Me: Dunno, I mean can't we go to the museum of sex rather than this museum?

Saurav: You pervert, shameless creature. Your mind is filled with filth. Moreover, Museum of sex mein ticket ke paise lagenge..MoMA mein IBM card holders ki free entry hai.
Me: Tum mere sacche dost ho, meri aankhein khul gayi hain aur paise bhi bach rahe hain..let's go to the MoMA.

It was a 6 storeyed building full of sulptures, photographs, modern art stuff and I for a change decided to take a more liberal stance this time and tried to go around analysing the painitings. The first one was a pile of rubble(made from wood cuts) chained to the legs of helicopters on four sides. Then there was another set of 9 paintings that was inspired from Supernova. It was followed by a series of such stuff that sent my brain in a tizzy. I didn't give up even then. I negotiated two floors and then reached the third.

We saw some art work of Pablo Picasso. One of the sculptures was that of a pregnant woman which we thought was quite crude and non-aesthetic to capture in our camera. Then there was this huge canvas that was painted Olive Green. Its description said that the painter was inspired by a garden of Olive Trees that he saw somewhere(I couldn't help remembering William Wordsworth and his Daffodils) and then decided to paint the whole canvas Olive Green..nothing else..just olive green! My patience began to give way. My drawing days came back to haunt me. I could see Mrs. Kala Singh's face in the black oil and wax paint canvas laughing like the witch from the gory tales of horror showing me the sketch that I made. I couldn't take it any longer. I rushed out. But Saurav had more evil designs.

Saurav(with an evil grin): It seems you are pretty bored!
Me: Bored - yes. I think we have had enough..thakur ab mujhe jaane de..meri jaan bakhsh de is museum se.

Saurav: Bas ek exhibition dekh lete hain
Me(thinking): Main tere se 10 din pehle same hospital mein paida hua tha..agar us waqt ye pata hota ki tu mujhe aise torture kar sakta hai to main hospital mein hi tera gala ghont deta.

The last frontier was an exhibition on post World War I art movement - DADA, not the grandfather! They said that this movement was started by artists with anti war message and stuff. I couldn't understand how dumb people like me were expected to decipher the anti war message just by watching a urinal specimen kept right in the middle of the hall!

It was finally the time to go. As I was leaving the Museum thinking that only fools could come and appreciate senseless creations being exhibited in the name of Modern Art, I saw hordes of people entering the MoMA. The queue extended quite far.

Maybe I am an 'ancient' piece who cannot relate to the sensibilities of these modern artists for whom everything is expressed in some abstract form. In retrospect, I think I should have taken up some art courses during my humanities electives back at campus to be more appreciative of art. But as of now, I think strangulating Saurav the next time I meet him would help me get over this recent trauma.

Note to the Modern Art lovers: The writer of this piece is a bit low on intelligence and a bit high on exaggeration. You can choose to ignore him as being quaint.

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna - Review

2006-08-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

You do not go to watch Karan Johar movies looking for a thriller action packed roller coaster ride. So its pointless coming out of the theatre cribbing about the glycerine soaked dramatic emotions on display for a complete 3 hours. KANK is 'almost' another Karan Johar special. An enviable star cast, good music, good locales, good clothes, rich people - a perfect example of a designer movie. I said almost because this time around he falters on key accounts as he tries to experiment(though within the ambits of his usual sentimental and emotional stuff) in coming up with a bold story on the theme of extra marital affairs:

- The 'already seen that' narrative of Johar (you can almost guess what the next scene is going to be)
- The 'fallen from grace' character of SRK(The effervescent Rahul making way for the frustrated Dev isn't exactly what SRK fans would like to see I feel)
- The lame reason given for getting into an extra marital affair(I felt that Rani's character left a cool dude like Abhishek to fall for SRK because just like her, he too didn't like to party and because the story writer wouldn't have it any other way) and then extending the length of the film to generate sympathy for the guilty parties.

I would recommend that if you intend to watch the film for some novel experience then you better stay away from it. It is not going to be a milestone in dealing with the issue of out of marriage relationships. There's no point even comparing it to Arth which was realistic to core because KANH is made primarily to get good commercial returns rather than anything else.

Talking of the performances of the lead star cast, Amitabh Bachchan takes the cake with the cherry on the top(Siddhu effect this!). No one other than the Big B could have handled the flamboyant and playboyish role of a 65 year old Sam. He is definitely the high point of the whole enterprise and the on-screen chemistry that he shares with Abhishek is terrific.

Abhishek Bachchan gets to play the role of the 'good man' and he delivers a noteworthy performance. Rani Mukherji and Preity Zinta do not merely play decoration pieces here. They get their share of glycerine moments besides indulging in the regular singing and dancing stuff. SRK looks meek, both character wise and performance wise. I say performance wise not because he could not do justice to the role but because I do not see the evolution in the characters that he has been portraying for the Chopras and Johars since DDLJ. He doesn't even need a director or a dialogue writer now to play these roles, they are getting so predictable and monotonous now. I am sure that King Khan is gonna get back with a bang with Don but its thumbs down for him for KANK.

Music is good - in the Kal Ho Na Ho mould. Cinematography perfect! Lavish sets, good production value but the final product that we get is quite off the mark. Adi Chopra reinvented himself by moving away from the glycerine soaked lovey-dovey romances to more slick and 'in' films like Salaam Namaste and Dhoom post Mohabbatein. Maybe its time Karan Johar too took a stock of things.

Better luck next time Mr. Johar, KANK is not going to boost the sales of tissues this time around!

Omkara - Review

2006-08-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

If Macbool was about guilt, Omkara is about jealousy. When it comes from someone who gave us a film like Macbool, expectations automatically rise sky high. And if the film is promoted as well as this one was, there is bound to be a lot of curiosity that ensures a good opening for the film. Omkara sure must have had that but I am not sure whether it can sustain collections in the long run. One, because it must be priced high owing to presence of top notch stars. Two, the dialect is UP centric so it might not have too many takers in the Marathi or Punjab belt and three, excessive use of profanities would keep families away from it.

To say that the film does not live upto its expectations would be doing injustice to the craft of the supremely talented Vishal Bharadwaj and the whole star cast of Omkara that leaves a lasting impression. Tassaduq Hussain, the debutant cinematographer adds value to the product. However, the whole premise of the film seems a bit trifle to me. It looked a bit too much for me to sit through the film which moved with just one agenda - seeing Langda Tyaagi's vicious design taking shape and then culminating in destruction of the characters involved. There was no sub-plot or any respite from the story which moved in just a single track.

Ajay Devgan as Omakara delivers a first rate performance. This was not the first time that he was portraying a silent, brooding character but what was special in this role was the way he brought about that vulnerability in his character. It looked so human!

Konkana Sen Sharma and Kareena do great job too. The best thing about them was that they were the characters they played in the movie. They deserve accolades for their performance.

Viveik(or was it Viviek?) and Bipasha make a mess of whatever they get to do. Vivek's character is not at all strong and he doesn't leave an impact either. The biggest problem with him is that he over exerts himself in a scene to create an impact and he fails miserably. The only natural performance from him was in Company and then he became a star. He needs to get the 'starry' feeling out of his head if he wants to survive. Bipasha is a glam doll. She has been used quite well in the two item numbers 'Beedi Jalaile' and 'Namak' but someone's gotta tell her that just getting into a village belle's attire does not mean that you have gotten into the character. You need to have the diction, the body language correct too. She looks best in a Corporate kind of film. A film based in western UP - not your cup of tea Bipasha.

The actor who comes out trumps in this whole affair is Saif Ali Khan however. He delivers the knock out punch as Langda Tyaagi. This guy is well set to take over the mantle from Aamir Khan. He looks like one complete actor on the scene who has the guts to play a metrosexual Nikhil Arora in Salam Namaste, the goofy Rohit Patel in Kal Ho Na Ho, the suave villain in Ek Haseena Thi and the wicked Langda Tyaagi in Omkara. To say that he was good int he film would be an understatement. Awards are sure to rain for this guy for this performance.

Now comes direction. Vishal Bharadwaj knows it too well. The industry has got two wonderful story tellers of late - Madhur Bhandarkar and him. Be it Makdee, Mackbool or Omkara, Vishal has always made sure that each of his movies has someting to tell. Its nothing different with Omkara. He explores how jealousy can lead to destruction . The film has a very dark ending so if you have a liking for the candy floss romance, keep away from this.

The whole set up looks straight out of life and my hunch is that Vishal has the adaptation of Julius Ceaser in his mind now to complete the trilogy - Macbool(guilt), Omkara(jealousy) Julius Caeser(betrayal).

Music of this film has not been too much talked about. The duo of Gulzar and Vishal Bharadwaj deliver yet again. The music is earthy, gels well with the film and yes, very much saleable too.

Do go and watch Omkara for the sake of the brilliance of Vishal and the reinvented Saif Ali Khan.

Omkara - Maybe not the best, but a laudable effort indeed!

The Mirror Reflection

2006-08-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I am writing this. Maybe the worn-out looking face of 'A', the guy I met the other day on my way back to home in the bus, has a role to play here. This is about the phases of life that I thought this 'A' might have gone through until the time he came and sat beside me in the bus. So bear with me as my imagination runs amok!

Phase I: Birth - The arrival

A's Dad works as a Bank officer, living in a rented house, growing bald with worries of saving money to marry off A's elder sisters B and C. Now that A's father finally has a boy, he has decided to stop having any more children.

On the day of his birth, A's dad was busy filling out ledgers in the bank as it was the financial year close. But to give him company at the hospital were his grand parents, loving sisters(one of them still a toddler while the other one went to school) and some other relatives. The news of his birth was a cause for joy. His grandfather shelled out money for 2 kgs of shuddh desi ghee ke laddoo. This meant that he was really happy and in a pleasant mood. A's uncle thought of introducing his girl friend to him then and there to seek his approval for their marriage but wisdom prevailed upon him.

There were celebrations and A's father felt the brunt of it. All his saving plans went awry with this recent splurge of money. But he did not mind.

Phase II: Childhood - The upbringing

'A' is good at studies so they decide to send him to a good english medium school. Daddy dearest goes to drop him to school everyday and then pick him up. Two elder sisters sit in the rear seat and A stands in the front on their 1986 model LML Vespa scooter. But this does not last long. The school being quite far away from home, it was decided to send them to school in a bus. It was a costlier affair as the bus charged them individually and did not grant any concession but they could do with it keeping in mind the rosier future that they had seen for their son.

A's Dad worked hard and so did his Mom to bring up the kids in the best way they could. A's Dad ensured that they never defaulted while paying their school fees except during the last month of the financial year. That was a month when tax deductions were made from his salary and poor A's parents had trouble keeping the finances in check during that time.

The kids got new clothes on every major festival and on their birthdays but they were not as lucky with getting toys as regularly. A board game of scrabble or carrom was a coveted possession for these kids in their childhood. They got a chance to buy a toy of their choice( there was no need to tell them about any money constraint, they were matured enough to understand it) when they performed well in their annual examinations or when Dad got some increment/bonus.

By the way did I forget to mention that A's uncle was married by now, with his college girl friend. There was a lot of hue and cry over the whole episode but A's uncle was relentless and the family finally gave its approval. They thought that it was better to concede defeat than let the family dispute get messy with people living all around making their own judgment over the matter. They pretended to show that they had changed with the changing times.

School life drew to a close for A and he came out with flying colors implying that he was to pursue either engineering or medical. These were the only options he was given. He chose to go ahead with engineering so he chose Science subjects. By this time, A's eldest sister had already completed her Bachelors and was ready to be married off.

Phase III: Education - The Survival

'A' cleared an engineering competition. His Dad felt that his hard work had paid off and would soon yield high returns. Marrying off B had caused a major dent in his savings and he still had C to marry off. Besides the expenses on the health care of his ailing parents made things worse for him. 'A' knew what responsibility he was carrying on his shoulders. He was matured beyond his years. His Dad took educational loan from a bank to pay for A's higher education. He slogged hard at his college. Competing with the nerdy and brainy guys who too had come with similar hopes and aspirations as him was never going to be an easy task. He survived and landed up with a plum job after 4 years of hard work.

His uncle too was now pretty much settled and had two kids. Both still went to school and looked upto 'A' as a role model.

Phase IV: Professional life - The Struggle, The Success, The Transition

'A' worked as a software professional in a major MNC headquartered in the Silicon Valley. They paid him good bucks. Right in the first year of his professional life, he started earning more than what his Dad brought home after 22 years of service. It heralded the dawn of a new life style for 'A' and his family. He was soon packed off to the US where he made more money and soon got his sister married off.

A's grandparents were no more with them and but that couldn't reduce the expenses. The money brought in a considerable change. 'A' got a car for his Dad. He pampered them with gifts he brought from US.

The Software Industry had changed the life styles of a lot of young middle class folks. This led to the creation of a new class of individuals who liked to be called the Upper-middle class. The money that they got curbed the recurring thoughts of being just another 'cyber-coolie'. The job did not require much of creativity but they still hung on. The happiness in seeing the joy on the face of their family on purchasing their first car kept them negotiating the rut that they had entered into. They managed staying away from home, compromised on living life on the terms of their employers and pretended to be happy.

As he sits beside me, I think 'A' is still making the transition. He's almost there. He has been in US for the past 3 years and has made some money. Now he would be going back to get married to his girl friend who stays in India. 'A' proposed the girl after seeking some practise lessons from his uncle when he last went to India. His uncle was celebrating his 25th marriage anniversary that year.

Though 'A' pretended to be all happy, I could still see him wearing down. His face said it all and then he turned towards me and asked with a smile - "Hey man why do you look so tired?"

What? Did I too look tired? I thought that I was happy or was I pretending to be? Why the hell did he ask me the same question that I wanted to ask him? I felt a seizure in my mind and then I thought that with a twist in the tale here and there, I too could have been what I was making out 'A' to be. I couldn't really answer him then. I needed to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror to get the answers I guess...not just me, a lot of us need that, don't we?

Things that Remain Unsaid..

2006-07-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

One of my friends remarked after reading my recent blogs that if my Dad gets to read what I write, he will disown me for good. The chances of this happening are remote as Dad generally keeps away from the 'good-for-nothing' computers and has employed me part time to log-in to check his e-mails. That said, I pondered over what grudge I harbor against him that I involve him in my silly gimmicks to generate humor? After much introspection, I seem to have got an answer.

Dad's first book was published the year in which I was born. Its been a long time since then but over the years I developed a 'sibling rivalry' kinda thing with that book. While it gained success under the name of 'A Text Book of Algebra', I struggled hard to make any impression. Today, that book perhaps fetches more bucks than what I earn in an year. This constant realisation of defeat at the hands of a 300 page book maybe sparked off the recent spate of outbursts evident in a few of my last posts.

Phew! Man, am I not good at this soul searching and understanding my psyche stuff?

This brings me to another point. The father-son relationship and all the complications that surround it. This relationship is generally of awe and respect. Fathers and sons do not bond at the same level a mother-son bond for that matter. It has got to do maybe with the way we males are. Display of emotions is not our forte. We might feel all the love and affection for each other but taking the next step is always like taking a leap across a giant ocean. We might reciprocate but we do not initiate. The reluctance to take that next step slowly becomes a habit and then we forget even contemplating to walk that extra mile leading to the creation of a void in the relation that neither of the parties know how to fill. You have your questions but you stop to seek their answers by walking upto you father and he waits on his side wondering why you stopped asking him questions which he sometimes struggled to answer once you grew out of the "Papa, aasmaan neela kyun hota hai", "din ke baad raat aati hai ya raat ke baad din?" phase.

The void then starts to act as an excuse for your failures and frustrations at times. An unfamiliar resentment creeps in and it sometimes leads you into becoming a rebel. You feel that he never cared or understood what you ever felt and your Dad feels that you no longer need him to be around the way he used to be when you were taking your first steps or when you were first learning to ride your bicycle. Although blaming him for all your woes would be an extreme form of that resentment but I have seen that happening. Relationships fail at this juncture and that's probably the worst turn that all this emotional void can take.

In other cases, there might be no resentment but a positive struggle to make yourself worthy enough to overcome that void and go back to him someday. That is one struggle that I feel, I continue to make.

For some, earning money is a way of making life a successful journey, for others it has got to do with following their hearts and making the journey worth the walk. But for me the greatest journey would be the one that would take me back to home, when I will be able to look into my Dad's eyes and see that he feels proud of me in some way. That day maybe we'll sit and reminisce the innocent, good old days of my childhood and I might just ask him the same stupid question once again,"Papa, aasmaan neela kyun hota hai?" I know that he will be having all the answers prepared when that time comes. That would probably be his way of telling me that he too had been waiting for that moment all that while. Didn't I tell you that overt display of emotions has never been our forte!

"The Bihari" - Straight from the Heart!

2006-07-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

Its hard not to fall in love with a place that you spent 18 very good years of your life in. If you felt that living in Bihar was hell, I would beg to differ. Biharis stand for being non-conventional, generally in a funny way. A majority of us are not the gun toting freaks like the Taliban who are on the look out to either kidnap or murder you and neither are we like a few of our distinguished public faces with political affiliations who don't exactly paint a very rosy picture of the state on the national scene.

"Hum aapko batana chahte hain ki hum bihari hain aur hamara naam suress, rajess, mahess ya binod nahi hai. Arre Bihari sunte hi kaahe albala rahe hain aap? Kaa hua? Hum bhoot nahi Bihari keh rahe hain. Dariye mat".

Purists might cringe at this contamination of hindi language by intrusion of words like dandanaake (with extreme alacrity), buta do(switch off) or associating everything with the masculine gender, but over the years Bihari has developed into almost a language making its presence felt across India besides the sizable chunk of Indian populace living in Bihar. It might not be pure hindi but it sure is sweet and funny. Slangs used here are also quite different from what is generally used in the northern parts of India. Bhootni ke, labad-dhondho, baklol being a few amongst them. We do not mix the crude Punjabi tadka style slangs in our daily life as much as it is used in some other parts of India.

I have spent 4 years in Kanpur studying there and I can tell you from experience that what is chalta hai in Kanpur or for that matter in Delhi can prove detrimental to your survival if you are in Bihar. I had come to Patna during vacations once and had a slight verbal duel with a ricksaw puller. I made a war cry using a normal and benign looking expletive that i used in my day to day life at hostel. That was it! He was not so much peeved at being yelled at than he was at the expletive I used. For God's sake I just used it for addressing rather than to convey anything deeper in meaning. He threatened to wipe me off my existence and then wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead to figuratively suggest to me the ease with which he would do it. I learnt my lesson - Fight or argue but try not to dig into the refined words' dictionary when dealing with people in Bihar.

I generally talk with my Bihari friends in the bihari lingo, the Hum hain na stuff and switch over to Main hoon na mode while talking with non-bihari folks with consummate ease and that is maybe because my bihari blood has become adulterated after staying away from the place for a few years now and also because I had always made a conscious effort to speak grammatically correct Hindi with Maa being a bit strict on how we fared in our Hindi examinations at school. But the instances when a biharism meets Hindi results in a deadly khichdi that could make Sacchidanand Hiranand Vatsyayan 'Agyey' feel as if all his contributions to hindi literature had gone to the drains. For example: Hum tumse kahe thhey na(bihari) + Maine tumse kaha tha na(hindi) = Hum tumse kaha tha na(the khichdi)

Kanpur has been almost a second home to me and how can I sign off without giving you a taste of how Kanpuriya hindi sounds:

Set up: Mumbai railway station ka platform number 12
Time: 12 in the night
Characters: A - From Bihar..Desparate to get back home. Has bought a railway ticket first time ever(you don't buy tickets while travelling within Bihar, its free!) and wants to ensure that he does not miss this train.
B - From Kanpur..Robbed of all his belongings by a fellow traveller a couple of hours back while waiting for his train. Frustrated and waiting to explode.
C - From Mumbai..Raat ko baarah baje din nikalta hai, subeh ko 6 baje raat hoti hai type tapori.

A: Bhaiya ee Babban Rao Ambegaonkar express isi platform se jayega?
B[frowns]: Abe Bhaiya dikhte hain kaa be? Thakur khandaan se hain, ijjat hai hamari...Bhaiya bolta hai

A:Oo ta thik hai lekin tarainwa(train) ke baare mein to bataiye
B: Na batayein to kaa kalloge(kar loge)?

A[mocking]: Pata hoga tabbe(tab hi) na bataiyega
B: Dekho hum gaali nahi dena chaheete(chahte) hain. Is liye sharafat se bolley(bol rahe) hain ki tameej se pess(pesh) aao.

A: Ago(ek) sawaal pooche to jawab mein ladaai suru(shuru) kar diye apne se aur humko tameej sikhayenge
B: Dekho aukaat mein raho kahee(keh) de rahe hain.
C[intervening]: Kya re dono halkat..raada karne ka dono ko yehich jageh milella tha? Chal ab maandwali kar aur kalti ho le, nahi to 'Mumbai for Mumbaikars' ka naara lagake apun 100-50 logon ko ikattha karega aur dono ko without ticket UP-Bihar bhej dega.

..Hmm..I guess it would have made more sense had I talked about the diversity in the way Hindi is spoken all over India. Maybe some other time!

The Independence Day Woes & Killing Time

2006-07-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

As Americans geared up to celebrate their Independence day, I feared an alien attack or an UFO sighting here on 4th July. I mean that's what they have always showed in their films. Come Independence day and the world's biggest super power faces annihilation at the hands of some extra terrestrial powers. Only this time I wished that our super hero Krrish would come to their rescue in his half burnt mask, climbing mountains, skimming over seas and oceans..in the proverbial Saat samandar paar se fashion. It would have been more than befitting for an Indian to save America from destruction considering the fact that US has increased the H1B limits to almost double for the next year. It might just have been our way of reciprocating.

But someone up there had other plans. There was an attack, not of aliens but blood sucking bed-bugs and the attack was in the apartment that I was putting up for the weekend with my friends. No, Krrish didn't turn up either. It was left to the three of us, sleepy and tired people to put up a fight against them. We were up at 3 in the night googling to find ways to fight this menace after killing a dozen of them didn't help. The results weren't encouraging. The bed-bugs had been a problem in NY some 60 years ago and they are resurfacing again. Someone's plotting for a biological warfare maybe. President Bush beware!

We also went for the fireworks at the Battery park. It was good but nothing spectacular about it. In fact I grew bored after 5 min of fireworks. It wasn't as grand as I had thought it would be! C'mon now, coming from a nation where you celebrate Diwali, the firework affair sure wasn't going to be a novelty in any case.

There was too much time to kill so caught up with a few old movies as well. The Shining and A Walk to Remember. When you watch a Stanley Kubrick film, you have to keep searching for the underlying meaning and keep asking - Why? The killing of the head Chef of the hotel and then the closing scene had more to them than what they apparently depicted. I now have to watch his last directorial work Eyes Wide Shut, which he claimed to be his best work to date. I tried watching it once but couldn't get a clue of what it was all about.

A Walk to Remember is a romantic film that you watch with your girlfriend and not with three guys. It was predictable and it ended with three of us forcibly making the fourth one accept that he was moved by the tragedy of Jamie Sullivan and Landon Carter.

A: "Abe tu ro raha hai"

B: "Paagal hai kya?"

A: "Tu dekh le, iski aankhein nahi bhar aayi?"

C: "Haan mujhe bhi lag raha hai"

D: "Dekh ro nahi. Ye to kahani hai. Kahe to Mandy Moore se milwa doon."

B(accepting defeat): "Chal thik hai mere baap ro raha tha..ab samajh gaya..nahi rounga. Jaan chhod meri ab"

Peace prevailed thereafter.

Read this line somewhere in one of the scraps of a friend on Orkut. Liked it for its originality:

"Har wo jageh jahan cheezein real estate prices se influenced hokar bikti hain, us jageh ko shopping mall kehte hain" - My salute to the subtle humor of Anubhav!

Soccer Mania

2006-07-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

Soccer mania grips the world and the talk of the town is "Who will win it?" With the South American teams out of contention, it has turned out to become an all European affair and I'll bet on a Germany Vs Portugal final. But I am not as sentimental as some of my soccer maniac friends whose lives hang in balance as their favorite teams slug it out so I really won't give it a damn if Italy or France make it to the final two either.

I tried doing some psycho-analytic tests on myself to find out why my reponse to the mega sporting event was so cold and bereft of emotions and then came up with a reason. My career as a budding football great was shelved at quite a young and tender age when I was diagnosed with myopia. For the less informed this disorder is not as serious as the Lympho sarchoma of the intestine, it simply means that I had to put on specs. I still managed to play the game for a few years because a football is too large to be ignored even by people on the verge of losing eyesight but with no family support I couldn't continue.

"Kahan se aa raha hai?"

"Football khel ke"

"Football jitne bade goley milenge tujhe kal ke exam mein. Kal se tera khelna koodna sab band"

Slowly I too lost interest. Only once in four years do I get to know the names of these football players and then I brush up my knowledge about the leading scorers, teams, etc of the past and present football teams so as not to sit like a dumbass with zero soccer knowledge quotient in a discussion on whether defensive play suits the Argentinians or on the caliber of the Portugese goal keeper who kept England at bay.

I can however understand the emotions involved and can relate to the frenzied fan reactions on their favorite team's loss. I felt the same during the 1996 World Cup Cricket semi-final against Sri-Lanka. The loss left me completely heart broken. The thought of making a mark as a cricketer in future then crossed my minds. That plan too was nipped in the bud.

"Kya? Tujhe Ranji team ke selection trial mein jaana hai? Aur kal ka exam kaun dega?"

"Sachin bhi to 10th failed hai. Fir main kyun nahi?"

"Sachin..Sachin kaun? Gavaskar ka beta hai kya?"

They always used examinations as an excuse to keep me from following my dreams. And Dad is still struck with the Gavaskar bug. You ask him who is M.S.Dhoni and he might as well say Gavaskar ka pota.

Coming back to the Soccer fever, I wonder how we would have reacted if India had made it to the top 32. Poor Bhaichung would have been mobbed by crazy fans and we might have had our own version of Bend it like Bekham as Bend it like Bhutia. But that dream seems some distance away. Till then manage by going crazy over the Beckhams and the Rooneys and the Zidanes while I manage with this:

"Football dekh rahe ho? Kaun jeet raha hai?"

"Jeetne ki baat chhodiye, Brazil haar gayi."

"Haar gayi? Kyun Pele nahi khel raha tha kya?"

'S' for Sex

2006-06-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back there was a demonstration in the streets of NY urging Indian authorities to do something about the AIDS menace after a study revealed that India was well set to take over and become the number one in terms of HIV affected people. As the demonstration passed by me, I tried pretending to be from an obscure sounding planet Crapatonia. This way, I believed, I could project myself as being totally free from any fear of contracting AIDS because geographically speaking, Crapatonia was created to be quite removed from the Indian soil and demographically speaking, Crapatonia was created to be inhabited by just me!

The results of the study did not sound like a revelation to me. We, as a nation are indeed way behind in tackling the menace and the rising number of people affected by the disease in our country only reiterates the fact. We are not educated about safe sex, rather anything about sex at home or school. It is considered taboo.

I remember my growing up days as a teenager when the word SEX created a lot of awkward situations for me at home. Unlike what I have seen or heard of American teenagers in movies, we do not have that TALK with our parents ever. Even then we have managed to be well over a billion. No wonder our genius is acknowledged world over!

Leave alone any education on sex, in most cases even a mention of something related to sex creates some real funny situations at home where everyone involved simply doesn't know how to react.

Scene: A comedy show being telecast on TV. Dad and me watching it intently

Host: What do they call French Toilet in Bihar? Well, they call it La-Loo.
Reaction: Dad and me laugh our hearts out - Can't help it, we both have a low IQ and bare minimal sense of humor!

Host: Another one, why can't they prove anything in the Monica Lewinsky case? - Because she swallowed the evidence.
Reaction: Complete silence in our room. Dad digs into the book he has in his hands and I excuse myself to get a glass of water - We didn't laugh, we always pretended to have not got the joke.

Even in schools, the issue is not dealt with in the manner it should. We had a couple of chapters in our Biology course about human reproductive system. The teacher just skimmed through the chapter without getting in to any details and we on our parts kept our questions to ourselves thinking that asking such questions in the class would only reflect our pervert instincts. We(Indian kids) basically gain our sex knowledge in much the same way as the protagonists in the movie The Blue Lagoon or from watching films like The Blue Lagoon.

There has been some effort however in this regard with NGOs coming forward to help the Government out. AIDS awareness campaigns now involve celebrities and even films based on this subject are being made to make people understand the need to address this problem before it gets out of our hands.

I think I am being a bit preachy and documentary-like and that suffocates me. It becomes mandatory for anyone writing on social issues like these to put his points and then suggest ways to tackle it. But I am no Mahesh Bhatt so I find myself running out of ideas and solutions to put forward here. I am like the ordinary quintessential Indian who can be categorized under any one of the following categories:

A: AIDS sirf gareeb aur pichde tabke ke logon mein hota hai
B: Hum middle class wale. Humein kahan is AIDS ke jhanjhat ke baare mein pata. Ye to sirf ameeron aur gareeb logon ko hota hai
C: Kya sahab, humko kya maalum AIDS. Ye sab to ameer logon ki beemari hai.

But I will unlike many of us accept it for a fact that a campaign in US did actually make me think. Its not that I am going to be the new-age Dad someday who would decorate the house with air filled condoms instead of the normal balloons for my kid's birthday to give him his first feel of sex education but in order to save him from walking down the lanes of Timbactoo pretending to be the newest addition to planet Crapatonia, I need to tread the untrodden path.

I pledge to have that TALK with my kids when my time comes but my biggest fear is that I might end up being an imitation of Jason Biggs' dad in American Pie.

India Trip

2006-06-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

Just as my flight touched base on the IGI airport in Delhi, I felt like a King who had returned to claim his kingdom. I behaved like one too. So I didn't care to declare the dutiable goods and walked in careless abandon through the Green channel knowing fully well that if caught I might have landed in trouble. But who cared, I was the King!

The King felt that he would be treated with awe anywhere he went but I had a reality check just as I reached home when my hippie looks didn't amuse Mom and I was asked to have a hair-cut the very next morning. With two weeks at my disposal, wasting an hour for having a hair cut was not difficult to accomodate. Though growing hair is the latest fad these days, I didn't have too many points on arguing about its pros and cons so I relented without putting up my case, a meek submission not befitting a King!

I also got a chance to have a 'I am not made for working for others' talk with Dad. When I told him that I wanted to enter some creative field quite removed from the daily hassles of working life, he looked at me in bewilderment. I also explained my business idea to him but the half baked ideas didn't find much audience. So next time around I am going to work on my plans and get back to him with something concrete.

Starting again after the sabbatical is a bit of a pain. Grocery shopping, office and work again..I am thinking of retirement now.

Fanaa - The review

2006-05-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Jitna pyaar Rehaan aapse karta hai utna pyar aap Rehaan ko nahi karte - point taken, but why do you need to keep telling this every two minutes?

Ab tumhe darr lag raha hai - Mr. Kohli, were you attempting to scare away the audiences? Each time Aamir-Kajol got cosy, this dialogue was thrown in, maybe at the behest of Ajay Devgan.

Fanaa is destruction, literally! Its about overdoing things and driving audiences to a point where they feel annihilated-Fanaa! The story idea is good but the product is way off the mark. The film will not be a hit it was expected to be. The production banner(Yashraj films), the casting coup of sorts and the Hum-Tum goodwill would entice audiences to come to the theatres in the first week or so but the film is sure to fall flat thereafter. The film has a few things going its way but these are completely overshadowed by the ineptness of the script, the lethargic pace of the movie and lacklustre direction. Verdict - Disappointing!

Kunal Kohli is no doubt a good storyteller but he ends up overdoing it here. The music is soothing to the ears, especially Chand Sifarish and Tere haath mein. Kajol looks ravishing, Aamir is as usual good and the child actor is cute. Kirron Kher and Rishi Kapoor play liberal parents who don't mind their blind daughter's running away with a complete stranger and keep preaching stuff. Shiney Ahuja and Tabu do inconsequential roles. The twists in the story do evoke interest in the film but that doesn't last too long. Aamir's shayaris are an entertaining enterprise but again overdone.

The script is shoddy. There are several glitches and too much visible thoroughout the movie. There is no point elucidating them because those are too apparent and for all to see. However there were a few hillarious(intended to be serious) scenes and I can't help keeping myself from sharing one of those:

Circumstance - Kajol is in possession of a nuclear bomb trigger and she calls up the military base where the folks are desparately looking for it to save millions from a nuclear attack.

Kajol: Mera pati hi terrorist hai aur mere paas trigger hai
Tabu: Dekhiye wo trigger bahut important hai. Agar wo kisi ke haath mein lag gaya to meri beti aur aapka beta dono mar sakte hain.
Kajol: To aaiye aur le jaaiye ye trigger, Aamir peeche peeche daudta hua aa raha hai.
Tabu: Arre behen ji kal subeh tak intezaar kijiye. Hum raat ko kaam nahi karte

I was earlier against the protests against this film by the Gujarat BJP unit. But I now feel that a ban would have saved headache to a million viewers all around the state. Mr. Kohli, get back to directing mushy-mushy romantic films rather than trying to attempt something different and then keep going back to your tried and tested formula of glycerine soaked-cliched emotional pyrotechnics at every given opportunity in the film.

The trailer of Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna too was screened during the intermission. The film gave the feel of being based on failed relationships. Set in New York City, it boasts of an impressive star cast.

Now I need to get over the Fanaa experience. I feel I have spewed enough venom and can now manage a good night's sleep.

Chartbusters in their own right

2006-05-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hindi film songs are unique in their own right. Churning songs after songs with never ending enthusiasm, our film-makers have ensured over the years that there's no escape from them. I have a special liking for the 70's and the 90's numbers. The one unifying thing about these songs is that the same Kishore Kumar songs that I hum today in my youth might as well have been my Dad's favorites during his days.

In between the several timeless classics that hit the Indian music scene there were a few songs which escaped catching people's imaginations and didn't become as popular as they should have been. I have thought of paying my homage to those classic pieces of creative genius by creating a 10 song list of those songs which come to my mind in the next hour or so that I would be writing this blog. This is no top 10 list, just the songs that come to my mind as I ramble on.

1.) C..A..T cat, cat maane billi
R..A..T rat, rat maane chooha
Samjho iska matlab to jaane kya hua

How innovative! You can't help thanking Kishore Kumar and team for coming up with this classic which sadly wasn't picked up as the anthem for spreading the 'Literacy Campaign' all over India.

2.) Sona, Sona, Cellualar phone tum to hona
Computer ko leke Brahma ne rachaya kya
Telephone dhun mein hansne wali..Melbourne machhli machalne wali

All the songs of this classic Kamal Hassan movie, Hindustani, are worth finding a place in any top 10 chart but as a rule I am allowing only one song per film to make it to my list.
If you haven't heard it, just listen to it. It left an everlasting impression on my mind and the magic of this song doesn't show signs of waning!

3.) Columbas Columbas chutti hai aayi,
Aao koi naya mulk dhoondhein chalke bhai.
aisi jageh dil karta hai chalo..duniya ki koi burai jahan na ho
fauji taiyaari, jung aur ladai, gandi raajneeti, etc etc

A song that teaches you a lot about planning your holidays and enjoying them. It also carries a social message of creating a world order free of wars, dirty politics, hunger, etc. A masterpiece!

4.) Urvashi! Urvashi! Take it easy Urvashi.
Chitrahaar mein bijli udd gayi..take it easy policy
Padhne pe bhi fail ho gaye..take it easy policy
Baap ne bola anna ka dushman..take it eay policy

LIC might use it to sell life insurance policies in India, preferably in the south where people will identify with Rehman's music, Prabhudeva's dance and understand only the 'Take it easy Policy' words of the song.

5.) Oonchi hai building..
lift teri band hai
kaise main aaon
dil razamand hai

Anu Malik won my heart with this song. I felt so proud sharing the first three characters of my name with him. This song from Judwa talks about the problems faced by young lovers due to electricity problems in the city which prevents them from taking a lift to reach their beloved's house. Are the Electricity Board people listening?

6.) A..aa..ee..oo..oo..o
Mera dil na todo
Rooth ke na jao meri jaan
Paas mere aao meri jaan

Rhyming at its very best. Creativity led our lyricists to resort to use of self created words like 'A..aa..ee', 'Boi boi bam..baba..bamboi' besides others to make rhyming songs that were so soothing to the ears. What enhanced their appeal was the extensive use of cheap manual labour in our country in the form of background dancers who were made to dress in similar looking uniforms and asked to perform some physical training exercises. Yups! You got it right..1..2..3..4...1..2..3..4

7.) Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa
Laya laya laya
Pyaar ka tohfa tera
Bana hai jeevan mera

I like this song not for its lyrical value but its breathtaking picturisation. How aesthetically pleasing was it to watch Jeetendra draped in white clothes from top to bottom singing to Jaya Prada in the Botanical garden of Ooty and on Chennai beaches with Mysore silk sarees and Kumkum bangles being used in abundance to substitute for a set.

8.) Aa gaya aa gaya halwa wala aa gaya
dhoom machane aa gaya
rang jamane aa gaya

This song from Dance Dance was my childhood favorite. I make a promise to make my kids learn this song by-heart even before they start learning their nursery rhymes. Three cheers to the conviction of the song writer, music director, the singers and the lead actors - Mithunda and Smita Patil(and you thought she only did the arty movies kinda stuff!) who had faith in this song.

Breaking away from the monotony of hindi songs let me introduce to you another example of innovative experiment tried out by our makers. Using english sub-titles for hindi songs. The effect when a hindi song is released with english sub-titles is no less short of a creative explosion in a 'East meets West' fashion. Sample these for instance:

9.) Love is a bitch
It makes the world go round
Now here..now gone
But its heavenly as long as it lasts

For Kambakht Ishq(Pyaar Tune Kya Kiya) and,

10.) My heart is pounding away,
and my passions are aflame
Let go of my arm, lover!
Do not play with roses so tender.

For Dhak Dhak karne laga(Beta)

This list is in no way comprehensive. My apologies on missing out on other lyrical marvels of Bollywood or as Amitabh Bachchan likes to call it - The Hindi Film Industry.

The Miser in Me Begins to Mutiny

2006-05-23T17:46:00.000-07:00

Last couple of weeks I have been on a money spending spree. Maybe I was pissed off with the taunts of being a miser and missing out on being in America abuses hurled at me by friends in more refined language not worth mentioning here that I decided that enough was enough. So I ended up buying an ultra sleek looking black Sony-Vaio FJ270 laptop, splurged on food, my favorite though - Kababs and all the Mughlai stuff and now have my birthday bash in line just a couple of weeks from now. An i-Pod and some miscellaneous accessories for my lappy are also vying for the paltry sum that I have still kept hidden from the spendthrift-me.

I remember reading somewhere how spending is in fact a virtue and why US rules the world despite the Americans living/spending lavishly while the Asians are pretty parsimonious. I even suggested Dad to spend all the money he had in his bank accounts to which he just smiled. Knowing him for the past 24 years, I knew what he was thinking - "Ye ladka paagal ho gaya hai. Pata nahi isse pagalkhaane wale bhi rakhenge ya nahi." Mom was more forthcoming with a reply like - "Beta tujhe kuch chahiye to saaf saaf keh".

Just as I begin to think that I am capable of spending a lot, old memories begin to haunt me and they don't paint a very rosy picture. Back in school they used to sell samosas in the canteen at 50p a piece and I was a regular there. But they suddenly raised the price to 75p and I remember that I made a vow never to buy a samosa from there again. God knows why I did that. Maybe because the extra 25p seemed unjustified to me or whatever. I never refused a samosa treat from anyone though.

In college I was the money lender. All of my friends somehow managed to spend all the money they got from home while I used to stack it up in my bank account and used to end up lending money to quite a few in-need ones. Why did I have money in my account when all about me were broke? Was it because my parents loved me more and gave me extra money to spend or was it because I was..no that couldn't be true. I was always in the denial mode, I still am. Lending was also a way of spending, I thought! Maybe if I was born in the US, I would have been different not just in my color but also my spending habits.

Now enough of philosophising on the Main Aisa Kyun Hoon Main 'Asia' ka kyun hoon aspect of my existence. My laptop begs for a mention.

Lap-'top', I sometimes wonder whether only I feel that there is something sensual about this name. Anyways lets not drift away from the topic. I have had mixed reviews of the sleek model that I purchased. Hmm..'Sleek Model'..I told you there is something sensual about this whole laptop thing! Some say that it won't last 12 months while some say that it would be an Onida! (Remember the neighbour's envy owner's pride thing). Check it out here at : My Laptop. (Don't worry about being directed to some adults only area when you click at the above link after my sensuality talk).

That's pretty much it for this week. The long-weekend awaits and laziness has forced us to drop our Niagara Falls plan. For the past one week we had been going back and forth on 'should we-shouldn't we' discussions on going to Niagara Falls. We might just end up visiting some places around. Now that was definitely not done on purpose to save a few bucks! Damn me! Will I ever get over this habit of torturing myself with far fetched explanations to changes in my day-to-day plans?

Da Vinci Code

2006-05-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ron Howard, Dan Brown, Tom Hanks decoding Dan Vinci's codes, a very interesting prospect to make you invest your 7 dollars over the weekend. I had loved Dan Brown's novel so much so that I followed it up with Angels and Demons and Digital Fortress. Angels and Demons was in the same mould as Da Vinci. Digital Fortress was a flop!

Now coming back to the movie. The expectations were enormous and the film does live upto it in parts. But my views would seem biased as I could not enjoy the 'unraveling of the codes' part having read the book earlier which actually was the high point of the story. Reading the book atop a berth in Karnataka Express was more enjoyable to me than sitting and watching it in the front row of AMC theatre yesterday.

For those who haven't read the book, just go and watch it.

The release of the film I hear has been delayed in India with it running into Censor issues. Newpapers even show anti-film protests in some parts of the country. Censorship in India is a bane. I hear the version of BI2 that was released in India was edited to the extent that even Neal -n-Nikki seemed more 'bold'. Wonder what would they end up showing in Da Vinci Code after editing.

The whole point of protest it seems is because the film explores the idea of Christ being married and having a child just like all mortals do. Religious sentiments would sure flare up for it also says that Christ wanted Mary Magdalene to be his heir. The idea of Christ being married would be like someone suggesting that Lord Hanuman too broke his celibacy vow to have a Jr. Hanuman. Hope no Bajrang Dal members are reading this!

I am planning to return to India for a couple of weeks in June. There would be a lot to catch up with there. Hordes of movies too lined up for the summer break, football world cup would get underway and India will slug it out against the West Indies in test matches. I have my schedule all packed up for the 14 days that I'll be there - Dilli Chalo!

Aao sikhayein tumhe cheat-plead ka funda

2006-05-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

Another suicide at IIT-K. God knows why the importance of living a life looks so miniscule to them that they don't hesitate to slit their wrists, hang themselves from fans or jump from a building at just failing in a course. Com'on now if you are so desparate to pass a course then there are better ways to deal with it - Cheat and if that doesn't work - Plead.

The Cheat-Plead policy worked for me whenever I was in dire straits. I am reminded of a few incidents back at the campus where I actually learnt this art. I remember it was a PHY101 quiz and Prof. Joglekar, after his customary - "Can you please open the windows at the back" greeting distributed the question papers to all of us. It was a quiz on relativity.

For those who don't know what Relativity is, its a strange concept that Einstein professed after some bouts of craziness that spanned a long illustrious academic career. For the more informed ones, he never won a Nobel for that :(. I felt that it was exerting too much pressure on human brains like ours to learn a concept that took him years to formulate in a span of just a couple of weeks(that was the duration for which we studied Realtivity). I had the option of commiting suicide because of the pressure but then I thought of taking on an unchartered territory thus far - Cheat!

The stage was set but unfortunately I sat besides a Telu who was actually sitting next to the Maggu who knew it all.
(Telu - people who felt that people like Einstein should have been crucified much before they uttered anything that could put subsequent human civilisations under the threat of mental duress
Maggu - people who were capable of causing greater mental duress to subsequent civilisations if allowed to inhabit the Earth)

Anyways, the papers were distributed and I turned a deaf ear to all my inner voices and started copying each and every word that the Telu sitting besides me was copying from the Maggu sitting next to him, a sort of chain-cheating you know. 10 minutes into the quiz, I came to know that the problem had been solved because Maggu heaved a sigh of relief. We took utmost care to submit our answer sheets at intervals and not together. Two days later, Prof. Joglekar did not greet us with the "Can you please.." stuff. He looked a bit stern.

"It seems that a few of you are having trouble getting the concept right. You can ask me to help you out rather than copy it straight from your friend's answer sheet"

My heart skipped a beat. I was caught. He started distributing the papers, Maggu - 10/10, A - 8/10, B - 4/10, Anurag - 10/10(he didn't say anything to me!), C - 7/10, D - 3/10, Telu - 0/10.

"Aha! so here you are my friend. You copied the whole stuff from one of your friends without caring to look at the question paper set that you were having. You have solved the problem of Question paper set 1(a) but you were given the set 1(b)"

I quickly checked my paper because I too did not know what set I had got. But by virtue of that being my first attempt at cheating, I seemed to have been saved by some divine grace. What happened was that Maggu got 1(a) then Telu got a 1(b) and then going in that order, I got a 1(a) again. So even though both Telu and I copied and wrote the same stuff, I ended up solving the correct question but Telu was not so lucky!

Telu too had an option of committing suicide after the embarassment but he instead chose to laugh it off and worked on his shortcomings as a copy cat and graduated in time to land up a plum job!

The Plead policy came to play in the last semester of my stay at IIT-K. There was this new professor, pretty raw in terms of handling students and courses. The highest in his course was a meagre 55% and most of the junta languished in the range of 15-22%. He actually could have ruined 3 months of our professional life and we needed to take the next step. We had two options, commit mass suicide or go and plead. We resorted to pleading. Again conscience was shown the door that day. We went to him, listened to his sermon on discipline, application, life, commitment, respect, profession, career, sex..no he skipped the sex talk if I remember it correct! and it worked. No one was failed!

I know that according to my Moral Science school books the Cheat-Plead thing is certainly not the best practise but what the heck it has kept me hanging onto life for so long!

Football Shutball Hai Rabba!

2006-05-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

I played football after more than 11 years I think. The last time I did play forced Mom to punish me by not letting into the house after i returned with broken glasses and drenched in sweat. This time she wasn't around so I thought that it would be fun you know with no after match pressures of being locked out of home for half an hour. That made me take on the field with extra vigour. My Maldinist, Carlosian and Zidanesque attributes came to the fore soon enough as I defended, pushed, covered the mid field and then netted a goal in pretty quick time - A star is born, he's coming to rule!

But then good times dont last long. 10 minutes into the play, i huffed and panted and fell tackling. My fitness problems came to the fore. 1 hour into the play, no one even remembered that i was the one who scored a magnificient goal, so what if it came from a 20 m straight pass which I just touched with my foot as it pierced through the opposition net with their goalkeeper busy playing with his 2 year old daughter?

As if the embarassment of not being recognized for the first goal for my team was not enough, I also spilled orange juice on my sweat shirt. That 2 yr old kid also laughed her heart out in amusement :( - The star fades, exiled!

So much so for the game. Last week was also movie time for me. Lotsa movies - Frequency, Unleashed, Darna Zaroori Hai and Gangster.

I had seen Frequency earlier and it has a strange time travel concept but I still like that movie, maybe because it has that wrapper of emotions rather than just thrills and adventure associated with time travel movies. Its about a man in the present helping his father in the past to save his mother from a killer on the prowl. Father-son relationship in hindi movies has not been explored well I guess. Gardish was one which showed the turmoils that a son went through as he struggled to live upto his father's expectations but besides that I cannot remember a good movie, which anyways is a rarity in Bollywood, which dealt with this. DCH had a scene where Aamir breaks down while talking over the phone to his Dad. That was first-rate I felt.

Unleashed is a Jet Li movie. You know what you can expect. Danny - The dog is what he plays. Its his journey from being a 'dog' to a 'man'. Good action, bad story!

Darna zaroori hai has lived upto the expectation of maintaining the standards that Darna Mana Hai had set. In fact it has gone one step further. Crappy stories sure scare the hell out of you. I wonder how RGV's mind works. He delivers a very decent Sarkaar and then puts his money on a film like Darna Zaroori Hai. Expect the unexpected from this man. A real dud this movie - Don't watch it!

Gangster is a well made movie. Supported by some good music, performances and some beautiful locations in Korea, Gangster is sure to click at the box office. It has its share of falls but overall a good movie to put your money into for some time pass over the weekend.

Tough Times Driving Me Crazy

2006-04-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

No, the title of the blog is not the english translation of some regular hindi film like "Mushkilon ne deewana kar diya", its pretty much my state in reality. Dealing with criticism for going insane and appearing gawdy in my photographs to philosophising on priorities in life, I hardly had the time to write any crap out here. Now that phase seems to have passed and I am finally having some breathing space. The feeling is same as the one I had when I came out of the theatre after watching Anant Balani's 'Ek Din 24 Ghante' - Don't you ever watch it!

Another thing thats been disturbing me for some time now is the Reservation bill that the Indian Government plans to table in the parliament after elections. 50% of the seats in premier educational institutions would go to the chaps who would qualify just because they were lucky enough to be born 'underprivileged' and 'oppressed' as per the Government's notions and calculations to strengthen their vote banks. The thought perturbed me so much that I even had a nightmare about it.

Set in a small shanty in some shabby looking chawl, Year: ~ 2035

Me: Pappu ki Maa, hamara pappu paas hoga?

Wife: Hamara Pappu bada honhaar hai. Zaroor IIT-JEE clear karega. Pichle saal 100 mile door wale sheher ke Sharma ji ke ladke ne bhi to clear kiya tha. Hamara bachcha usse kis maamle mein kam hai.

Me: Lekin bhaagyawaan is baar 5000 seat mein sirf 50 general category walon ke liye hain. Is baar kuch nahi hua to hamara budhapa kaise katega? Meri naukri bhi to quota walon ko de di gayi hai.

It was unbearable. Thankfully the alarm set off and I woke up. But seriously speaking, this menace must be fought against. Its heartening to see the students and alumni of IIT/IIMs uniting together in this cause(http://savebrandindia.org) and the corporate world registering its displeasure over the issue as well. How can they substitute caste considerations for merit and think of making India the next superpower? It remains to be seen whether these guys can keep the tempo up. Issues like these need media attention, like in the Jessica Murder Case, for people's participation which I think they are not concentrating on. I just hope it doesn't fizzle out!

Now enough of pointing my guns at the GOI. It might misfire so let me reconcile and give them a new avenue to explore. With Sharad Pawar heading the BCCI, my suggestion would be to reserve 50% places in the Indian Cricket team based on quota. Kick out the Dhonis and the Tendulkars and give the oppressed a chance. For 60 years we have denied them that and lets play against teams with like minded Governments in place - How about Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe?

The weekend was another damp squib. It rained the whole weekend. I still managed to get my lazy self out of the bed to get some parathas and milk to last the next week. Oh I miss home so much when I have to go out to shop for grocery or laundry here. I even watched "Humko Deewana Kar Gaye" - Again, translated in english it means "You drove me crazy". Yeah, thats what the film did to me. Shot in the beautiful locales of Canada, the film hardly had anything to offer besides Katrina and Canada. I loved a particular scene though. It involved Akshay Kumar's sardaar friend and his wife. Here's how it went:

Akshay meets his frind Guggi after a long time. After he comes to know that he is married, Akshay bitches about Guggi's wife. Guggi believes Akshay and goes to a NFL stadium full of hot cheerleaders and people to find some solace. Guggi's wife confronts Akshay and then Akshay realises his folly. Guggi's wife appears on the giant screen in the stadium pleading - "Sardarji come back...thwaddi Pammi sook ke kaanta hui ja rahi hai". Guggi does not relent. Then Akshay Kumar appears, delivers a sermon on love, faith, belief and Katrina becomes his disciple. With Guggi still not willing to appear, Akshay delivers the master stroke. He asks the camera to focus on Guggi's photo in the passport and bang. Everyone in teh gallery literally pushes Guggi out of his seat. Guggi runs amidst the people to hug his wife and they live happily ever after. All this was added in the film just to make Katrina's character start falling in love with Akshay's character and it was a damn serious and emotional scene. I just loved it. It surpassed the finesse of David Dhawan in Mujhse Shaadi Kaorge's climax.

Hope to back soon next time.

WARNING: Orkut is an addiction. Try it at your own risk!

Uncle Sam I am Here

2006-03-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

After months of speculation and answering the - "abe tu abhi tak gaya nahi" queries from a lot of my friends, I finally announce my arrival here in NY. Its actually a strange experience of looking outside your apartment's window to see America all around, if you get what I mean. There are a lot of Desis as well and who the hell said that every fourth person you see around is a Chinese, its India all the way. Just yesterday I went to the Indian Street and there I was amidst those Paan ki dukaans and the sabzi bazaar.

The flight experience to begin with was again as expected. A 14 hr direct flight brought me here and as luck would have it, I shared my space with a Bong who had been around in the US for the past 5 yrs and a retired Ahmedabad Electricity Board Officer who was visiting the US for the first time to be with his kids. There were no hot chicks in my vicinity and I did not really care. Its almost become a certainty in my life that girls never book a seat within 3 rows of where I sit.

The flight was not without its share of experiences though. I overheard the Bong being lambasted by his wife for not not calling her before leaving Delhi and for waking her up early in the morning just to inform her that his connecting flight would reach Albany by 12 in the afternoon. I helped the retired uncle in filling a couple of forms for immigration purposes. He had a strange habit of filling the 'Official use only' column in every form that he got and I went to the airport authorities claiming that one of my baggages was picked by someone else while my bag waited to be picked at a wrong conveyor belt.

Life in US also means that you get ample chances to show your culinary skills. I tried hard and with minor hiccups got the matar paneer bang on. It tasted okay and people seemed to relish it too. My friend's room-mate brought his girl friend to the house just to let her taste it..I think I'll make a good cook with some practise I guess :)

The first weekend of my 'business trip' to US is over and I still don't know which project I am going to work on. Though I must tell you that the Manhattan skyline looks simply out of this world. I don't think I am going to appreciate it as much from tomorrow I guess when I see it from my office's window. It was such a nice feeling to stand at the same location where SRK stood and sang Kal Ho na Ho and croak until the statue of liberty started to protest against my singing, calling it a scathing attack on the liberty of people who wanted to live in peace. I still felt like King Khan though, the only difference being that instead of Preity Zinta, I had Abhinav Sinha to sing to.

The jet lag is now going but I still feel a bit sleepy during the evenings and wide awake at 3 in the night. I'll be clicking a few pics and uploading them here next weekend. Before I sign off, this too needs a mention. Four of us had a pretty normal Indian Buffet today for lunch and it cost us $12.5 each. I have now decided to go without dinner for the next 2 days to make up for it and in the long term thinking on trying my entrepreneurial skills here by setting up a chat thela or something on those lines. Somebody willing to join me here?

The Chosen One!

2006-03-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

I like to believe that I am one of God's chosen ones. He keeps coming up with strange ways to keep reminding me about it. So whenever I forgot to wear my school belt to school, there had to be a surprise uniform check and now just two days before I have to go on my maiden business trip, I am down with a badly bruised, swollen nose and fighting to be fit.

But this time its not going to be about me. I am getting bored of exposing my own follies and giving a chance to others to take a dig at me in their blogs. Lets talk about some general - "Why me?" instances that we keep facing sometime or the other.

Instance 1:

You book a railway ticket in the holiday season. You hope against hope that you would be getting a berth next to a very beautiful chick. You would impress her and then maybe..You might even consider wearing your favorite perfume that day and the first thing that you do on reaching the station is to grab the railway reservation chart. But as luck would have it, all your dreams come tumbling down like a pack of cards. You get to share the cabin with an elderly couple. They begin their conversation with you with something like - "Beta can you go to the top berth, as you can see, my wife has trouble climbing up?" You sure cannot say no and earn the wrath of other fellow passengers.

The misery doesn't end there. Just when you decide to take a look at the other occupants of the bogie on the pretext of going to the restroom, you are sure to find a group of girls just a few seats away from yours. You console yourself with - "Maybe luck has something better in store for me" and return back to your seat. The nightmare shows no sign of ending even then. When the lights go off, you have to deal with the incessant snoring. What to do, you twist and turn in your berth, curse youself..look upto the heaven and cannot help asking - "Why me?"

Instance 2:

You board a flight. Here there is more hope because girls feel safer traveling alone in a plane than they do while travelling in a train so the chances of finding them are more ripe here.

You look around at all the people who stand in queue to board the same flight as you do in anticipation. The beautiful air hostesses greet you but you want a better return on the money that you have spent. How about a beautiful girl occupying a seat next to you? At this moment destiny takes over. A 30 something woman with two small kids gets the seat next to you. The kids seem to have just one point on their agenda, outsmarting each other in a crying competition. They also develop a liking to your fancy watch and won't let up until you give it to them to earn some peace. This time you don't look upto the heaven, you just glance outside the window and want to cry aloud - "Why me?"

Instance 3:

You are watching a movie in a theatre and you get a seat next to a girl who looks beautiful in the darkness of the theatre. You mistakingly keep your Pepsi in her arm rest and she spills it on her dress. You get a chance to strike a conversation with a - I am really sorry refrain to which she simply replies in some mumbling sound. Not a very encouraging sign but a breaking the ice kinda conversation nonetheless.

During the intermssion, you keep your popcorn packet safely in your arm rest and go out. When you return, you find all you popcorn strewn on her seat. You really don't have the time to think. You go and throw the packet in the dustbin to erase any visible sign of your involvement in the crime which you never committed anyways. She comes back..she mumbles again cleaning her seat and you try to plead your innocence with silence and turning the other side.

But does this happen to everybody? - Not really! I guess I just can't help writing about myself even after promising not to do so. This, I guess is just for one upmanship. To tell all and sundry that I really am the chosen one - wot say you?

Rang Barse

2006-03-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

Basanti: Veeru, Gabbar ji kuch pooch rahe hain.

Gabbar: Holi, Kab hai Holi?

Basanti: Director ne naachne kaha hai dolle-sholle dikhane ko nahi

Veeru: Main jat, yamla, pagla, deewana. Mujhse ye sab nahi hoga.

Mangal Pande: Mangal Mangal Mangal Mangal Ho..Mangal Mangal..

Rani: Umm ab bas bhi karo na Pande-G, kab se Mangal Mangal
laga rakha hai

Amit: Pappu paas ho gaya..Pappu paas ho gaya

Chandni: Ab bas bhi karo Pappu ke Papa. Ek hi film to hit hui hai uski.

Anu Malik: Do me a favor lets play Holi

Audience: Do us a favor, stop singing Anu Malik

Happy Holi Everyone!

Confessions of a Budget-illiterate mind

2006-03-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

Every time during this time of the year a feeling of despondency creeps within me. I feel ashamed of myself, quite shallow to say the least. I curse myself, feel stifled, insignificant, a waste. Why? Because I don't understand the head or tail of the Annual Budget.

I am an engineering graduate and now a working professional and I also pay my taxes but I still fail to fathom how to categorise the budget as anti-'me' or pro-'me'. Budget analysis in ET/Business Line to me is just like my doodhwallah being asked to read and describe Mozart's symphony. Yes, i did take a couple of economics course electives during my B.Tech days but passing them never gave me the confidence to take the Budget Bull by the horn.

To pass those courses was anyway easy, you just had to know that your Prof was a socialist and had protested against fertile land being acquired by the Institute management to expand the campus which supposedly left a lot of farmers in the lurch.

Prof: How would you rate this year's budget?
Me: It's ANTI-POOR.
Verdict: Job well done!
Lesson: Play it safe. Always!

Prof: But do you think a co-operative society is feasible in Bihar?
Me: Sir, with due regards, a successful economist should never sound pessimistic.
Verdict: Watch out for your grades son!
Lesson: Never make fun of your teacher in front of the class.

Coming back to this budget thing, though most of the times we discuss girls, a few of my intellectual friends sometime rake up discussions on Economy and stuff like that. They talk all about the need to open up the retail sector, Disinvestment - its pros and cons and about the shares that are performing well in the market while I look around in an empty gaze and sometimes nod in between so that I am not left out of the intellectual discussion.

Friend: The GDP is 'X' % and the economy is booming.
Me: Cut the crap man! Can you tell how much raise will I get?

These days I have stopped surfing news channels because their Budget analysis keeps reminding me of my ineptness, my failure. As if that's not enough, I get these threatening calls from my office accountant and CA who threaten to deprive me of my salary amount if I don't furnish a thousand and one relevant proof and forms by the first day of the month.

Accnt: Agar apni poori salary salamat chahte ho to kal raat 12 baje Mandir ke peeche wali pahadi par Form 12(b), Rent receipt aur investment proof ke saath aa jaana.
Me: Itni jaldi main itne forms ka intezaam kahan se kar paaunga.
Accnt: To fir bheekh maangne ko taiyaar rehna. Ha ha ha ha..(disconnects the phone)

Till today after 20 months of being in service, the TDS(tax deducted at source) for me is like a 'guess the number' game. I still take the tax cuts on my salary as God's way of punishing me for all my sins in that month. With a few bucks missing, I still feel emancipated.

Its the third day of the month now and the media coverage has shifted focus from budget to Dubyaman's entourage and the sniffer dogs they have brought with them. Moreover, I think that I have confessed more than what Abu Salem would have confessed after the Third degree grilling by the Mumbai Police. So, till the demon in the form of the FM returns with a suitcase in his hand in the Parliament next year, let me just try and start life afresh.

"Chubhte kaante yaadon ke..daaman se chunta hoon..ye hai meri kahani"